Yea, her best friend was actually hurt that I didn't talk to her anymore and that I deleted her from my myspace account. So we began talking and she asked if I was still taking my courses and I said yea I am, just passed my first one. And she goes that's good "So what you going to do about Brianna(my ex)" and I said I miss her, but she wanted space and said there is no shot in the future so I'm letting go and giving up on it. And she responds by "You never know what the future holds if you fully change this time" I wanted to scream at her and say "your her best friend, of course you freakin know" but I just said yea, you're right but it's best I give her the space that she requested and we both take a look at our lives

It seems like she was kind of fishing for info, but I think you did good, and you held your tongue with that comment. Good for you! How old are your ex and her friend by the way?

My ex and her friends are 20... Basically, what they do is hang out at each others houses and drive around(well that's what she did before she met me). I kind of figured she was fishing for info and was taken aback by that comment she gave me and it stuck with me awhile as to what she meant by it... But I'm over it now.. Still don't know what it means though ha ha

I could only assume she wanted you... in the future of course. But as we all know, the time has a way of changing things. And by the time you are ready, she might not be. And vice versa. So I wouldn't dwell on it too much. Just keep doing what you're doing. You seem very strong. :)

Yea, I am getting by. I know what she means by in the future. Because I had a habit of "masking" my change and it would only be for like 2 weeks then back to the old jealousy J/O so she may be hesitate about it. I'm just going to keep doing my N/c and handling my jealousy and see where life takes me... That's weird your're from PA... May I ask where about?

I'm from a small town located between State College (Penn State) and Williamsport (Little League World Series). What about you?

I live right outside of Trenton, NJ... My grandmother used to live an hour away from Williamsport until she moved... She would constantly complain about the weather during the winter ha ha

Yeah, the winters are pretty crappy. But actually, it hasn't been too bad... YET. Lol.

I can't wait for spring. :)

Yea I love nice weather, I can live with fall and spring. I hate summer too darn hot and then winter to darn cold sometimes

Yeah, that's how I feel too. I like the mild seasons. I think we live in the wrong part of the country lol.

Ha ha yea... Maybe Cali is the right place for me, Ive always wanted to live there anyway

Yeah after the ex dumped me I contemplated moving to either nyc, cali, or North Carolina. I think I would like NC. I decided I'm not going to make a hasty move just yet, so I held off.

Yea, my friend lives in NC and it's beautiful down there.. I love it, NYC, ehh not for me.. Too busy and expensive, I don't like feeling rushed all the time

Yeah, the fact that it's too expensive and I'm too much of a tight wad made me decide that I don't want to live there after all. :D

Ha ha... Yea I'm a tight wad too.. I don't see the reason to blow money of stupid things... Of course that is all null and void for my Avalanche collectibles.. That is when obsession takes over :-)

It's true, your personal thoughts and feelings are YOURS and no-one else's - you are in control. Be polite, be light-hearted, be pleasant. If you feel uncomfortable with a subject matter, change the subject, ask her about her day etc.

You're doing great, keep being good to yourself as a priority and everything will get a tad easier day by day.

Yea, I am getting better every day. I was really taken aback by her being hurt I stopped being friends with her, I know everything I say will go back to my ex. So I have to be kind and friendly without sounding desperate so I just say I miss her, but realized we both need time to ourselves to think about what we want and what we should do with our lives.

Lol... yeah we all have our obsessions. Lol. What are Avalanche collectibles?

MY favorite hockey team.. Colorado Avalanche ha ha... I collect just about anything and everything that has to do with them.. My room is like a hockey hall of fame... It's actually funny... but pathetic at the same time

Ooooh I see. Lol, well that's not pathetic, and obsessing over sports beats obsessing over a girl any day. :)

Exactly... I think her breaking it off during hockey season really helped... Because now I just get bored and turn on a hockey game. Center Ice is great for that :-)... So what do you do for fun

What do I do for fun? Lol you're looking at it. :) pathetic I know. ;) lol

Nah not pathetic... I think this site is keeping my sanity right now, being able to come on while I'm at work and express my feelings and help others. It's a good thing

I'm not sure why, but today I have just felt horrible. Granted, I haven't broken NC but lord knows I want too... I know it won't do any good, so I keep trying to replay horrible instances in our relationship, something just to dull the pain. I'm at the point where I want to say I don't love her as much as before but the truth is I love her the same if not more. Last night I thought I was doing well, finally fell asleep and got 3 hours of sleep and then woke up and was actually able to eat something. Now I'm at work, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. This isn't really a question or anything, but mainly a venting of sorts so I don't break that NC. I just don't see how one day I am perfectly fine and then today I feel like I'm back at square one

Yeah, you're going to have days like that. Where one day you are up and the other you are down. You will notice an increase of up days as time goes on. What helped me was filling my schedule up as much as possible. I have so much downtime at work sitting at a desk, and it's easy to just think about things. So it's nice to have the rest of the day filled with stuff. Right now I'm going on 71 days NC. It used to be a horrible thing watching the number get higher, but now I rather enjoy it. Lol.

Go outside. Look up. You see that sun?

It's there, no matter how awful or depressed you feel.

Its going to continue shining tomorrow, when you feel back on top of the world again.

Its going to set in a breathtaking sunset this evening, but still be there, awakening the opposite side of the world with its morning rays.

Its going to bring the Spring and the gorgeous, sparkling dewdrops of tomorrow's dawn.

