Wildcat, apparently you don't either.
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Wildcat, apparently you don't either.
I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!! My s/o does the same thing! I got smart and learned how to steer the argument back on path.Quote:
Originally Posted by tjr
OK these questions were based on my boyfriend . If you read my life story which is posted and have read my questions . Can you please tell me what I can do. To stop the fights . All I ask is for him to treat me like I treat him . I do everything I can for him . Only once in a blue moon do I tell him no. sex is no fun for me anymore , its all about him.I get left hangging wet. If you know what I mean.all promises are broke . Every time he says he going to do something it either don`t get done or gets half done.like today he said I will
Have the trash picked up from his computer and 10 loads of laundry. Yes I knew it was to high of a goal I would have been happy a couple loads of laundry trash picked up. You know what was done 1 load of laundry .I was at
Work 8 hrs and all he did was one load of laundry . I say something to him on this he drops a lit ciggerate(bad spelling) on the floor while telling me he don`t care. Taking the dsl modem from me . OK it started like this I came home he wasn`t home I went to his moms and gave his moms boyfriend some chocolate cand since I work in a chocolate factory .this I was asked to do by my boyfriend. OK I set there a bit my feet hurt.well my boyfriend and his moms boyfriend don`t like each other.I got dirty looks I told him I was resting my feet before I walked home. Well he said then internet wasn`t working .I was like did you call them nhe said no.so I sat awhile while he left and went with him sisters boyfriend.I went home and called and fixed the net.then got hungry took my can soup to his moms to eat because we have no fridge or stove or microwave yet.on my way down I noticed he was at his sisters. Well I figured if he wanted to spend time with me he would come do that.well went and cooked my soup ate it . Was a little fustrated so I went to his sisters . Asked him what he was doing.
Waiting for the laundry to dry so I waited with him . He never spoke to me till the laundry was done then he said take this over there and throw it at him. It was a bag of clean dry towels of his mothers so I did and came back . He said nothing to me just got rdy to leave I followed .we got outside I said I need to barrow some dog food from his moms for our dog so I went in to his moms asked for some dog food and I got it got in his moms truck with dead tags with my boyfriend . We rode home. Get home . He goes straight to park magnager and begins to chat with him. I told him to try and hurry . I heard he was going to go do some under the table work at 6pm and it was almost five I need some stuff off his computer wich I couldn`t find.well it takes him 25mins to come inside. He gives me dirty looks and says you know what you haven`t done since you got home. I am like what . He messes around making his lips like kissing. I said I know I haven`t kissed you . You haven`t seemed to have wanted to be near me for more then 2 minutes.then he proceeds to go off on me . So I say calm down why you acting like this .I was trying to talk to him not start a fight but it seems he wanted a fight so he could leave then he proceeds to drop the cig. He tose the dsl modem around in the air I say . I work and am paying the bills what are you going to take the only thing I have to do from me besides work? he gets even more y and throws the modem on the couch by me and leaves. On his way out I said I wish you would learn the saying do on to other as you wish they would do onto you.
What does this mean .am I stupid . Some part of me wants to give up.save my money and move out another part of me says you love him you can`t just give up. I am so confussed . No matter what I say its not right.I can`t be unhappy or he yells at me makes it my fault.turning it on me . I wait till he leaves and cry .cause I can`t find anything else to do . It hurts.
Kind of simple hun. He takes you for granted. He doesn't respect you.
You're too availablr too him. He walks all over you.
Sorry for the tough love. You really should not be in this relationship at all.
I didn`t think so .but come nov will tell all I will find out if my 3 reason for living are still there . I don`t have time to move out . Get away .before then.I have no money right now so .I am pretty well skrewed I have no family .I am all alone besides my 3 angels which may be gone soon.
Cess - hun, you have to be tough about this.
He doesn't work?
He did got fired .I just started working last Saturday. Be strong I can`t when your strong for so long there is a point when you can`t do it anymore. That is where I am .
I just got through reading your life's story... Sorry, but after waking up and reading your last post, I've come to the personal conclusion that you have not made any choices here. You will not make any staying in the 'feel sorry for me' level. You are not the only one with problems that get over our heads, and will not be the last. Yes your childhood was good, but too controlled? How do you feel about being controlled now? You have had three children, then out of a whim left them with an underaged 'nanny'. We have been on soapbox after soapbox with our opinions here and I bet you did not take much time reading them. I am truly sorry about your previous life, and your current situation. Did you get your kids back? Do you think that living the way you do right now is the right environment for them? You left home early, your kids will do the same unless you do something to change. You had fights in school and bullied others. Your kids will do the same as hey pick things up like a sponge,and what they are soaking up right now is not healthy for their growth nor yours. If I were you, I'd get a place, no matter how small, concentrate on your children and start a life without men for a while. You are still dwelling on the past but have not learned from it and your kids need you. They lost a father - how do you think they feel losing you too? The heck with wanting to know why about these types of guys , dump him and give you and your children another chance to have a healthy and active life.
