This has sort of happened before? Your instincts are correct, and your actions are 100% perfect. GJ to you, sir.

Hey,
All I can say is, "Amen to that!" for every one of your replies. Seriously, what does she expect? For me to call her everyday and show her attention when there is another guy in the picture? Maybe there isn't another guy, but over the past 5 months all of her actions are indicative of another love interest based on her history. As the old cliché goes, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"-so it is with her. Had we continued to reconcile when we started talking after Thanksgiving(seeing and talking to each other on a regular basis), then I would have not returned her present and went NC. We made love once during that time and I honestly thought things were going to improve. But when I talked to her several days before Christmas(I did as she said, I called her), that blew the deal. I told her, "I love in you..."-several other co-workers were around to hear us talking and I felt embarrassed. She said nothing and for some reason that just left a knot in my stomach. I asked, "Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." Then she told me to call her and I said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." During that conversation, she could hardly say anything. I had a feeling that maybe she was out with her new interest and tried to keep the words to a minimum. I then resolved to go NC. Christmas passed... nothing from her. New Years passed, still nothing. Then out of the blue on Jan. 8 she texts me wanting to give me a present. I don't want her present... I've given her plenty and never asked for it back. She even has my engagement ring and I don't plan on asking for it back. Jason

Kids, when ignored, will misbehave to get at least some negative attention from their parents. Way to go for not letting her goad you back into a pointless interaction.

Any other messages or missives you receive from her, just agree mentally... "she's right..."... then delete away. Calm preserved. <sigh of relief>

Good one :)!

And congrats on not sending anything back to her

You don't even owe her a reason

Always trust your gut instinct. 99% of the time its right. Trust me I've been burned many a time not listening to that little voice in the back of my head that was telling me that something was going on. My advise would be just to move on and let it go. You've already said before that you have been through this before so how many times more are you going to continue to do it. I mean really is this someone you would want to make a life with and you don't even trust that person

She deserves nothing, you need to stay away. Rude, Not really. You keep the no contact and it is better to keep it that way. Like others have said, you do not owe her anything.

Hey!
Another resounding "Amen". This situation with her has left me ruminating about what went wrong. I saw a lot of signs that I did not trust and therefore stopped contacting her back in September . She further reinforced my suspicions by not contacting me or coming over to see me for that matter. When we started talking again, she said that she thought I wasn't interested anymore and that I stopped calling. I confronted her with, "Well, I thought you were seeing somebody else." She just shrugged it off and denied it. Of course, I think she started this garbage. She'll probably tell you that I started it by not talking to her anymore. Well, I'm going to finish it. I'm glad I'm not alone with my opinion. Take care everybody! Jason

Sounds like she's just trying to start drama because she doesn't have anything else better to do. And if she's a repeat offender as you stated then she doesn't deserve your time and or attention. I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about it. The nerve of some people

Hey!
In response to the previous post-I couldn't agree more. I think if she really wanted to come back, then things would not have deteriorated the way they did a month ago when we started talking again. She has been really immature in the past and evidently has some brain damage because she fails to comprehend the consequences of her actions and expects me to be okay with her just dropping out of sight without so much as telling me that things are over. I sort of regressed earlier this week when I responded to her text messages. Basically, I told her that she did not want to be with me and to stay out of my life until she does. She asked me if that meant that I did not love her anymore. I told her that she was the one that did not love me. I regretted giving in and responding to her-sort of pouring out my feelings in the process. When she texted me again yesterday accusing me of being rude, I just ignored it. She wants to have her way and keep me around as a friend and an occasional romp in the hay, but ignoring her will speak louder than words that I'm not going to stoop to her level. Maybe she's trying to be cute in front of all her friends and trying to boost her ego by getting two guys after her but I'm going to have no part of it. Jason

I think you hit it right this time. She's tying to have the 2 guys chasing her thing. But you're not biting or playing along. Gee, that's not going to be much fun for her. She'll get bored with the whole thing and move on to greener pastures to play games on someone else soon.

And you, you lucky guy, will be off in another direction with a wonderful new Miss Right.

