Yes, and why would she be showing up at a poker game? HMMM. Doesn't matter, you sent a strong message. Let her be confused, cause your not.
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Yes, and why would she be showing up at a poker game? HMMM. Doesn't matter, you sent a strong message. Let her be confused, cause your not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Thanks, I'll keep you updated.
Hopefully wth time, she will managed to realise she cannot control me anymore and that it's in all our best interests to be friendly for the sake of the child.
And I can no longer be disrespected, manipulated and emotionally abused by her.
Maybe she's realising that it is her loss. It will continue to be her loss, nevertheless.
Sounds like an ex-girlfriend of mine lol! I can't give you any insight on why she's the way she is, other than her alcohol use (and possibly other drugs as well.) I agree that there's something major that you don't yet know (and maybe never will.) But let's get down to business. First of all, is there a chance that it could be yours? If so, and if she truly believes that you're the father then once the child is born she'll probably come after you for child support. Then you'll need to insist on a DNA test (at your own expense, unfortunately). If you're the dad,then you petition for visitation, custody and whatever else you want to ask for. There's no guarantee you'll get everything you ask for but the more you ask for the more you'll get. Be sure to inform the judge of her alcohol use while pregnant (and possible abuse of other substances, given her hostile and erratic behavior.) At this point, all you can do is to do right by the child if in fact it is yours.
A further update. Today she sent me a text message asking '"wot is it i have done to piss u off?"
I don't know why she thinks she's pissed me off. I have just decided to avoid her, as advised to on here.
She's paranoid now? Or annoyed she hasn't got me on a leash?
Shall I continue the silence?
Thanks, snuffy
This is her little trick to get you to talk to her. She wants you to tell her... "No, I'm not mad at you." That way you would have broken NC, and then you will be right where she wants you.Quote:
Originally Posted by snuffy
Just don't reply to her. Don't give her any peace of mind or anything else she might want.
Of course you continue No Contact.
Yep definitely continue NC... feels good not to be on a leash right?
Hi, for those familiar with my story you may be more able to explain this:
I had been doing reasonably well with the no-contact thing but a few weeks ago regressed. She had texted me about naming our baby and said it's no thaving my surname as a middle name because she now 'doesn't like it and thinks it's horrible.'
This, despite a freely entered agreement to give the baby my surnam efor its middle name and her surname for his surname. A fair enough deal for me.
Anyway, I wasn't willing to be walked all over on this occasion so asserted myself. I said that I'm not happy with being taken for a mug and if necessary would seek legal advice about the baby's name. This caused a lot of nasty comments and threats that she would 'make it very awkward for rme now.'
I ignored it until recently. She'd called me and I answered and I said can we not sort thi sout amicably and reasonably. She wasn't interested. Told me my name is horrible and thatshe now 'hates me.' since I stood up for rmyself 3 weeks ago.
So does she really hate me? Or is this further attempt at manipulation of me/ my feelings. She thinks this will get to me. I just relied that it was an 'awful, horrible thing to say.'
I guess to a degree it does get to me, though more because it suggests I will have continuing problems with her in respect of this kid.
Would she really HATE me?? That is a strong emotion. Surely not?
P.s After the heated telephone discussion she ended up conceding and allowing me to have the middle name, as originally agreed.
This after me having to be more assertive and aggressive on the phone, and letting her know a few home truths about her disgraceful conduct during the relationship we had, and especially during this pregnancy (the threats that I'll never see the baby etc.) Normally I do not bite or respond with fire.
Maybe being more forceful in my arguments and telling her the truth about how she really can be despicable, have more of an effect on her.
I really wish it didn't have to be this way though.
Snuffy.
I wish she can understand this is a human life, and she is manipulating the situation, she is going to the extreme by telling you she hate's you, this could also be her hormones kicking in as well, I am sorry that I have not read the previous post, but I can say that you guys need some serious talking before the baby comes, as adults. It is not healthy to bring this bickering about with a new baby coming into this world. You and her have to be civilized and unfortanetly have to deal with each other for the rest of this child life... It seems to me that she is feeling some sort of way about you because of the situation, and being pregnant woemn can me very hormonal, don't take this too personal.. I think you should make peace for your sake and tha sake of this child... What ever bitter feelings you and her share should be set aside and the caring of this child should be first priority... okay I read your previous post, and her behavior towards you and her pregnancy, she has acted selfishly and neglectfully, but not because of any fault of you but because of her own guilt... she wants you to feel bad, (because she feels guilt obviously) I think that you guys need to talk seriously and without anyone putting the blame, let her know that it is about the baby and the well being of this child... let her know you are there for her. Ulitmately, before this baby is born you guys need to talk, and you need to listen, and so does she... for the child sake... make peace with her for the time being and let her know that you are there for her, being pregnant is a beautiful thing but there are also emotional barriers that a man just couldn't comprehend, physical, emotional, and even pyschologically... talk to her when she is ready, be supportive no matrter how much it bothers you... Remember you and her are over its about the future of your child... I hope I helped...
