And I blocked her
|
And I blocked her
IF you want her back but not right now (I'm not sure you really do want her back in this case), then I say you should talk to her and tell her the absolute truth: Tell her that you want to be with her, but you she hurt you so badly that you are having trouble getting past it. Tell her that she needs to be patient with you, let you heal, and then you will contact her. In the South, we call this a polite version of eff off.
However, I am not so sure you really do want to get back together with her. If you want to date other people, which it sounds like that is what you really want to do, then you absolutely need to go no contact. You will date other people, meet someone even better, and get on with your life. She will regret her mistake. You will be with someone entirely different in 90 days and be asking yourself what you ever saw in her. If, however, at the end of this 90 day window you want her back, you will find that she has met someone else and asking herself what she ever saw in you.
But, if you see this woman as your wife in the future (and you are over the age of 27) then contact her, let bygones be bygones, and plan that future. If she is the "one," you rarely get second chances. The no contact thing can blow up in your face big time in the case of the "one."
Keep ignoring her, don't respond to her and kill that urge you have to talk to her. You've made it clear what you want and the only way to get it is to completely ignore her.
Well done!
We cannot give love and respect without love and respect... She knows this deep down but is lashing out to make herself feel better... you have allllllll the time in the world to respond... enjoy this position. Once you give it up - you may not like it...
As I always say - IFFFFF she is the one, you don't have to worry, you'll find each other.
If not, and I doubt she is :-) - you are buying valuable time to get your head together.
Well today is the first day since we fought that she hasn't sought contact with me. I feel like even though I was not answering I was hooked on her calling kind of as an ego boost. Could I be making a mistake in not talking to her and hearing out why she is calling? I feel like such a drug addict, haha, needing my fix!
Is it possible that she is done thinking about me? I want her to miss me like I miss her! I know it sounds bitter, but while she was contacting me I knew she missed me.
Well, not to put too fine a point on it but:
a)-She misses having someone to yell at.
b)-When she calms down she'll miss having someone to talk to before she yells at them.
c) And if you really give her time she may find that she's stuck with yelling at herself and that may be boring.
Enjoy your quiet time. She is NOT.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyP409
If you want her back, take her back. She wants you is clear. It's that simple don't hurt her like she hurt you. Life is too short for games take her back:)
Mora, she dumped me. She has started to see someone else. I don't think she is completely over me, and if I could take her back I would. Don't you think if she wanted me back she would leave a message?
She's past me I think, I want to heal myself become friends with her down the road and possibly get back together in the future if we both live in the same area (or as Ash says, that's what I want now, but won't later).
It seems like its all sinking it, which is great. Follow Ash's awesome survival guide and you will be fine in no time.
Friends, I'll keep you all updated on the situation. It looks bleak that I will talk to her anytime soon (in the next few months). I am going to a bachelor party tomorrow and spending the weekend with friends. I will post again afterwards to update, although I doubt she will have contacted me again, it seems like we are done and now respecting the space that we both wanted, and now need, in order to appreciate what we once had.
Once your pride heals - then your ears can!
Man, you should thank that guy!
So after the long weekend away, I find this whole no contact thing to be a little easier even though I get some urges to talk to her. I've thought about writing her a letter and trying to put everything out there for her to see, but I've refrained. It is still hard when I am by myself. I always find my thoughts drifting towards her and towards wanting to call her because that's what I did when I was alone before. A five hour car ride by myself on Thursday was torture.
All I can think about is that some douchebag guy, and I know he is a meathead is experiencing what I used to love, and he means nothing to her more than a way to satisfy her feelings of inadequacy, more so that I could do because I was 4-5 hours away a lot of the time. It sucks, but I've met a new girl that I think I am going to hang out with soon, so hopefully becoming friends with her will help me forget about the ex.
Stay on the path to healing, and enjoy yourself along the way, and be cautious of using others to heal your wounds. Be honest as causing pain to another will not help your own feelings right now. Continue to leave the ex alone, so as not to lose focus.
I have an undeveloped role of film of me and her from when we were dating and a shirt of hers. I was thinking that after a month of no contact I'd write her a letter telling her I don't hate her and actually that I miss her, and give her the good pictures and her shirt as well. Maybe try to restart some of her feelings with that, or at least hopefully have her miss me a little.
For one you could stop freaking talking about her, and get busy doing something else like polishing your shoes, or something that gets you busy, like the park or anything. You will drive yourself crazy this way.
Don't send the pix.
You oughta send 'em to the new guy with a box of chocolates and THANK HIM!
... for saving you from another year of yelling and hurt eardrums.
It's his hell now... He might as well enjoy the chocolates, you are free.
You are on her mind, don't worry... She is filling in the space because she is too immature to take the time to grow in between relationships.
However, You are.
Surprise: I'd bet your next GF is better than her. Really!
She contacted me on gmail today. It's been 8 days since her last attempt. All it said was "we still not talking?" I don't get it, she knows I asked for space, she lives 5 hours away, and she's doing someone else... leave me alone! Why is she contacting me again, and should I just talk to her again and tell her to leave me alone and give solid reasons?
No you already told her you need space that's enough. She should be respectful of your needs. Considering that she's not it just shows how little concern for your well being she really has.
