I can't see falling for his act again. Let him give the roses to his slut, and marry her. It would save a lot of misery on your part.
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I can't see falling for his act again. Let him give the roses to his slut, and marry her. It would save a lot of misery on your part.
Good point tal. Keep your head up DJ. If it didn't happen now, it would have sometime in the future. It is better for it to happen now then after many years of marriage. You have a chance to find someone that is truly meant for you, not someone that gives up 5+ years in a relationship for a fling. Go be happy DJ... you deserve the best!
Take the roses give them to his new girlfriend, may as well let her have the card.
Roses instead of him? They die in a week and what have you got? nada.
Weak on him. Again... Bummer.
Sorry.
(look forward to what he may do next)
Well if you marry him I'll give you the calling card of the best psychiatrist I know. Not really of course, but you get the idea I hope? I'd accept the roses and just reply with a simple "Thank You, it was very thoughtful but of course I'm not going to marry you." Now he may try to win you back and if you want to let him wine and dine you a little bit that's fine, but let's face it, this leopard isn't going to change his spots anytime soon. Don't rob yourself of the chance of finding a truly good, upstanding man to marry by settling for this loser and falling for his sweet talk.
Trust me, he's not for real.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963
It isn't true that all girls are weak but I agree that the OP does need to get a backbone in this case and, as you said, dump him like a hot potato.Quote:
All girls are weak get a spine and dump this jerk1!!
I won't add to the reddies but this I disagree with. Why should she leave him with such a wonderful "night to remember?" Now, if she persuades him to give her oral sex for their last night together, then gives him your little recommended speech, not even waiting for the following morning, now that'd be a grand way for her to end it with him.Quote:
Even better get him back give him a night to remember. Get him over put on some sexy clothes give him a hughe blow job. Then in the morning get up and tell him YOUR not the one I want to marry its best if we go our own way, I deserve a better guy and I know I will find one! Br Build him up and then break his heart REVENGE is SWEET
See, the idea is for her to get the last bit of fun out of the whole thing. That's why I suggested that she should get him to pleasure her for their "last hurrah", rather than vice-versa. Or a fancy wine-and-dine meal on him at her favorite five-star restaurant or something like that ; then she drops the bomb on him and says adios! And means it!Quote:
saraspiel there is nothing wrong with a bit of revenge, you just need to lighten up. Hell she's thinking about taking him back after his been bending some HO over so she has no self respect anyway so she may as well do it...
Had to spread it, or, unfortunately, you'd have gotten a reddie from me on this one. Blaming her for his actions is wrong and totally off the mark. She is not in any way to blame. You were on the right track for a while but this goes astray.Quote:
wELL I SUPPOSE I AM A BIT BITTER ON Occasions I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE SICK OF BEING WALKED ON MY THESE UNCARING FEMALES, ABOUT TIME THEY GET THERE OWN BACK. THERE ALL SWEET AND INNOCENT WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT FOR THEM. MAYBE SHE Wasn't GIVING HIM ENOUGH SATISFACTION IN THE BEDROOM, iM JUST TRYING TO LET HER KNOW WHERE SHE MAY HAVE GONE WRONG. HE MIGHT LIKE A BIIT MORE SPICED UP ACTION WHICH HE GOT FROM THE NEW ho.
Some people, when they lose something great realize it when they don't have it anymore. And maybe it took a slut to knock that in to him. I wouldn't rush a marriage but maybe give him another chance to see what comes of him. Do you love him? Did you have a good or bad relationship? Maybe the things that needed work and communication is given another chance. If you feel good about it then maybe you should consider the second chance. Did he treat you good or bad? Ask yourself these questions then make you choice. I want everyone to know that there is a choice in everything you do.
Hmmm -
I think we need to see what Mr. Roses does next...
It would have to be quite an eloquent thing - and it seems DJ has been quiet on this for a while...
I have very little patience with people that make quick reactionary decisions, especially in serious matters of the heart.
