It will only set you back to day 1... And I don't want to go back to that. As far as I'm concerned, she ended it and it was her choice... It's over unless she makes the attempt.. I'm not going through rejection again
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It will only set you back to day 1... And I don't want to go back to that. As far as I'm concerned, she ended it and it was her choice... It's over unless she makes the attempt.. I'm not going through rejection again
MLB, you need to start searching for another girl PRONTO! Use Myspace, use craigslist, use Yahoo personals, go out to a bar, laundramat, etc. Time for a date! She's making you wonder, is she? Time to make her wonder. She knows you're sitting around feeling miserable and waiting for her. THAT HELPS HER! Do you really want to help her get over you easily?
I wouldn't. Get out there soldier!
By the way, I was with a girl for 2 years. She dumped me, moved on with someone else for a week or two. It's called a rebound. I also moved on, and just as I was about to date someone else (she had no idea), she called me.
We're back together! So it happens.
I am in a similar position as we didn't officially say the words "We're through" this time and I guess I am still considered the dumper... (If you read my post, you'll see what I'm saying.)
I think, at least for me, it's better this way. I still wonder what he's thinking and if he feels like we're really done... (I don't think so... but I could be wrong.) If I were you, I would just go about my business and do what's best for you right now. That's what I'm trying to do.
If they have the realization that they are idiots and can't live without us... Great. We'll deal with it then.
Until then... gotta keep living somehow. I am hopeful that he does come back and I am strong enough to say No. I hope. I'm not there yet now though!!
Calling to get closure is an excuse to call and speak to her my man.
You have this idea that you NEED closure and so it convinces you that you MUST call for your own sanity or healing process. In reality you want to speak to her and hopefully she will respond with I miss you and want to see you or something like.
Your in a good position right now, although that may sound crazy to you at this point. You have no clue what she is up to, maybe she misses you, maybe she is with another guy? Chances are she is not ready to take you backand so calling her would be a huge disaster, yo will gain no information other than what she wants you to hear. If we have deduced that she is not ready to take you back than you can eliminate that response and that leaves us with only negative responses. IF she lets on about a b/f you will be kicking yourself for ever finding that out when the option to leave it alone was present.
I called my ex about a month after the break-up and she had alllll the power. I called to clear stuff up but deep down wanted to find out what state of mind she was in regarding her feeling for me. She acted like a complete dork, telling me how great she has been doing and this and that. Her voice gave it away but the lesson is that they too would like to be missed and if you call you take that role and they sit back and soak it up. DON'T be foolish, learn from others and stay away from the phone and her at this point.
Wonderful idea about imagination causing more problems than reality. My imagination had my ex-girl sleeping with all kinds of guys and this and that. The beauty of NC is thatyou will never know these things, to me that is better than anything right now:)
Then what do I do considering my ex still owes me $240! I will probably just write it off as a lesson learned lol
And yes BMI.. Ignorance is bliss... cliche but still works
Eura, you said that she needs to know I'm out with another girl maybe. Shortly following that you said that you and your ex were back together and it happened right before you were going to go out with someone new. However, you then said, that she had no idea you were going out... so, a little confused. You said she needed to know but then said your ex at the time had no idea.
Rome and bmi, I know you know what this is like. And yeah bmi your right and I knew why I wanted to call. I really do want her to say she misses me and yada yada but I also really would like for closure. When me and her broke up before (I did it for this same reason) she told me when we got back together that she didn't do anything with anybody because she knew if me and her would ever have another chance this would stop it from happening. I know you can't wait forever, but is there ever a reason to wait at all?? I mean, she may genuinly need some time who knows. Maybe I'm just a fool who know. Obviously not me
MLB,
Even though she may know that dating someone may kill your chances of getting back together, she may still doit or at least play that card. Sometimes you do what you want y'know, despite the advice given, I have been there too, evryone on here told me not to do what I was going to do and I did it anyway.
Whatever you decide to do I will understand and try my best to help out, but right now I got to try to talk you out of doing anything.
Yeah, I know I can do anything I want and it be OK you know? BUT, I don't want to do anything with anybody right now. Just not ready to, its been 9 days since we broke up and 9 days of NC. I really have a weird feeling she will come around. Maybe because when I broke up with her it took a month and a half but then I did realize everything. This is not to say she is going to but anyway back to the subject. I know that anything I do will be a rebound. I DO NOT want to jeopardize anything because of some rebound deal.
