 |
With me, it's more movie/tv shows. I'm a movie fanatic... and I can no longer watch a movie anymore. Is that weird? Yep.
I've switched over to music. I likey.
Currently, my situation's not too good. I got the flu... so I'm stuck in my bed for the next couple of days.
Yeah, our song was like "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. And the day after we broke up, I woke up to it, then when I got in the car to go to work it was playing, and then when I got to work it was playing... I hated that day so much... but I guess it was kind of funny thinking back to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Yeah, I can't watch "The Break Up" or "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" anymore... not really my favorite movies... but they were decent.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
P.S. isn't it funny how this site consumes your life.
Hey, I have an excuse. I have the flu. I have a life!. or so I think...
Hey Seneca,
Facebook and social networking sites are the devil when it comes to break-ups. The SNOOPING has to stop my man. I wrote ALLLLLLLLLL about snooping my ex's wall on this site and it turned me into an obsessive freak (I'm sure those that know my story are agreeing:). I spent hours and hours a day looking for hints and checking all the people she spoke to and her ex-boyfriends profile, honestly I was out of control. I had Facebook blocked from my computer and Myspace. I can no longer use them because of the insanity of it all.
DON'T repeat my mistake, delete the thing or get rid of her profile cause it will make what you have to do an infinite amount of times harder.
As for the actual situation, I don't like what she is doing and I feel for you, I really do. HOWEVER, it seems like you have convinced yourself that she is sooooo happy with him and that he made her forget you in 10 days, Nonsense to that say I.
It is always the perspective of us guys to think that our ex's are happy and free and thatthey are doing all kinds of things with all kinds of guys. I thought her writing hello to an ex was basically because they were sleeping together, our minds jump to the worst case scenario. She is happy, she does not miss me, etc. In reality, no girl/guy is exempt from loneliness or heart ache, if you miss her chances are in many ways she misses you. Her seeing another guy so soon after is an indication of how emotionally stunted she is, she is with him to help get over you, so be a little proud of that (although it sounds weird... lol).
Just because it does not seem like she cares about you based on her actions, I'll wager she does, she's human. Show me a guy/girl who cared about someone andspent years with them that can honestly say after a month they feel nothing for the other person, if you can find one I'd love to sit and chat with them.
Finally, I really like 2 of my ex girls, A lot. If they wanted to try again I would not hesitate, but I gave up on it. What I'm trying to say is that even though I have feelings for them I won't make that known from now until... well... ever. Just because one does not act a certain way does not mean that's how they feel.
Hope this all makes sense.
Id have to say that snoopying is not the best thing. Because we normaly find stuff we don't want to find :( and it does hurt!
that's why I never stay friends with my Xs. Because I couldn't even dear to dream that there with anyone else! :)
I agree. I hate FACEBOOK! Its awful you can find out everything :( how can anyone stand to see there Xs happy! :)
all the people that have sent me all this stuff ohh I love you and yeah were ideal together blah blah bling bling blah!
Words are cheap now a days..
in my strange mind my X went out with a crazy looking dude. So that made me feel a lot better. Hehe
its good you got it off you chest though :)
Regards
Wait a minute... How did you get into your girlfriends inbox on Facebook? You must know her password... yes? I think there is a big difference between visiting a myspace/facebook page and accessing their personal profiles...
I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have done that. Its not "snooping" if you visit a facebook/myspace page. That, sadly, happens a lot in break-up situations, I've done it myself now and again. But, to actually access someone's personal page by inputting their password... that's snooping.
Anyway... this is beside the point.
She is needy and in a rebound relationship. You shouldn't compare yourself to him. I'm so sorry that you had to see that same email to another guy. I know that had to seriously hurt. But really darlin, you're going to be fine. You got the better end of the deal on this one. Don't hurt yourself more by looking at her page. As hard as it is, you'll feel much better when you don't.
Keep your chin up - and don't log into her Facebook anymore! ;)
Or, wait a minute, did she actually have that email/comment ON her Wall? Wow... that's a definite low blow if that's the case...
I'm sorry, hon. You shouldn't have to deal with this... save yourself. Don't look.
Yeah, we set it up together so I do know it... I felt awful, because I know that that's a total invasion of privacy and stuff. I've only looked like twice, and I don't think ill do it again, ill just start ranting or something on this site next time I have nothing better to do. I know it was wrong, but I did it anyway... what can I say...
