TrueFaith - I have to tell you, that you have some very unattactive qualities, but good for you for trying to work on them.

I am incredibly unhappy with some of your responses, especially to people that you don't even know, but I do and care for very deeply.

With that said, I never want to make anyone feel bad about themselves and I don't mean to be unkind to you.

I have always believed that being ugly inside always comes on the outside and just the opposite, being beautiful inside will always come through on the outside.

I am sorry to say, that if you truly cared for this girl, from your heart, you would see all of her true and natural beauty.

You may truly care for her and if that is the case you have to let go of the part of you that sees only with shallow eyes.

When people are trying to help you, please understand that and don't come out on attack mode.

It is so wrong and cruel to read up on someone's pain and difficulties and then use it against them.

We all have work to do on ourselves and you are no exception.

I would almost bet that if I got to know your girlfriend and met her and if she has a good kind caring heart, I would see nothing but beauty.

Truefaith- You're a clown, honestly. I'm not sure what you wrote can constitute an insult or a logical thought for that matter.

I'm not going to get into a argument over you thinking your taking girls away from people (thats a joke). All I know is that you are a guy who types on this site how good looking he is and how every girl wants him but when confronted to show us all your great looks you fall silent on the subject?? I would think you would want to show us no? Lets settle the debate, you post your pic and I'll see if you can in fact take my girls away :) LOL!

I laugh cause just the thought of you is funny, plus you can't really write, read or spell, yeah I'd better hide those girls from you, they love that... as you know of course;)

I didn't say I was a model Clafairy. Not sure what you mean by that.

Wait I got it. Sorry.sorry. My mistake.

Who was I just saying can't read, write or speak?. lol!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BMI

I didn't say i was a model Clafairy. Not sure what you mean by that.

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I was agreeing with you BMI, and the comments were aimed at truefaith.lol Sorry my fault.

Ooh can we start a HOT OR NOT on AMHD?! I'm thrilled!

Quote:

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ooh can we start a HOT OR NOT on AMHD?! I'm thrilled!

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OMG! Please NO! I already have self esteem issues, and you guys are always so brutally honest, AAAHHHH!! :eek: , LOL

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

To Kal

Never been turned down. someone sounds a bit to into them selfs is that pride i hear?
oo thats a bad thing. just like. liking your self is as well.

-clap- smart girl

---

I'm not actually sure what point you're trying to make here... Are you implying that I'm vain too?
And liking yourself is a good thing. I'm totally in favour of people being happy with themselves. I have problems with people believing that they are better than everyone else. Particularly when they aren't.

So yeah, I'm glad you made the first step and came for advice. The second would be to try to listen to the advice people are giving rather than instantly jumping to abuse mode.

And seriously, what is your first language?

Kal

IN the first place, I would ask, there are so many days, you post your post here and what is the result of all advice now, any change in you or her?

Secondly, what about her look? Has she long hair or short, curly or straight, and what do you like and what is hers and did you ever open your heart about what you say or said here, before her?

There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to look good and take pride in their appearance in my opinion. Like a previous poster said if someone is too lazy to look after themselves then I don't want them looking after my children. With that said it isn't up to you to try and change that person nor should you simply expect it because that's what you want. You can express your feelings and if they don't like what you have to say then it is time to move on.

I think you may have come off to everyone here wrongly. I'm not sure if that is because of the language barrier or not but just try not to take everything everyone says as an attack, even if they do! ;)

You shouldn't want someone to be pretty. If you like her for her personality then she's Georgeous Inside. Everyone is pretty in there own way. If you like her then you shouldn't think about her looks. I have a boyfriend and he's not "hot" But I'm in love with him Hes Everything I eve dreamed of in a guy apart from his looks. Nobody is going to look at you and be like Eww his girlfriends so out of his league. People who judge someone because of who they go out with are stupid. You are quite Shallow who gives a if she's not what you normaly go for. Sake. Your you. Go out with whoever you want tew.

The level of political correctness here just has me stunned.

As a person in a long term relationship (10 yrs, 8 married) I do NOT disagree with the fact that flesh alone keeps things interesting for only a short time. Yes, most people need more than a good lay or a pretty face or a chiseled chest to make it last.

But really... id ask all who have spanked your hand repeatedly about physical attraction to do the following:

1) don't wear makeup. It is a practice that shows you are too shallow and vain to be comfortable in your own body. No hair dyes either.