Your questions starting this thread should have been: how do I go on raising my children as best as I can?; how and why is it important to have a stable environment for them?; how can I help them get over their loss and where can I go to get assistance in helping my kids grow up to be educated, healthy, and selfsupporting individuals?
Until the questions are answered by you and others, forget about the simple questoins about men and throw this one out of your life. Good luck in getting to know your kids better.
As I said before . I do not have enough time before nov to get my own place. There is no way I could now. I am doing what I can and have to do to get them back. But , its hard to try when one child doesn`t think your there mom the other younger one knows who you are but don`t care either way . And the oldest keeps telling childern services that he don`t care where he goes as long as he can see his friends . That there makes me want to give up. But I keep going .I keep trying . As for leaveing my boyfriend I fell in love with him and since our last fight I posted we have gotten along fine . All I want to do is fix my place up have my childern with me clean house cook food . I don`t need anything else. As long as I do thoughs things my boyfriend and I will not fight . I keep my mouth shut and it will work out fine .If I can get the house fixed up that is .
OK, I know where you are coming from, you are giving up and compromising in your present relationship so that you can gain your children back. No matter what you do, you know it's going to be a very touch road and I wish there were someone else there to help you along your way, I truly do. Because he will set off on you if you don't do exactly what he wants when he wants it. He will hold this over your head until you have your kids, which might take a long time, as there are mixed feelings there with them about you, and a court or other public office will probably have to get involved here - I hope to your advantage. Since you have a 'past' you will have to do a bit of convincing there too. Boy, if you succeed in this goal that you set for yourself, you'll be able to handle anything else that comes your way. Your children might get to know you and love you all over again, they have probably been manipulated against you and will also need some professional assistance. I know you'll think this will cost, but there should be churches, child centers, and other agencies that offer help to the needy, so try your best to find the help you and the kids need once together again. I sure hope that by Christmas, you will be able to have a picture taken where all of you are smiling and anxious to start on your new lives together.
But after this long road is over, I'd still kick the jerk out - this however, is only my opinion. Good Luck.
When men make a comment they are to the point and that's the end of that; as far as they are concerned. Why keep pondering on the subject when each has given their opinion? Some women like to keep the subject going until all related questions are answered; some as if they are writing a book on the subject. When we disagree he makes his comment; I make mine and that ends it. We each think about what the other said,respect their opinion and move on. Sometimes it still hurts but you can't let it interfere with the love and life you share.
Good question, about the pondering, since the last post here was in October...Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabemarried
By the way, welcome to the forum and I hope you find some interesting current posts to answer to. Enjoy your stay with us, as this is one of the best forums you could ever have joined!
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Well let me tell you why guys do that. Simple. Guys have two sides on and off. Women have so much stuff going on in there heads. Similar to all the controls in an airplane cockpit.Quote:
Originally Posted by cess
So, basically most men are stupid. On or off. Women, well they are complicated.
For a man to state that men are stupid seems illogical to me and not too self-confident.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueiman
Also, when men state the women are as complicated as a cockpit, it, to me, means that "I've tried it, didn't understand it, so giving up"
Which is the same as "been there, done that, and too hard for me to waste my time and/or energy on"
OK, I understand how you feel about that. First men are stupid and I'm sure you have said that to yourself or your girlfriends. Yes?Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Not self-confident... not what I mean.
Giving up... no, again not what I mean.
Men and women do stupid stuff when it comes to a relationship. I have done stupid stuff. But, it's OK and I accept that. I know when I do stupid stuff I simply take responsibility for my actions. And, I laugh and say boy men are stupid.
I agree: WE ALL do stupid things in life, and mostly when it comes to relationships. But we have the ability to learn from our mistakes. This makes us unique. I've never considered a man stupid, just some of the things he does, as well as the stupid things women do. That's why there are forums like this - because we all have a few quirks and need help working them out. The great thing about life, we always have another day to look forward to and something new to learn.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueiman
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Thanks chery for understanding my statement. Correct! The things men/women do are stupid. That is what I meant.;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Ok I have been gone awhile . Thought I would update a little . I am no longer with the same guy I have moved away and still speak with him but I rufuse to see him in person . I don`t want contact so I don`t have that erge to return to where I had someone even though he only acted like he cared once and awhile. I have gotten a job and will be getting a place on the feb 9th 2006 and my childern will be being returned to me at that time.