Hey!
I'm trying to move in a different direction and hopefully Miss Right will be along soon. There are several girls I have my sights set on but I have no idea as to how to approach them without setting off any alarms-I am extremely shy. When you've invested 10 years on one girl it's really hard to get going again. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and take care. Jason

Hey,
The ex-girlfriend sent me another text message-this time informing me that she returned my Valentine's Day gift(funny, she had supposedly had a Christmas present for me several weeks ago.) In an earlier post I said that I returned her presents and she in turn called me rude. I ignored the message where she called me rude. Night before last, at about 10:00 in the evening, she struck again. The fact that she returned my present came as no surprise but she just had to send me a message to stir up some drama again. This time I cooly replied, "That's okay. You had every right to." She replied with, "Why's that?" Then I laid the coup de grace on her, "I took back your Christmas presents so I deserved it. I was a jerk." Since then, I've heard nothing. I figure if she's going to send me smartass text messages, I might as well play along and kill her with kindness just for the fun of it. Now its back to NC. It'll be interesting to see if she replies. If not, its NC. I expect some more smartass messages in the future. Would it be more graceful to just ignore her or BS her just for the fun of it? Thanks! Jason

Haven't we talked about this already in another thread?

"It'll be interesting if she replies"... NO, it won't be. We all talk to you in good faith about this stuff, but to find out you pretty much ignore what we've suggested, did more of your own pointless texting... posting here about the new texts won't garner you new insights.

This is all pointless, stop talking to her. Unless you really prefer all this melodrama.

You'll only encourage more drama, headaches and problems. If you truly want to move on, and make it clear to her to move on, stop answering back to her messages/calls/emails or contact of any kind.

Hey!
I'll admit that I I have ignored the advice given to me on this site and for that I apologize. I've tried NC and when I get going, here she is with another text message. Part of me wants to let go and part of me wants her to come back. There are times when I feel great about being single and other times when I wish she would just stay with me for good. Several years ago, I rarely had any time to myself because she smothered me to death, now I have all this free time and nobbody to share it with. I have not forgotten the advice given to me on this site and I will try to practice it, but it is HARD-especially when I was given no real closure by her. Again, thanks to all and I PROMISE never to post another question on this subject. Thanks! Jason

Jason, I know how you feel, I didn't get any closure from my ex either. The way things were left when we last saw each other was very very up in the air. But it doesn't help the situation knowing she is able to string you along, every time you reply to those pointless texts from her you're telling her "I'm not over you" So if you like giving her the upper hand, continue to text her back. I ignored all my ex's texts when she was telling me she didn't have feelings for the other guy she is now talking to until it was too many texts and all I responded was "None of it matters now, we are no longer together. That's the past" and then after a few more from her I said "Thank you, I appreciate you're honesty and to show that I have changed and matured I will put my trust into you about that. Goodbye"

And to top it all off... You admitted you were wrong! Dude, seriously, what is the problem? If you want to move on or even get her back stop apologizing or admitting you were wrong for pointless crap! You had every right to take back her gifts. You are going to keep coming right back to square one if you keep responding, change your number if you don't think you can prevent responding

I'll keep this real simple, No Contact from you or her, that means ignore her texts, and smoke signals.

Hey,

If you have NO desire to get back to her- then simply stop with the replies. That just gives her power and makes you look smaller.

If you want closure, and that's it, then get it... and move on.

It's so confusing after a break up, trust me we all know. Some days your like "eh, forget her..." and you just remember all the fun times and it's no big deal. Then there are the other days where you remember the SAME fun times but it just hits you like a ton of bricks.

It's two steps forward and one step back with the no contact thing. To keep yourself from falling back avoid contact, avoid talking to her friends about her, avoid visiting any networking pages she has to check up on her (myspace, etc... )

And remember, what your ex is doing now is non of your business, so don't dwell on the thoughts of her and someone else.

Brandino... I agree and disagree with your statement.

First, I disagree with the closure part, he already got it by her ending it. That's reason enough to just walk away, and now the mind games he KNOWS she is playing reason number 2. So closure he already got.

Second, I agree with the avoiding her friends, I dropped a friend of 9 years because she said she was going to be friends with my ex, and I'm not surrounding myself with that. Deleted not only my ex from my myspace account but also anyone who has her listed as a friend on my account. Just erase anything that you have on your computer about her... Myspace, Facebook, AIM, pictures.. anything to will make you want to call her

Hon! Don't play this game! Really, its not healthy for your emotional state or hers.

