Well I did call her and I actually feel better now. I never thought I'd get to this point but it kind of gives me more closure. Hopefully this isn't some game she's playing because I won't let her win.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
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Well I did call her and I actually feel better now. I never thought I'd get to this point but it kind of gives me more closure. Hopefully this isn't some game she's playing because I won't let her win.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
My thread posted a couple days ago was about her getting back in contact with me after about 1.5 months of no contact. Today I was talking to her cousin and apparently she wants to get back together with me. My ex left a message about 15 minutes ago for me to call her when I get it. I keep saying that I don't want her back and at this point I'm not sure I do, but it's going to be so hard saying it to her. I still really like her a lot but I don't want to get hurt again. Would it be wrong to say I need more time to think about it? Because right now my mind is racing all over.
I would not call her right away, that kind of says it all. But when you do conect with her tell her you have moved on and are still soul searching yourself. But sound happy, make it quik, like yr heading out the door and just say can I get back to you soon, let her feel like you did for a while. Don't mean to make it sound like a game, I really don't, but you need to feel on top for once. Trust me she will be there and if she's not it wasn't meant to be. Continue to get better before you make ANY decisions... gd luck ( ;
Take your time and no it is not wrong. If your not sure about things right now then you need your space and your ex needs to respect that.
Joe
Only you know when your ready. Be honest with yourslf, and with everyone else. You don't have to settle for anything less than what you want. If you want more time, take it.
Here's what happened... So the entire day I avoided calling and she eventually called me in the evening at around 6. Well, we didn't get off the phone until 11. 5 hours of us just talking about stuff, laughing, telling jokes, talking about life, her talking about pleasuring herself (yeah, it was a really off the wall conversation), etc. The entire time we were together in a relationship our conversations never lasted this long or were that good. She told me that she feels she can tell me anything and feels so comfortable talking to me. She even told me about guys hitting on her and her friend trying to hook her up with guys, and I just took it in stride and felt fine with it. In the past, this would have devastated me. When she was getting off she kept on telling me that she wished we could talk all night. Then she invited me over tomorrow to hang out.
The phone call was confusing, because we went back and forth for so long, but it made me feel great for some reason. We were never this open with each other during our relationship. I really feel so comfortable with her now and I've never felt this way about a girl before. While just a couple days ago I was in no contact and I thought I'd never speak to her again or even consider a future relationship. She didn't mention getting back together at all but I think she hinted at it a few times. What should I make of this?
Wow, for someone who wasn't to sure if he wanted to talk to her to someone who has just had a 5 hour telephone conversation. You sure do sound confused. Im a little confused too!
I know. It really is crazy isn't it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
I went into the conversation wanting to get off as quick as possible and then suddenly I just got more and more comfortable talking to her. The 5 hours flew by so fast too. I honestly could've talked to her all night.
I just don't know what this means now.
I've been where you were before least when it comes to the phone conversation. I felt the same way and wasn't sure if I should take the girl back. If u want her back take it slow. Let her call you first let her chase u. but don't act like your avoiding her, be nice and be yourself. Eventually you will work up to hanging out a little but when you see her don't just fall back in love so fast. If u think its not going to work then let her go. Hope my advice helps and good luck. If anyone thinks I'm wrong just correct me.
It means you have a choice to make and I would advise you, given your history of moving to fast, to go slow and keep talking, amd see if this is friends zone or a relationship. You both care, you've had a break, go very slow, and see if you two are ready this time. Don't be so quick to lose your heart, or give up the life that's yours, to smother each other. She may want to just be your friend, so your choice is can you live with that? Is that what you want? Go slow and put a lot of thought into this, and when your sure of what you want, then you can work a plan to get it. There is no hurry my friend so don't stop living your life without her.Quote:
I just don't know what this means now.
Its up to you not us only you know when you are ready to call her
Yeah... I'm definitely going to take it slow this time. I don't want to rush into anything and become too attached again. Hopefully when I go over her house tonight she doesn't try to make a move on me or anything, because I'm not ready yet. I'm perfectly fine with being her friend right now.
