No - if they cheated don't ever take them back. Trust is broken. Find a gal you can respect and trust.
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No - if they cheated don't ever take them back. Trust is broken. Find a gal you can respect and trust.
Unfortunately, if I still understand this correctly, they live in the same house, and pay for it together. I'ts kind of difficult to stop and ignore someone still there.Quote:
Originally Posted by salsagev007
As for you, dear, follow your heart and gut feelings, because there is also a gift that we are given, the gift of forgiveness and understanding. Once you realize that you are not 100 percent perfect either, that's a good first step. Maybe you just 'enclosed' her too much and she ran scared? Did that ever happen to you? Think about it. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving.
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I Dnt Know How My Situation Compares To Yours But After My Huband Left Me I Met This Seemingly Nice Man. I Was Able To Open Up To Him. He Knew I Had Children And We Started The Bf Gf Thing After Awhile And Then After Awhile Moved Intogether. It All Seemed Nice. He Had My Parents Fooled. He Had My Dad Believing He Would Marry Me And The Way He Kept Saying When We Get Married And This Is What Our House Will Look Like. Then One Day All Of A Sudden Hes Not My Boyfriend. I Asked Him What's He Talking About And He Said Ill Never Be In Love With You The Way You Want Me To And You And I Will Never Marry And ( Imagine This In A Mocking Voice Like A Drunk Texan In A Bar) Im Still In Wuv With Tina. Bla Bla.why In The Heck He Want Relize That She's Playing With Him Ill Never Know. But Because Of Perfect Size 0 Blue Eyed Vulcanish Tina I Could Stay There Until I Got Things Straight And Then I Had To Get The Hell Out Of His House. Well I Decided That There Was No Way In Hell I Was Sleeping In The Same Bed Any More And Stopped Sleeping With Him Period. He Started Getting All Emotionally Abusive Towards Me And I Always Had To Pretend To Be On My Period Cause He Wouldn't Leave Me Alone. I Finally Moved Out To Georgia And Now He Calls Over Here Apologizing And Smacking His Gums. He Told Me If Tina Won't Take Him He Might Just Come See Me And We Could Try And Get Back Together. I Said No Way In Hell And Thanks For Making Me Second Choice Buddy. And Now He Keeps Hinting About Asking Me To Marry Him. Well I Find That I Dnt Know What I Saw In Him In The First Place And I Really Dnt Find Him Attractive Anymore. If I Had To Wake Up Next To His Face Everymorning Id Puke.
So glad you paid attention to that light bulb going on.Seems like nowadays everyone wants to move in together after knowing each other for a very short time(shackin' back in the day).But when the heat of passion cools or the real person shows up watchout.misery pain hatred... on and on.Yeah its cheaper and more convenient to have girl/boyfriend right there,but then comes the emotional and financial cost of breaking up can be a real b... h!Hell, married couples break up at a 50% rate what makes you think you can beat those odds.I've been marrid 30 years and trust me Ihave to work as hard now as when we first met NO JOKE!When you have kids its got to be even tougher when those shackin' arrangements don't work out.But the goods news since you were not married you don't have carry his name around :)Good luck on getting it back together go forward not backward. :)
What happened? I thought this was Matt's post? :o
I did too, the caps are freaking me out as well. Matt, how is everything going?
I agree with Jeff and Momincali. How about your input Matt...
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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My Mum & Step-Dad have just split up and they did just as you are doing. Being on the outside I was bale to see what was going on. My mum told me how she felt as did my step dad.
My Mum wanted space and my Step-Dad just wanted to put things right.
The living room became my Step-Dad's space and the sofa his Bed. My mum kept herself away in her room when she was home and resorted to going out frequently with her friends. They stayed that way for months purely for financial reasons. I tried to help; but they were beyond help. My Mum did not want to stay in the relationship; but my Step-Dad did. My step-dad has now moved out and it looks as though we will be selling our house after xmas.
My Step-dad does not really have a lot of friends; but he does have a hobby - Football. He is able to socialise with others and keep his mind occupied. Not only does he play but he also coaches. If he did not have that, then I am not sure he would be able to cope.
So Fredg is right, you need to take up a hobby of some sort; one which enables you to meet others and keep your mind occupied. Some sort of sport would be ideal. It release lots of positive energy and allows you to feel a whole lot better in yourself. In time you will put everything in perspective and see things in a new light.
Why don't you also make an appointment with your bank manager to discuss your financial problems; I am sure they will be able to find a way to help and assist with your current financial problems.
Please don't put yourself through un-necessary stress, it's nothealthy and can make you very ill over a prolonged period. It's hard but you will get through it!