Yes people make mistakes, we're all human, not one is perfect and I don't think we should ever expect perfection from anyone. But reactionary decisions generally prove to be stupid. "And you can't deal with stupid, anything but "stupid"--in fact you can't even scrub stupid off."
I believe some people like your ex-boyfriend are excitement junkies. They will never be happy or satisfied with what they have. Always following the thought that there's got to be something better. Even to the extent of finding fictitious fault to support their reasoning. Possibly some sort of personality/behavioral problem? People like this usually think only "in the moment" and don't consider the consequences. If every man and woman acted on ALL the thoughts, feelings or desires they have there would be no order.
He left you, probably without much thought about how you felt, only to satisfy his "whim." Put aside your old feelings and thoughts about how he was in the past. His action (his "stupid" decision) speaks to who he really is and I would seriously question his attempt at redemption.
I guess I am not as liberal in my thoughts of giving second chances, although I have given many in the past. Almost all of those ended exactly as I feared they would. Usually nothing was learned. ( Although my mom always said: "to forgive is divine... )
I agree with most of the people who have advised you to move on. The past may have been good before this happened, but now he has exposed who he really is. And probably who he will remain.
I wish you luck,
Stringer
I have to say that my heart skipped a beat when I read your post. I would love for that to happen to me, because my ex left me as well. But I assure you that I would have obsessive thoughts about how he left me, if we ever got back together (and it wouldn't be a surprise if you've been discarded for trailer-trash).
So, the only way I think this would work is if he shows you that he is absolutely, down-in-the-dirt, and eternally sorry. He has to prove to you, especially when you are so “unsure”, that you are the woman of his life! If he wants you bad enough, he will go through all the lengths you need to feel secure again. And then it just might work.
I really do hope there's a happy ending. If there isn't one here, there'll be one somewhere else for you.
I have to agree with stringer... everyone makes mistakes. Heck, you may even wonder what is on the other side of the fence... but to truly act on it without thinking it through is just irresponsible and cruel. When he made his decision to act on his whim, he never even thought of your feelings. He was only thinking with one thing. Do you really want to be with a man that is so impulsive that he will make such BIG decisions without even caring about your feelings? I would actually suggest just ignoring him... if you try to get revenge... you may lose your nerve and end up taking him back. Ignore him for a while until you are strong enough to face the situation, then... feel free to give him a run for his money. Have him take you out to dinner at your favorite EXPENSIVE restaurant, tell him that you truly adore a really EXPENSIVE purse, etc. Be strong girl. Remember, YOU DESERVE THE BEST!! When you feel yourself want him back... remember how hurt you were when you found out he was gallavanting around. Remember how betrayed you felt? Do you honestly think that you can trust someone after something like that? Sure, if you got back together, you may really try to trust him. But after about a year, you would be analyzing his every move to try to prove to yourself that he had changed. Is that really a way to live? Trust is a very fragile and precious thing. It is very difficult to earn back once it has been broken, because there will ALWAYS be a piece of that trust that will always be broken.
We had a wonderful relatonship and he was very good to me. Then boom he left and took up with a ho. I never saw it coming. But I want you all to know that I have NOT contacted him still and if he wants to prove anything to me it will take a lot more then some roses to get me to listen to him. So the answer is STILL NO CONTACT ON MY PART. I'm sure he has realized he has lost something great and now he has to kick himself in the a$$ for letting me go.Quote:
Originally Posted by lonleyheart_
We all no you will take him back in the end and well as much as I am against this you will tell yourself maybe he did need to realise what he had and maybe you say now he has.
What you are doing at the moment is feeling better cause you know that he wants to come back. You are now playing games with him because you know he wants to come back but you are making out as if he will have to prove to you that he really does want you back. I know he will the roses are not the last you will hear from this guy. What I would like to know though is while he is not with you at the moment and wants to come back is he still with her?? Waiting to see if you will take him back and if not he will remain with her...
Or is his reason for wanting you back only cause she kicked him out so therefore you are his second choice and just a fallback until he finds another.
Saying he wants to marry you, marriage is for wwhen you are in love with someone not when you leave them for another and then realise you want to marry them, This guy is a long way from marriage material..
