Im working on it, when I go out I'm usually scared she might show up where I'm at. But if I ever run into her I am not going to let it bother me and I'm going to do my best to always look my best, not for her but for me :)

The one time I actually saw her, I pulled up next to her driving to work (in a decent mood)... that sucked and I reacted wrong. Peeling out at the green and driving off 120mph prob wasn't best idea. Oh well. Hindsight.

And I'm definitely going to watch swingers, I might have seen it but I don't remember the title.
And id love to meet new people, just not sure how to anymore.

And what, praytell, is your Home Alone quote for the day? :)

Smiling is the best medicine, in my opinion.

So? Lets hear it!

"This house is so full of people, when I grow up and get married I'm living alone."

:) Smiling definitely helps

"But i lost a liar, hypocrit, cheater, insecure, jealous, manipulative, person who has hurt me far more then naught. She lost someone who trully loved her inspite of those flaws. Someone who forgave her mistakes. And someone who wanted to go through it every day with her for the rest of his life.
who is the real loser?"


If she is the loser, why are YOU thinking about her?
I did not meant, that you are the one who has problems.
But it´s just that you have to more independent.
Its hard for my to explain, because of the language, but I will try! :-D

The ex boyfriend of my friend cheated on her, and she was sad about that, but she changed her place, where she lived, got to know new friends and she lives her life. She found a new guy, who really cares about her. And her ex always calls her, wants to get her back, but she still thinks, that they had a great time, but it is over.
This is a good story with a happy end. She could do that, because she is independent and free to do everything she wants to.

My cousin, who cannot go out every weekend, who cannot change her place lost herself. Her ex boyfriend cheated on her, and now he is engaged, he also cheated on his feyonce with my cousin. He did really bad things to her. She could not forget him. And now she is another person: she is bitter, she had tooo much guys, which is a real problem, because we are moslems, although we are liberal ones, it is really hard to deal with the fact that you are not virgin anymore. So her life is destroyed, because she does not know how to deal with the fact, that somebody she loved has broken her heart in soooo many ways.
Her life is destroyed and now she changes the partners and she dates every guy.


Its up to you how you deal with disappointments. You have to learn to go forward.
She is a stupid person, because she lost you.
But THAT is 'HER problem, it should not be yours.

You have to ask yourself, if you are happy, and that is the most important thing.
I know that is selfish, but you have to get out of this.
And like I said to you, you have freedom. You can do that.

I think of her, both good and bad because I loved her with all my heart, and wanted to make her happy, wanted us to be happy. How I felt about her, in spite of the things she did to me, I'm sure most can understand is beyond words.

And so I think of the dreams we had, the moments we shared (good and bad) And the love we had. And no I'm not 'happy' yet, or secure enough or confident enough to just move on. Im not ready for new relationships, not ready to start over with someone new, or let them deal with the way I am now before I'm ready. No one deserves that.

I am working on my independence, and my happiness. Im walking forward and looking forward to what's in front of me.

I lost a dream, but I gained an experience.

Honey, you may have "lost a dream" but you gained the promise of a lifetime of love from a woman who can truly appreciate who you are. Truly blossom under the influence of that love and truly rest in knowing that you are completely and wholly hers and hers/yours.

You're going to make it, my friend.

Thank you :) I hope some day I meet that person. And I'm starting to believe, really believe, that I am going to make it. But I just got to take it one day at a time.

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

(Just thought you'd appreciate your own. ;) )

Yay me :)

-edit- you know what's really hard, is the memory of her in the pictures on her myspace with her new guy, and the comments for those pics like "hey you, i really like you" about her new guy. I recommend not trying to see how an ex is doing. You may want to know, but it will hurt so much more knowing. Seeing them ice skating, and at the zoo. Kind of makes me start thinking "hey she always wanted to do those things, I should have taken her, maybe things would have been different."

But then I remember she never wanted to cause she worried so much, and I barely had money because of her job hopping so I could only support us. We were in a low part of our relationship financially. Just needed time. I would have loved to do those things with her.

So I have those images stuck in my head. And they are like a poison. Im happy she is happy, in a "i love her and want the best for her" sense. But 'knowing' that she is, what she is doing. Doesn't help.

Last night got pretty bad emotionally, (listening to sad music don't help) but it wasn't as bad as the first month. I just worked out and concentrated on my game, prayed and made myself concentrate on something else or think of something else. I just didn't want to dream about her, asked God to not let me dream. Luckily I didn't.

