Oh, I will say that if the guy is rubbing in her face what he spent on things or what he bought her... that is pretty bunk. That is one of those times you take whatever he is that he is so proud of and light it on fire and say "next time keep the price tag to yourself".

He does sound like kind of a douche bag in that sense, but once again, consider the source!

I love you Kate... but you got to lose the poor me attitude... not attractive to anyone and it makes you look like a money grubbing hoochie mamma.

With the logic you and the other ladies on this board are using it sounds like a bunch of Communists. There is no ENTITLEMENT in life. The simple fact of life is you need to work for what you get. If you want more spending money, get another job, ask for a raise, refinance your debt, be pro-active... don't sit and b**ch about it and hope it gets better.

If there is one thing in this world I have no sympathy for it is people who complain about things that they have no willingness or motivation to change.

Everyone, I am basing my opinion on my experiences and also based on were I live. I don't live in the United States, I live in Canada. You are in a Common-law-marriage after you have lived together for a year (in Canada) the only difference between common-law and an actual marriage is the marriage certificate. If, after a year of living together in Canada you decide to split up, assets must be divided as if you were getting a divorce. My male cousin found this out the hard way and is now paying dearly. Yes, I am getting emotional about this issue. You are all men, I realize that you cannot begin to understand how a women thinks or feels (please, no snide remarks)

EuRa- Maybe I should take your advice and stop writing, you are correct, she never said she was paying towards a mortgage, but I cannot find anything that says she isn't, I just assumed that half the bills included the mortgage as she did state it is his house, even though she did say owns, that doesn't always mean paid for. I consider our mortgage as one of the bills, so I thought that her bills included a mortgage. Maybe she should be more specific about what she's actually paying for. Not that this info would change how you feel.

I think that we all have to agree to disagree, because even thought EuRa accused me of basing my response on my own life, I think we are all doing that to a large degree, that is were our opinions come from, our life experiences. I can't fault you your opinions, please show me the same courtesy.

EuRa - that comment from you is a little scary coming from someone in Vermont ;-) Keep it in your pants my man! I gots me a pretty lady!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

If, after a year of living together in Canada you decide to split up, assets must be divided as if you were getting a divorce. My male cousin found this out the hard way and is now paying dearly.

---

Can someone double check this? I'm not doubting you Altenweg... but if the above is true, then my life would have been screwed at least 3 times over by now.

After a YEAR? Holy moly...

Altenweg... I love you trying to dig out of this hole you have created, but even with Canada's One Year Common Law argument she still falls 5 months short by my count... that is unless Canada has a shortened calender also? LMFAO

wewed100606- I never said that they were common Law, or that they should be treated as such, just letting you know were I'm coming from.

As for digging myself out of a hole, why don't you jump in before I put the dirt back?

Look at Atenweg getting all upset

What would your kids think of mommy acting like this?

Tut tut.

I feel sorry for your family :D

Then why are we talking about common law? Why is it even a topic of discussion on this board? Not even close in any of the United States and doesn't qualify in Canada? Why am I even reading the words Common Law fifty times on this post? People need to stick with the facts... man do things get out of control when we let ladies run amuck with their emotions! HAHA! J/K Ladies! Damn have a little fun!

As for the hole... sounds kind of tempting... but with your Canuck Brain Trust you would have a tough time figuring out what to do with the earth my body displaced... and I can't stand to see any more smoke rolling out your ears ;-)

Take care my Canadian Comrade... god bless you for giving us Wayne Gretzky and good beer!

Kate,
Sorry, in this whole mess I think most of us forgot to answer your question. My take is this. No, he is not cheap. No, you are not greedy. You guys need to decide whether eachothers finances are any of eachothers business at this point. Maybe they shouldn't be. It sounds like you are young enough that you are still trying to get your feet on the ground. Just worry about you. And the advice to move oout if you can't afford it, good advice. Then the decision will be up to him whether your company is worth him dropping a couple hundred more bucks a month to make it work. One thing is for certain though, before you guys go to the next level, which would be engagement/marriage. You both need to know everything about eachothers finances. From the sounds of it I wouldn't be surprised if your BF has 10 times the debt you do... he just makes enough to ride the minimums and live the high life. It is the American way... debt laden and cash poor. Hey, you only live once, but know what you are getting into before you pull the trigger. If you ask me you both are making an issue out of a non-issue. If you are bickering about who spent more on Christmas presents it probably isn't a very solid relationship. He must be hung like Mr. Ed and you must be nothing short of Jessica Biel for this thing to have gotten this far!