Imagine this people say why did you decide to get married! Well I took off with the town Ho and then decided it wasn't that grreat so thought id get maried to my ex!!
Where as it should be well we are best friends and I would go to the end of the earth for her so we are going to get married after having such a great relationship together...
Good luck whatevr you do. I give it anooither 3 weeks till you take him back and I do not blame you for giving it another go it is the human response to take someone back after such a loss effects your thinkingand all you want to do is fix what is broken...
I haven't talked to him to even ask if he is still with her but I was told by a friend that he left her and is living with a buddy of his and she is calling him nonstop wanting him back.Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
That's about all I know of their situation as of now.
This is a horrible thing that has happened to you. Something you need to understand is that you are going through the different stages of grief... which is normal. Watch out for the bargaining stage... it is at that point that the urge to have him back will be the strongest. From what you have I know that you are a very strong person. You deserve someone that can be with you whole-heartedly and cherish that strength... instead of putting it to the test. Realize that there are many other good guys out there that would relish to have a person like you in their life. Keep strong!
Roses are not going to be enough.
Look forward to the next chapter though - it seems like he knows he was a fool. I would say he'd have to work for a year to win you back.
And you can date whomever you want in the meantime.
Let's see how much he has in him.
I'd start by having him: chauffeur you and your new boyfriend on a date. There must be some other things... maybe have him grow the next flowers he gives you... :-)
Grow the next flowers he gives you... I love it!!
Whatever you do make him pay to get you back make him earn it...
I think he will try something else soon maybe a dinner invite, there will be something within the wek you can bet on that his biding his time holding hope you will call him...
Dj His car will break down near your house, he will become ill, he'll have questions that only you can answer about a bill, he'll have to tell you something important about his family/or one of their friends. He'll make sure one of your mutual friends let you know his every move. He will be crafty but he will keep up the contact some how. So if you take him back and end up marrying him, who's to say in a few years he won't get the itch again and be off with someone else. If he can toss 5 years away just like that , I don't think I would trust him.
bushg, that's the question that I can't get out of my head. WHO'S TO SAY HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. But then I think what if he learned from this mistake. And who's to say the next guy I give my heart and trust to won't do it too. And the next guy after that. I've learned one thing from all this, I can't trust him anymore or anyone else for that matterQuote:
Originally Posted by bushg
Not true and you know it.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963_
As far as all the others... yes there are "players" but also some really good guys that can love you the way you want and need.
Stringer:)
I know that deep down Stringer but my point is he loved me the way I wanted and needed our whole relationship. Then it was just like he started to panic and left. At the time he was trust worthy and then he wasn't, He changed over night.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringer
Dj you know you are right. But I hope that you have learned one thing through all of this is that you can depend on you. You are still breathing, eating and drinking, hopefully smiling (sometimes). You made it this far and if you choose to let him come back or to date anyone else for that matter if something happens to the next relationship, you still have you. You are strong. You do what you need to do in order to be happy.
I'm going to go way out on a limb and say you have known this guy for 5 years, if he has never done anything like this before and you think this wa a one time thing, tell him you would like the both of you to do some couple counseling. It may help both of you. You may discover that things will not work for the two of you, or this was a one time thing and you can get past it.
You know this guy, we don't. I'm looking at this in terms of a 5 year marriage. How old are you guys. I'm assuming your'e not 20 year olds. That would also determine if you should work on this.
But another thing to look at, if this girl is still after him, You may not want to deal with the drama.
All I'm saying is, get over the anger and then re think. Hear what he has to say and then decide if you want to try and save this by counseling or call it quits.
Remember something... you can't pick out only certain portions of the past that you want to remember.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963_
What he did, he did DJ. That part is now part of the "past" also. If I was a good guy all my life then (for whatever reason) did something very bad such as intentionally do something that would break your heart. Do you think you should just ignore it? Obviously it might depend on the severity of the "deed", but should I then expect that all would be forgiven and everything will now be as it was before? NO, it won't:) Every action by an adult is accountable, we leave footprints that in essence tell who we really are. Honestly hon like many others I have been through this, nothing is the same again, really; for so many reasons.