MLb that is very smart, I'm taking the same approach. I have met a great girl, and we really connect and text all day. She's a sweetheart, but I also know I'm not ready for a commitment yet, I still have very very strong feelings for my ex and know that if she came back, I would more than likely want to work things out with her. Until I get to that point I don't want to jump into a relationship
Yeah this blows, I just want to freakin know if she misses me. I know she misses me, I know she does and she is the kind of person that would tell me I think. I had a lot of pride, always have had a lot of pride, so has she, but it has never stopped us before from fixing an argument or something like that. So I don't think it's a pride issue. I just wonder if she is with this other guy. Wondering sucks. I mean I want to know, but I know that its in my best interest to just not know because that would absolutely be the last nail in the coffin you know? I wish time would move faster. Just so I would know what was going to happen with her.
Yea, or in my case I could go back and not start the stupid argument and realize hey, I need help with this jealousy issue before it was too late. But I can't change time, but time can change me. Which I am doing
Just got to breathe... that's what I keep telling myself.
It is awful... but nothing awful lasts forever.
WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT!
This is why I like talking to you two. Anything I say just gets blasted if its not that I hate her and blah blah. Anyway, thanks. I do want her back. I guess the NC thing is the absolute best way, not to win her back, but to see if she really does love me and miss me. I don't know anything else to do. Is that truly the best thing. I don't mean best for healing but best to see hwo she really feels? Any kind of contact is out of the question at this point right? Not for me (YES I know this is for me for all of you out there) but just what I said above
Sometimes the best "closure" is being strong within yourself and who you are and realizing that others can't take that away.
I wouldn't bother contacting her because she evidently made up the 'need space' excuse to let you down easy and she may have had this 'friend' waiting and doesn't want you to know until it is too obvious to deny. So where is closure with someone who isn't honest within the closure. Closure is just an excuse for prolonging the inevitable and can be a bigger heartache in the long run cause it is like self abuse.
Yea, sadly it is the best course of action. I mean how about getting woken up at 3 this morning with a friend saying "I have good news and bad news" so me thinking it's not about my ex says "ok what is it?" and she says "Brianna(my ex) last kiss was you, but she also says she doesn't want to date you again on the survey" I just didn't even reply to the text. People like that make me very angry, it's like thanks. I was moving on, but thanks for pushing me 10 steps back
Yeah, and see its so easy because I don't know you and your ex. So its easy for me to say just don't worry about it. But you cant! That is pretty dumb though and she might have sent it to get a response from you who knows. Just don't send anything back.
Yea, because me and her agreed when we broke up to still stay on each others friends list so we could be "mature" so I was like OK whatever... I don't look at her myspace or her bulletins strictly for that reason. I'm not going to give her the upperhand in responding to something as childish as a survey that I know she put up strictly to try and get a rise out of me. It won't work, I mean she used to put bulletins up about her last text that made her smile "no comment" and crap like that, that's why I stopped reading them. It would only make me want to text her and find out if she missed me
Sometimes I just want to call and be like "what the hell is going on here." "Is this it, I'm fine with it if it is the end, but I just want to know for sure so I can fully move on." Is that so bad to do?
Yea, just take it as she has ended it completely. This way you can start to move on and if she comes back then deal with the problems then. But don't open yourself back up, its hard but we can get through this.
What about valentines day.. I might make this a post. Its coming up in less than a month. And no Im not getting her anything haha. But what about a text or something. Would it have more of an impact if I didn't send anything? Im sure somewhere in her mind she will be thinking about me. Even if its wondering if I'm going to send anything or not.
Nope nope nope.
No sending anything. No texting. No calling. NOTHING!
Don't do this to create an "impact" on her... because if it doesn't have an impact, you'll be sorely disappointed. Do this so that you can feel better and move on with your life.
MLB... I thought about sending flowers without any sender information just to make her wonder.. who they are from.. but I think I'm going to go against that idea.. It will be hard, but we can do it buddy
Yeah. What will happen if you do send things/call them/text them?
1. she will respond. She'll say, THANKS, YOU TOO. Or something like that. You will think something's up... but really, you just kind of destroyed the NC thing.
2. she'll respond. She'll say STOP CALLING. You'll be crushed.