True Faith- your opinion doesn't mean anything to me, I only listen to people I respect. I think you already know how little I respect you, largely because of the post about your girlfriend and how she's not pretty enough for a hot stud like you. That's in the past, which is were I'm leaving you.

wewed100606- You probably think that all the smoke coming out of my ears is going through the smoke hole at the top of my Igloo. I'll take your comment with a grain of salt, which is how I hope you intended it. Oh, by the way I've lived in Canada since I was 4 years old but I am still a German citizen, so in theory, I gave you even better beer than you thought, and some pretty great soccer players too.

I can't give you more rep, but that's another great post wewed. The one above this one. Excellent stuff!

PS - :P

Thanks! You are right about the beer, but soccer is for ninnies! And come on... we all know there is no broadband internet service in an igloo! :-) Take care Altenweg... I am happy for you and your marriage and how well it seems to have worked for you! You just got to take us men with about ten grains of salt... we like gettin' you girls all worked up... it is good entertainment... especially on here when you can't five fingers to the face us or initiate a game of one sided South Park rochambeau :-)

It works so easy as well ;)

Rochambeau for the god damn win!

Wewed100606- Not a big fan of soccer myself, just stating fact. Love the comment about internet service in my igloo. It's -30 degrees celsius right now and has been for the last week, right now this is the only entertainment I have, and gosh darn it has been entertaining. As for the ten grains of salt, only if I can pour it on a wound (just joking). I think we're all a bit more outspoken when we don't have to face the people we're arguing with. Having said that, I do believe we all have a right to the opinions we've posted, sorry if I was a bit snarky, you guys always seem to be able to raise my ire. Good luck to all of you.

Yeah, one more thing before you squeek away, KEEP THAT F'ING COLD AIR UP THERE!! I am in MN and you are sending god damned 50 degree below windchills up my tailpipe... knock it off!

Oh if only I could control the weather, do think I'd be waisting my time talking to you guys?;) Not only that, then I'd have the power to make you all agree with me. Nope, no power here. Toodles.

I live in Canada, and these are the rules in Canada (common law marriage after 6months of living together) to protect women from men who wants to take their precious fertile years in vain. I know this guy who was living with his girlfriend for 2 years and I guess there was some sort of abuse, when the police was called she took the apartment form him and he was told to by the police that "she gave you her time that means something! and she had no place to stay", he was so mad but he shouldn't have let her move in with him to take her time and money and now he is paying for it. Women carry babies in their tummies for 9 long months and they go through a lot more than men, a man can have babies at any time in his life if he was single but if an older single woman wants a baby she has to spent a fortune to make that happen so women's time is way precious than men's.
I am sure if this woman had a baby and while she can't work to deliver the baby he is going to ask for her share and when she is not able he is going to split, what are her rights there?
This man won't be someone else after marriage he is the same guy, in a relationship you act upon your feelings , so if he doesn't feel her stress now what makes him feel it later, you don't want the other person to be stressed out while you're enjoying your money, Gosh is she having sex with this man or even kiss him?
No wonder why the divorce rate is so high

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nadia999

women's time is way precious than men's.

---

Say what the who to the hey now?

... you MUST be shrooming.

A woman's time is more precious than a man's time..

First of all, how old are you? Second of all, who taught you this crap?

Why is someone's time more precious than those of others? How did that come into play? Not only that, how does that even relate to this topic?

... because a woman's time is more precious than a man's... she should be able to pay less rent.. what?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EuRa

I strongly disagree, and so does any town or state law.

