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No you are not out of line, yes it is strange about her faith and what she is doing, believe it or not, she used to go to the chapel and pray for many hours at least 3 to 4 times a week, and she had considered becoming a NunQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
I hear you but for some reason after hearing her past and jumping from guy to guy and claiming its just friends almost sounds like a front to me. Reason being is maybe if her family knew exactly what she was doing and what she does, they would be very disappointed so therefore she always throws out the whole "its against my religion" line. I don't know all the provisions of becoming a nun but I thought you had to be a virgin. I know there are some religions that you can go threw some type of spiritual cleansing and numerous classes etc but I don't think the catholic religion is one of them. Anyway, I think your doing the right thing by just leaving her alone. I truly don't think she knows what she wants and is playing a very dangerous game by leading people to believe she is truly in love with them and making long term plans and then in a year or so changing her mind again. Keep in mind, she has done this once to this William guy already. She knows what he is all about, so why is she back with him? Only she knows why and the intentions do not sound good to me. There is already trouble because he is looking at her phone records etc, I think there is a lot that she isn't telling you. But that's part of her game, she only tells you what she thinks you need to hear or want to hear to keep you close in case things don't work out again with William or until someone else comes into the picture. It's a very dangerous game and all involved will be hurt if your not careful.
Thanks for telling me what you think, I know she is always concerned about what people think and that's one reason why this is so weird, I know when she was living with this guy 4 years ago her family was very upset, I do think she has keep things from me, I am not sure why she's back with this guy, she says he's changed and they both had issues in the past and are moving on, I am thinking you agree she is going to be in a train wreak.Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you... are you going to welcome her with open arms?? I think that is your biggest dilemma.
Yes I think you are right, I do love her very much, and everyone I know thinks she is very special, she has such a big heart, she would help others when she could, did a lot of volunteer work at the nursing home too, but not any more, her guy wants her to spend as much time with him as she can, my 2 best friends say she is worth waiting for. But I cannot take her back having her only part time, she I think is very confused, its sad she has done so much for allot of people, it seems she cannot help herself.Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
I think you know what you have to do then.
I guess I will be there to be a friend if she needs one and it looks like we all agree she will maybe need a friend someday, I guess I will see when it happens, but I think it could be awhileQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
Should I not be there as a friend if she needs one ? Is that what you mean ?Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
BE a friend if she needs one. She seems extremely confused at the moment. Let her be and let her know if she ever needs someone to even talk to you'll be there for her.
That's my plan, I will put it in the card with the book and then I am not contacting her again. And I am thinking I will be hearing from her in the future, in the meantime I will be doing allot of prayingQuote:
Originally Posted by Foxy459459
Yes and no, you have to be careful though
As for being there when she comes back, is that what you mean ?Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
I am saying that you should be a friend but not get involved with her romantically again.
I see, I would only get involved if I was convinced she really wanted to be with me and that would take some timeQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
What has got me so confused is that she's planing to marry him and moved in with him after 6 or 7 weeks, why is she in such a hurry ?Quote:
Originally Posted by lynxwizard
Because she is confused and at the same time feeling that she is getting older and needs to settle down. Maybe her family doesn't see this guy for who he really is and accepts him and in her eyes that makes her look good.
Maybe, but I know her family would not like her living with him not being marriedQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
That's my point, that's why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows that's the only way it will be acceptable. She need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah... and in her eyes she will be OK with her family because they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didn't work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here??
Yes I do see a pattern, I hope I am strong enough to not take her back if she is messed up as I think she will be, but she would also have to get stronger feelings for me, she needs to be on her own, 6 to 7 months ? We will have to keep in touch to watch this play outQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
But I do know a few people who know her including me, and she has said nothing about being engaged.Quote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
But I do think you are rightQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
Yes most definetely keep me informed, I am interested to see what she does next.