2) throw out those sexy clothes, panties, and bras. You know sweatpants are more comfy, so why play into the game of teasing others when you aren't willing to let others be pleased by physical attraction?

3) blindfold yourself on dates. Apparently physical attraction is the work of the devil, so own up to it. Tell me that a guy who hasn't showered in two weeks will attract you because he has inner beauty. Try not to gag when you answer.

I am NOT saying that physical attraction is all there is... but come on... this guy signed on to a site for help. He obviously might have some issues about bragging how pretty he is, but really?? That makes him garbage?

Most people are attracted to potential mates by a variety of factors... but those who condemn a person for the physical side should own up and throw their push up bras and their face moisturizers in the trash.

If you pluck your eyebrows, wax your 'stache, shave your legs and arms, you are also tied into physical obsession... its just HIS level is icky and yours is OK.

OK.

Bring on the reddies.

Synnen agrees: Wow. I actually kind of feel bad for shaving, wearing makeup, and having a couple sexy outfits. Good thing I haven't combed my hair today and I'm wearing sweats now to make up for it!

You are naughty and it always makes me laugh!

Seriously, what color are the sweats? Zipper top? Don't be a tease. ;)

Well guys just to let you know I have spoken with her. I made it very clear about my feelings which is. I love being round her. I told her that she sint the typ of person I normaly go out with. And I know I'm not the typ of boy she normaly goes out with :)

Having said that we are both going to try and make it work. She knows my feelings. She said she will do whatever it takes to make me happy. And I really like that, I told her the same thing :)

As I said she understands I'm kind of vain and that. She knows its not the best but she loves me anyway :) how abou that.

As for The people here who gave me abuse. Thanks for reply :) wasn't the best but hey.
I like to think we can all post how we feel and think. And not get judge to harshly but hey I'm into looks apprantly and your into guys that. Well says all the flower typ stuff in movies :) yay to that!

Thank you KP very good points that's my view.

As to the rest.
I know looks are not the most important thing but its really nice to have both isn't it?:)


Regards

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

Synnen agrees: Wow. I actually kind of feel bad for shaving, wearing makeup, and having a couple sexy outfits. Good thing I haven't combed my hair today and I'm wearing sweats now to make up for it!

you are naughty and it always makes me laugh!

seriously, what color are the sweats? zipper top? dont be a tease. ;)

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Sweats come in colors other than gray?

And nope on the zipper top---it's COLD in Minnesota! I think I have 4 layers on, and none of them is metal, which would be cold. Duh.

Well more layers are more to peel off one by one...

And cold weather makes you want to snuggle boys for heat when those layers are gone, so its all good near as I can tell.

I'm tired and off topic. Sort of. Done.

Be careful what you wish for. I encouraged my guy to change his outside even though I loved him for what was inside and that changed everything. He got hit on all the time and it went to his head. Turned out changing what was inside to a superficial jerk who got hooked on shallow come ons. I wish I would have been happy with the man I met because now no one is happy.

Great

I think there is a big difference between being vain and just feeling good about how you look. I wear makeup when I go out (I'm very pale and look horrible without it), I have what might be considered sexy clothes (I have terrible self esteem issues and wearing things that look attractive makes me feel better about myself). I'm not young (37), and I'm not a size 2 (more like a 12). I'm my own worst enemy. I think it's great to be able to take pride in yourself, but when you think you are the be all end all and that no plain jane could possibly measure up to you then I have a problem with that.

My ex husband is a pretty good looking guy. He was always being hit on. The day that he married me I weighed 310 pounds. I didn't feel I was good enough for him but he loved me as I was. When I lost the weight I was doing it for myself, not for him, and he was supportive of me no matter what.

Then why is he your ex-hubby?

Quote:

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Then why is he your ex-hubby?

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After 15 years of marriage we just found ourselves going in different directions. Too many things started to happen at one time that drove a wedge between us. He's still a big part of my life though and one of my best friends.

Yes it is nice to have both Truefaith, though I'm still uncertain you have either:)

Good luck with it all.

[QUOTE=kp2171]the level of political correctness here just has me stunned.

... 1) don't wear makeup. It is a practice that shows you are too shallow and vain to be comfortable in your own body. No hair dyes either.