For example, let's assume I make 100K a year, but I own a very little house on a tiny piece of property. Let's also assume I live next to another man, call him "Peter", who makes 50K a year, but has a house 4 times the size as mine, on a size of land 4 times the property.

The town charges taxes to everyone, that isn't based on what you earn, it's based on what you own and use.

She uses half the house, half the electric, half of all the utilities. She is responsible for half of the payments.

I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. I hate this "you make more so you pay more" theory. What if she made a million dollars a year, and he made 9 million dollars a year. She he pay 90% simply because he makes 90% of the household income, despite the fact that she'd be able to pay her half of the rent without problem?

This has nothing to do with the fact that he earns money. It has everything to do with the fact that she's having a hard time affording her half of everything. The easy way out is through him, which is unfair on his part. I feel bad for this guy.

---

Nicely said and would be appropriate if they were just roommates. (out of context)


It seems to me that everyone is missing the most important issue here. This is a relationship, not a business and certainly not a roommate vs roommate situation.

The fact still remains that the girl is primarily at fault for entering into an agreement short of doing the math first! (Extremely irresponsible)

The fact also remains that contracts and agreements can and will always remain subject to change.

The fact also remains that these two need to amend the agreement or terminate it!

The fact also remains that spinning the issue into a sexist issue is absurd!

The fact also remains that it is short sided at best to expect your significant other to pull equal financial weight $$$ with such a significant difference in earnings, regardless of who the bread winner is!

My advice still stands and is based solely on the premise of providing a viable solution, base your financial responsibility on a percentage of earnings vs $ for $... or terminate the arrangement.

I asked some real men about this situation and they all agreed with me about him taking advantage of her financially. They are mature men, both married and unmarried, who are of the "old school" who believe in treating women with respect. They all agreed it was a con game pure and simple. She may have been naïve and did not have this game pulled on her before and was thinking with her heart instead of her head. My one male friend called it a con game played by sadistic sh*ts. It's done all over. He's seen it a lot where he lives (in a foreign country).

Of course it is more precious in terms of the limited time to having babies and the time they take to have them and the pain they go through, I guess I said that on my post you just chose to ignore it. You are right Twinkiedooter, real men would not say what was said by the men in this post.

Nadia999: I found this on wikipedia:

"In Canada, the legal definition and regulation of common law marriage fall under provincial jurisdiction. A couple must meet the requirements of their province's Marriage Act for their common-law marriage to be legally recognized.

According to the Canada Revenue Agency, as of 2007, a common-law relationship is true if: a) the couple have been living in a conjugal relationship for at least 12 continuous months;

b) the couple are parents of a child by birth or adoption; or

c) one of the couple has custody and control of the child (or had custody and control immediately before the child turned 19 years of age) and the child is wholly dependent on that person for support."

There's more if you want to check it out, just Google "Commom-law laws Canada"

You said it , it is 2007, this 12 months in new, I was in one so I know what I am talking about

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

I asked some real men about this situation and they all agreed with me about him taking advantage of her financially. They are mature men, both married and unmarried, who are of the "old school" who believe in treating women with respect. They all agreed it was a con game pure and simple. She may have been naive and did not have this game pulled on her before and was thinking with her heart instead of her head. My one male friend called it a con game played by sadistic sh*ts. It's done all over. He's seen it a lot where he lives (in a foreign country).

---

Con game?

She chose to move in.

She made an agreement early on.

She went from paying half of everything, to one-third.

Where is the con game?

So you come on here saying well my friends say this so it must be true

That makes me laugh on many leves :)
Thank you

You talk to people this in the real world about some aggro you get on a messageboard?

Wow

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

I asked some real men about this situation and they all agreed with me about him taking advantage of her financially. They are mature men, both married and unmarried, who are of the "old school" who believe in treating women with respect. They all agreed it was a con game pure and simple. She may have been naive and did not have this game pulled on her before and was thinking with her heart instead of her head. My one male friend called it a con game played by sadistic sh*ts. It's done all over. He's seen it a lot where he lives (in a foreign country).

---

Short of jumping into the whole men vs women topic, I agree with you.