I would also not send the pictures. I wouldn't even develop the roll of film just toss it and if you feel its necessary mail the shirt back to her no note just the shirt
Can anyone think of why she is still contacting me if she says she is over me (when we fought before all this NC started)? She is hooking up with someone else now...
She is trying to keep you confused so you can't move on. That's why its important for you not to contact her. She is wanting you in her life as a back up plan in case it doesn't work with this new guy.
Indeed... You win. She is trying to juggle and as long as you don't give in - she's going to drop those batons... enjoy being done.
I win? Trying to juggle? Juggle What? Being done?? I feel like I'm being a complete jerk and an... on top of missing her again... hahaha how is that winning or being done? I'm not going to give in. I just hope I'm not making her hate me, and in fact doing the opposite.
Johnny, Do not contact her to tell her to leave you alone. It's been over 6 months since she broke up with me. Months 2 to 5 in she started driving past house waving keeping me confused. I contacted her a couple of weeks into the 5th month. Asking every time she drives by she looks so sad. Supposely she has a new boyfriend now, but I can tell you I regret contacting her. I have been unavaliable to her and I have not seen her in about 3 weeks.
This all goes against everything I feel in my body and mind.
JOHNNYYY -
Hate you?! Why would you possibly care?
Attention is what she wants for her ego - not for your relationship.
The only thing she could possibly stew about is... silence.
Don't be a sucka'.
Let her imagination work.
WALK... RUN... SPRINT... and don't look back.
Better to learn now than later that once you've been wronged - your job is over.
She's fired. DO NOTHING>>>>>NOTHING>>>>NADA.
Peace
When you are 70 - you can send her a picture of your grandkids (good news: they won't look anything like her!)
Ash, So her contacting me has nothing to do with her wanting me still?
No it has to do with her knowing that you still want HER. She doesn't want you anymore she just wants to know if she wanted you she could have you. Some women do this after a breakup. It gives their ego boost to know their ex is pining for them
Damn it... I want her to want me back! HaHa, I don't even know if I'd take her back... But I would feel better about all of this if I knew she still cared a little.
Ya Johnny, I don't want my ex back but would like to know if she still cared too.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyP409
It has nothing to do with anything - she is a kid who wants to think all guys love her and there is no accountability... she likes you and him... and any guy that will chase her.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyP409
She is "doing" another guy?
Dude - You are in HoTown: Population: YOU.
Move to another town.
Yo, OK I understand she is a ho. Anyway, this is kind of funny and an ego boost for me. I usually don't go on AIM since our no contact started, but I signed on today to talk to friends. I'm going over to a girls house soon named Stephanie. I put in my away "going over to Stephanie's then out to dinner. Jeff call me about tonight" After a few minutes she blocked me... doesn't this show that it bothered her?? I hope so! Hahaha I know, that's immature, but it makes me feel like I'm getting to her like she gets to me when she tries to contact me. I'm playing the game back!! I've never been one to play the game, but its kind of fun!
I know it's wrong but I am also playing the game back a little.
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
It works... games are not generally functional or advisable --
But ho's got to be played by pros.
I would move on big time. I think she meant every word she said to you and her words were true, but she now can't bear to be alone. She clearly has no respect for you or your feelings. How is your self-respect holding up? You will meet somebody who thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. You go back to her and your back on a rollercoaster. Intense, exciting, but not good.
You need to stop caring about if what you are doing is effecting her. She is a child so yes she is mad that you are not giving into her tantrums. She is acting like an insolent child. Do you want to date someone who acts like a big fat baby when they don't get their way.
She is clearly desperate for attention is doing anything she can short of standing in front of your house dressed in neon lights with a sandwich board that says "PAY ATTENTION TO ME". She obviously has some very low self esteem and needs men to desire her in order for her to feel good.
How 'bout you just let her ruin someone else's life and you go on and find an awesome laid back chick?
Thanks Glinda you are so right, and I want to meet an awesome laid back babe. I want to get rid of my feelings for her before then though (don't get me wrong I have been going out and meeting new people, nobody that I'm super interested in though for being more than friends). These feelings I have for the ex now though are more like hatred, and I hate having them. Is this normal do you guys think? I want to be normal feeling towards her eventually, like if I bump into her I want to be able to say "hey whats up" and not want to dropkick her in the face (I would never do this, but feel like it sometimes).
Thanks for the advice though!
Anthony, myself respect is actually better than ever. I started a pretty good fitness routine and can see results in myself already, and I have grown enough guts to actually go up to women now and just talk casually, haha, never before was I able to do this! So that is good.
I think you naturally move on to hate since it seems so different from love. You'll know you are over her when you move to indifference. People think hate is the opposite of love but with hate there is still some flame. You'll be indifferent in no time :)
So this is weird. I kind of had a relapse this weekend, and thought about her a lot, but still did not contact her. I went on a date and made sure she would know about it. But here it is, I'm getting ready for bed and SHE CALLS! I ignored it of course, thennn I turn on the radio to set my alarm for the morning and OUR song is playing... hahaha I know I'm being a girl its just a coincidence, but could things get any harder?
It happens all the time. You are going along doing awesome then BAM you get kicked back to a bad spot. Just don't wallow in this space recognize it and go okay, okay I get it I'm not at 100% yet and just keep moving forward.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:49 PM. |