:) I'm glad you don't use 'arnie' as a forum name. I like wildcat better, although you'd probably do better than him in politics.;)
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:) I'm glad you don't use 'arnie' as a forum name. I like wildcat better, although you'd probably do better than him in politics.;)
What's wrong with the Govenator? He has all the confidence in the world!
Have to agree w/ wildcat on this one. Although myself personally, I wouldn't give in to this game, partly because I know it, and mostly because I don't have the time of day for it. Game recognizes game. But with women being driven mostly by emotions, it almost makes it an irresitable game to play. Chery, you have to admit that us women love attention, and will seek it at all cost. Wildcat, how many times have you been out to a club or bar, and saw some scantily dressed female dancing all over the place and hanging all over every guy in the club? You see it just about every time you go for a night out on the town. Although this is BAD attention, it is still attention none the less. Women like to be pursued just as much as a man does.
My firm advise would be to keep her @ arms length until she decides what the heck it is that she want's. Keep your attention span short with her. If she is not showing any signs of being intrested in you, do not show any signs of being intrested in her. Sooner than later, you will find out rather or not this is a dead end.
Nothing is wrong with him, typical man who does not keep any of his promises, and a darned good actor, and hmm, if I remember correctly, there was another Austrian in history... Subject closed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
" us women love attention" - always - you're getting it. She doesn't deserve your attention right now.
Remember - with interest level early on - your interest level should always be less than theirs. Always - if you feel your level getting to high - pull back.
Yeah - those woman ARE NOT the woman you want to hang with. She'll always flirt with everyone, never grow up, and drive you crazy.
But, A lot of woman dress for other woman - they try to out do each other.
"Alot of women dress for other women, try to out do each other"
They want to look better than the next woman... To get the most attention. Very true!
OK what do you mean 'us women' I never had to shake my rear or boobs to get attention. I got it because you guys can't see beyond your eyes, and usually have too much wax in the ears and too much testosterone between, etc, etc, etc... let's stop stereotyping each other and we'll all be better off. After all, we are here to advise and encourage, not discourage the younger generation. I'm trying to be nice, but sometimes you make my claws come out. Behave! ""Interest level should be less""" and '''pull back''' is really making my imagination go wild, Shame on you, you're making me blush... :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
I think you guys/gals made me blush also
Hi there. Get used to it. Wildcat and I have a knack for doing that. It's all in humor though. A little bantering never hurt anyone and my sides are hurting as I've been laughing a lot this morning, it's 530 AM in Germany.Quote:
Originally Posted by clukkes
Have fun.
My ex is in her 20s and I'm sorry to say but she follows her feelings more then logic. If I were to show her lots of interest now, I'm sure she would with draw. I'm going to keep her on arms length. Not too much contact at work. I'll make her come up to me.
One thing I've noticed is that a week back or so my ex and I were talking about some of the women that moved into our dept. I mentioned to her innocently on how I talked to some of these women, she made it a point to put these women down by calling them es and other names (what does that tell you?).
If she tries to make me jealous by flirting with other guys at work, I'll just ignore it and smile. I'll instead play her game and flirt with other women at work.
Now the only contact I have with her is at work (no calls or e-mails). I have my ways of making her weak in the knees. I'm sure every time she sees me, she gets butter flys in her stomach. You can tell so much by just the body language. She might act like a tough cookie sometimes (ignoring me) but that is the time when her interest level is at all time high. When she talks to me, that is when she caves in to her interest.
You guys might be asking yourselves why? We been together for two years before and why go through all of this? I wish I could just simply tell her how I feel, but that would not work (something just tells me). It has to do with her more then myself. If I had things my way, I'd simply tell her about my feelings.
Dear, we all have our choices, and you picked your's. I hope it works for you and lots of Luck. Keep us posted.
Rarely if ever tell a woman how you feel. AGAIN - I know the ladies will be all mad at me - but's true. Woman DON'T want the weak senistive man. Woman WILL always tell what they prefer... but it never matters - it's how they feel - AND if you make them feel as if you're weak, you are of no value to them. Woman want the mystery.
"feelings more then logic" - all women are this way - when they get a little older they use some logic.
You're handling it right.
See - to get a lover back you can never force and try to convince them to come back.
Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.
Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".
Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.
So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!
If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.
It is just me or do women in general have selective memory? What I mean is if they break up with a guy, and time has passed, the women tend to only remember the good times of the relationship. They tend to block out the bad times. Why is that?
Not really, we just choose what's important to remember and hold no long standing grudges because our egos aren't that sensitive. We do however remember those who abuse us and treat us as punching bags, then we just wait and get our revenge. Simple as that. All the other little stuff we forgive and go on hoping the men learned from their mistakes. But sometimes we are wrong there. It is the men that throw the past in women's faces and jealous of the past most of the time, not the other way around, even though men make mistakes too - that's when they have 'selective' memory.. but in their case it's called denial. And to them when a woman makes a mistake it's called typical. It seems that we are on the verge of writing a book on stereotyping. If I were a publisher, I'd get a real kick out of this and sell millions of articles just by referring to this forum alone. It's better than a talkshow. Gerry Springer, eat your heart out...
You guys don't know what you want until it stares you in the face. And relying on your feelings make you make so many relationship mistakes.
You guys always SAY you prefer something... then go and do the exact opposite. Always.