Briefly; in my first marriage; she left quite a few times, she would came back, she would left again... (I didn't want my two children to not have a two parent "family"). She would ask me, while crying her eyes out; "what's wrong with me? You are a good husband and father..please help me I REALLY LOVE YOU and find you attractive"... something different each time DJ. Finally I came to my senses... my kids and I do not need this! (I was indeed fortunate , my kids stayed with me.) Believe me I tried, she left 6 times; I let her come back 5 times. Should I have let her come back even 5 times... I was wrong, now I trying to make you see this.
You know you deserve better, you need to be strong. The right one WILL come along and he will appreciate what he has!:)
Stringer
I honestly do see your point Stringer. And I think I realise that he couldn't possibly love me now. It just hurts so bad that he was close to perfect as a boyfriend for so many yrs then he just leaves. He never ever hurt me the whole 5 years. That's hard to forget too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringer
I know... it is not easy. But "growth" is something we all need and sometimes it can be painful. You'll come through this, and you will be very proud of yourself. And you will be more prepared for your future.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963_
Stringer
No one is perfect. No one can be that perfect. Everyone has flaws. Some people are good at pretending to be someone else. My brothers first wife seemed perfect actually for 5 years. Out of the blue she began to act really weird towards my brother and everyone they associated with. My brother found out she was having an affair and taking cocaine. My brother asked her why she would throw out 5 years and she basically said that she was tired of pretending to be someone that she wasn't and she blamed my brother for the affair and everything else. She said she was trying to be good enough for him and it was exhausting her.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963_
You sometimes never really know someone DJ. It's a shame, its rotten and its unfair. But sometimes people can pretend for a long, long time.
Very true, very true. I just have one more question for you Stringer. Are all human beings so predictable that once they betray you they are doomed to repeat it? Or can some never want to hurt you again? Sorry that's 2 questions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringer
I think you realize that yes there are instances where it could possibly turn out fine. But not usually.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ1963_
If I were you DJ, I would listen to all the advice here but it really comes down to you and what you want to do. If you decide to give it another chance then I would give all you have. But I would be more alert and aware.
If you do and for some reason you try again and it doesn't work then be as prepared as you can to learn another lesson.
I just don't like to see nice people get hurt...
Stringer
If you were my sister I would say he has 2 years of flawless hard work to get you back.
Do the crime, do the time.
I want to make this into a fairytale, but I need to see some actions - not just flowers...
And I don't like him taking up your time... while you see what he has... He needs to step up BIG TIME... maybe a proposal is BIG TIME... But he needs to do it in person.
Niether do I, Maybe a clean fresh start is the answer.Quote:
I just don't like to see nice people get hurt...
<WHO'S TO SAY HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. But then I think what if he learned from this mistake. And who's to say the next guy I give my heart and trust to won't do it too. And the next guy after that. I've learned one thing from all this, >
Its very easy for him to want a commitment now that he does not have one.
Keeping that commitment is entirely different.
Unless he gets therapy I don't think he can change just like that.
<I can't trust him anymore or anyone else for that matter>
You can trust yourself and that is all you need.
Get a life you enjoy without any man , new friends, new activities.
Try and look deep in yourself and see why you chose such a younger man, were you afraid of commitment yourself?
Be clear about what you want and the universe will send it your way.
[QUOTE]
I didn't really choose a younger man in the sense, Woo Hoo I got me a younger man. It was a fling that flung for 5 years and somewhere down the line we fell in love. We were both fresh out of relationships and we just liked each others company. But we got really close soon after and became inseparable. So no I didn't go into this looking for a commitment but once we did commit it was a very strong one. Well at least until he bolted out on me.Quote:
Originally Posted by rol
How old are the both of you? How much younger is he then you. That might explain some things...
<We were both fresh out of relationships and we just liked each others company.>
Well maybe that should be a lesson for this one..
You need to fully heal here or else you will be rebounding right to the same kind of guy again.
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