So I went over the ex's house yesterday night after talking to her on the phone the night before for the first time in 2 months. I was doing no contact and she contacted me. Anyway... it brought back a lot of memories and we had fun. She showed me her senior pictures she got taken and there was even a picture of me, her, and her dad up in the living room. Then we had dinner and she kept inching closer to me and said "Maybe I can sit on your lap!" and made jokes about us making out and everything... lol. But anyway, we hugged a lot and said we missed each other, and things were going good. Then her grandma called and told me how much she missed me.
Eventually she got sick from the dinner we had and I could tell she was really not feeling good. I eventually left early because she said she wouldn't be good company because of the mood she was in. She said I could come over again when we both have off. She said she'd call me later after her nap but she never did. I'm assuming she just slept the whole night because normally she always calls when she says she will.
But anyway... other than that, the day went well. It felt like old times again without the kissing and the actual boyfriend tag. I'm wondering if she wants to get back together and is just waiting for the right time to say it. I'm fine with being her friend right now though. I'm not trying to rush into anything myself, so it's okay. Just spending time with her is great.
I've just been told by people in her family (that I am friends with) that she wants to get back together, so I'm wondering when/if she's going to say it.
You know how females are they love to keep us waiting and guessing. So before you jump out of your skin, be patient. Do other things for now than just focusing on this one friendship.
Yeah, definitely. I'll try my best.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Also, do you think I should just keep letting her call me and not call her?
Until you make up your mind as to what you want I would be reluctant to tell you to keep trying for a relationship since I don't know really how either of you feels. You have to be very honest and know whether you have expectations of more than friends. Maybe that's all she wants . Forget what the grapevine says as they know nothing. One step at a time, see what happens in a week.
She hasn't called for 3 days but I'm assuming it's because of her work schedule. Think I should give her a call tomorrow or Sunday? I just feel like she's waiting for me to initiate contact because she called me a bunch of times on the previous days.
To update this...
I went to my sister's baseball game today and she was there. I went over and sat next to her and we talked for a little bit. Her grandma was also there and she hugged me and said how much she missed me. There wasn't much talk because we were paying attention to the game. Then later that night she called and we talked. She told me how much her work schedule and school is taking up her time and she meant to call me but never had the time because of how late she worked. She talked about her graduation that is coming up and how she can only get 8 tickets for some reason, and how 7 of her family members will get one and she wants me to have the last one. We just sort of got into another deep conversation again and how she can trust me and tell me anything without worrying of me judging her. When I say this, I mean she tells me everything. She got on the topic of how she wants me to come with her when she gets her tongue pierced and how horny she is all the time because she hasn't had sex for a long time... lol... but anyway... she eventually said that I'm her best friend and she doesn't know what she'd do without me. She has told me things that some of her family members and best girl friends don't even know. It made me feel good that she looks at me so highly, because I really like just being there for people. Anyway... from the conversation I got the feeling that she wants to come back to me eventually. She is not going with other guys because she still ultimately wants me, but she can't be there fully for me right now so she doesn't want to rush into anything. She didn't say this directly, but I got the feeling because she told me about guys flirting with her or asking her out and having no interest at all. Or how one of her girl friends tried to hook her up with a guy, and she turned it down immediately.
So, that's the latest. Any opinions?
Stick to your guns. Being in limbo with your own feelings is not the right time to get back in to a relationship where you were hurt before. Don't say anything to her that would encourage her to keep calling. You need time to clear your head and heal.Quote:
Originally Posted by VADawg
Talk to her when you are ready! Take your time and don't be afraid to speak your mind! If she hurt you the first place do you think she won't do it again? Let her wait for you and stop thinking if you will hurt her when you tell her how you feel. She didn't care about hurting you. The decision is yours!
See how things go when your face to face and just hanging out togeather just take it day by day get to know each other that bit better so you can feel the same way as talking on the phone. Like with chatting on line the phone is an easyer way of talking as your not face to face with each other find the true person she is and decide from there.
Any opinions on my last updated post?
Honestly how do you expect us to keep up with all your questions and not be confused?? What's wrong with just adding on to your old post so we can at least get the picture without reading all the other posts??
Oh is there other posts?
Go slow , get to know her again as if it's a new relationship,
Don't jump back to intimacy, she needs to earn your trust again.
Also in my opinion a girl may not come directly out with a "im sorry and want to get back together"
So act like your in control for now and if it's a girl you just began dating.