If this guy is dead set on holding her feet to the fire, then he is less interested in the long term relationship and more interested in having a roommate with benefits.

With that said and granting the man the benefit of the doubt, men and women in a relationship, arguing over money, is all too common.

50 50 only works if the incomes are comparable, in this case they are not. Most people live on a budget and most allocate 40% percent of their earned income to rent/mortgage and utilities, 8% to food. When multiple incomes exist, the percentages applied to these expenses should remain equal. When this is done properly, one will always pay more than the other but this is a relationship, it still benefits the whole. This is the basic formula, any additional expenses should be worked out separately, there are too many shades of gray for this forum.

If the total money allocated by both parties on the percentage basis fails to cover the mutual living expense, well then they are probably living beyond their means. In this case, a change needs to be made. This is just responsible money management people.


If you are one of these people that makes substantially more $$ than your significant other but adheres to the belief that both have to own up equal $$$ in the relationship, then I would suggest you avoid the girls at Hooters earning 24k, or at the very least don't move in with them.

Overall, the question is " Is my BF cheap?" Yes your BF is cheap... And you lucky girl, he's selfish! I would ask him why its like this if he is in it for the long haul.

I don't think he is in it for the long run, and is hedging his bets, in case she decides to split. For sure she didn't think of anything, when she made this agreement, so she has nothing coming, then does she? She does have the choice to leave though, and should.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EuRa

Con game?

She chose to move in.

She made an agreement early on.

She went from paying half of everything, to one-third.

Where is the con game?

---

1) Con Game isn't the best word choice here... But ponder this for a second. Do you really think this guy was oblivious to her previous financial obligations or her salary? I don't think so. He definitely entered into the agreement fully aware that she would struggle to meet the terms!

2) Nobody has suggested he forced her.?

3) Yes, it has been made express idly clear that she was extremely irresponsible in making the agreement short of doing the math. Is there a point here?

4) What she is attempting to do is amend the half a** agreement she entered into without doing the math (her fault). When arrangements don't work, people make attempts to change them! What she is attempting to do is make an agreement that is more reasonable based on her earned income. It may be a day late and a dollar short, but if this guy is in it for the right reasons, then it’s doable!

5) The suggestion of a con is in the fact that it appears to some that her heart is in it... and his might not be!

Are you reading the posts or are you just being argumentative for ego sake?

Sand Daddy- I could just hug you. You said everything I tried to say but apparently couldn't convey.

Why is most everybody overlooking that she says she buys the groceries and he always has his hand out meaning he wants even more than the agreement and the grocery money MORE than the agreement.
Even if they have an agreement she says she is paying over the agreement and he all he cares about is that he has money. If he cared enough about her he would be willing to look out for her needs and wants too. He wants a $55,000. Car but if she needed a new car would he help her out? He sounds like he is only in a business arrangement mind set.
In a relationship they should follow the agreement and then each pitch in what they can and work together on a fair budget.

He is selfish!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kate51283

I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

---

Kate
Firstly I am assuming you two were obviously at a serious stage in your relationship if you have decided to move in together. And the fact that you can't afford to live in this manner suggests you obviously made an error of judgement as far as finances goes. Therefore you have a decision to make. You either go back to your previous situation which I am again assuming was better as you haven't really told us this part of it , or you stay and accept this situation.

I don't really want to get into the debate about percentages etc. and paying bills but my take on it would be if you are in a relationsghip and you live together you would work with each other to make it work financially for both of you. Though I don't think your boyfriend has a financial obligation to you , he does have an obligation , as do you , to make the relationship a happy one.

Is he cheap , well in my opinion YES. The fact that he is always reminding you about things he's paid for , and he doesn't want to go out because it costs money gives me that impression , and the Xmas present stuff , wow what's that all about. He obviously cherishes his money and that's not a strange or bad thing , it's a matter of whether you are willing to put up with it because I doubt he will change.