Anyway, I have deleted her as a friend, and I hardly ever use Facebook anyway just because I think its dumb. Its just when I have nothing to do I start to wonder... and I know I should just get busy when that happens, but I doubt it will anymore because classes have just started back up for me and with school, work, friends, and hoes, I think her Facebook will be the last thing on my mind.
652 posts in 2 months... I would say you lead a very fulfilling life, haha. I kid.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Damn. I've been caught.Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
Believe it or not, this site is very therapeutic. I saved thousands here by not going to therapy... I never believed in therapy... but I also come from a family that doesn't believe in hospitals unless something's broken... and even then, it has to be bad enough that the bone sticks through the skin. Anyway, yeah.
Still sick. Still in bed. Just found out today that TV these days has gone straight to hell. I have 120 something channels... and NOTHING to watch between 10am - 6pm. Goodness.
LOL, same here!! I would hate to think how much I would have spent over the last nine months if I had gone to see a therapist!Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
But anyway, Yeah Ihatewestseneca, try to keep busy so that you don't feel tempted to try to find out things about your ex. When mine first broke up with me, I tried to find out all I could about what was going on with him. Big mistake! He started seeing his best friend a month after he left me, and in trying to find out about their life together, All I did was torture myself and cause more pain on top of what I was already feeling... I definitely agree with a post comment that Maffiaangel180 made... Ignorance truly is bliss. I would much rather be ignorant than constantly hurting. Luckily I've finally reached the point in regards to him that I really don't give a *bleep* :p
Never look back always look forward :)
Being stuck in the pass is just painful.
I agree Ignorant is BLISS :) when it comes to Xs chicadees
Whether you realise it or not, what you discovered is actually a good thing. Even though it hurt like hell, the reality is, it showed her true colours - she is a player. The adage goes - the truth shall set you free.
Even if everything you read was true, bear in mind that whirlwind romances often finish just as abruptly as they start. And she probably started the relationship so she could get a 'quick fix' from feeling the effects of the break-up (otherwise known as a rebound relationship).
Rise above this, and realise you are the better person. I too had the compulsion to keep checking my ex's Facebook, and it hurt me as well. If you can't stop yourself from checking her Facebook, remove the temptation altogether and delete your profile, at least temporarily until you can get past this point. I deleted mine and won't put it back up again until I don't care anymore.
Facebook and Myspace were the WORST after my boyfriend broke up with me. He immediately got in a new relationship too. Do yourself a favor and don't look. If you're feeling tempted just come here and vent! Read through the posts here and look at all the people who support you. It will lift your spirits and you'll realize you don't really care what's on her Facebook anymore. Hang in there!
So I was thinking about the break-up... naturally, haha. I never really got a straight answer from her, because she just wanted to take a break, but she would call me and stuff. So then I told her that I can't be her friend during this break, and she was upset, then NC started.
I'm not trying to justify any reason to call her and ask if we are absolutely done or not. After seeing what she's wrote to that other guy, I don't really want her anymore. I just can't help wondering if moving on would be easier if she had told me straight up if she wasn't interested anymore. Cus when she came over before she went back to school she told me that she was still interested in me, but she was just confused. That's the only answer I got, that she was confused. Judging by her messages to that other guy, its hard to tell if she is interested in me anymore or not. So yeah, I think it would be easier if she would just say "No, i dont want to be with you anymore". Guess, ill just have to wait till she tries to contact me, if she does... haha, bad day...
*sigh* its funny how a simple email will send me running to this site. Haha. Today is exactly a month of NC, and yeah, my ex sent me an email... it reads...
"hey, i dont really know how to do this... i know you need to be able to heal and that its hard when i contact you. right? i guess i just want you to know that i dont expect anything from you and i understand everything you must be feeling. i dont know, i want you to know that i still care and that i havent forgotten about you. so you dont have to write anything back, obviously, i just dont know what the right thing to do is.. i mean in terms of showing you that i hope youre doing well."
What the crap... I love how she thinks I'm still that depressed loser she saw when she left... and I don't think there's any way for her to understand, after all I was her first boyfriend... unless her new guy dumped her already.
Anyway, is this her "coming around" thing, or is she just curious? I was seriously shocked when I checked my mail today, I didn't expect to hear anything until she came home for the summer, because I figured she'd be bored this summer away from her "amazing" school and her new guy.
But yeah, do I write back just saying I'm doing good? That I'm actually starting to get over her? Or should I just ignore this?
