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Hey just to point out sometimes the person who is the dumper wants to call just as bad as the dumpee, but it has more to do with pride, and who is willing to give in first... Only time the dumper doesn't call is usually if they are preoccupied, sometimes, they may be working on a new relastionship this is just my opinion, I know I dumped a guy before and I sooo wanted to call him, but I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I may have made a mistake..
Good point JolieQuote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
But I must say as a Dumper (yes I have been on both sides of the fence as I suppose most people have) I have never wanted to call but that's just me , in fact whenever they would call or text etc. I found it quite annoying and just made me think I had made the right decision.
That's true but as a women I must add we do care even if we fell out of love with someone, we love so much and hard that we want them to get over us just as bad as they want to get over us... Just speaking from my experience.. especially if I felt the guy was a really great guy I get the urge to see how he is coping... but not because I want him back but because I care...
Yep I understand that and applaud the fact that you still actually care after a breakup. Some don't!!Quote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Oh believe me there were breakups I actually celebrated!! Like my ex husband for an example!! I wouldn't dare to contact him but I have children so I am forced too, otherwise I wouldn't... But I am so happy he is remarrying this weekend!! Going to celebrate his marriage tonight I am just that happy for him!
I did everything for my ex, everything for all of her family to be in anger and shock at what she did to me, no-one could believe. She gave me the words "i'll still be here for you." Which in my opinion is absolute bullsh*t. Yes I know that if I ring her she will answer if she is by her phone. But I don't do that. I was a really great boyfriend to her, I just can't understand why she doesn't care for me anymore. Or at least show it. You'd think she'd make the effort to call just to see how I am, after everything I did for her. But maybe she already knows I'm doing fine because I haven't contacted her and she knows I go out with my mates now? That's how I see it.
Have you guys read this Thread?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
Your right... You don't need to talk to her, let her be and I hope you are happy!
If you two are no longer a couple why would she be calling you? You may have been a terrific boy friend, but you were not the right one for her and she is not for you either.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris08
You need to just get over her.
I was just replying to friend4u's quote, when he said "applauds for you for still caring etc. when some don't." It's not that my ex feels that I'm not the one for her, she kind of implyed that to me herself, she finished me because she didn't want a relationship anymore and felt too young to settle down, I think she wanted to concentrate on her education more than anything else. There's not much I can do about that is there.
No, she was using her head. She knows what is important to her right now at this time in her life and she is doing it. A lot of people don't do this. They try and juggle too many things and don't focus on anything. I'm sure she may still have feelings for you, but she has to do what is best for her.
It's good that you are working on your life as well.
I personally think in my situation it is over . But for more of the reason that she has no clue or idea what's she wants! I feel she things she knows but I no she's not sure..! And I did the right thing in my eyes my contacting her and telling her I would be there for her. I no she wants nothing to do with me from the way she re-acted but I had to learn that myself and as hard at it is to admit it I no it's true. She don't want me but I still know in my heart I did the right thing!! And I will still be there for her... But not be stepped on!!
Well you are far more brave than I am, because I haven't even tried to call my ex or pick up the phone to attempt to dial.. and I know he is coming into town tonight, I have to get out I don't want to run into him.. He has the keys to my house I never even called to ask for my keys back that's how hurt I am...
Quote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Im not really brave I just follow my heart or I try to sometimes things overwelm me and when they do I usually have to do what I'm feeling or it will eat me up. I sometimes get burnted taking those chances but other times it makes me feel better even if it wasn't the right thing to do... I no it's very hard but you got to stay strong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
I will and you stay strong too! You seem like a very wonderful guy and you will meet the "one". I also noticed in my experience that when I finally got over my ex husband once I started dating again he tried to come back. Funny how he wanted me more that I had someone and was happy he was so jealous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Well human nature we all want what we can't have!!
So true!!Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
chris28, I know how you feel. We are caught between a rock and a hard place, trust your heart or your brain... In times like this, the lines are blurred in what we should do. Sometimes our hearts deceive us. If you are ready to see her and will have no regrets doing so, no matter what the outcome maybe, then go for it and do what your heart tells you... I don't want any of us to take steps backward because progress is hard to do. Keep at it, and we will come out our situations stronger people with more selfrespect.