Followed all your posts, and my advice is the same as it was before. Leave her alone, and disappear from her life, until she has this child, and is more approachable. For sure you have tried to do the right thing, but it doesn't work. That you are seeing someone else also pisses her off. Enough of this drama, simply stay away, and wait for the child to be born, not easy, I know. But very necessary at this time.
It's been quite a while since I have posted anything here. Many of you will be aware of the history of me and the pregnant ex girlfriend.
Here's an update to the situation:
Generally things are going well, in that we are on talking terms (though we hardly talk). No unpleasantness now for the last 11 weeks which is pleasing.
The baby is due 7 weeks today.
I was speaking to mutual friends last week and apparently the following was said just 2 weeks ago:
- That she still 'loves' me. Even after all the drama and hassle and telling me how much she hates me.
- She thinks that hormones are partly responsible for her being so nasty and angry towards me.
- Thinks she may feel differently (ie nice) towards me after the baby is born. Could this mean she may be willing to make a go of things. ( I haven't given up hoping yet )
- She knows I will always do my best for rhe and the kid and knows I am good to her and will be.
She doesn't have any idea that I know what she's said.
So, what do I do? At the moment I am deep in revision for university exams,and that is my focus. They will be finished before 7 weeks. After exams are finished, I will be focusing on the impending arrival of baby.
I will hope to get with her, but at the moment I am still too scared to even suggest that this could happen. She probably has no idea what I am thinking. I really want to make a go of this, and given hard work on both our parts I think it could be successful.
This issue is still very tentative and unresolved.
Please bear in mind though that I have managed to cope very well with the fact she's not with me and I've been gracious and dignified so far. If she said no to us getting back, I could handle it far better than I thought, but I really would love things to somehow fall into place.
How do I proceed??
Thanks guys,
Snuffy
I would share your feelings with her, that's the only true way for her to know how you feel. I mean, you already know how she feels. If all feelings are out in the open, then things are easier to discuss between the two of you.
Also take into consideration the reason you broke up. Ask yourself this: Is that something that the child needs to be in the middle of? If that's okay, then proceed.
This is not third grade, where we send messages though friends to see how the otheris.
While this could well be hormones going the other way and she does really hate you but was having the mommy/daddy moment in feelings.
If you are still there for her, tell her
Just keep the peace until the baby is born. If she is cool now, don't rock the boat.
With a lot of drugs and alcohol which didn't help. Stop rationalizing her bad behavior and bring that child into the world. Then the parents can talk and see about what comes next.Quote:
She thinks that hormones are partly responsible for her being so nasty and angry towards me.
The whole story, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2720684
Wow, she loves you, she hates you, you love her, you hate her, she wants to be together, she wants to be apart, ditto for you, the baby's yours, or maybe not, she drinks and she's pregnant. Jeese, I don't know, I say marry the girl, sounds like you'd have a wonderful life together!
Personally, I would wait until the baby is born, get custody and raise your child, she isn't fit to be a parent and you don't need her to raise your child. Why do you want to be with this girl, from what I've read in your previous posts this relationship is volatile at best, why set yourself up for that?
Good Luck.
Focus on your child, not on her.
Time has not fully healed me, an I doubt whether it will.
I have become stronger and gained a more detached perspective of the situation, but the fact that my ex is carrying my baby (and due to give birth in 4 weeks) has become a big distraction for me recently.
I am sick and tired of being told be her friends that she thinks she will get back with me after she has given birth to our baby. When all I get is no obvious indication that she feels that way at all.
I do not think that she has had any regard for my feelings and how it is all affecting me, which is grossly unfair, as I am sensitive to her feelings and needs.
This is going o be even harder than I imagined to be able to move on.
It just doesn't feel right that I am about to become a father yet the mother of the baby isn't with me, and still to this day, for no apparent given reason.
I am so frustrated and low about this.
Time has not fully healed me, an I doubt whether it will.
I have become stronger and gained a more detached perspective of the situation, but the fact that my ex is carrying my baby (and due to give birth in 4 weeks) has become a big distraction for me recently.
I am sick and tired of being told be her friends that she thinks she will get back with me after she has given birth to our baby. When all I get is no obvious indication that she feels that way at all.
She ain't with you now, and thats a fact, and has behaved badly for sure. Why would you even care at this point after what you have been put thru, spit at, and rejected, by this very dilly female.
I do not think that she has had any regard for my feelings and how it is all affecting me, which is grossly unfair, as I am sensitive to her feelings and needs.