2) throw out those sexy clothes, panties, and bras. You know sweatpants are more comfy, so why play into the game of teasing others when you aren't willing to let others be pleased by physical attraction?

3) blindfold yourself on dates. Apparently physical attraction is the work of the devil, so own up to it. Tell me that a guy who hasn't showered in two weeks will attract you because he has inner beauty. Try not to gag when you answer.
... if you pluck your eyebrows, wax your 'stache, shave your legs and arms, you are also tied into physical obsession... its just HIS level is icky and yours is OK.[QUOTE]

Hahahahaha.
Ok, fair points. Look, there's nothing wrong with putting an effort into your appearance... and there's DEFINITELY nothing wrong with personal hygiene. It's just that there comes a point where there are some things that CAN'T be changed about a person, and some levels of gloss that just become pointless. And no matter how much you change someone's hair and pint their skin, you can't actually change the way they look... just make some bits shinier. And if they're not into being shiny, you can't really expect them to be. That's not to say you have to find them attractive, but if you DO... what exactly is the problem?
And yeah... there are things about people that I definitely find unatractive, it's not as if anyone here is perfect. For example, people who spit when they speak are... well, I doubt I could get over it... or worse, I'd find it difficult to find a guy who's shorter than me attractive.
But if you've decided that you like them enough to want to make a go of it, you can't expect a sudden change.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Having said that we are both going to try and make it work. She knows my feelings. She said she will do whatever it takes to make me happy. And I really like that, I told her the same thing :)
... as for The people here who gave me abuse. Thanks for reply :) wasn't the best but hey.
I like to think we can all post how we feel and think. And not get judge to harshly but hey I'm into looks apprantly and your into guys that. Well says all the flower typ stuff in movies :) yay to that!
... I know looks are not the most important thing but its really nice to have both isn't it?:)

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Pleased to hear you're making a go of it and being honest with her. And seriously, I'm sorry for all the abuse you've been getting... you might want to work on tact a little though.
And yeah, it's good to look good, but if you like her, you have to like her for who she is, not who you can try to make her.

Yeah, I know most of this has been said before.

Good luck anyway mate.

Kal

I agree Kal,

I do need to work on my Tact, I'm sorry for getting defensive.

I don't think you should go out with her. I was in a similar situation to you (not that I thought I was too good looking, but I just didn't find him that fanciable) but I looked past it for over a year, and in the end you can't help but get bored and look for someone who you like in every way. I am quite into fashion etc, therefore tend not to go for guys with clothes! Not shallow, just my type! And if your type is hot, don't go trying to change, find someone hot AND who you get on with.if it feels wrong in any way.. then it is!!

Don't let people convince you to lower your standards. I say that without implying anybody here is doing that, but I've always found that people try to convince me that instead of wanting an attractive full package girl, I should settle for a whatever she comes in package girl.

Personally, I'd rather be single for going on a year and change now to find a girl that makes me happy with a body I want hardcore. Part of being happy is that hardcore sex feeling you get when you see a hot girl plus the knowledge that she's yours.

To get somebody that's good looking, you should invest as much time as you see fit towards being good looking yourself, it's not a one way street. Contrary to what family guy, the simpsons, king of queens, any national lampoon movie will tell you, chicks don't dig on fat lazy guys. So get off your lazy and hit the gym god dammit. I'm all about a prettier country, for both sexes.

Anybody that tries to tell you you're wrong for wanting a sexy partner is foolish. Sexy people want sexy people, and I'll gladly take the pepsi challenge against the boyfriend of anybody that tells me different. 9 months of muay thai and brasilian jiujitsu amount to some amazing abs. Good luck dude.

If she wants to do stuff like get her hair done support her. But don't pressure her. Maybe for her birthday or valentines or somethig you could send her to a full service day spa, one of the ones where they do hair, make-up, nails, massages. The works. If you treat her to it once, she might find she likes it and keep it up.
Going to the gym seems like a great idea. It could be a healthy bonding time for you guys. Just be careful how you approach it, if you approach it the wrong way she could think you want her to go because you think she's fat or something awful and that could be devastating on her self esteem.
And when she asks why you're not with "pretty types", your respoonse should be something alog the lines of "but i am, i'm with you."...

Thank you very much :). Yeah she has no self esteem which is a shame. So I'm trying to get her to look and feel better about her self.