So after about 2 months of no contact my ex (the dumper) called me and wanted to catch up. She made it seem like she wanted to get back together and she wasn't going to go with any other guy. Her family even told me she wants to get back together with me. Fast forward about a week to today. I haven't heard from her for awhile and I'm wondering what's up. I don't want to call her because I don't want to sound like I need her again. So I went on her myspace and checked things out. I noticed she had her top friends hidden, so I made them visible because I know how to do things like that. I found some 21 year old guy was her top friend and I was number 9 out of 12. It kind of surprised me considering she told me I was her best friend and the best guy in the world a week earlier. She also told me how her friend tried to hook her up with a 21 year old guy and she wasn't interested at all. So I was like okay, let's check this guy out. The profile was private of course.
It just seems kind of odd to me because she wanted to call me so much last week, and now she's acting so distant. Maybe she really is busy and hasn't updated her friends list for awhile? I don't really know. What do you guys think?
I think she hid those facts from you and make no mistake you are in the friend zone, and it's a good bet that's as close as you'll ever get. There can be no more denial so move on.
I just find it kind of odd how she said she'd never date anyone more than a year older than her, and now this guy is suddenly her top friend on that stupid site. But whatever, you're probably right. I guess the only thing I can do is move on and stop calling her. This is BS and I can't take it anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
If you don't want to get hurt again then I suggest you move on. My ex calls me after a period when he does not hear from me. I always fall back into him talking me into giving it another chance and when I do he does something to make me think about why I broke up with him in the first place. So I just don't have anything to do with him at all because it's a game to him. He does not want to lose me totally but he still wants to be in other realtionships. I am too good ofr him and he knows it and frankly I don't have the time or patience to be dealing with such an emotionally unstable man.Quote:
Originally Posted by VADawg
I don't think there is anything wrong in the love relationship since you people still communicate and have fun while enjoying your conversation! In love when we are tired of seeing our love ones we don't call it a break up but we call it a break since you guys are just having a time off your busy love schedule.You are still beginning and you just had 1.5 months break.I know of cases of more than a year or 2 but through these time there is no communication or greeting.Anyway as time unfolds just give us the feedback and we shall know what to add then.
What people say / do and what they actually think are two completely different things.
You need to move on from her I think.
And seriously, who cares what 'ranking' you get on the myspace friend list. That's child's play.
I usually don't look into it much, but this was I time that I did. I just thought it was odd that the 21 year old guy that she told me directly she wasn't interested in was #1, and I, the supposed "greatest guy in the world", was #9. This coupled with how she's been acting distant this whole week and hasn't called when I know she was home all day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
The reason she called you was probl;y cause she has been seeing this other guy but he may have gone a bit cold on her and she was feeling a bit worried so she thought she would give you a call and see if you weere still there for her and then she would feel better about things knowing if it doesn't workk with hthe new guy she still has you. This happens a lot she just wants to make herself feel OK and you're the one who is there for that. Definitely no answering calls from her for the next two weeks it may be hard but it must be done you must not let her use you as the fsall back guy. Don't be stupid let her wonder what your doing turn it around on her she can be your fallback girl tell yourself that. No contact for a fortnight don't worry what she says. Ive learnt one thing neverv listen to what they say not even during the relationship. My ex broke it off with mne 5 months ago for two weeks we got backl together and then I kept my distance all was going great she even said I'm feeling so good about you lately and I thought well this is going great but then I slipped back into seeing her too much and she said not much has changed in the 5 months and I said what about what you said last month and she said what doid I say? See you can't believe anything if they say they love you during the relationship just say "i know you do babe" give them nothing they'll rip you apart at the first sign of weakness...
Every time we meet up we flirt like crazy and she tells me how she still likes me more than any guy. For some reason though she hasn't asked me to get back together. It's been over 5 months now since the breakup. She's gone out with other guys but they never worked out. Like a few days ago, I went over her house. She was talking about marriage and how many kids she wants to have one day. She started asking me how many I want and how she couldn't handle twins, and asked if they ran in my family (like she was going to have her kids with me). Then awhile later I heard her talking to her mom about how this was like our first date again, but never said that to me. The way she hints at this stuff makes me suspect that she wants to be with me ultimately, but she won't say it directly.