Now anytime those images pop into my head, I immediately do something or think of my new motorcycle I'm getting, or the things I am going to do in Colorado.

It's hard, and this forum helps. Lol I even thought of home alone. Although for some reason I'm wanting to watch some top gun (maybe its cause of the motorcycle scenes) lol

When it ends, NC is best, don't try and find out how they are doing. It won't make you happy if they are sad, and it won't make you happy if they ARE happy. It's a lose/lose.

Have a Friday afternoon smile on me:

Marv: He's going to call the cops!
Harry: He's not callin' the - from a tree house?

Take care, Delow84, keep that chin up! We're all here for you... us at the HCPTC club... :)

Lol the HCPTC :) Im working on it, that club membership is a life saver. And your making me want to watch home alone now

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

---

Hey HC , I have no idea what one of these is but I would like one , can I?

If that's OK with Delow of course :-)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Hey HC , I have no idea what one of these is but I would like one , can I?

If thats ok with Delow of course :-)

---

OF COURSE!! Print it off. Frame it. Emboss it into your forehead... you, my friend deserve it as well! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

OF COURSE!!! Print it off. Frame it. Emboss it into your forehead... you, my friend deserve it as well! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have done the right thing.

By doing said "right thing", you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta boy!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

---

WOO HOO!. thanks :-)

Welcome to the club :)

LOL... Thanks Delow :-)

Kevin McCallister: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?
Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.
Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?

You guys are da bomb. :D

HCPTC unite!

Kevin McCallister: I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.

Ahh I'm definitely downloading.. I mean renting that movie tonight. I honestly stopped liking it as I got older (maybe the horrible sequels did it) but now I want to see it lol.

Sorry for the double post, felt it wasbetter then a whole new thread.
But what do you do with pictures and letters, old presents etc ? Honestly when I moved out of the apartment I not only grabbed my stuff, but all the little presents I gave her, cards with "ilove you" pictures poems, drawings etc. In hindsight that pretty much effectivly killed any chance she might randomly think of me. There is nothing left to remind her of me.

But as for me I have it all lol. And I burned everything she or I ever wrote to each other, and one night when I was drunk with my best friend, burned through a lot of pictures. But I just don't feel like burning everything. I still have pictures on computer, and emails saved. I deleted all her pics off my phone except one. I just don't know what to do with it all.

Just throw it all away? I am reminded of this question because today at my mothers house I saw a stack of photos I guess she just got developed, and there is my ex. On my 22nd birthday, and for halloween 06'. :(

Want to know what I did??

I found a beautiful box.. . one of those sentimental hat boxes that you can find at Ross or Target... and I lovingly placed everything that I was given by my ex. The canvasses he painted for me, the letters he wrote, the jewelry, the roses, all that beautiful stuff that he had given me. I put it in this beautiful little box, because I wanted to honor the time that we spent together. It ended horribly, HCTPC club was started for a reason - but I still wanted to honor the memory of a beautiful, loving relationship.

All these things stayed in this box for months... I'd take it down and look at it every once in a while.. . when I needed to feel the love again. Soon, I got to the point where it wasn't necessary - my box became a badge of my own healing.

I got rid of the box not too long ago...

Find yourself a beautiful box - one that honors the love that you feel/felt for her - and place everything in the box. You'll be glad you did... and you'll be glad that you have honored it...

In my ne'er to be humble opinion, don't throw it away until you're ready. :)

Happy Monday!

Thanks historianChick that sounds like a great idea. I think I will definitely do that this week. :)

Kevin: Hey, I'm not afraid anymore! I said I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore!

:D

Lately I been doing A lot to keep my mind and myself busy. I have picked up a lot of OT at work, so I am working almost the entire time I'm awake. 5-6 days a week. Which shows my employer I am dedicated but also keeps me from being bored, idle hands and all that. Also I get to reap the benefits come pay day. So I am one step closer to the motorcycle I want to get, to moving, and being able to enjoy HAVING money for a change.

I am finally out of the debt my ex and I got into when she was job hopping. I have been working out everyday and am actually pretty proud of the way I look now compared to 4-5 months ago. :) I am keeping my video game playing time down low because I believe that was a fault of mine, although I am going to buy a psp, because I can play games, listen to music and watch movies on it :)

Last night after a long day of work, I came home, and I was in a good mood. I may not have been 'happy' but I was confident that I was going to be OK.

