Me to, that's life.
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Me to, that's life.
Okie here the new update. So my weekend went great I hung out and enjoyed myself while I was away Saturday I got a text from my 17 yr old cousin she just ran away from home for whateva reason and needed a place to stay. Now I'm upstate and can't do anything from there so I text her and told her when I will be back and all that. My ex’s friends were skiing with us and I explained the story to them. So yesterday I was at work and I got a text from my ex saying that she's sorry for bothering me but she wants to no what's going on with my cousion. So I gave her the short version and explained I was working and coudnt go over too much details she asked me to call her 3 times and I did I explained again what was going on with her and that I was going to talk to her my mother that night “my aunt”. So my ex told me she wanted to come and help me to make sure she don’t step on me and help me setup the rules and all. I said I'm not sure how comfortable that would make me since were broken up and she didn’t really push it but I could tell she did want to come. So after I kept a firm attitude that it might not be right she agreed and that was that. I wound up then saying you no what lets try it come to my aunts house with me and we will talk to my aunt. So I went to the gym and them home to shower I picked up my ex and we went together on our way I asked what she wanted from me she said not a thing and how she just wanted to help she said she wants to be friends good friends and that’s it. So I explained I do not think I can do that cause of jealousy I said if you start dating it won't work and If I start dating its going to make you jealous so she turns around and says No way would I be jealous she said I can do what I want and it woudnt bother her. She told me that she could stay with me even if I was dating someone and she would even hook me up if she had the chance. So now I'm getting more baffled. So we go to my aunts house talk for a while we leave she says she wants coffe so we go to star bucks buy coffee then go back to her friends house I stay there for a while and we just talk about anything but us. After about 1 hour my cousin calls and tells me she's coming over she comes over my friends ex house and we talk she needs to pick up cloths from her b/f’s house so I'm about to go take her and my ex says I want to come and she does. We get to my cousins b/fs house and she goes into get her cloths while she's in there now my ex says I want to come over and talk to her I was like fine so she comes over and talks to her for a few hours I went out to buy us all food and all and somehow we get into the conversation about me and her with my cousin how she's just confused and how everyone likes, loves me, and tells her she should be with me. But she has to live her life and try things alone. How she wants to explore different things alone and all. My cousin now goes to sleep and she's hanging with me alone a little weird but she starts looking and picking my back like a monkey and all then she turns around and goes “this is a little nasty” I have a ingrown hair bumb on my inner thigh and I don’t want anyone else to see it can you help so of course I say fine and she takes her pans off blah blah blah. She covers up cause she's VERY HAIRY hasn’t shaved in weeks or legs or trimmed anything . She has gained at least 10-15 pounds its weird Im doing everything I can to get into better shape she's doing the opposite. She tells she does not want me or to be with me but she's the one who calls yes she doesn’t talk about us its always about my family its so weird I'm falling into a trap… Is she's insaine am I insaine. Why is she not taking care of herself?? She tells me I lost more hair so I made a comment you gained some weight and she goes I'm starting my diet 2morow…. Im so confused what's she trying to pull??
O BTW I found a therapist I'm telling him all of this once I start …. Pleasse people what's this about
She feels very close and comfortable with you but is not in love with you. You are still in love with her.
If this bothers you so much, stay away from her. It's that simple.
Just can't say no to her can you? Most of your confusion comes from your own leftover feelings from being with her. She has the control here, and you just go along with the program as she slips back in your life, and taking what she wants. Learn to say NO, and keep her out of your business, and you'll be less confused.
Ur all right I didn't totally ever let go yet. I am trying 100% but once she wants in I let her in without too much hesitation…… and she is winning it seems like she does this when she's bored
So do u think its possible she's just bored and doesn’t want to let me go yet?? Or she's just waiting for something better to come along?? Cause she's gained weight she's unsure about her life. Then I forgot to post that I asked her if she wants to come x-mas shoping Saturday she said sure if it doesn't make u feel weird so I said does it make u feel weird and she said no immediately….Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I'm so lost what to do.
No your not, you just can't bring yourself to do what must be done. I cannot judge what's going on with her, but I've paid attention to what you've written. Some time away from her is needed for you to figure it out, and to get that cloud of confusion away from you. That means no contact, and you being single, and building your life without her, not around her.
That definitely has some truth to it!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Everything he's trying to tell you is the truth. You've got to listen to him, I have, and it's working. You know you'll meet someone better one day, someone who won't mess your head up or play games with your mind, just keep telling yourself that. You don't need her company for christmas shopping, or christmas itself. Just enjoy christmas yourself and spend time with the people who matter the most to you. Friends and Family. :)
Chris, I am not surprised that you fell for your ex's text. She found a way to worm back in and you allowed that. She had no business in your family business, so to say.