Well I am sending her the prayer book, in it I said if she ever needs anything anytime to call me and I would be there for her. She should get it Monday and I will be on vacaton for 2 weeks, I will not contact her again unless she contacts me, My consoler said the sooner I let go of this and have faith the sooner something good will happen and he said it could be her, but he said I have to have faith, I believe this, I will wait and see what happens, I think Kanicky and Foxy you are right I am going to be hearing from her in the future when it comes crashing down, I will keep you all posted.
I agree with your counselor and you should really listen. As long as you have feelings of being with her, you cannot be her friend. I think it so unhealthy you would hold out hope that she will bust up with her current b/f and then you will be there. What a tremendous waste of time putting your life on hold for maybe, or what if. Stop contacting this female, and let it go, and focus on being happy in your own life without her period. This situation is to unhealthy and you must remove yourself, and move on. Your heart is giving you FALSE hope and has you stuck so get healthy and see this situation for what it is. You are just another option for this female, and need to get your own life in order. She is unavailable for what you want and so should you be because if she felt as you do she wouldn't be living with another man would she? She has told you how she feels, and its you who refuse to accept it, and let this whole unhealthy thing go.
I do accept how she is feeling and the current status of her life, but you are right I have to get my life back, and if she comes back I will deal with it, if not so be it. There is nothing wrong with hope, so I don't agree with that, I am looking to my faith to get me out of this rut and it will.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Your holding false hope and has nothing to do with faith, but a lot to do with denial.Quote:
there is nothing wrong with hope, so I don't agree with that, I am looking to my faith to get me out of this rut and it will.
Could be some truth to that, but you know anything could happenQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
And I would have to disagree with you but it has allot to do with faith.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Just got back from a few days hiking trip, well she sent me a email after she got the prayer book, I had enclosed with it that I would be praying for her when I am in Colorado in a few days, this was her response.
Thanks for the last sharing you sent to me. That sounds so fun and holy
Trip you are going to make.
I know God is with you since you asked & seek. And thank you so much for
Praying for me. I really appreciate that.
Have a nice trip & God bless you always,
I sent back a reply (maybe I should not have) just saying your welcome and I told her about my hiking trip and she was in my prayers, no response back.
Well I just got back from my vacation in Colorado and it was very nice, While I was gone she sent me and some others a prayer email, so I guess she was thinking of me, but I did not reply, I did a lot of soul searching and praying on my trip, My feelings are still the same, I love her very much, as I have said there are 2 people who know both of us and they have told me she is worth waiting for, You would have to know her but she is really that special of a person, I think Foxy you understand were I am coming from and Maybe Kanicky too, but I am sure most will think I am a fool for waiting, yesterday I was very down, some of my friends don't think the person she is with is the guy for her, but It may be awhile before things go bad for them, so I guess I would be waiting for I don't know how long, I have no interest in others, my heart would not be in it, so I guess I am hopeing my faith grows stronger and helps me through this and maybe someday she will need me as a friend and then who knows, some who know us say she will turn to me, She knows I would be there if she ever needed anything, but I will never tell her that I am waiting for her, I don't think that would be good. In the meantime I have to get myself back and I am having a hard time with that. I know a lot would have to happen for her to come back, but I am trying to have the faith that will happen, I will not be contacting her anymore unless she contacts me and asks me something. I have to leave her alone. I have always felt that something's in life are worth waiting for and she is, so I have to take that chance. I am going with my heart. I don't think I am making a mistake, I have to see what will happen.
She called me last night from a pay phone by her church after she went to choir practice, asked how I was and how my parents were, then asked me if I had called her cell phone late last night, I told her no, the reason she said is her Boyfriend lost his cell phone and now has hers, she said the call said "Private", which sometimes came up that way when I called her in the past so she thought it might be me. She said the boyfriend was kind of upset about who it could have been. Then she told me he would have her cell phone from now on and that she would be getting a new one so as not to call that number anymore, (which I have not in about 2 months) she said she would have to talk to him about it when she flys out of town tomorrow to see him, he is out of town for work she told me, a few things I find odd about this, first I know she was only 5 min away from the boyfriends place, so why did she call from a payphone ? She does not know I know she is living with him, and don't you think its odd that he is keeping her cell and not getting a new cell himself and not her ?