So Id like to quote HC and Kevin. "I'm not afraid anymore!" I'll survive whatever is thrown my way, I am not afraid.

Yessssssss!! I'm proud of you! :)

You ever watch Home Alone, my friend? Or, The Holiday?

How's it all going for you?

The holiday you, haven't gotten a chance to rent Home Alone, working too much lol. Its all going OK. I had a dream about my ex last night. This one she saw me and I saw her but I walked away cause you know we arnt together and its hard. Well she came after me, came up to me and started hugging and kissing me. Like she hadn't seen me for years or something... in my dream I pushed her away, and I loved that moment, but I pushed her away.

Then I woke up.

I didn't cry when I woke up. I didn't say "God I hate my life". I got up, and started my day.

So how does that sound

Delow84... you're taking charge of your life, your emotions, your dreams, and your realities and, rather than focusing on the hurt and disappointments of the past few weeks, you're truly living in the moment.

You're getting up and starting your day.

You're surviving. Standing. Being.

You're doing great.

Couldn't agree more... I think your doing great.

Thanks guys. I honestly believe I wouldn't be doing so well if I hadn't made this post when I did. I'd probably still be wallowing in self pity.

But now I'm using all those feelings I had/have as my motivation in everything I do.

In the year and a half I have worked at my current job. This last 2 weeks was the first time I had a full 80 hours + OT (I use to leave 30 min early everyday and leave earlier when they would let me) The next 4 weeks I will have my 80+35 OT/2wks.

I feel like my inspiration to draw and write is slowly coming back. I am a lot more outgoing with people and friendly. I joined my workeds softball team (the game is sat, we haven't practiced and I'm the only one who knows what position I'm playing. Lmao) god that's going to be a slaughter.

Other then my psp I don't play games that much. Throw down a little on halo3 before bed but no more then 30 min. (unless I'm playing with my dad)... I really haven't been giving myself time to sulk. Which is good.

Sucks being a scorpio sometimes lol (read about scorpio and I am exactly how it describes)

A scorpio, huh? Being the complete cancer that I am, I am finding that (like you) this forum is again awakening a side of me that cancer personalities possess - the nurturing side. This forum helps more than we could possibly explain, doesn't it?

I've been abundantly blessed and indescribably nurtured through the receiving of - and giving of - advice here in this little corner of the e-world. Its amazing how many times what I type is just what I need to hear... this is a beautiful, healing place. (alright, I AM a girl, I can get sappy every once in a while, right? )

Its awesomely cool, isn't it? :)

I totally agree with you HC. This is a great site and I'm glad I found it.

So it's almost been 4 months since the split. The first 2 months I'd say were the worst. I had a cousin move in with me at my new apt so I wouldn't be alone (he is 19) and so he is of the mindset "lets go to a party, lets party etc" And seeing as when I was 18 riiiight when I was going to do all that, I got with ex, so I wasn't 'allowed' so I missed out on that stuff.

So those first 2 months I did some catching up on that part of my life. And although it was fun, it just isn't me lol. But at least now I know that I can go hang with some friends and drink some, or Sunday for the superbowl I can actually drink without a 2nd mother hovering over me.

These last 2 months are really when I am trying my hardest to keep busy (and constructive) I think maybe it was the night me and my friends were drinking heavy, and EACH of my 3 friends had an ex screw them over. So they got all depressed. Which sucked, and I got depressed. Well long story short everyone branded themselves on the chest.

Looking back its like duuuumb. But I've only drank once since and no way I'm letting my ex's memory have that kind of power over me.

So I set goals. A- get my motorcycle B- move to Colorado C- get skydiving certified D- mountain climbing/camping/fishing etc.

But it's easy to set goals, much harder to accomplish. What I think I've learned is nothing worth it comes easy, and nothing you have lasts forever. So got to do what you can, when you can and enjoy it.

So I am working 12-14 hours a day- 6 days a week. Working out for an hour everyday when I get home. Playing halo3 for like 30 min with whoever is still up. Going to sleep and repeating. It may not sound like much NOW. I am not running out doing all the fun things I want like my ex is. I've learned patience. In march I WILL get my bike, and ill have accomplished one of my goals, so I am excited and looking forward to it.

I will keep working hard (though not quite as many hours as now) and save so I can move this summer.