She doesn't and she wont, and your an ...........for letting her treat you that way. Really guy do you want that for the rest of your life? I would love to aknowledge your good heart, but it is wasted on this idiot. And for far to long, men don't act that way.
This is going o be even harder than I imagined to be able to move on.
You should have started yesterday, or months ago when this started. Being with her is futile, being a father to your child has nothing to do with her anyway. Does it?
It just doesn't feel right that I am about to become a father yet the mother of the baby isn't with me, and still to this day, for no apparent given reason.
She, for whatever reason doesn't care for you nor herself very much, given her actions in your other posts. Forget her just be a good father, thats all you have to do and the court will help with the details if she acts like the idiot she is. You are not alone, this same thing happens to millions of people.
I am so frustrated and low about this.
I can imagine you are but, is it hurting and frustrating enough to motivate you to do the right thing, and be a good dad, despite the crazy ex? Only you can answer that, and I wish you luck!
I don't know the backdrop to the story but I want to say that you need to beware what you hear through the grapevine. Not all things you hear are in their original unedited context. Friends may spin the meaning of things (knowingly or not) and you might not hear the right information.
Either way, bottom line is the baby should be both of your priorities, and if it isn't hers, maybe you need to do something about that (e.g. custody)...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2794249,
HERE IS HIS STORY.
Talaniman,
I'm not EXPECTING anything from her.
What is troubling me is the possibility that she may want me back. She was not a horrible bi***h for the first 7 months that I met her. And she has only really been disgusting towards me since pregnant. The whole thing is inexplicable.
I digress.
What is really troubling me is the thought that she may well really want me back, which is stopping me moving on. I'm not saying I think she will, but I'm not ruling it out.
Surely you appreciate how difficult it is to totally put the idea out of my mind that she may want to sort things out.
I would gladly move on and make myself open to new relationships but I have alrwady witnessed, at first hand, my exs negative reaction to my even going for a drink with another female. (Which suggests to me she hasn't quite totally put me out of the picture.)
I am incredibly sad, angry and frustrated about everything (yes the three elements of depression), though my friends do not realise I am depressed. I hide it.
It is so, so difficult to give up on this. If she was not pregnant it would be easy. But like many things in life, this particular peculiar situation is patently not easy, and it just so, so convoluted and complex.
I am not going to rock the boat now, but please try to understand that I am in some state of suspension, in the regard that I will inevitably have to rock the boat after th ebaby is born, if only to get a final, definitive answer.
"Can we work this out or not, no pressure, no rush, but I need to feel respected again and treated with respect whether you want to make things work again or make it final that we will NEVER get together."
I need an answer about this to close the door on it.
It's yes or no. I'd rather have a resounding no and be treated with respect as baby's daddy than a maybe.
Do you see where I am coming from?
Thanks, Snuffy.
Snuffy,
The thing is, you will never be able to "close the door". She is the mother of your child, so there will be some involvement between the two of you in the future almost positively. However, you say that she gets upset when you go out so you think she hasn't put you out of the picture.
Look at this situation as if it were your best bud asking you for advice. He tells you that his ex who broke up with him gets angry when he goes out with women, so he is going to stop going out with other women and stop moving on. What would you tell him? Would you tell him that she is good for him? Would you tell him that he needs to talk to her and see if he can work things out?
I need an answer about this to close the door on it.
No you don't! Your a father, or will be, baby mama will be in your life a long time and either you man up and set the pace, then she will as she has already done.
It's yes or no. I'd rather have a resounding no and be treated with respect as baby's daddy than a maybe.
For your own good stop giving her the power to decide your actions, you will never get respect that way.
Do you see where I am coming from?
Yes I do, Inexperience and confusion and hesitation. All the signs of youth. Make your own path is my advice and the hell with what she says.
1-No contact until the baby is born, just to cut down on drama, confusion, and contact.
2-Confirm that it is indeed your child, to cut down on drama, confusion and conflicts later.
3-If its yours, set up child support and visitations thru the courts, along with joint custody. Just because thats the correct thing for a man to do with a contentious baby mama. This will also give you the power of the law, to preserve not only your fatherly rights, but have a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship with your child and be in his/her life. It also takes any BS from her out of the equation.
4-What her friends say is totally irrelevant, as her actions have already put you on notice as to her instability. Do you really think she will change and be Ms. Wonderful, and present you with future happiness? You already have had a preveiw of life with her.
Time to MAN up and do whats right, with or without her, you don't need her consent or approval for anything I have written, do you see where I'm coming from?
Snuffy--
Tal's absolutely right--the course of action you need to follow does not depend in any way on anything she thinks or feels or wants or decides or does. It's not about her at all. If you think it is, you're still not seeing the situation clearly. It's about the baby, and about you.
Step One: Wait until the baby is born.
Step Two: Get a DNA test to find out whether you are, in fact, the father.
Step Three: Wait until Step Two is completed.
