Ask Me Help Desk - She left me for someone else but I still love her

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

yea i understand now, cause this relationship was a LDR also

Well, it was a LDR, and it didn't worked out. Anyway, my point was that, being friendly, you leave them a door open, if they change their mind someday (and someday means even years). Buddy, when they want out, they want out. You can't do nothing. And you shouldn't. Just because its not worth. They are the one who goes out, sometimes even without a fight. And if they come back, that's your turn to accept them. Some of them come because they are free. Some of them come because they just lost someone else, and you are the one who may comfort their hurted feelings (they use you as a rebound). But they rarely come back because they love you! Common, someone who loves you, and respects you, and knows you are worth, etc, its not going to leave you like that!

Like because of the relationship we became really good and really close friends, like in our 4 years of friendship we were never this close... so we did get something good out of it :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

like because of the relationship we became really good and really close friends, like in our 4 years of friendship we were never this close....... so we did get something good out of it :)

Yes, be happy with that at least. And learn your lesson from all this.

Yea, I'm getting a lot happier now, and I'm starting to learn how to deal and get over the pain, its still really hard at night before I go to sleep but its bound to get better... oh and is it bad if we still talk all the time, but just like friendly really long conversations?

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

yea, im getting alot happier now, and im starting to learn how to deal and get over the pain, its still really hard at night before i go to sleep but its bound to get better.....oh and is it bad if we still talk all the time, but just like friendly really long conversations?

I'm not saying its bad or good. Being friends or friendly, is what it is. You act like with a friend. But I say don't be there for her all the time. You have a life too, right ? So take some responsabilities, and make your life a priority now, not her! You have to go to work, you go. Don't stay without doing things, or talk to her every day, because she needs your company (mostly this is what you will think you have to do). She had your company, she didn't wanted that. Maybe because you were too attached to her and all the time for her there, and that's boring sometimes. So act normally, like with a friend. Also remember that, you don't need her company. You may want or like her company, but not need it. You have to act independent!

Yea, thing is I'm always there for my friends, its just our conversations just don't end we keep finding something else to talk about, its cool, yet strange haha... I'm only 15 so I don't really have something to do everyday, I don't have a car yet and I don't get one for another year so I'm either outside with a friend or inside doing nothing

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

yea, thing is im always there for my friends, its just our conversations just dont end we keep finding something else to talk about, its cool, yet strange haha..... im only 15 so i dont really have something to do everyday, i dont have a car yet and i dont get one for another year so im either outside with a friend or inside doing nothing

Buddy, you are not exclusive anymore! Remember it to you. You have to do something without her! I know, its comfort to talk to an ex, cause they know you better than the others, but you have broken with each other. If she needs your company, she may still want more of you, and the less you give, the more she asks for your company. So, I say, do things independently, without her in it. I don't know what, but go to gym, go dating, do what single people do!

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

yea, im getting alot happier now, and im starting to learn how to deal and get over the pain, its still really hard at night before i go to sleep but its bound to get better.....oh and is it bad if we still talk all the time, but just like friendly really long conversations?

Hi Schwartz
Well you say you are still trying to get over the pain of losing her , therefore I would suggest not contacting her at the moment. Not only does she know you will be there as a fallback but you will not move on. You see you will take everything she says to you out of context and think all of these great things whenever she says nice things.

So therefore while you are probably making her feel less guilty about dumping you because you are showing her you are still there for her you are stuck at square 1 and not moving on.

Go No contact to heal yourself , then when you have healed and are not emotionally tied to her you can decide whether you still want to talk to her.

I'm not the great looking and I get nervous around girls... luckly I've made some friends that are girls :) I haven't been to my gym in a week, so ill probably do that, whenever I dig in my pocket and don't see a text or missed call from her I feel bad and then I go to text or call her and I say to myself, I'm not going to do this, the only way I'm getting over her is to stop doing this, so most of the time I put my phone back in my pocket but sometimes the urge is to strong

I should do that friend4u178. But the thing is we have been friends for so many years, if I suddenly stop talking to her she will start getting sad and cry and I don't want to do that to her, also would it be a good idea to just not answer her sometimes?

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

im not the great looking and i get nervous around girls....luckly ive made some friends that are girls :) i havent been to my gym in a week, so ill probably do that, whenever i dig in my pocket and dont see a text or missed call from her i feel bad and then i go to text or call her and i say to my self, im not gonna do this, the only way im getting over her is to stop doing this, so most of the time i put my phone back in my pocket but sometimes the urge is to strong

I didn't read the whole post of you, but now is more clear. You aren't ready yet, for any kind of relation, is this relationship or friendship, with her. For now, you have to heal your own wounds! It's a procces to be done, in order to go forward. Friend4u, made it clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

i should do that friend4u178. but the thing is we have been friends for so many years, if i suddenly stop talking to her she will start getting sad and cry and i dont want to do that to her, also would it be a good idea to just not answer her sometimes?