Even if its rainy and gray where you are, its still there. Even when you can't see it, it's there... It may be hidden behind a cloud, but its still there.

As are we. Your support network is still here. Even though you can't see us, we're here.

This little poem was found on a wall in Cologne where Jews were hiding from Nazi troops:

I believe in the sun
Even when
It is not shining

I believe in love
Even when
I cannot feel it

I believe in God
Even when
He is silent

Go look at your sun. Let it remind you that your support is always here. :)

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm still having those days, even after I thought those days had ended. Just when I thought I was good like you said it just hit me like a ton of bricks. But don't end your NC otherwise you'll go back to square one. Along the lines of what HistorianChick said, this is one of my favorite lines of all time from any movie and you can apply it to all areas of life not just relationships, its from Cast Away:

"I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

Thanks guys! It's good to know that I have people here that support me, while some of my friends say just to pick up the phone and call her. Which I will not do... No way will I go that route and start back at day 1. Thanks for the poem Historian and the quote DMB, Mafia, thanks as always for being there for me. I hope I have the strength to make it to 71 days. I do whatever I can to keep my mind busy, joggin, writing, the gym... People say it's unhealthy how addicted to the gym I am now lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Thanks guys! It's good to know that I have people here that support me, while some of my friends say just to pick up the phone and call her. Which I will not do...No way will I go that route and start back at day 1. Thanks for the poem Historian and the quote DMB, Mafia, thanks as always for being there for me. I hope I have the strength to make it to 71 days. I do whatever I can to keep my mind busy, joggin, writing, the gym...People say it's unhealthy how addicted to the gym I am now lol

---

No prob ;)

And by the way, the next time someone says it's unhealthy how addicted to the gym you are... tell them it's not nearly as unhealthy as being addicted to her. Lol. :D

LOL! I agree, mafia, although I'd tend to want to show of the results of the gym in addition to the comment!

Get a six pack, Rome, then no one will say its unhealthy! They'll just be envious! ;)

I know exactly what you mean. Its been about a year for me after getting out of a six years relationship. I guess my feelings comes more out of anger and how disrespected I felt, and sometimes still do. Not out of love at all. In the beginning I did think it was love though. Looking back now I'm glad my ex and I broke up. I'm just not cool with how things went down though. In a way I guess I'm just venting like you are because I'm at work sitting at my computer and feeling bored. Lol... but in another sense I would say stay strong and continue to analyze what happened in your relationship. I really don't think people do this enough. I've actually written vignettes, taken long walks, listened to music, spoken to my elders and friends, to try and figure out what happened so that I don't make the same mistakes twice. Stay occupied and use this time for yourself. My plan is to improve myself so much so that any woman would be lucky to be with me. But unlike you, all I want is a face to face interaction where my ex apologizes wihout me having to ask for it. I might not ever get it but at least I know I don't EVER want her back. So, study your situation, talk to yourself if you have to, and do anything that you think will give you the answer you are searching for. Once you have your answer things will get a lot easier. I know you have had people post and tell you to stay active.. well, don't just stay physically active by jumping from one thing to another. Stay mentally active too. Stop and think, critique, analyze your situation, study other couples, read articles and books dealing with your issue. These are the things I've done and honestly when I look back at how I used to be I can't help but laugh at myself and the role I played in my previous relationship. Relationships should be fun because you are always learning; not depressing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

LOL! I agree, mafia, although I'd tend to want to show of the results of the gym in addition to the comment!

Get a six pack, Rome, then no one will say its unhealthy! They'll just be envious!! ;)

---

Yep!! Show them all!! :)

Ha ha for some reason I was not able to give rep points to any of you, they really need to change that!. Yea, I am definitely working on the 6 pack. It's starting to show a lot that I go to the gym with me getting bigger and more fit looking so that's a good thing. I do whatever I can to both stay mentally and physically active. I think I will resort to video game playing when I am home and not at the gym to keep my mind off things. And I agree, being addicted to the gym is a whole lot better than her. I sit back and think of how much I was crawling when we first broke up and was like that was a chump move.

I agree - the greenie system needs to allow multiple greenies in a row... I've found that you can only give one to a person every five or so greenies. Basically, if I want to give a greenie and it says that I have to spread it around, I have to give four other greenies before I can come back and give the original intended greenie!

(wow... that's a lot of "greenies" in that sentence... lol! :))

Ha ha I know... It's weird, the best advice comes from the majority of the same people, they need more greenies!

I wish you could be as proud of yourself, as I am, as the way you have handled your bad day, is truly an inspiration to others, as the way to go. Of all the things you could have done, and regretted later, you chose to come here, and vent, and get support, AND support others, which is a reflection of your healing, and growth. Well done.

I feel like without this website there would be a lot of miserable co-workers out there who were sick and tired of hearing people like us venting and talking about this so much. On that note, thank god for the internet. Not to mention this takes much valued time away from staring at pie charts and analyzing bar graphs. Life is good.

LOL! Hear, hear, DMB!

Or, from writing history... my editor is going to kill me if he ever finds out how much of my "extra" time is spent on here... But, it keeps my mind sharp... right? ;)

Yea, I think my friends and co-workers would be stabbing me in the ears and duct taping my mouth closed due to this whole situation. I think there is an added comfort level to know that I am not the only one going through this so I don't feel so alone

Yea I'm pretty sure half of my salary goes to time spent on this website, yikes.