I know none of us are perfect but I use to be 250 pounds when I was a kid now I'm 174 and fit. So I know what's it like to have no confidance

My girl has a great body but she just has no confidance. So I'm going to bring it out in her :)
Thank you very much for your replys

Regards

going on this site isn't going to change who you are, it's foolish to think so.
A girl doesn't want to be valued just for her looks, looks are obviously more importnant to you than anything else, I suggest you seek some counseling to help find out why you are like this

OK first let me say in TrueFaith's defence, come on guys we have all secretly wanted to change something about our partners. Whether its appearance, intelligence, humor, whatever. That is what this site is for, to say the things you couldn't ask a friend or someone. Lets not act like we haven't ever wanted to change a quality... however honey you have to realize you say you want to change yet your on here speaking as though you couldn't be happier with yourself. Whether you're a supermodel or a scientist, bragging isn't very becoming of you. The ideas about if you want her to excersize than you excersize too is a good idea but secretly plotting to do these things to turn her into your hot chick isn't good. Its shallow, exactly what your trying to change about yourself. And as for telling the woman on here not to be emotional with their responses... you should take in what their saying and appreciate it because nine out of ten your girlfriend would be writing the same things if she read some of the things you've been writing... How about you compromise, try the gym thing BUT don't ever tell her she's fat. There's probably a couple things she would change about you but she loves/likes you and would never hurt you by asking you to change these things. I'm not going to say your horrible for wanting her to change because I too have wanted my partner to change at time. Just learn to compromise. Oh and stop speaking of her as a experiment, you never should use someone in anyway, even if your just "trying something new."

Wow, I don't even know were to begin. Sorry buddy, you can apologize until you're blue in the face, the fact that you talk like you think you walk on water doesn't make me feel very forgiving. Get off your high horse, you are not as great as you think you are, besides, beauty fades. If you really want to change than stop looking down on anyone who doesn't fit your "ideal" standard. I've met allot of extremely attractive people whose personalities stink, the longer I knew them the less attractive they became because their rotten personality shone through. I've also met very unattractive people that were wonderful, intelligent, kind caring people, the longer I've know them the more attractive they are because their personality shone through too. If you only care about outer beauty then you'll end up with an empty shell. Good luck.

The Pretty girl bad persoanlity means ugly person thing

I've never heard that before

Thanks for that jewl ;) I'm all fixed

Anyway guys this is over and done with now. I spoke with her we are fine I'm happy she is happy :)

Im not going to get into a circular argument with you lot again LoL


Enough said

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

besides, beauty fades.

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Just because I'm an argumentative prick

Most girls want my dad as much as they want me.
Anybody seen that supposedly 50 year old chick doing the bowflex or total gym or whatever commercials? Her faded beauty can rescue me from ugly chicks any day of the week.

You don't love someone cause there beautiful... there beautiful cause you love them

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

The Pretty girl bad persoanlity means ugly person thing

iv never heard that before

thanks for that jewl ;) im all fixed

Anyway guys this is over and done with now. i spoke with her we are fine im happy she is happy :)

Im not going to get into a circular argument with you lot again LoL


Enough said

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To bad you didn't try to fix it before asking our opinion. You opened up a huge can of worms when you posted your message, it's a little late to back down now because you don't like what we have to say. I know that you find our honesty hard to swallow, you believe that you are such a great guy, you expected us all to agree, sorry, we all have opinions of our own. You were man enough to ask for our opinions, now be man enough to take them. And because you're so fond of them here's a smiley face for you.:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Ok first off guys and gals. dont get angry with me

im not shallow, im trying to break the habit of that! because i found out that 90% of the time people im normally with are insanely hot but insane!

ok so im a 26 year old. attritive guy. i always went with the most popular girls in school and the best looking girls in the work place. it was my thing. envy of my friends. but i found that this life is pretty empty

anyway if had some fun times as of late.

and im with this new girl. she chased me a lot. so i thought why not ill give it a go. and i think i found someone i can really connect with on a personal level. and i must say i really really like it.

but she knows the type of girls iv been with and. she goes why are you with me when you could be with the .. Pretty.. types. i told her that its not that important.

now she isnt ugly by no sens. but she isnt that typ of girl i would go for. now before people start saying dont be with her then if you dont think she is pretty or your type, im trying to break a habbit, and i like being with this girl..
:) but heres the thing.
is it wrong to want to make her more pretty? like have her workout in the gym with me. and get ya hair done etc?

she knows what im like. vain and shallow but i am trying to change i dont think someone who is like that. would be on a site like this. :)

do you think this is wrong?

as i said girls and guys dont get to angry with me about this post. it shows im growing up and looking for something more than just a hot chick.