Thanks in advance for the wonderful advice I'm about to receive!
It really all depends on how you feel. If you think you're completely over the situation, and you feel that you care for her enough to let her know how you're doing and such, then go for it.
But when you say how she has a new guy and everything and you're not sure if she's bored now or something like that, by all means trust your heart and don't say anything in return to her.
It depends also who broke up with who? If she dumped you for another guy, by all means don't even give her a thought in your head. But if it's the other way around then as long as you're OK with it and you do care about her give it a shot.
She broke up with me over "long distance" but days later (maybe the same day or maybe before she broke up with me) started dating this other guy she met at school. We went out for 2 years, and I'm not over her, I'm starting to get over her, because she's not on my mind 24/7, more like 15/7. I still love her because our relationship was just so great, and she really did make me a better person.
I want to tell her that she can't possibly understand how it feels to hear someone you love tell you that you're not worth waiting for... basically what she did to me. But I know that won't solve anything... I just don't know what to do... the balls' in my court I guess, because she thinks I'm still way down about this.
In all honesty I still want her back... but my brain is telling me that she needs to be alone for awhile and work on herself, and she is failing to do that while she is with this new guy... I really think that would be best for her because I really do care about her a lot and I want what's best for her... but me telling her isn't going to solve anything, and I know she's got to figure it out, and I know I shouldn't be thinking about what she's thinking but I'm lost here...
ihatewestseneca... it's absolutely ridiculous how our stories are the same. By any chance... are you 5'8"? Possibly my doppleganger?
Anyway, my ex wrote me an e-mail... explaining our breakup. Then it went onto read just like your e-mail... she cares... she misses me... she understands if I don't talk to her... blah blah.
Don't write back. Seriously... what'll it do? You write back, say you're doing fine... then what? She'll either write back or NOT write back. Not worth it.
Just keep going... you know how well nc works. Good luck, keep me posted.
This is what you wrote on Jan. 25th, and now we have a decision to make. Examine your own feelings, and motivations, and decide what you want to happen. A very good time to gauge where your at, in the healing process.Quote:
Judging by her messages to that other guy, its hard to tell if she is interested in me anymore or not. So yeah, I think it would be easier if she would just say "No, i dont want to be with you anymore". Guess, ill just have to wait till she tries to contact me, if she does... haha, bad day...
Actually, I am 5'8''... creepy...Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
True, but does it even seem like she's interested in the email... I can't be friends... not yet... I don't think I could listen to her tell me about her new guy... right now I'm still feeling like it should be all or none... so I think maybe I won't do anything until later on, when I'm better, or when I can be comfortable with her telling me she just wants to be friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
Good course of action..
That seems like the only logical course of action.
She didn't really make an advance... a simple e-mail to see how you are... what you're up to.
You can do one of two things:
1. you can write her back a simple innocuous e-mail... but this may just turn into the "friends" category.
2. you can NOT write her back...
2a. With NOT writing her back, you run the risk of her not contacting you ever again.
2b. She could also respond by trying to contact you more and more.
My ex took the 2a route. Am I happy about it.. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing... it's just what happened. I guess time will tell.
Well...
Truth is much of what she wrote is true.
But you don't want her to hold that over you.
So...
What to do?
Well... I'm guessing this had NOTHING to do with wanting you back.
She's maybe feeling guilty... and some of it is probably true... she might actually give a damn about how you are doing, even if she doesn't want to date you again. Its really possible.
So...
You can do complete no contact... I mean she SAID she didn't expect anything... so why respond? Ill tell you why. You respond because you care about her and you want to keep the lines open. Period.
Which, really, is where you kind of are, right? I mean... if she shows up on your doorstep in the rain and begs you back, she's in your place in a heartbeat, right??
So... you can completely cut her out, which will speed up your getting over her (this is my suggestion) or you can reply with a brief message.
Something like "got your email. i am really fine. dont really need to be your buddy at this point. moving on. later"
This tells her you are not waiting for her and aren't begging for her to come back.
I know. I know. Its probably better for you to do no contact, as I mentioned.
Up to you.
The most important thing is to understand that her email has more to do with her, and less to do with you...
Either she's an evil witch who is just toying with you (dont think so) or she is over you but feels some regret over hurting you (which does NOT mean she wants back with you)...
So... do what you want.
Until she is pounding at your door telling you she needs to talk to you, well, she doesn't. Its over until then.