I've been sitting here for the last half hour trying to find a different "choice of words" other than con game to describe his treatment of her.
Scam game
My money is my money and your money is my money too game
More play money for me game
After I've spent my money, I'll happily spend your money game
Romance scam
I don't know - con game seems to be the best fit here and makes more sense in the long run.
She was just naïve and was taken for a ride. Ok, how about ride game? Like that better? Happy now? She was taken for a ride. Period.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kate51283

I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

---

Wow... I took a little break to earn some money for my wife to spend (haha... just kidding everyone... and definitely just kidding Andrea if you happen to read this ;-) ) and the world is in a sexist uproar. I guess what it really comes down to people is interpretation. We are all tying to base this whole analysis of a shotty at best description for the situation with mucho gray area. This girl hasn't even been back to answer any questions. If everyone reads the question over again I think it is pretty clearly a digressed situation from the mans standpoint. No, it isn't because I am a guy, trust me, most guys disgust me in their treatment of women, but I don't think this is the case here.

From the way I read this the story goes something like this:

They got involved. He was happy she was happy all is well. They moved in together agreeing to split expenses to make life more affordable for BOTH of them. She is late with money. He understands. She is late with money some more. He picks up the slack. He is beginning to see that she still has money for $5 Starbucks, this begins to piss him off. She sees that he can buy what he wants when he wants. She thinks she should be able to do the same. She starts to run up credit cards buying her MAC cosmetics. THe minimum payments get higher. Student loan deferments end. Here comes another $250 a month she din't plan for. Still drinking $5 lattes. He begins to see she is irresponsible. She thinks he is being greedy. He is trying to teach her responsibility. She can't understand how he expects her to buy MAC cosmetics and Starbucks everyday on $50 a month. He thinks he will teach her. She spends her $50 she has left at happy hour with her work buddies on Friday. Saturday she wants to go out. No money left so got to make sure Jerk Boy is along to pick up the tab. He see she is using him. He says you know what I don't feel like going out. SHe thinks he is an and he just wants to prove the point that she is being irresponsible with her money and he isn't going to reward that. He cares about her and wants to stay with her, but he can't marry someone who can't budget and balance a checkbook. He is trying to force her to budget. No where does it say he ASKS FOR MONEY FOR GROCERIES. It says he always has his hand out for money (ie. For the bills she agree to pay). He claims to never have any money because he knows if he says he does she will milk it out of him. I am pretty sure from that standpoint a guys doesn't walk around saying "I have no money"... more tha likely he says he doesn't have money the three times a day she asks for money from him.

Long and short. I am willing to bet there is about a 6 - 10 year age gap in this couple. THe girl just finished with college and is just learning what the real world is like. She latched onto this guy because she thinks she loves him, but really she is just looking for that father figure to take over the care of her every want in need just like pops did for her 4 years of college. He was butt over tea kettle for her, but now he is smart enough to realize this girl has lots of growing up to do. Girl doesn't want to grow up. She doesn't understand that life in the real world starting isn't ever going to involve $500 of disposable income every month. All of a sudden she goes from mommy's care packages, daddy's monthly $200, her excess financial aid for living expenses of $3000 a semester (trust me it happens I have kids coing in and using it as down payments on cars all the time) daddy and mommy paying for the car and insurance and no student loan payments. To all of a sudden car, ins, no financial aid, pay back financial aid, no allowance from daddy and ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE. It is a plague of our youth. It is the plague of my generation, guy or girl. THis is why there are so many bankruptcies. SO much credit card debt. So many ZERO DOWN car sales, ZERO DOWN mortgages etc. She was poorly prepared for the harsh reality of the real world. Unfortunately for all of us, she happens to be in a relationship. Automatically it is the guys fault because he has the money to help her out. NO! He is doing the right thing, the thing hr parents neglected to do. He is holding her accountable and yeah it will make him look like a jerk. Whenever someone takes a stand they get made out to be a jerk or b**ch. Well, he is a good guy trying to gether on her feet. GOOD FOR HIM!

Everyone on here is so quick to cry for the APPARENT VICTIM without reading into anything. Look at her language and the way she phrases things. She is trying to spin them without lying, because then she would feel bad. She came on here looking for someone t tell her it was OK to be a mooch... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Sometimes loving relatioships have tough love too... to teach people lessons. The sad part about all of this is it shouldn't be about sex, but it is. You all know damn well out there that if the sexes were reversed in this situation they would be calling him a mooch who needs to get off his duff. If you say different you are lying to yourselves.