Hey all,
Just wanted to inform everybody that my baby son was born on Friday morning.
My ex-girlfriend called me in the early hours to ask me to be there (in hospital) and I went.
Seeing your newborn baby has got to be the greatest feeling in the world. It is instant love.
All my fears of the worst happening (not being abe to see baby and getting a hard time off the ex) have not materialised. In fact, she, her family have been absolutely excellent. It is a complete turnaround. I am so, so delighted.
I genuinely think, having talked to her, that she is going to fine with me, as I am with her, and that we are going to be the greatest parents we can be to our baby son, whatever the circumstances are between us.
Seeing that newborn gorgeous baby has taken away all the pain and troubles of the last 8 months. I am so glad that I followed advice and did not do or say anything silly to the ex girlfriend, when it would have been far easier to vent my understandable anger and frustration back at her.
I have managed to not make things worse between us by following Talaniman and others' advice, and this really has, I think, enabled things to be easy, not-at-all awkward, and I am sure we have the foundation to be friendly with each other, co-operative and good parents.
Perhaps, (again, as people on here said to me) I under-estimated the impact of hormones, her relatively young age (18), the fact she will be very scared of what's happening to her body, added to the fact that others will have been filling her head with all sorts of crap. Yes she may have drunk and been obnoxious, but really NONE OF THAT MATTERS. It is all water under the bridge, and like I said that baby has made me, and her, the happiest people on this planet.
I don's expect us to get back together, and it doesn't have any bearing on how we will bring up our baby, but never say never. Maybe, just maybe, one day there is a chance we can all be together. I won't rule it out. With work and mutual commitment, who knows? I'm not going to jump the gun or get hopes high for no reason, but I think it is also healthy to keep an open mind and to go with the flow. I have learnt some very important lessons about myself and about how to react to situations with the girlfriend. In all I feel I have come out of this a far more mature person, and her too.
Yours happy,
Snuffy :)
Ps That baby is 100% mine, he is my double. :) I love my life right now.
Congrats!! That's awesome, couldn't be happier for you!
That's great! We are all really happy for you! Good luck, and you have a great adventure ahead of you! I hope you enjoy the ride!Quote:
Originally Posted by snuffy
Congratulations again,
-Jamie
Congratulations. The fact that you and the mother will never be together does unfortunately have great bearig on the way the baby develops. That's kind of sad, but I am sure you will do the best you can for awhile. Again, CONGRATULATIONS.
Any fool can sire a child. It takes a man to be a father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by westnlas
Never say never ;)
If it ever becomes what we both want, and can be truly a loving and healthy relationship then we can be together one day. (I'm just saying that I don't expect it and that it won't affect how we individually and mutually love and raise our beautiful baby.)
Everything happens for a reason.
Que sera sera.
All we are btoh concened with at the moment is putting our baby as the number one priority and he will remain the number one priority no matter what happens between me and baby mother.
Congrats!
So glad to hear that she let you in on this special event and that you did get to see him.
Some dads tend to get jealous because the baby needs more attention, but since you don't expect any, you'll be able to give the baby as much attention and love without the 'what about me' part. That will relieve the mom of a lot of stress too - so play your cards right and you might just wind up raising a happy kid together.
Try your best to tolerate her family so that their influence will fade...
Good luck.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif
You have much to be proud of, and a whole lot to look forward to. Keep growing.
Many many congratulations! What fantastic news! I think you will make a fab father!
I got my very first father's day card yesterday too. That was a nice touch.
Seeing baby again tomorrow, I am very excited!
I guess the lesson to learn is that things can end up being a lot better than you expect and that the advice was right to be very very patient (to the point of bending over backwards) and appreciating the difficulty that a girl is in when pregnant.
I can honestly say that seeing our baby makes up for all the pain I have ever suffered in the past. My outlook has changed forever.
All so far so good.
Thanks for all your invaluable advice people, and thanks for being there when I have had times of trouble.
Snuffy.
Hi Snuffy,
Congratulations!! I wish you all the best! I am so happy for you! And Happy Belated Father's Day :)
Ohhhh Congrats Snuffy :) Good luck in rasing him up!
Congrats Snuffy. Any pictures?
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d1...athersday2.jpg
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d1...-Firstfeed.jpg
Here; pictures of baby's very first feed, at 20 minutes old, and above, a picture of him on Father's day.
Snuffy
Congrats Snuffy! He is absolutely gorgeous! A little bundle from heaven!!
How much did he weigh? I'm guessing about 7 pounds 4 ounces?
Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Thank you, he is beautiful!
6lbs 13 1/2oz
Ah, I was close! LOL
Babies are such miracles!! I am thankful every time I deliver a beautiful and healthy baby, and to watch the interaction of the families.
You will make a great Daddy, I'm sure of that!!
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