And lately it occurred to me, when I think of my ex, as much sadness as is mixed in those memories... when I picture her she just doesn't look the same. It's like the little things I overlooked when we were together, are blatantly obvious now.

She took an easy road, so she is happy now. Im on the harder road, I WILL be happier later. I will feel accomplished and confident in myself because what I am doing now. Then I will make memories WORTH remembering.


Bah just felt like venting some. I keep thinking of that diamond rio song the one about the broken road? Good song.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Delow84

And lately it occured to me, when i think of my ex, as much sadness as is mixed in those memories.... when I picture her she just doesnt look the same. It's like the little things I overlooked when we were together, are blatantly obvious now.

She took an easy road, so she is happy now. Im on the harder road, I WILL be happier later. I will feel accomplished and confident in myself because what I am doing now. Then I will make memories WORTH remembering.

---

Wow... You're awesome, Delow. You're such an inspiration for all of us that have been through it.

I think the most prolific thing you said in that post was "when i picture her, she just doesn't look the same." Wow. You've been able to step back, look at the situation, and re-evaluate your opinions. That is one of the hardest things to do.

You have taken the steps on that proverbial "harder road" and you're well on your way to the mountain top... via a hot, Top Gun bike! ;)

You are amazing. I'm proud of you. It's been such a privilege to observe your journey. Keep us up to date and never be sorry for 'venting.'

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

via a hot, Top Gun bike! ;)

---

Lol that is awesome. I am going to so have someone drive next to me and take a pic or something lol.

Here on my first 70 hour OT check I'm going to take a little out so I can go buy me a new wardrobe. Cause to be honest I haven't bought myself clothes (other then 1 hat and 1 pair of shoes) since I was 18... I'm 23 now. Thank God for parents buying clothes instead of the cool stuff.

I am doing a lot better then I was at taking care of myself, keeping my hair nice and shaving etc. been getting a lot of compliments which is cool.

It still sucks going to bed cause I dream of her every night. My only comfort there is that no matter which version of her is there (the one I love, and the one who doesn't know what love is) I always push her away, It's never a dream of us together.

And like the song neon moon I think, every sad song does seem to say what I think or feel. So I just pick the top 10 or 15 songs that are the most depressing. And play them while I work out.

Vday is coming up. Not looking forward to that. Ill prob pull a double at work. Maybe buy the ladies I work with flowers :). And I still have a lot of those moments in the car that I get choked up and tears spring to my eyes. Just one day at a time though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Delow84

Lol that is awesome. I am gonna so have someone drive next to me and take a pic or something lol.

---

Now that's a must! If you do, post it on here!

Flowers for the ladies you work with... that's so sweet. It's a great idea, too.

Music is amazing, isn't it? I've been playing Slide and Let Love In a lot... and Better Days... basically, I've been listening to Goo Goo Dolls! Lol! Although, I did buy some peppy music this morning and am going to download it to my phone for working out... you know, the good stuff for Cardio (Get the Party Started, I'm too Sexy :), Survivor, those kind)

Take care!

Don't forget "I will survive" lol Ive been listening mostly to the key songs throughout my last relationship. But I'm starting to mix in a few more upbeat ones.
Oh and definitely going to have to post those pics when I get them, I am looking around early to mid march getting my bike (still need to get my 'M' license, and well learn how to ride lol)

Anyway today is my Friday so prob be 2 more days before I post on here ( I try and stay off computer when at home) so I will see everyone laters :)

I bought a bike first, then learned how to ride, then got the M license... You can ride on the permit you know... That's what I did.

I have a GSXr 600 red/black (red is my favorite color, what can I say) The bike is awsome.

Although, now I want something faster... 1000 maybe :)

Good luck bud

Nice robert, you I'm prob going to just get my permit and then bike like a day after, I am shooting for a 07' GSXr 600 red and black also... that's my fav color combo lol. Isn't no way id get a 1000 id prob kill myself lol.

Maybe later. :)

I don't care how fast a bike is, how hot it looks, how amazing it sounds... I've just got to be able to hang on to a sweetie! :)

(Although, Choppers... wow... Sorry guys, I like the cruisers! Oooo... and red. It has to be red. Or black. Black works, too! ;))

Cruisers are nice, but on a fast back with a girl behind you, going fast, she going to want to hold on a lot tighter, and be a lot closer. Which is OK by me. :) Black and Red always good choices