Hey all... saw a few people were looking for me... I'm doing OK I guess. Things are still the same, living together, and all that stuff. I am finding this whole thing hard though because living together like this makes it feel like we're still together. She hasn't really been going out a lot so we've been spending a lot of time together. I have of course asked her about us and if anything has changed and she says no... but I'm kind of getting mixed feelings here... she says we're not together but we've been doing a lot together just like we used to. It's almost like she's getting her cake and eating it too. But I'm just sticking it out, seeing what happens. As always, thank you all for being here for me. I'll get back on soon I hope to see how everyone's doing. Thanks again!
Glad to hear from you again.Seems not much has changed except your girlfriend has moved on,at least her feelings have if not her body.I think I know your problem,MONEY, right.How about moving in with a friend until the house can be sold so you can get enough money together to live away fom your gf/roomate?You do sound pretty miserable where your at.When married couples finally get divorsed and move out it can be a very hectic time,but they seem to get it back together after a time.Most of the guys and gals I know have been split up before some more than once, and they all seem to bounce back just fine.Question -Have either you or your girlfriend tried dating some one else during this so called break-up?:cool:
Hi, I have gone through this situation also as well as my best friend. I met my husband when I was 18 and nine years and two kids later I have wondered what it would have been like to being out on my own. I married the first guy I ever had a relationship with, and believe me in the beginning of our marrige it wasn't easy. When we were dating I really didn't have the desire to be with anyone else or be on my own because he took care of me and everything was fine. Until we had our first child, got married, and bought our house all in one year. For me, being thrown into domestication with a husbnd and a child all at the age of 21 made me freak out a bit. I loved my husband but I wanted that freedom and independence that most people have in their early twenties and I fought with these feelings for a long time. But I came to the conclusion that although as much as I wanted my space or freedom I really love the guy I was with, and Is it worth throwing that away for some fun? I also had my child to think about. My best friend though is in the opposite direction, she has been with her boyfriend for nine years and is on the verdge of a "break" for those same reasons. She struggles with this far more often than I do. Probably because she is in a better situation to call for a break, They don't have any kids and don't live together, so there decisions effect only themselves. I wish I had some advice for you that would help you change her mind but this is something she needs to figure out on her own. If she feels that strongly about it than you need to let her go and hopefully she will realize what she has. I have some single friends and the grass isn't always greener on the other side and she may figure that out. I personally don't believe in breaks, because your basically allowing that person to leave you, have their fun with the hopes of them coming back and establishing a relationship with you. I always thoght them to be kind of selfish. Either they want to be with you or not. Its either worth it to give up or not. But to each there own. I hope she realizes what she has with you and makes the right decision. Good luck!-bizygurl(aka-hanabelle);)
Thank goodness you responded. But I don't like the sound of the way you are consoled with the state of things. I hope you get on again to read these posts, even if you don't respond back that soon. Why not try to be busy yourself sometimes, even when she stays home? Try to make yourself unavailable too for a while because she's of the opinion that you will always be there and that she can count on you. Change the table around a few times and make her wake up. Babe, don't get maudlin on us, please - it's the season to be happy now, and you need a big dose of that. Try seeing some kids in the hospital and bring them some cheer, or maybe other social events that don't cost much, but get out and don't seclude yourself. Wishing you all the best, dear and keep in touch.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_2_106.gifHappy Holidays!
Hey all... been a while huh? OK, so after 4 months now (almost anyway) I've decided that I am in no way shape or form over her. She just went out tonight with and old flame as "friends" and I feel like dying. She went with her friend and his friend too, so 4 of them. She tells me "he has a girlfriend" but who cares? I don't know, I just need to talk about this I guess. I have no money to get out of this house yet and I have almost no furniture since everything is hers. I'm so screwed right now. Now I feel like I'm throwing a pity party but I'm not. I just don't know what to do. Allow me to sound like a wimp right here, but all I am doing tonight is crying. I have been in many relationships but this girl is the one.. I know she is. Why doesn't she feel the same way? God, I don't know what to do. Anyway, no need to respond to this... just wanted to get it out.
I do need to respond. Why are you crying over somebody that does not want to be with you or feel the same about you. If this was the girl for you then she would feel the same about you but she does not. You need to move on. I know you just wanted to get it out and we will always be here to have an open ear and also give advice or opinions and of course support.
Joe
Dude - read your post. No women would want to be with a guy who wrote a post like that. Seriously. SNap out of it!!
I hate to be harsh... but SNAP OUT of it. Move on. No WOMEN ever wants a needy, crying, jealous, INSECURE, whimpy.
She is/WAS only part of your life, not your life... move on it's over. She's moved on.
I have a feeling you don't want to leave that house because of her. Get out of that house.
OBVIOUSLY you have DONE NOTHNG TO IMPROVE YOURSELF OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS. Sitting there evey night in self pitty.
Dude - again - learn about women, change yourself,
Women want a confident, independent, mature, secure guy... you put too much presaure on her being this lovely dovey whimp.
She doesn't feel for you man because you're an insecire, needy, jealous, whimp.