3. she won't respond. You'll be sad.
Im almost positive I would get the "thanks you too" response. She's a sweet girl. And Im not on here to bash her by any means. Sometimes it just doesn't work. But its just so weird because when we moved, she made all new friends at her work and all my friends are in the other town (everybody I work with is older haha). Anyway, so this is what led me to being too clingy. I was insecure about our relationship because of hwo she was acting so different so therefore I was needy. However, she was like this in the beginning of the relationship and like I said I broke up with her for it yada yada. I know that she knows how I feel. By doing the whole NC thing I just don't want to give her the "forget about us, I hate you vibe" so she might think we can't get back together even if she wanted. But I guess if she wanted to be with me she would make that effort to be.
Sorry got off the topic, but if I'm going for the getting her back make her miss me thing. I swear it sounds so retarded but I know she loves me. Maybe its just at a different level then I wish I have no idea but I know she does. So, do you think not sending anything for v day would imapct her in any way? I kind of think it would make her think... "why didnt I get anything from him has he forgot about me." And then, maybe I'm wrong...
Exactly, make her do some work. We have made our stance known before, we didn't end it so our love is still very much alive for her.
Yeah that's true. There's really no reason for me to think that she doesn't know but I just want to make sure she does know without contacting her... haha if you can figure that one out let me know...
You need to stay strong. As much as it hurts you have to remain in No Contact. From your previous posts it seems that she was pretty clear in what was going on. She asked for space now you have to give it to her. I know you would like some closure but in reality you already know the truth. The relationship is over and it's something you have to accept.
This doesn't mean that there isn't a possibility of things working out in the future, but as of now your relationship with this person is over and you need to move on. In a month or so she may call you back, it's happened before to different people, in fact it has already happened in your relationship. However, quit killing yourself and accept reality... you are not longer with this person.
I'm in a similar situation to you (aren't we all). My girlfriend broke-up with me a few days before Christmas and we haven't talked since then. Yet something keeps telling me that things will someday work out between us. Deep down I feel that we will get back together (sound familiar). Unfortunately, these are just feelings and they will not turn into anything more then that. Life simply doesn't work the way it does in the movies. As much as we would like it, our exes don't appear at our door sad and admitting that they made a mistake. There is no big reunion with a wonderful happy ending.
I don't want to crush all your hopes because no one knows what the future holds. She just may come back and the relationship will work. But for now accept the situation as it is: the relationship is over--no contact or closure is necessary--and move on with your life. These are the cards you have been dealt, sure they suck but play with them as best you can. And remember as hard as it is, stay positive because life is always dealing us a new set of cards and they may be some really good ones.
Ha ha... yea, hmm... I don't forsee that happening anytime soon but when I do I will be sure to let you know.. Maybe a billboard? But we might want to be a little bit more suttle
Ok so I've figured out that NC is for working on healing yourself. You and only you. Its all about my feelings not about getting them back yes I KNOW. But, what if I want her back? I totally understand your point about making her miss me, but is a suttle text so bad? Honestly, I'm not being smart here just trying to figure this out. Im telling you I get the NC thing so no need to explain that, BUT if I truly want her back shouldn't I just go for it and try to talk or something. ITs been NC for 9 days by the way.
No amount of contact will bring your ex-girlfriend back. In fact it will only push her further away and reinforce her decision. One thing you need to learn is that if someone truly wants to be with you then that person will make the effort. Unfortunately sometimes the only way for someone to find out if they want to be with you is for that individual to spend time away from you--in essence they are getting the gift of missing you.
As a I mentioned in your previous post your ex-girlfriend clearly said she wanted space, now respect that and give it to her. Do you want to know what will happen if you contact her or try to get her something for Valentines Day... well let me enlighten you.
A while back I had a girlfriend who told me she wanted space in early January. If figured it was just a break for now and that she just needed space. I decided that I would give her space by backing off but at the same time I would stay in touch so she would know I hadn't given up on our relationship. So I chose to contact her once a week (through e-mail or in person) because like I said I didn't want her to think I had given up on the relationship. In fact, her birthday was in mid-January and I bought her a small gift. No real harm came and she was friendly and said the gift was sweet. Wow, I really thought that things were going to work out. Soon enough though she stopped answering my e-mails and every time I tried talking to her she would be very cold towards me and do her best to avoid conversation.