People need to not respond on emotion and outword appearances. If these questions were so outwordly simple these people would not be on here asking them. We are no smarter than they are. All you women should be ashamed for making this out to be some battle of the sexes. And for the lady who TALKED TO MANY MATURE MEN and SAY THIS IS A CON and RUNS RAMPID WHERE YOUR FRIEND IS FROM (not this country)... get a clue... that is why in your friends country they still ride mules to the maket and use outhouses and oil lanterns. GROW UP!

Sure some guy on here had some fun, but no less than the woman. Get off your high horse.

CLASSIC FEMALE MENTALITY IN A RELATIONSHIP:

"Whats mine is mine and whats yours is ours"

End of Story

P.S. Sorry for all my bad typing... it isn't my typing skills, my laptop keyboard tend to ignore certain keystrokes. I am not as 4th grade as it may appear! :-)


Love you all!

WOW this is a hot debate. Well with all the who should be paying more, less, Who is cheap and who is taken advantaged of or taking advantage, It boils down to compromize. I personally think that he isn't being cheap and really she and he have only been living together for 7months.. if she had said 7 years id say that it's a long term relationship and maybe he should really think about helping her out, its serious at that point. I think if he is willing too, they should sit down as a couple and really discuss a budget (like Fr. Chuck mentioned) and come to some sort of compromize if HE is willing to do that. Her feelings do seem valid in the sense that it is hurting her relationship, and if this is something that is really troubling her she needs to sit down and talk to him about it. It doesn't sound like that not ounce did she talk about it with him. And if he is rubbing his money in her face that needs to be brought up to. If he feels he's justified in doing THAT, if he's doing that, then she needs to get rid of him. At the point money is the only thing he cares about, not her. No one deserves that treatment

The fact that they haven't been together for long period doesn't give her the right to "expect" him to pay for more of the bills. The best thing she can do is talk it over with him maybe they can reach an agreement. But yeah if she considers him "cheap" then maybe she needs to move on, he probably isn't the guy for her. If not then she's needs to respect the decision that was made before she moved in.

I know lots of people gave similar advice... just wanted to reiterate the point:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wewed100606

Wow...I took a little break to earn some money for my wife to spend (haha...just kidding everyone...and definitely just kidding Andrea if you happen to read this ;-) ) and the world is in a sexist uproar. I guess what it really comes down to people is interpretation. We are all tying to base this whole analysis of a shotty at best description fo the situation with mucho gray area. This girl hasn't even been back to answer any questions. If everyone reads the question over again I think it is pretty clearly a digressed situation from the mans standpoint. No, it isn't because I am a guy, trust me, most guys disgust me in their treatment of women, but I don't think this is the case here.

From the way I read this the story goes something like this:

They got involved. He was happy she was happy all is well. They moved in together agreeing to split expenses to make life more affordable for BOTH of them. She is late with money. He understands. She is late with money some more. He picks up the slack. He is beginning to see that she still has money for $5 Starbucks, this begins to piss him off. She sees that he can buy what he wants when he wants. She thinks she should be able to do the same. She starts to run up credit cards buying her MAC cosmetics. THe minimum payments get higher. Student loan deferments end. Here comes another $250 a month she din't plan for. Still drinking $5 lattes. He begins to see she is irresponsible. She thinks he is being greedy. He is trying to teach her responsibility. She can't understand how he expects her to buy MAC cosmetics and Starbucks everyday on $50 a month. He thinks he will teach her. She spends her $50 she has left at happy hour with her work buddies on Friday. Saturday she wants to go out. No money left so gotta make sure Jerk Boy is along to pick up the tab. He see she is using him. He says you know what I don't feel like going out. SHe thinks he is an and he just wants to prove the point that she is being irresponsible with her money and he isn't going to reward that. He cares about her and wants to stay with her, but he can't marry someone who can't budget and balance a checkbook. He is trying to force her to budget. No where does it say he ASKS FOR MONEY FOR GROCERIES. It says he always has his hand out for money (ie. for the bills she agree to pay). He claims to never have any money because he knows if he says he does she will milk it out of him. I am pretty sure from that standpoint a guys doesn't walk around saying "I have no money"...more tha likely he says he doesn't have money the three times a day she asks for money from him.