Regards

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There's nothing wrong with wanting that aslong as you can see the inner beauty. If you want her to go to the gym with you ask her if you want her to get her hair done treat her to it that way you both win she gets pampered and you get a pretty girlfriend

TrueFaith, your qustion caught my eye! I have not read all the answers, and not sure what decision you have come to, here I am putting my thoughts...

I felt you are a very nice and caring guy. You want your girlfriend to be pretty and so want her to work out with you, get her hair done etc. And I say she's lucky to have a guy like you. You are not at all shallow and what you are doing what exactly my darling hubby did for me.

4 years after marriage, my friends tell me that I look the prettiest in my whole life time. He made me workout in gym, got my hair straightened, even taught me how to walk in heels, etc etc... For him, his wife's beauty is the foremost priority in his life, and no, he does not expect a super model out of me, but he says that we should make the best of what God has given us.

Now 25 pounds lighter, my friends compliment me on my looks and I do feel happy about myself too.

Go get your girlfriend to the gym, it will be good for her. And there are 2 types of girls in this world:
1) Who know how to make themselves look pretty
2) Who don't

I guess your girlfriend falls into the second category, and you can teach her how to do 1) :)

Good luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sasha_1

TrueFaith, your qustion caught my eye! I have not read all the answers, and not sure what decision you have come to, here I am putting my thoughts...

I felt you are a very nice and caring guy. You want your gf to be pretty and so want her to work out with you, get her hair done etc. And I say she's lucky to have a guy like you. You are not at all shallow and what you are doing what exactly my darling hubby did for me.

4 years after marriage, my friends tell me that I look the prettiest in my whole life time. He made me workout in gym, got my hair straightened, even taught me how to walk in heels, etc etc... For him, his wife's beauty is the foremost priority in his life, and no, he does not expect a super model out of me, but he says that we should make the best of what God has given us.

Now 25 pounds lighter, my friends compliment me on my looks and I do feel happy about myself too.

Go get your gf to the gym, it will be good for her. And there are 2 types of girls in this world:
1) Who know how to make themselves look pretty
2) Who don't

I guess your gf falls into the second category, and you can teach her how to do 1) :)

Good luck!

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... And there are husbands in this world who trophy their wives
... and there are women in this world who become submissive under their husbands

I guess you fall under... ummm let me see... BOTH categories

I wonder how big you and your husband's heads have gotten. Can they fit through the door? This, by far is the worst advice given in this topic. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get prettied-up for yourself, but to have a spouse make you do these things is just darn-right sickening, shallow, egotistical, vain... whatever! A woman or man needs to make themselves happy before any one else. What ever happened to inner beauty?

There are two types of women like you:

1.) the ugly-personality type

Or

2.) the ugly personality and egotistical type

Ask yourself why in the hell you gave this sort of advice?

And I, the attractive 26 year old guy quotes:

"yada yada yada...there are just too many INSANELY HOT people in this world... (me being one of them) I go for the prettiest and skinniest girls ONLY! In highschool, I was the jerk that no 'nice girl' with a 'great personality' wanted to go for. I look down on those types of girls. Now this really nice girl wants to be with me, and I don't because she cares less about her looks and more on making this world a better place."

SHEESH!

You are what most women find repulsive and unattractive

You told the poor soul that looks didn't matter to you and yet in your post you clearly stated that they did? Who are you lying to? Her or yourself? GET REAL!! I hope she really looks deep into your mind, snaps, then leaves you. I know this is harsh, but you are asking for it. I have read all of your come-back posts to other people, and wonder why they have to be so nasty? You asked for advice, and people on AMHP are going to answer the only way they know how: opinion

Just think of all the best ladies, you have missed by only going for the ones that are physically attractive. No knock on them, but the best initial attraction to me, is the way she carries herself, and acts around others. I love confident females, no matter their booty, or boob size. Nice teeth help a lot.

I can't even begin to date a girl that can't hold a conversation! First thing I notice is smile and eyes, I don't rule out girls based on size. I don't want to be that shallow of a guy ha ha. Give a girl a chance, you'd be amazed at how great she can be