I don't know why she is not taking care of herself and frankly I don't care and you should not care either. No contact means just that, no contact. I hope you learned something in this - next time she texts, just delete it without reading it. You can block her from your phone you know and you can block her texting too.
You just did not need her presence. She wants to be in charge of her game with you. Do not go Christmas shopping with her - please. Keep some of your dignity and stay the heck away from her and all she does.
This is probably the route I will take. I just wanted to let her in and see what happens but it was more like she was just there for drama and to leave a door open to me just in case things don't go her way she has me here.Quote:
Originally Posted by shygrneyzs
Or that how I feel... The only reason I mention her taking care of herself was because it made me happy she wasn't looking for people or other guys. I look way to deep into things!!
This may come off a bit harsh, but you got to get past that. Whether she's looking for someone shouldn't affect you. Because if you do find out that she is looking for someone, or she went on a date with someone, you will be crushed, and you will have a setback so large that it'll be day 1 again.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
No calls. No texts. Unless absolutely necessary...
That is so true I would be crushed. It actually happened again yesterday I was at a mutual friends house she new I was going to be there and she wasn't suppose to come there, she actually had plans to. She called out mutual friend and confirmed I was coming and she made it clear she will not be there. So I went and we were cooking and baking with friends she calls the mutual friend and says she outside cause she's bored and wants something to eat. She also said that she was only coming for like 2 hours cause she has plans so she comes in and I give her a attitude and she asks why am I being nasty so I tell her she's only here cause I am she would not agree but after seeing me annoyed she starts hugging me. I pushed her away and say what do you want from me?? I was like lets just cut ties completely “even that I didn't mean that” she said she didn't want to and she wanted be to be a big part of her life. So I was like what do you mean as dating she said no I'm confused but I no I don't want to give you up.
I no this is as much my fault as it is hers. I keep on playing into her. And that last comment scares me about her finding someone it would probably drive me nuts. I need to listen to people here but once I get a small glimse of hope I fall back into a rut. At this point I think she knows that.
As someone said, We must decide whether to fish or cut bait.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I wish it was easier
It made it so much easier when she didn't call and once she did I got all mushy
Why don't you put her number on block on your phone? That way she can't ring you? Unless a little piece inside you still wants her to call, if so your just going round the twist. Backwards and Forwards. It will only improve your healing if you block all contact with her.
Oof. That is a tough one. What do you do when your ex corners you like that.. well, what do you do when a rabid dog corners you in a room? Try not to make eye contact... and run when you get the chance? Don't blow up at her like that because it shows that you still care and by you blowing up at her, it tells her that she drives you insane. You don't need that. Just act cool, calm, collected, and act like she's just one of the people that you don't really know that well in the crowd. If she asks you a question, answer with a short (but not rude) reply. Try not to initiate any sort of communication with her unless you're absolutely cornered. Again, it's important to show her that you're not mad, even if she is driving you to the ground.
For example, the minute she shows up, don't even act like you care if she comes. You don't have to ask her why she's there... she knows why she's there. She's there because you're there. You don't have to accuse her. It's like yelling at a bank robber that he robbed the bank.. . duh?
When she hugs you, step back and say, IT WAS YOUR DECISION FOR US TO BREAK UP. AND I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE ANY CONFUSION.
Although she may not want to give you up, it could be because she wants you on the back burner. Regardless of whether this is true, you got to end it all.
Hope you the best of luck bud.
I am plain out of energy today, but have read this stuff and will have a lot to say about it Chris, after I take a rest and then I will be well armed to set your head straight - or try to anyway. You don't deserve to go through this, and the only one stopping you from healing now is YOU... So be ready when I come back to talk to you.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_165_13.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_165_10.gifNot a good mixture... and neither are you and that girl, but more later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I still think a garlic necklace and a silver bullet would do wonders, Chris.
Seriously, maybe consider making new friends - ones that have no ties or clue or knowledge of your ex girlfriend. Ones that cannot be played, ones she does not know of and will never ever know of - because you are not going to broadcast that to any of your friends and relatives. They all seem to be putty in this girl's hands.
Are you able to consider even moving to another location?
Moving to another location because of a woman is a bit extreme in my opinion. Stand your ground, but make new friends.
A new circle of friends may be the challenge you need to help broaden your horizons.
I know moving to another location can be thought of as extreme but this guy is incapable of maintaining his boundaries right now.
Maybe a vacation from your friends, will help you regroup.
OK, I'm a little rested up now.
To begin with, I think it is high time for you to find a strong woman friend, not necessarily intimate, but one that is willing to stand by you and help you get through this.
Second, you need to be around town and the family with this woman, and have her do most of the 'talking' have her literally indicate that you belong to her... Do you think you can find a woman friend who would go through this with you?
Since you seem too darned weak to fight off that demon yourself, you will need her to do most of the exorsizing for you. Tell her you need help with this 'stalker'.