She will get sad and cry So its OK for her to make you feel like that but not OK for her to feel bad? Come on she dumped you , for someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

i should do that friend4u178. but the thing is we have been friends for so many years, if i suddenly stop talking to her she will start getting sad and cry and i dont want to do that to her, also would it be a good idea to just not answer her sometimes?

Did you forgot yourself? You were sad, and cried, because she left you like that. Get some respect for you, and stop being a wuss! Stop acting like a big brother to her, you have your own dignity too! And you are a human being too. She should have known this, before she dumped you! Now, go to the NC, and let her think with her own mind on what's going on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

She will get sad and cry So its ok for her to make you feel like that but not ok for her to feel bad?? Come on she dumped you , for someone else.

He sounds as a wuss to me buddy, and in somehow, I can put myself in the shoes of his ex. You know, being there every time, without a challenge, and everything. That's boring, I have to say. And sometimes, this helps the dumper to get out of the relation, from that too much attention and boring. But sometimes, the dumper, because is afraid of staying alone, finds someone else, and than dumps the old one. Its not fair, but its human.

Ohhhh OK now I understand, I'm definitely going to No Contact, I don't want her to think that whenever she needs me ill magically appear for her because I just can't and I have my own life to live

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

ohhhh ok now i understand, im definatly going to No Contact, i dont want her to think that whenever she needs me ill magically appear for her because i just can't and i have my own life to live

GOOD!! So you see where we are coming from. Look after yourself FIRST. She dumped you and has made you feel like crap , so don't hold her on this pedestal and think she is some sort of goddess. Go NC and she might just realise that you aren't a wuss and you can look after yourself without her. Believe me women like men who are strong. That way too you won't lose your dignity and she will see you in a much better light in the future if you were ever to get back together.

Yea, the hardest part is the cell phone, then there's myspace

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

yea, the hardest part is the cell phone, then theres myspace

There are lots of hard things about a break up , it's not easy and no one will tell you it is. But everyone goes through it at some stage in their lives , but we all get through it. Just make sure you learn the lessons from it for your next relationship/s. Like I said yesterday you are still young , you have your whole life in front of you. And when you meet your next GF and are happy you will look back on this and realise how silly it all was and what a waste of energy to feel like you do now. It's your choice , you decide how you feel , don't let someone who has mistreated you control your emotions. And yes I know its easier said than done but YOU have the power , no one else.

Yea, that is true! Thanks for help you guys

Thank you to everyone who has tried to help me with this

One more thing, is it normal to write stuff like this after a break-up?

These I Wrote:
1) I fell in love with somebody who made me feel special, made me happy, but only to see it crash down to ashes, and I fell down, down into a dark and lonely puddle, unaware of the people who care, there in that puddle I sat and cried, hurt, alone and scared for what may be in store for me.

2) I sit here alone in my bed wondering why this hurtful thing happened to me, then I realize, why should I be the one broken up over this when she first said those 3 hurtful words "I Love You", she was the one who said "I want to be with you forever", but it's over now, no more will I love her, no more, I must stop thinking these dreadful thoughts of love, amd forget her, forget this time of pain and see, yes see all those who care for me.

3) Here, here I am crying over you, just as you wanted, inflict the pain on me, go ahead do it, I'll just ignore you, as you did to me, until you realize what you lost in me.

Perfectly normal.

OK, good lol, just needed to make sure

Why do you think there are so many Love Songs , listen to the words and you'll probably find that a lot are inspired by breakups. Listen to the song in the link below , it is about a Long distance relationship. Hope you enjoy it :)

YouTube - Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

Wow, that pretty much sums up how I feel... that song hurts

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

wow, that pretty much sums up how i feel......that song hurts

My point being the things you are writing are perfectly normal , in fact what you should do is write down your feelings each day in a journal , you will be able to see how you are progressing. Believe me when you look back on it after a few weeks/months you really start to realise how much you are progressing.

Yea, I'm definitely going to do that, I just started the NC and it hurts already but I know it must be done

Well just remember once you start NC you MUST stick to it , the minute you break it you go back to square one , or Page 1 of your journal.

Allright, I'm going to do my best!

Good , keep us posted on your progress!

Ill be sure to, thanks for the advice

I got to ask something, during the NC what does it mean if she doesn't send me any messages?

Doesn't mean anything , in fact hopefully for your healing process that's what happens , because even if it might be hard at the start it will make the healing process shorter , just concentrate on YOU and don't worry about what she is thinking or what she is doing. It's out of your control.

OK, just needed to know, thanks again

No problem :)

=-d

Lo, nothing happened... :)

Hey there schwartzy. I read your signature and realized how it appropriately coincided with your need to read Jiser's signature.

Who's Jiser?

Quote:

Originally Posted by schwartzyms

Whos Jiser?

Jiser is one of our members , see link below.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/jiser.html

Yea I know, part of my signature I got from him... after I posted who is jiser I realized who it was haha