You shuld be laughing about this by now and moving on - YET, after 4 motnhs you are in the same place.
You need to be the guy when you first met - yet she sees this whimp now... she'll NEVER have those feelinsg again for you because of eho you are now - move on dude - this ones done.
I told you this stuff before, but here we go again - do yourself a favor and read EVERYTHING in these articles... NO WOMEN WANTS A 'NICE GUY' WHIMP.
Go to www.askmen.com and read evry dating article... evry article - including Doc Love.
www.sosuave.com - read everything!!
www.lovetactics.com - read all the free articles.
www.relationships.blog-city.com - read about how women really are.
Women are not attracted to needy whinny whimps nice guys - just a fact.
I believe you. I'm sure you love her more than yourself. But, you can't love her more than you love yourself. You have to love yourself first. There is no answer straight up for what you're going through that I have. All I got for you is you have to stand tall and focus on what you believe is good for you. Its not always about her. Don't let other people take you away from yourself. You will be lost. Find yourself again and start making decisions that are best for you. You already know what you need to do. You just won't follow through because there will be reaction and your not sure if you will like it. If you start making your own decisions you will feel better.Quote:
Originally Posted by mattyd22
LMF (later my friend)
Yep - you have to love yourself first. It NOT being conceited.
You have have this gal on a pedestal and she HATES it!! Women should EARN the right to be your equal AND never pass you up in importance... that's WAY too pmuch pressure on a women - women aren't perfect... this gale is clearly NOT perfect.
I still don't understand why you live there or why she does - get out.
I understand your point wildcat, but I have improved myself over the past 4 months... a lot. As for why I am still here... I have to be, I have no choice. I am going to declare bankruptcy within the next couple of weeks because I have no money. I am in a lot of debt and simply cannot afford it. I have no friends who need a roommate and I cannt stay with family. If everyone here understood all the facts it would be easier for you to understand my position. Do I still love her? Yeas I do, but that is not the only reason I am still here. I don't want to leave, but I know I have to suck it up and move on. I know you are being straight forward wildcat, but I do not need to be told in such harsh ways. I appreaciate you trying to help, but I only feel worse when I read your responses. I need caring, loving responses right now. I need friends. Not people yelling at me telling me I'm nuts. Thanks guys. Till next time...
I still think you need a wake up call. I don't waqnt you to pbe in this position ever again with a women.
After 4 months I guess we are as frustrated as you are so don't take it personally,but you do need to do sometthing about your living arrangements since you can't afford to live there,and the only thing I can recommend is an apartment you can afford or sub-lease the home you have,a simple ad in the newspaper may get results or a real estate agent.FYI,sometimes friends tell you what you need to hear not what you want hear,lighten up!
Your story like mine.. she will never ever back to you trust me and you will see that!! Whatever you trying to get her back she will not.. sorry to say that but its true because that's what happened to me exactly and I still want him back to my life.. my advice to you forget her and start dating another ladys that's will work.
I know what I need to hear and I understand what wildcat is saying, but I don't need to hear it over and over and over again. As for the house, I cannot sublease it as it is not mine. I cannot afford an apartment around here at all. All I can do if find a roommate but none of my friends need a roommate at this time and I probably will never just "find" a roommate and live with someone I don't even know. If I sound bitter or angry at any of you I sincerely appoligze, but like I said, I just need to talk to friends here and not get yelled at or have the same thing constantly get beaten into my head. I know I have to suck it up and move on, I know that. But please, just let me be sad, let me mourn, and let me seek people to console me because I need that right now. Thank you.
Maybe if you hear it over and over again. It will sink in and you will realize that your putting yourself through things that you can get out of and stop using your stuck as an excuse not to make a move. Even if it does mean you need help from even government to stay somewhere. >
In the four months you 've been stuck you could have moved back with mom and dad and had a dollar in your pocket by now,you don't need anymore consoling you need some action!
Hi,
This original question (post) is almost 4 months old!
Well, thanks for sugesting moving in with mom and dad, but I cannot, not because I don't want to, I just can't. I turned to you guys to help me through this as nobody in my "real" life seems to care, and it seems that nobody on here wants to deal with me anymore either so I am moving on... Thank you to the ones that did talk to me compasionatley, I appreaciate your imput. I wish everyone here the best of luck.
Son, after listening to your problem for 4 months and reading all the good advice that has been given I expect you to quite whining and get a plan of action and do it! I don't know what the deal is with your parents but in 4 months you could have made a reasonable decision as to how to deal with your situation, so forget that nobody loves me crap and stand on your own two feet.As you can tell I hate seeing some one sit on the pity pot and go with the woe is me routine so get busy and make us proud of you,Is this sinking in yet cause I'm tired of repeating myself and your still sitting on the same spot.:cool:
There was a lot outstanding advice given here.