I'd be wary when she does this. My ex freshmen year in college did this... then it was simply to tell me she's officially with a new guy and she thinks she'll marry him.. . yep. Just don't open the door with both arms wide open and say YES I FORGIVE YOU!. until you've heard the whole thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
... *shakes head* bad memories. Oof.
I agree...
I'm not saying take her back...
I am saying if she's coming back she has a lot of work to do.
And I agree... in this case, she isn't doing that anytime soon.
Thanks guys... Its not like some hope was building up, but if I was left to think and think and think, I can bet some would... NC for me!
Ugh, why did she do that? I'm trying to get some homework done, and I can't stop thinking about her... This sucks...
Do you do/have anything that clears your mind?
I started running and it's a big help. I'm sure you have something that you like doing that you can focus on instead until you are right to come back and concentrate on your homework :)
I agree with Isneeze
If you write back she'll think yeah he still is missing me and it won't get you anywhere
Just lingering on to letting go longer.
If she is interested in getting back with you she will come out and ask if you want to get together.
She may have just thought of a special moment with you and had a sentimental moment that gave her the urge to write you.
Care to elaborate tal?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Reply after a few days:
Hey. Nice to here from you. No need to be concerned. Moved on fine.
Keeping busy. New interests. Thanks anyway.
I held off my response, to give you a chance to run the events through your mind, and see what you come up with. Not to put you off, but gauge where your at in the healing process. If you haven't gained the clarity of mind to deal with this female's confusion, then absolutely do Not contact her. That I think is your biggest question, and challenge. Can you cope with the emotions this has stirred up, the uncertainty, the confusion? Are you aware of any HIDDEN agenda, on your part?? Are you making a decision on facts? False hope?? Or curiosity?? Can you handle more rejection?? These are the questions you need to answer for yourself, honestly, before any decision, on a course of action, can be made. NC, should have led you to the point of making this decision. If not, then you have more work to do on you.Quote:
care to elaborate tal?
This is what I'd like to send her... but I doubt it would do any good... I just wanted to write it I guess.
"Why...? Why would you send me an email knowing it would make things more difficult for me? I've been doing good. Been pretty busy. Lost almost 10 lbs.
Never mind, i think i know why you sent me an email... you still feel guilty, and you want me to tell you that im just fine so you can stop feeling guilty. A month may have been long enough for you to get over me and "fall in love" with someone else. But i actually loved you... and i can see now that the only love in our relationship was my own. You may have thought you "loved" me, but i think you were just in love with my company.
Its just a shame... 5 months of courting you around to make sure i was going to do the right thing, 6 months after telling you that i've fallen for you and that i honestly loved you, and 2 years of my complete commitment, trust, and anything else. its a shame you're too dependent, too needy, so incomplete... "Charlie, I need someone there" i didnt think much of that at first, but if you couldn't even give me 4 more months of waiting till we could be together again... The new guy must be Jesus, i mean, after a month you're "in love" with him, and that was a month over the phone... so don't give me that long distance crap... I really wish me telling you all this would make you think, but it won't... I mean, basically you cheated on me, you dated him while we were still together, who knows what else you did... I don't know... its just a shame that you can't be happy alone.
And please don't think you can understand what i feel/felt/going to feel... Has anyone every told you "Hey, thanks for the amazing 2 years, but I met this other person, and right now you're just not quite worth waiting for... "
...Look at the bright side though, I can walk away from this relationship a stronger person cus i know i did everything right, i did a great job, and that i gave it everything i had and more... what can you walk away knowing? that you're a player, that you can't commit, that you're a liar, that you're needy, that you're a quitter? the list goes on and on...
And heres the part that really gets me... I still want you... I still love you... and I don't know why..."
While that E-mail has made you feel better, I STRONGLY advise you against sending it. Why? Because you will look like a needy, depressed little b!tch to be blunt. Don't even respond, she isn't worth your time anymore. You said it perfectly about being able to walk away. If you need to find comfort in anything, just remember fate works both ways and she will one day feel the way you do now. Just let it roll man, let it roll
Post it in "letters to your exes" on this forum, and leave it at that.
I'm not going to send it... I just wanted to write it, but thanks for your concern. Sometimes, I feel like I just don't care anymore and I could be friends with her... but other times, I still can't believe she broke up with me... guess that means I have more work to do, haha.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:43 PM. |