When she sends a text, delete it. Read it if you want, but then delete it. Don't respond! If you have to send a text in response, send it to your own email account, but don't send one back to her!

Text messages are tricky things. They have the ability to put someone in a state of fluffy happiness or they can hurt like Hades with a well-directed dart. Listen, its NOT worth it.

Don't play the game! Delete, delete, delete!!

Hey!
She texted me again today! This time she asks, "Are you getting me anything for Valentine's Day?" The audacity of her! I hope I don't offend anybody on this sight, but that is like an illegal alien walking up to George W. Bush and asking for a refund check! Point is-she does not deserve anything from me! As soon as I saw that red message light blinking, I thought, "It's either another worthless marketing message or one of her latest attempts to get under my skin." I just ignored it this time even though I was itching to write, "You are seeing somebody else. Why should I?" She is almost like Bin Laden who releases his stupid videos every Sept. 11 and sporadically, trying to scare us. While she is nowhere as repulsive as that vermin, she is doing the same thing that he is doing, just trying to ruffle feathers. I use to see optimism every time she texted me but now I look at it as a way of getting on my nerves. Thanks to all the replies-it is tough to ignore these messages but I'm just going to have to take them for what they are-a nuisance. Thanks again and take care. Jason

Treat her messages like those worthless marketing messages then --> delete straightaway! Every one of these things she sends (and you ignore) is throwing her dignity away.

There's a good idea, send her to spam automatically. Love it, problem solved.

Hello,
While working tonight, I continued to pore over my situation. Me and my girlfriend have been broken up nearly six months. Now I know she is seeing somebody else and I can begin to move on, even though she still communicates in the form of meaningless text messages. I've finally realized a way to cope and let things go.
I told myself, "She's not going to come back. She is going to marry somebody else eventually." Like nature, I need to move on and go about life as usual. The sun still rises and sets on a consistent schedule, whether it is over the savannahs of Africa, the Atlantic ocean, or here in the United States-we can be assured that the sun will rise and set. It rose and set the same way back in, say 1978. It rises and sets today in 2008. The seasons continue, the ocean tides continue, thus the creation of God is unchangeable. If some foreign object were top strike the sun, its intense heat would incinerate it. We remember building sand castles on the beach, but long after we leave, the waves smooth it over as if it never existed. Like the sun and ocean, I need to go on as usual. Losing a love hurts, but you need to realize that you are greater than the loss.
Another way of looking at it comes in the form of music. Such masterpieces as Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Mozart's 25th Symphony, Schubert's 4th Symphony, and Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony were written many, many years ago. Although many artists have made their mark on the world of music, the legacy left by these great masters will forever overshadow them. These works of music are timeless, transcending the gap of space and time, and not one note will ever be altered. Pain should not alter the gift and masterpiece that is your life.
For those of you experiencing pain, don't look at it as an interruption of life, but see it as a speck of dust. Go on with life, enjoy it to its fullest. Nature continues. We must also continue, and make each day greater than the one before it. Take care you all... Jason

I totally agree with everytghing you say. Also very nicely put

Good thoughts. Thank You Jason.

That's good stuff

Hey!
Just thought I'd post some of my thoughts-and if they are useful to somebody else, great! I've been in a bit of a slump of all week after finding out that my gut feeling was confirmed-my ex is indeed seeing somebody else. With that came all kinds of thoughts-"is she sleeping with him", etc. Tonight, it finally hit me and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. I keep hoping she'll come back, thus I get depressed when I think of her and the new relationship. I've always believed that things happen for a reason-God knew everything that was going to transpire in your life even before you were born. I just finally thought, "What happens will happen. I need to go on and quit worrying about her." My post was coming from the heart-it made me feel good just writing it. Stay strong everybody and take care... Jason

Good to hear you've moved to next stage of your recovery Jason , keep moving forward.

Good post, as it shows that your slowly healing, that's great.

When she texts you jason, your on her mind. I did that with this guy I was with for 2 and a half years. Me and him were off and on but the out of no where when I think things are going right he told me he didn't love me anymore. Sometimes all you need is some time from people. Only time will tell if you'll be together or not.

GOOD LUCK

Old post!