I hope you all like the update I am proud I finally got the guts to leave even knowing how hard it was to do it I think it is for the best.:)
Dear Cess, I'm so glad you finally reached your goal! I too am proud of you and hope that all will be well from now on. You will have other problems to face in the future - with your children, but believe me, those problems will be worth solving any time!Quote:
Originally Posted by cess
My heart is filled with happiness and all the best wishes in the world for you and hope that you remember us when those hard times come along - it's easier when you have someone to share with and not keep it bottled up. So, please don't forget to keep us posted.
Again, Good Luck to you and your Angels!
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Cess! Fantastic! I am proud of you. Your life will be so much better.
I hope so . I am not so sure . To be honest I am scared. I hate being alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Dear Cess, your statement boggles me, you won't be alone! You will have those that you fought for with you, your children! Now is the right time to reflect and get to know each other and get into a trustful routine with them, they are your only stronghold in the future! Men will come and go, but your children will be there for you and you will be there for them. If you think that's loneliness then please re-think. To hold, love, play, laugh, and even have a few spats with them will bond you with more than a man can give you right not. Once this is established, they will probably be more tuned in what type of man is right for their mom and will warn you if the guy is not right. This is your family, for goodness sake, and you need their warmth and trust as much as they need yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by cess
Now, concentrate on this and you will be rewarded more than you can imagine. Please don't waste the time you have with them, as when they grow and leave the 'nest' you will want to be welcome no matter where they are, in their homes and in their hearts. This will be one of the hardest jobs in your life and needs your full concentration right now.
After this, there will always be time for men - and who knows, they might appreciate a more mature mother who did a job well, than a wishy washy 'dish' or one night stand. This experience will surely make you more proud and valuable to others as well.
Lots of Love and Luck!
Chery
First of all. You are presumptious in your posts. Your lumping all men in one category and assume that they are all the same. I can not answer those questions. First of all, When my wife and I argue we talk things out and work them out. We do not yell at each other, we both get upset when we argue and do not like it. There is no telling her to get the ---- out. I prefer to work things out right away. Or calm down first. I never ignore my wife, maybe if I am upset and can not talk and my wife usually knows why. Just because there may be fights and arguments does not mean that there is no love there and why would you assume that? Unless maybe you personally do not have any more love for the man. Joe
Well time to update you all again. I am still working still have not gotten a place I am staying at a shelter saving my money to get a place. I have not returned to my x and even avoid him as much as I can . He been trying to get me to meet with him but I tell him I have to work even if I don`t. I have desided to think of my childern then myself and intill I am happy in them to areas I can`t be happy with anything else. I am working hard and will be able to keep everyone more up to date not that I sent this link to my email from my other email. Because at work I can get my Yahoo email but not my hotmail so . But anyway I am realizing where I have skrewed up and am stepping up for the challenge that is most inportant to me.
Avoiding is NEVER a good idea. You can only take control when you confront your demons. Owning up to your insecurities is the most empowering thing you can do for YOURSELF!! Meet with him, and put this mess behind you. I almost guarantee you that it won't be as bad as you think.
Jeff - sorry, but that's a really bad idea in this case. Please be careful in what type of advice you're giving out. She needs to stay away from her ex for good. Please again - avoid giving advice on some of these topics. This isn't isn't rah, rah go out and do it advice - this is serious stuff. This is real life situation stuff - and even life or death. Not some bimbo broke up with you and broke your heart stuff. Cess's life is a lot different than yours. Please take much better care in what you say.
Cess - good for you!! Sounds like things are beginning to get better!! God bless!! Keep working hard!!
Good for you dear, and you know that anytime you need help with your stress, or with the kids - we are here 24/7 - and we don't judge.Quote:
Originally Posted by cess
Hope you'll have the opportunity to see a family therapist or go to a family center and get to know other single moms with problems to share solutions with. At any rate - remember, you are not alone in this.
Keep us posted.
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1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?
My girlfriend seems to be hurting all the time
It seems to be a cry for attention that I don't want to encourage
I do take care of her when it really matters
2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?
I always try to show my girlfriend how I feel by imitating her actions so she can experience my feelings because I can't communicate them any other way
Example : like the other day we are laying in bed at night and I leave to get a drink. I come back and I notice that she is naked so she wants sex but doesn't do anything so I don't do anything either. Then about 30min later she leaves the room and I strip and lay under the covers she comes in and I don't do anything either. This was to show her how I feel about starting the process all the time.
3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?