I don't think you have false hope but I do think your "waiting" the wrong way. Here is my reason why I think that. How do you know she is living with her boyfreind? When you talk to other people who know here I am willing to bet you ask questions about her. If you do, stop it. Stop driving by (unless you have to to get somewhere). When you see her calling you, don't answer. Let it go to voicemail. Then check your messages, see what she has to say. If its nothing that warrants a call back from you, then don't call her back. If you run into her you simply say, oh I'm sorry I meant to call, just been really busy. Your doing your waiting all wrong. Having faith means you can completely walk away from her and not think about her, talk to her, nothing but in your heart know that she will be back to you in time. Hold strong.
I did drive by his place awhile back and her truck was there early one morning, and I used to drive by her place and her truck was never there any more, and in the parking lot at work I walked by it a few times in a months time and saw it was full of stuff, a sign of her slowly moving, so I am pretty sure about that, you would have to agree with what I have seen, but you are right in my waiting for wrong way, and believe it or not I have got better but have a ways to go, this morning she sent me a message here at working saying Good Morning was I able to sleep well, I responded back It took awhile to fall asleep and that it was OK she called, and I said she could call anytime because that's what friends are for, hope that was not wrong to do, But I am leaving her alone, Kanicky you are so right on having faith and leaving it alone, I think if I can do that and work on myself she will come back into my life, hopfully a better person and for good, thank again for your wise words KanickyQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
Your very welcome. I truly hope things work out for you. In the meantime just be strong and find things to do that keep you busy. And as always, keep us posted. ;-)
I believe I will be with her again someday and that will happen if I let go more and have faith like you said, she is really worth it, but I think this will take some time, I am going on vacation in a few days for 3 weeks, I hope that will do me some good, thank you again kanicky, I will keep you postedQuote:
Originally Posted by kanicky73
Have fun, and free your mind of her during your vacation.
Well I have been out of town for a few weeks on a hunting trip, I am feeling a bit better, when I was gone she sent me some more emails, prayers and jokes etc, but I noticed now she blind carbon copies me with her emails, why would she do that ? Anyhow she surprised me yesterday and sent me a good morning and happy Thanksgiving message, very chatty, she has not been that way for a long time she asked me questions about my hunting trip, then she asks me if I am still going to the gym, then she said she has a Christmas present she got on sale in the spring for my Mom and she wants to give it to her, I was nice and responded but did not ask her anything, a friend of mine said she misses me that's why all the questions, I am still planning on keeping a low profile and doing NC. If she contacts me I will be nice, but that's it.
Today she sends me a sametime message at work and asks how I am doing, I reply Ok, a few mn later she replys back, I am good, I thought I did not ask her how she was, but was going too, not quick enough I guess. Then she tell me about a band that is in town that I like, I ask how she knows they are playing here and she responds, 'Why do you care how I while you don't care how I'm doing when I asked you how are you? What a nice courtesy.' I then reply that I had meant to ask how she was. She replyed with 'That s OK, I know you very well that way. Well, I just thought that you might want to see how they play. That 's all. Thanks for the reply!' does this mean anything ?
I was in a very abusive relationship before and from the sounds of it she may have fallen back into one. There isn't much you can do except be there for her. If William is abusing her again then you pushing yourself on her or expressing your feelings could make things worse. She will leave William when she is ready. I think you should remain her friend. You should let her know you are there for her and if she needs a shoulder to cry on you will be there. But only if you can honestly handel it. Watching her pain, wanting to sweep her up and away from all of it will tear you apart if you let it. Be her friend but don't let you life pass by while you are waiting for her.
Thanks for your input, but I don't think I can be a friend now because of how I feel, I think I could end up in the "Friendzone" as they say.Quote:
Originally Posted by dragnlady5
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