I think my situation has changed for the worst. I just had a mad moment last night and I text my ex telling her exactly how I feel. Not the "i can't stop thinking about you" etc. stuff, but I just let all my feelings out it got quite heated and she kept ringing me, she eventually sent me a text saying "You know what, why don't you get lost and leave me alone!" So I sent a message back saying "I'm sorry but nobody deserves to be treated like this, especially after being dumped over the phone." We were then on the phone for 45mins talking about everything and anything. She practically wanted to know EVERYTHING THAT I WAS DOING, WHERE I GO, WHO I GO OUT WITH, AND WHAT EVERY ONE OF MY MATES HAVE SAID TO ME ABOUT HER DUMPING ME. EVEN MY OWN MOM. I just said well I'm sorry but they have their opinions and I have mine. So she started going on about "they don't even know me, u know what, they can all go to hell." I mean all they've done is given me advice and said what they've thought (I deserve better, I was her safety net etc.) Just like you guys. Now she thinks everybody hates her, I tried telling her they don't but she wouldn't have it. The conversation then cooled and went onto normal stuff, she was telling me how she was getting on at uni, she asked how I'm getting on, I said "Im fine." she said "yeh?" I said "yeah." Before this she was trying to explain to me that going to uni wasn't the reason she finished me, she said she had been unhappy for a week, even though she never told me any of this, I just couldn't believe it. I ended the call and said 'i'm going to go now, bye.' I was meant to say to her... "If me and you are ever meant to be, then it will happen sometime in the future... I'm not saying it will tho." I ended up texting this after the call and left it at that.
I am now back to Day 1, No Contact. Jeez, what have I done. It could have ended worse I guess.
Hey Chris,
I like said before and a few times. Most people give it at 1 time or anpother not everyone but a lot of us. When I have the urge to call or text I take advice from everyone listen top everyone but in the end I still do what I want depending how bad the feeling is. Maybee you just got it out of your system and you will feel better now. The truth is but that we all deal with pain differently and no one answer that works for you will work for me or anyone else at that matter. So Bottom line is in the end its about you and sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn there mistakes sometimes taking advice from someone who has already went through it is not enough.
And of course here another reason why I don't listen I have been telling myself this can't be happining to me she's definitely going to come back to me I no it. LOL u no what its not true this did happen to me and I'm going through it as we speak it happens to everybody. There's nothing wrong with it its normal in the dating world and that makes me get through it easier :) I hope this helps and it makes sense .
I can't wait to find someone new that new feeling , can't wait to see her everyday. That's what I'm looking forward to. Not worrying who my ex is kissing or sleeping with , she's gone I'm here and I'm ready to move on :)
Hope I can take my own advice lol
Send her a simple get well card, similar to what you'd do for a fellow employee or other casual acquaintance in the same situation. Leave it at that.
Yea I hear you maybee I will do that send her something small if she contacts me to tell me otherwise I tried and that's all I can do!
Yep I agree
I've had a pretty bad weekend. Basically here is my drunken text rants, feel free to comment. But I think I've blown it and I'm devastated. Why did I do this?
Me: "Im sorry if i was a bad boyfriend, i would do anything to make u happy again! I really mean that."
Her: "Just leave it now it wasnt meant to be."
Me: "But I don't believe that, i still think that im the one for you. You know me, what would i ever do to u? I love you, I really do."
Her: "I dont think you are. Im not the one for you give up on me . Im not the person you think i am anymore."
Me: Ok. I guess this is the real end. I will never forget you. Never. I saw you with me forever I know you did too. Im gutted its turned out like this. You'll be in my heart forever, that's how I feel towards you."
her: "I don't know what to say apart from you will find someone else."
me: "I don't know what to say either."
her: "There is nothing you can say."
me: There's a lot of things I could say. I just wish you'd feel the way i feel about you. Like i said before, if we were meant to be then it wud happen. I wont deny the feelings i have for u tho. I can't do much else."
Help.
Has anyone ever been through something similar?
Well you've had your rant, the score is still the same, you need to get over this and move on. This young lady is finished with you. She is moving on and wants you to as well.
I feel even worse after letting it all out. I thought it might of made me feel better. What a big mistake.
Well you can't undo it that's for sure. The only thing that will make you feel better is time and concentrate on other things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris08
Well,
You did it because you wanted to know if there were any feelings left in her, because that question of "WHAT IF" has been taunting you for the whole time you didn't maintain contact. I think you just got the closure you needed and although it may hurt, you will look back on this and see the good in this.. If someone tells you they are not the same person, We should really listen to them... Let's say even if she was to get back with you because time has passed and you and her were not together the relationship would have never gone back to what it use to be! And sometimes we make things out far more better to be than what they actually are...
Don’t commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
The reality is she may not be the woman you want her to be, or NEED to be with... What you had with her was one of love's lessons..
If he/she wants you nothing can’t keep them away
If they don’t want you nothing can make them stay
I understand. Thanks. It feels better knowing someone else knows/understands what's happening here. She has really confused me, I really do feel scared of another relationship, not with her, but with anyone. Scared of just getting hurt again. I think it's really put me off.