The solution for this guy is for her to come running back in to his arms - WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
She sees this pitty-party, feeling sorry for himself guy... n oway she wants him. What a drag.
I bet $1 million she is repulsed by him.
Move on dude - get some confidence back.
I would advise moving I nwith your parents - you need a massive change I nyour life.
And this gal isn't coming back - and yet you have to see her every day - and I bet she craps on you as well and you take it. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Change your life pal now!
And moving in with your parents may not be cool, but you can save money. I don't know what your financial situation is, but it sounds like you spent money a little too freely... women hate that as well. I sounds like you let a lot of things slide in your life over this women. Not good. I bet this whole things has effected your work as well - not good.
See AGAIN - when you put a women up on a pedestal.
Wake UP - she left you!! She's with another guy or guys. Do you really want that back?? NO!
There are other women out there!! It happened to me many times to count... AND I always found a better.
This gal isn't your sloe mate, if she was, she'd be with you. This is is a learning experince.
Get out of that house, she isn't coming back - especially in this situation.
Dear Matty, we can support you with experience,advice and try to help you build up your self-confidence again. The rest is up to you, so please don't hang your head and walk out on this, as running away will never help you now or in the future. We are here for you 24/7, to help, but the only one who can actively do something to change your life is you.
You could rent the house out to someone else and use that money to find a small place, or you could sell it and start over. Let her fend for herself - she needs to learn a lesson too and you don't need to be her 'knight in shining armor' since she has not come close to you since the last time we posted, so you know where you stand. This might hurt like heck now, but it will pass and make you stronger - make her pick up the tab for herself and you take care of Number One - YOU!
If you do rent out, she'll either have to get along with them, or move herself, but you are making it too easy for her - STOP doing this.
Get back with us, please.
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To be blunt - why would you want to be with this girl? She put you in a bad position here.
You have grow, learn, build confidence. Your current living situation won't allow that.
Hello all, me again. Well, I decided to come back just to see what you guys are saying. Wildcat, I really do appreaciate you trying to help, but the way you speak to me is absolutely horrible. I know you're all about being blunt and all, but calling me "pal" and acting like you know my entire situation is plain wrong. You even stated that I spend money too freely? How the heck do you know? The truth is that I git into some money problems when I was younger and am still struggling to pay it off, not to mention family problems which require me to help out. I bust my *** day in and day out to make ends meat and never treat myself to the finer things in life. Perhaps you have that luxury, but I do not. I am not trying to sound rude here, but please, syop posting in this thread if you are going to continue to make me feel like a piece of s**t. You want blunt, there it is. Again, I appreaciate you trying to help me, but you are not. Your approach may help some, but not me, and I am sorry for that. As for you others who have given me what I need (compassion, and just talking NICELY) I thank you from the bottom of my heart. When I read your posts I feel better and I get a good outlook on life (sorry wildcat, but when I read yours I just get outraged and feel like crap). All I wanted was some friends I could TALK to and most of you have given that to me, and again, I thank you for that. As for my situation, I discussed it with the ex and she is going to let me start paying her less for my part of the mortgage and all so I can save some money for a place (she recently received a raide at work and can afford to pay more than she has... very sweet of her for helping me out). Like I said, I know I need to get out and I have been trying to, now I can start. Things have continued to be civil in the house, and we actually have fun as friends latley. It is known that nothing will be the same between us, and I am beginning to accept that. As a matter of fact, I have been talking to a great girl and it seems as if something may be developing with her and it feels great. I am however kind of holding back, being cautious. I just don't want to get hurt again, but she is really sweet and has made it known that she likes me a lot. We'll see how things pan out there. Guess that's it for now, just an update for you guys. Thank you again everyone!
Good for you bud! A lot of times the "tuff love" thing is the only way to drive the point home. I know it was with me, but hey, everyone is different. I think (for the most part) people need to be slapped out of that "feeling sorry for themselves" phase, and reality has to hit. Its cool that it doesn't work for you though. I was wondering what ever became of this situation... that's great that she is helping you out, she probably understands that this situation itsnt the best for the both of you. Also, that's good that you are "holding back" because I REALLY don't think you should pursue this anymore, just move on. She is helping you out of her life now, and you should take that for what it is, not something else. Good luck with your situation, just take some time for you now. Ive got a new gal after about 6 months and I am just going day by day, nothing more. Best wishes, Jeff.
You needed tough love and still do, because nothing changed. You needed massive change.
I believe you're in the friend zone.
Dear Mattyd.. glad your situation is changed and you feel a little more comfortable. The rest will eventually fall into place for you. Please be careful about the new 'rebound' relationship and be as fair to her as you'd expect from other women from now on, being burnt as you were. Just take care, be yourself, and take it slowly so that you'll be able to breathe debt-free and stress-free air for a change.
The best of luck and wishes,
Chery
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