You don't have to move out of our town or give up your friends. Just make sure they all know that you plan on staying and that you will not give an inch.
Change your email address and share it only with those who you want. It sounds drastic, but what you are going through is also drastic to the point where your life is upside down and it's high time you take charge again.
If and when 'she' shows up anywhere around you, turn around and let your 'new gal' take charge - women can be very threatening toward each other and your new gal will win - if she plays her role right.
You have gone through enough with this 'lady' and it is high time that you get rid of any notion that you might eventually get back together and actually be happy - she will ride all over you and not let you have a minute of peace or freedom... so you have to fight a dirty fight with this one.
Believe me, if you have a female friend, she will be willing to play along, because all women like a challenge and she will act her best - I've done it myself and enjoyed every minute.
What Talaniman suggests is a good idea, because I think that most of your mutual friends are having a field day watching you and her - it sounds better than Sex and the City - more drama... Take a break from them and spend it with new friends that will help you get your life back.
This may sound strange to all, but when 'push comes to shove' what have you got to lose? So give it a try. It is better than what you are going through right now...
It is time to (s)hit, or get off the pot.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_13.gifAre you a tiger or a http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_9.gif?
While you are considering options, etc. consider visiting this site: Songs we sing Part 1 ( 1 2) , on Ask Me Help Desk (Home). Lots of really neat songs; I am enjoying them for my own part and bet you will too. Another thing that helps me is to get out and walk (or run, if you prefer). Go for about one hour; you will enjoy it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
What is the website songs we sing?
Hey Okie,
Here is my new information. Saturday comes along 9am and my ex cause me because we had plans to go shopping when I answered I could tell she was all tired cause she got home from a club at 5am . OK No problem so I told her we do not have to go and that its not a big deal she told me she wanted to and that we can go another time if I would wait. So I said no I have to go today….We got into it a bit and she said that she does not think I can handle a freidship and my answer was No I do not want to be friends its all or nothing. She explained she does not want more then that and that she does not want to try us again. So I said that’s it do not call me text me forget I'm alive and I will do the same as I've been doing. After that I went to a mutual friends house to go shopping with that person she asked what happened and I told her and I also said after this conversation I do not want her name mentioned or to ever talk about her again. She agreed and said good because I rather not be put in the middle so we both had a understanding. She said you no you lucky you didn’t go with her shopping because yesterday when I was with your ex she told me use were going to go shopping and I told her it wasn’t a good idea but she said its fine because you both agreed it was only as friends. Now she told me that my ex goes I have a feeling chris is going to propose to me in a restaurant after we finish shopping her friends Angela answer her “ANNA who is my ex” Anna are you insaine why would he do that anna answer because I feel it. Angela then asks anna wait so U don’t want to date him at all right “anna” said no not a chance I'm sure I do not want to date him. So what are you going to do if he asks you to marry him. Anna answers well if the rock is big enough I would say yes. At that point her friend flips on her and tells her how insaine she is. Angels asks so if you won't date him why would you marry him she explains things would be different.
So all this is the girl I dated for 3 years
What gives
NC is a must now she is insaine
So I Decided she wants me around ebcause of whateva reasons but I no she does not want me I want her around because I'm insecure in my own ways I have a lot to offer good job car nice apartment I'm going to change myself grow and become more secure and will find someone who makes me happy... I can't deal with this baby ish I can't believe she even said that depends how big the rock is.
Well you've answered all your questions right there then haven't you. You don't need her anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
I hope you finally say "good riddance".
I would consider this, "Self Help with music therapy": You are on the web site already: Home - Family & People - Relationships - Songs We Sing Part 1 Lots of great songs that will keep you busy for awhile.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I can't believe what she's said,
Yes this is it... Why would anyone want to be with someone like that!!
I guess I was blinded by my fears of being single.
Chris,
Don't beat yourself up too bad. Its normal to go through what you are going through.
Me and my Ex haven't spoken in 4 months it being holiday season I have become a
partial wreck. The thing you have to value is u. If you value u you will see the light.
For me pride was an issue more then anything to get dumped for me is the worst
feeling in the world. You second guess everything and wonder what you could have done.
The answer is nothing. Remember you deserve better and the more time you waste
worrying about her and what she is doing the longer your healing will take.
Good Luck!
"You second guess everything and wonder what you could of done." Amen! Go No Contact, listen to good music, exercise, pray, get stronger with each day.
Do yourself a favor. Do nothing. If she is serious about you then make her know what's its like to be with out you. I know you may care and love her, but you need to let her miss you. Play it cool. Don't worry. Take a deep breath. If she is a crazy maniac then do the healthy thing and get away. I know us girls are crazy sometimes but also remember sometimes we love so much and we can't control our emotions. She may want to let you go, but love you too much to. I don't know the whole basis of what is going on but would like t. My screen name and my myspace is in my profil, please contact me and lets work this out!
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