Long and short. I am willing to bet there is about a 6 - 10 year age gap in this couple. THe girl just finished with college and is just learning what the real world is like. She latched onto this guy because she thinks she loves him, but really she is just looking for that father figure to take over the care of her every want in need just like pops did for her 4 years of college. He was butt over tea kettle for her, but now he is smart enough to realize this girl has lots of growing up to do. Girl doesn't want to grow up. She doesn't understand that life in the real world starting out isn't ever going to involve $500 of disposable income every month. All of a sudden she goes from mommy's care packages, daddy's monthly $200, her excess financial aid for living expenses of $3000 a semester (trust me it happens I have kids coing in and using it as down payments on cars all the time) daddy and mommy paying for the car and insurance and no student loan payments. To all of a sudden car, ins, no financial aid, pay back financial aid, no allowance from daddy and ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE. It is a plague of our youth. It is the plague of my generation, guy or girl. THis is why there are so many bankruptcies. SO much credit card debt. So many ZERO DOWN car sales, ZERO DOWN mortgages etc. She was poorly prepared for the harsh reality of the real world. Unfortunately for all of us, she happens to be in a relationship. Automatically it is the guys fault because he has the money to help her out. NO! He is doing the right thing, the thing hr parents neglected to do. He is holding her accountable and yeah it will make him look like a jerk. Whenever someone takes a stand they get made out to be a jerk or b**ch. Well, he is a good guy trying to gether on her feet. GOOD FOR HIM!

Everyone on here is so quick to cry for the APPARENT VICTIM without reading into anything. Look at her language and the way she phrases things. She is trying to spin them without lying, because then she would feel bad. She came on here looking for someone t tell her it was OK to be a mooch...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Sometimes loving relatioships have tough love too...to teach people lessons. The sad part about all of this is it shouldn't be about sex, but it is. You all know damn well out there that if the sexes were reversed in this situation they would be calling him a mooch who needs to get off his duff. If you say different you are lying to yourselves.

People need to not respond on eotion and outword appearances. If these questions were so outwordly simple these people would not be on here asking them. We are no smarter than they are. All you women should be ashamed for making this out to be some battle of the sexes. And for the ady who TALKED TO MANY MATURE MEN and SAY THIS IS A CON and RUNS RAMPID WHERE YOUR FRIED IS FROM (not this country)...get a clue...that is why in your friends country they still ride mules to the maket and use outhouses and oil lanterns. GROW UP!

Sure some guy on here had some fun, but no less than the woman. Get off your high horse.

CLASSIC FEMALE MENTALITY IN A RELATIONSHIP:

"Whats mine is mine and whats yours is ours"

End of Story

---

Everyone here knows there are 2 sides to every story.

Your hypothetical account maybe dead on however, we only have her story. So short of calling other members in this forum a liar, even when we know there is more to the story, we grant the benefit of doubt! Its called courtesy!

My point is NUETRAL advice like that above about sitting down and budgeting is GOOD advice given without all the facts. Bad advice is that given saying he is cheap, ditch him, he is a con man, etc. That is BAD ADVICE given without all the information. The accuteness of the advice should directly coorelate to the accuteness of the information. GRAY AREA QUESTION = GRAY AREA ANSWER otherwise you all are setting yourselves up to ruin lives based on less than all the facts.

The adult men I spoke to about this are two Admirals, three Commanders, 2 Captains, 1 Medical Doctor, and Head Radio Officer and they are in the Navy of a non-backward country who don't use outhouses or ride donkeys, thank you. You must be thinking of the Middle East or Israel.

P.S. Did not like your $5 coffee story either. You weren't there so speculation is not necessary.