Experiences of love and lost
Were settling is a matter of personal pride
Not one of financial cost
As tears run down his face
The taste of saline sprinkles his lips
He looks at his hand
His wrist
His palm
Most importantly his fingertips
The most delicate sensory part
Of his entire hand
The one that differentiates
Hot from Cold
Hard from Soft
In this essential component
Of the machine of man
He stares at his fingertips
An epiphany blinds his eyes
At that moment
He begins to realize
That his fingertips
Are like life's lows and highs
From the arrogance of the Middle Finger
Defiant, on top, confident
Brash and Bold
To the Index Finger
The median of his life
That is always in control
From the deceptive height
Of Ring Finger love
To the inadequacy of rejection
Resulting in the short
Awkward Pinky stub.
He realized he lived his life
Traveling on his fingertips
He would stay at one for a period
Then often forced to make a trip
Then he examined his life
Which previously appeared
To be in complete control
And began to wonder how he got to this point
To the feeling that he has lost his Soul
His Spirit
His Love
His Peace
His Sleep
Then he realized
That he
Is Thumb Deep.
He has reached his lowest point
With nowhere else to fall
And the way to reach the control
Of the Index
Is to curl is fingers into a ball
Into a fist
And fight for his happiness
With his everything
With his all.
Man listen I broke down onece and texted I didn't say as much but I said what I wanted to. Sometimes it take saying your feelings to move on. From what she said that's it, there's no chance and she doesn't even want to try. There isn't anything anymore you can do you did what you felt is right and that's what's most important to you. Now if you do anymore your only hurting yourself and pushing her further cause she probably feels guilty now or mad that your putting her in this position. Again I don't think what you did was wrong it will become wrong VERY wrong if you contact her again man... Don't do it feel good that you got some sort of closure.
I understand you man. Yeh I definitely broke down, first time since the actual break up where I broke down in front of her face. 3 weeks ago. Times are tough, I'm fine if I'm out with my friends or doing something which takes my mind off her, but it's the times when I'm watching TV on my own or at work day dreaming if you know what I mean. I wish it would just all go away, I hate relationships, why do they always end in hurt? I'm really put off with them now, I don't think I could handle another one like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris08
I know that it hurts, but it is a part of growing and learning, so you can be more cautious the next time around.. It doesn't mean you have to live your life bitter because one relationship went sour. Of course you will think of her, and as time passes you will began to get better day and day.. I think you are missing her because you got use to being around her. This is what happens when you get in relationships and spend everyday together, not allowing space.. People can not do to us in which we allow them to do...
I made some rules for myself for the next relationship...
If someone wants you
If he/she wants you nothing can’t keep them away
If they don’t want you nothing can make them stay
The volume on your intuition is turned up don’t ignore it
Don’t make justification for their improper behavior
If they mistreated you why are you moping around as if they were the best thing in the universe? (Unless you like the abuse which I highly doubt)
Don’t try to change yourself in the liking of your mate.
Don’t try to make them happy if you are not happy.
If someone is mistreated you in your relationship and want to remain friends decline! Friends don’t mistreat friends.
Don’t stay with the hopes it will get better, you will only resent it in the long run, and dwindle in misery for letting time pass.
Don’t share friends, your partner friends should not be your friends.
Always be true speak your mind to your mate
You can’t change anyone’s behavior they have to change themselves
Don’t ever put your partner on a pedestal and make them more important than you are.
If they cheated with you they will cheat on you!
Don’t always be responsible for arguments even when you know they are wrong
Never look for someone to complete you, each person need to be THEIR own individual. Someone complimentary not supplementary.
There is nothing wrong with dating..
Don’t always be available to your partner; give each other space they will come around when they miss you.
Don’t commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
Don’t let anyone manipulate your mental state by telling you what you want to hear instead of showing you what you need to see.
Don’t neglect your hygiene and wonder why he/she don’t want to get intimate with you.
Don’t stalk, harass, pry into your partner’s personal life looking for signs you may find what you deserve.. Curiosity killed the cat!
I've made a closure on it all I think. I'm not going to contact her. I've had my rant and rave haven't I? Nobody but her will know if it has pushed me further away from her. I just really hate these words though... "you will find someone else." and "im not the same person anymore, im not the one for you." When she called me I could tell by the sound and attitude of her voice that she was different, seemed to be really stressed out with everything. I hope time does the business.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
I really wish I didn't have to keep messaging on this site, but such is life; the pain remains at present but the smile has now returned to my face, all be it mixed together with a tear or two at time.
You keep messaging here chris , that's what its all about , seems like you have your head screwed on right and you just have to let time take care of all this.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris08
Yes I come here and feel better it helps man. And I feel you its totally normal I feel like you are telling my story were all human it works almost the same for all of us.
Sometimes I feel like screwing it off. Lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Thanks anyway :)
Do not do that stay here talk that's what everyone is here for HELP!!
And it does help!
It does help me definite
I know mate don't worry, I'd never beat myself up over a girl, I never have and never will. Isn't worth it, is it? So let's enjoy single life and take each day as it comes, I'm determined to get through this, time will be my best friend.
Exactly now your talking!!
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