She's the one that broke up with me, so I don't know if I should just ask her flat out if she wants to start a relationship again. I'm all for it but I don't know if she wants it. We're both going to the same college in the fall but she's going into the marines in January. I think that might be why she hasn't asked, but I don't know. I guess it comes down to if it would be okay for me to ask her out again, or if I should just wait for her to do it.
Maybe this link from loveshack will give you an idea of what is going on. This is advice from a female dumper who now regrets what she did and wants her ex back. It's worth the read. I don't necessarily agree with all her advice. Perhaps she doesn't seem to understand that some dumpers make contact to string their dumpees along indefinitely.
Advise from a Dumper.... - LoveShack.org Community Forums
Not to give you false hope but some dumpers who want you back may be reluctant to come back because of their pride. This could be what is going on in your case. You have a pretty good idea about her personality. Is she the type who is stubborn and too proud to admit when she makes a mistake?
But I don't think you should take the risk of asking her to try again. She has to be the one to swallow her pride if she really wants to come back. If she really wants you back then her interest level in you will eventually cut through that pride of hers. Just continue to keep her at a distance.
If I were you I'd try not to get my hopes up about the hints she's giving you. Hints don't count. She still has not said the magic words you want to hear. I sent you the above link just so you can look at your situation from a different angle. I'm not encouraging you to take it as gospel.
Sounds as though she has plans for her life and doesn't need a relationship to get in the way. Sorry guy but you may be just wasting your time and if you can't just enjoy the company you should, move on and stop holding out hope.
If you want her back now is your chance. Take a chance, you can definitely not ask her to be in a relationship but there is no problem in doing the complete opposite. This is what I would do to make you get the truth out of her.
Next time she rings or whatever tell her, you don't think it's a good idea if you guys talk at the moment because yourve decided to start looking to become involved in a relationship again and you don't think it would be fair to have an ex around because it would not be right for any new girl that comes into your life...
Tell her this!! It is showing that you are after a relationship not saying with her, you are actually pushing her away which will pull her towards you.
Do this its showing your ready to find someone and therefore if she wants to be with you she will say but what about me or she will then say why don't we try again...
Do this because it will allow you to get your answers!!
Do it Let us no what she says...
I have been through many relationships and the best advice I can give you is this. It is hard to say what she really wants. Your perception may be distorted by the fact that you obviously want her back. You may be mistaking her comfort with you as more than she intends. You don't want to scare her away, but want her to know you are still interested. Tell her you are glad you are still friends but still think about her.. . this way you are not coming on too strong and she is somewhat forced to fill in the blank.
She is DEFINITELY a stubborn girl. If she doesn't get her way she does get antsy and can throw a fit. This is just another reason why I think she wants to get back together, but can't admit that she was wrong in the first place. When we discussed what happened with our relationship she really was saying stuff I already knew.Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
You know, I really have no problems with a friendship. I'd consider her one of my best friends because we get along so well and have fun together. I'm just tired of her flirting with me and acting like she wants to get back together only to not say anything about it. I just wish she'd give me a direct answer about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
Hah... I don't know. That just seems like it would push her farther away than before. But if I did do this it wouldn't be a lie. I am interested in another girl and I'm not going to wait around for my ex to make up her mind. I'm actually going on a date on Sunday with a new girl.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeles99
Nah, she has made it pretty clear that she still likes me. I want her back in a way, but I have also healed enough that if she doesn't come back, I won't fret about it. It's not distorting what she is clearly showing me.
People around me are just giving me so many different answers too. My family is saying I should make a move and ask her about it, while you guys are saying I should let her do it. I really am not sure.
Hey, why are you guys always afraid of false hope or losing face??
VAD, I bet she is waiting for you to make the first move. You are a man, at least show her that you are serious about this, being in half-way is not a great idea. Suggest her about the getting back idea. Do it playfully like " what if we get back together?" Or "last night i dreamt about us holding hands, getting back together"... If she loves that story then there you go! THere is nothing to lose and nothing wrong to know something.
Make the first move like your family :D I'd looking forward to your good news :D YEAH
Well here's my take on where to proceed from here. If you really love her and want her back then set a marker or deadline in your mind. Maybe give her 1 month to swallow her pride and say what she feels. If after a month she still hasn't budged then move on. You said it yourself that you have healed enough to the point where you can do just fine without her.
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