Poor comunication skills I do it because I don't want to answer a question and I don't want to hear naging to do so that is eaven more iritating. Whenever I want something I work for it (get her flowers or a ring or take her to a special dinner or somethin). Whenever my girl wants something she nags me for it.
4: when that happens when the argument is over . Why do you tell that women you love them?
I don't do this because I'm always right
I would really apreciate coments on this post
Thank you
SORRY TO SAY THIS, But if you don't take the time to read the entire thread, and have not had the experience that this young lady has had, then your comment here is totally inappropriate.Quote:
Originally Posted by iamarcin
If you want to be a serious member of this forum, give people a fair chance and get to know the whole picture. This, as I said in your other post, is very self-centered and immature.
Please show a little more courtesy and compassion in your next comments. Thanks.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_7.gifWalk a mile in the other person's shoes before you make a judgement.
Hey all I have been kind of depressed the last 2 days I guess its because I talked to my x 2 days ago and he said some things that pissed me off. The main comment was this
"If i wanted my car back bad enough i would just get back with you and have you give me it then leave you"
That comment hurt so bad . I am not sure why but it did I get teary eyed every time I mention it. But I am proud of my response to this was
"That wouldn`t happen i would take you back"
But I don`t know if that is true the more I think about it the more unsure I am . Deep insides its telling me NO don`t set yourself to get hurt again and that comment proved it. But is it wronge for me to want someone to hold me on my bad days some one to curl up with . I just want someone to love me that's it and how it seems the only one who has ever loved me and will ever love me is 6 ft under. I am just depressed I guess. I am also at work and just trying to keep my cool . But its hard . Everyday I want to cry but I can`t because that's a weakness and I am not weak . (I know some say this is not true but it is what my mother has always told me)
Cess - don't ever go back to this guy - that's massive ABUSE by him.'
WHY are you calling him anyway??
He doesn't love you - that's abuse.
It's OK to cry. Let it out. It's good for a woman to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Would you give it up I don't need someone like you to tell me how to answer a question, I am quite capable myself... grow up
I don`t call him . My x bugged my mom so much she gave him my cell phone number. I am trying to stay strong its hard . Saturday I have to see my x to get my car seats back I am dreading it . Well **** today is Saturday at least where I am . I am so scared I wish I had someone to go with me but I don`t. I am leacing all my money and anything inportant at home because I fon`t even trust myself I am scared I am going to melt infrount of him . But I need my seats its rough driving when you can`t reach the petals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollywood90
Ok for 1 chery is right on what she told you for 2 I will ask you nicely please don`t start trouble on here and please not on my post .
Thanks
Cess
1. I don't think men completely ignore women when they are hurting maybe some but a good one won't, however I do think a lot of women hurt and don't tell there man so how can he do anything about it if he doesn't know.
2. As the fliping the argument around I think both women and men are equally guilty for this as most people are usually stubbern in admitting that there wrong.
3. I think that it just comes out because it would hurt the other person, if you think about it when your mad at someone your not caring if you hurt them emotionally.
4. Usually because you do love them. Just because you said some nasty things doesn't mean they meant them. Just because people argue doesn't mean they don't love you, it just means there flustered with whatever at that moment and they take it out in well not the best way but men aren't the only ones quilty of this it happens to the best of us.
p.s. Im not a professional, everything I say in regards to anything is just my personal opinon.
I'm a man and don't do any of the things you mention.
Dear cess how are you now?
Don't ever go back to this guy, and if you can't avoid meeting him for some reason, please remember THE BAD TIMES YOU HAD WITH HIM and don't ever forget he's NOT the guy to curl with when things are bad, but rather one of the most frequent reasons for you feeling low.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember we're here to help you through, even if it's only through the forum.
Bless you,
Ahuva
Quote:
Originally Posted by ahuvakapon
I am doing great now . I am never going back . But not sure if I should move on to anouther guy even though we both like each other .
Of course you should. But, maybe you need time to yourself right now and clear oyur head?
:) Hi Cess!
I think you should give yourself more time.
Maybe you should first make your bond with your children stronger before you get yourself involved into another relationship with someone new.
As far as I can see , I think that the bond with your kids should come first, and I think you need to offer them and yourself more time.
I still think they are your most important thing.
Apart from this, maybe you shouldn't rush into another relationships so soon after you had a bad relationship,
Give yourself time, get to know this new man better, deeper.
And never consider yourself "incomplete" without a man at your side - learn to love and appreciate yourself - this will give you a better chance for a healthy future relationship with a man who will, in turn, appreciate and cherish you.
I wish you and your kids a good fortune and a bright future.
Millie
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