Hey Everybody,
I've posted my story on here with my ex earlier this year so for brevity's sake I won't go into it again. Basically, my ex last texted me on June 4 of this year in which she just cracked a lame joke pertaining to what I was getting for my birthday. I ignored it and promptly deleted it, but it still left me aggravated because I told her NEVER to contact me again unless she wanted to reconcile. This was not the first time she violated my wish because on May 7 she sent a stupid text message in which she cracked a joke about the nickname she gave me while we were together. I replied with, "What do you want?" For my query she had no response other than the aforementioned text on June 4. Fast forward to August 24 after nearly 4 months of any contact from me(that is, I've completely disappeared from her life as though I never existed). I was getting ready to sit down and eat at 9:00 P.M. when my phone rang-for about 2 seconds. I looked at the display and it said "No Number". Sometime after 11:00 P.M. it rang again long enough to go to the voice mail. Thus, she left a message cracking another lame joke about her nickname for me but I deleted it before hearing the entire recording and erased any record of the calls. Again, the number was not displayed. My question is: WHY IN THE HECK DID SHE CALL ME?! I've left her alone but I don't understand why she did this other than because she was bored and decided to piss me off. What is the point? I've tried to move on and I'm sure she has so why call me over three months later to crack another stupid joke? I would love to hear what you all think.. thanks.
Jason

She hasn't gotten over you.

I say have phone sex with her

ChihuahuaMomma,
Hey! Cute name... thanks for the reply though. Yeah, I was kind of wondering the same thing. I think about my ex everyday and I still obsess over whether I did enough to save the relationship. Me and her have known each other for over 11 years and we even had a child together. We both shared the grief of losing our baby 11 months later to a congenital heart defect. I have been there for her lots of times, bent over backwards for her, forgiven her several times for being unfaithful-you name it. I even proposed to her and made it official by giving her a beautiful ring. I haven't even asked for it back. It aggravates me to no end that all she can do now is make stupid jokes. I wish she would just move on and leave me alone or talk to me about trying again instead of doing this crap. I've dropped out of sight for all intents and purposes-I refuse to even go near the place where she works. Why can't she extend me the same courtesy and leave me alone? I'm trying to find somebody else and I'm sure she already has. To top things off, my dad is dying of heart failure and I told her that in addition to telling her not to contact me again unless she wants to work things out. I'm trying to move on and at the same time I'm witnessing my dad fall apart and she has no respect. Anyway, there is a part of me that wants to believe she is not over me but I tried to make things right between us by sending her several gifts and professing my love back in March and all she could do was thank me and tell me that she liked somebody else. Again, thanks for your reply and take care.
Jason

They might be feelings still there, or she might be testing the waters to see how you react. But what you are oding is good, keep ignoring what she does. I have not read your previous post on your relatioship so I do not know much but from the looks of it maybe she is starting to try and get your attention. Maybe starting to regret what she did

She wants to know what you've been up too, perhaps to have a friendship or the guilt of what she has done set in. Don't break NC, you're doing great buddy! Keep it up!

Your saving a lot of confusion, and drama, on your part, by standing strong for yourself, and leaving her alone.

As you see, a few simple calls by her, have raised a few questions, just think if you started to talk to her again, or hang out! Stay on the path and heal, and let her heal also. Thats what you both need right now.

Ithappenstoall, Romefalls 19, and talaniman-
Hey! Thanks for the input. I'm going straight ahead with No Contact and not looking back. The breakup with my ex was not hostile in any way-she just decided about a year ago to abandon the relationship with me and start dating other people. She had some depression issues so I can only ascertain that she grew bored with me and wanted an exciting new relationship instead of stuffy, conservative me. She didn't appreciate what I was all about but I know there is somebody out there who will. I have no interest in being her friend now or at any point in the future.I have shared too much of myself to just be "friendzoned". During this time I have tried to put the focus on myself and it seems that I have gotten myself back as well. I am rediscovering old hobbies, planning on going to back to school and finally finishing my degree, and spoiling myself on the side as well. She's with somebody else and no doubt sleeping with her new love, but unlike her I am staying pure for someone new and I am definitely going to be picky about who I will date. There's no telling if she'll contact again but I'm sticking to what I promised her and leaving her alone.
Take Care Everybody,
Jason