This made me extremely sad and I thought of ways to try and fix it. Lo and behold Valentines Day was upon us and I was thinking if I didn't do something she would think I no longer had feelings for her. So I went out and bought her some beautiful flowers with a nice vase, a small teddy bear, a box of chocolates, and had it all sent to her home. She e-mailed me that same day telling me the flowers were beautiful but that I shouldn't have done that. I thought things would be okay because in the e-mail it seemed like she sincerely like the flowers. But then when I finally saw her in person she was angry and seriously meant that I shouldn't have given her a gift. I backed off for a bit, then tried talking to her again, but no luck I only made her angrier and she hated me even more.
With due time I eventually realized that the relationship had been over the moment she uttered the words that she needed "space and time." Me contacting her only made things worse. Please realize that if there is any chance of things working out between you two in the future then you just need to be strong and not contact her. She needs to miss you if she is ever to come back. There is an old saying with several different variations but the underlying meaning is the same: If you truly love someone then set her free, if she comes back then it was meant to be.
Thanks confused, I know that NC is probably the best advice. Hell, when I broke up with her she called a few times then backed off completely. I had my fun, did nothing stupid with rebounds or anythign along those lines just hung out with my buddies. One day, about a month and a half later, I could not stop thinking about her. I tried and I questioned myself and all that good stuff so I called and long story short we were back together. From the day we broke up, I haven't had any contact with her at all. 9 days now. She lives in the same freaking apt complex as me (on the other side). Its ridiculously hard but Im finally using my stubborn nature for something haha. Im not going to sit here and tell you how amazing our relationship was because we did have our ups and downs but we also loved each other. So I thought anyway. This breakup may be different because in the back of my mind I knew something had to happen or we were going to drive each other insane. So its for the best whichever way works out and I know that. Its just hard. Never been on this side before.
It's all a learning experience, a painful one, but a learning experience nonetheless. Just take it one day at a time and keep yourself as busy as possible. Live your life and eventually since you both live in the same complex you will no doubt run into her. When that happens just stay relaxed ask her how she's doing, chat for a minute, then let her know that you have to get going but that it was really nice to see her.
I hope that she comes back to you and that the relationship is stronger because of this break. But remember, life doesn't work as it does in the movies, so don't sit around waiting around for something that may not happen. In the end that no one knows what the future holds, it's all a mystery, but that's what makes life so exciting.
You know what you should do? Buy like a pint of ice cream and get the movie SHREK and just... pig out! Yeah.
I'm... so kidding by that.
I don't know about you guys, but I've lived in this city for the past... 8 years now and I just realized... I haven't been to any of the "tourist" attractions here. So... I made a plan. Once a month, I will visit a tourist attraction... whether it be by myself or with a few friends, I'm doing it.
Also, once a month, I will do something cultural. Go to a museum, an art gallery, whatever.
Once a month, I will go out to a bar. Granted, I'm in college and I should be getting pissed drunk every other night, but I have a relatively rough class load this semester and I really need to study... almost every waking hour (the hours I'm not on this forum).
Just like that, I covered 3 out of 4 weekends a month. The fourth weekend will be up for grabs.
Oh, and I'm still hitting the gym every day.
Yeah I'm doing the same thing. Visiting new locations, such as restaurants and tourist attractions. It'll be a good way to spend the time, but what's even better is that by the end I'll know all the best places to take a girl to when I finally decide to start dating again. You just can't lose.
That's a great way to look at it, I might start doing that too, going to places where I live. But you when someone says they need space... usually NC is the only way to go. I know from experience as well that contacting them makes things worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by confused25
Ever heard the saying set them free, if they come back it was meant to be? Well live and enjoy your life, if it was meant to be it will be, if not your still enjoying your life.
That IS funny isn't it? I think everyone who has ever been brave enough to put their heart out there has felt this pain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, KNOW this. It will NOT go on forever. You WILL get over this if in deed this is the end. Maybe after a suitable amount of time, you could contact her just as a , "thinking of you and wanted to say hello" kind of thing. Are you okay with just having her in your life as a friend? Or, would that hurt too much. When is her birthday? Keep that date in mind and call her or send a card. Believe me, she will be touched.Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
MLB, hasn't been back since the 28th of Jan. so we have no updates .
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