And remember only the good IS dangerous... that's why woman always go back to the sexy jerk... they forget he cheated on her, left her at home, never called, never bought anything, borrowed money and never paid it etc.
I'm not really sure what it is about the a**hole as opposed to the gentlemen. I guess it is finding a guy that falls in the happy medium between the both of them.
I like flower's, candy and all of the sweet and gentle things that a man does, but yet I would perfer for him to have some back bone as well.
I like having door's opened for me but every once in a while him telling me to "open it yourself" would show me that he is human and does have a mind of his own.
Being catered to once in a while is great but him missing a day of catering to me to go hang out with the guy's gives him a break from the monotiny of it all as well as giving me a break too. I don't think it is so much that we would prefer the jerk, as it is us actually finding a man that is a bit of both.
Hi Wildcat. We've got to stop meeting this way or people will start talking.;) Wouldn't you know it, One Life made his mind up already and I think he's going to do just fine.
But 'we' can't leave it alone. Who do you mean by "you guys" Wildcat. Can't you at least say 'gals' I admit that my daughter's father looked like Cevin Costner, but he certainly did not act like it. Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. But to be truthful, I only wanted a child, didn't need the man or the papers to go with him. I knew what I wanted as I was already 24 and had tried on several "pairs of shoes" and still did not want to buy any, just rent/wear and return. Now I'm twice as old and still enjoy trying on those shoes and still don't want to purchase them. It's not worth it because you 'guys' have just as many faces as we do (I admit it), but I can look myself in the mirror now and feel all right about myself. I did not hurt anyone on the way except myself by making some bad choices, but still can live with that. It's the final result that counts. I always let a man know exactly where I stand and give him the choice of accepting that or not letting the door hit him on the way out. Too bad that some egos got in the way of being as fair with me in the past, but I can't help but love you guys cause you're so amusing. When I hear the phrase "you just don't understand" it cracks me up all the time. You've never been a mother and therefore never learned all of your children's tricks, we mom's have the advantage there, even with boys and know exactly what makes you tick. It would be nice to find someone to lean on, but I don't think there is anyone strong enough to stand up to me in a relationship no matter how many days he spends lifting those weights. And when a man thinks he's using me, it's because I let him. Mine is very happy with that arrangement and we will be friends and lovers forever, just the way we like it. His son even asks me for advice because he sees the change in his father and wishes he could find someone like me, instead of those young things that still play games. Since he's gotten to know my views he treats his girlfriends with a little more respect and benefits from it. So, it's never too late to learn and grow up. I'll stop now so you won't have to yawn too much, Wildcat. It's 7 AM and I've been up all night. Going to take a nap now and give you some time to come up with something good for me later this evening. Oh, I know you're going to say I have not met Mr Right yet, you're probably right, but I'm content. Good Night. Gosh how time flies when I'm having fun...
You hit it dead center. It's just that the guys don't have it in synchronization yet as to when to act like what, that's all. There are times to act like a macho, and there are times to act like a pillar of strength and comfort, but they can't read our signals enough to get it right most of the time. And instead of trying to find out, they throw tantrums out of frustration. It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'... get it?Quote:
Originally Posted by letmeno
"Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. " - no offense, but that's real selfish - I know that's an offense, but you only thught about yourself. Ugh. Not think about your daughter - maybe she WANTS a father? Eventually you needed someone to help raise that child.
Sounds like you 'GALS' want to control guys.
I do agree a guy 100% needs some 'good guy qualities MOST of the time' AND learn to adapt to some of the 'jerk-like' behaviors. It's real important - not to be a jerk, but take on some of his behaviors - being independent, not needy, SAYING NO TO A WOMAN, putting a woman in her place when she gets out of line (yes woman do this and a lot of times it's a test). LEADING. Taking full charge in the bed most of the time.
"It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'" - happens both ways. Like irrational behaviors during a certain time of the month.
Chery - there is no Mr. Perfect, My gal has a lot of things I have to live with, I don't mind, there are so many things I love.
Hi Wildcat... my daughter chose at the age of 12 not to see her father anymore, as she lived through his beating me all the time we were married and it did her no good. I never put him down to her and always allowed him to visit and take her places, but she made her choice. I had a good job, and did not need help raising my child, my aunt helped me a lot, but I did most of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
We had to take one day at a time.. and she had good judgement too, as when I had an occasional b/f, and she hinted that this one was not a good idea, she was right - I did not deny my child a decent father, he's a certified sociopath, but I did not know it at that time. Now I do see the signs and am more careful. As far as wanting to lead, either in bed or elsewhere, there is a way to lead without men knowing, it's called suggesting, and that goes both ways too. Most women handle PMS pretty well, except when they want to use it as an excuse. What excuses do men have when they act like jerks? Let's be fair, there is no set pattern for men or women, and we need to realize this and stop the stereotyping, that's all. Every situation is different and if we don't see the whole picture (without our own opinionated blinders) then we can't 'generalize' without having second thoughts on what effect it has on those we advise. Have a good one, dear - still friends.
I don't think that it is us wanting to control men. If we wanted to control men, we would go after those spineless, needy, and clingy guy's that you SAY we loath so much. So which one is it Wildcat?
The needy guys annoy the hell out of you.
You want to change and control the jerks - but you can't
I figured we'd get your attention on this one. Babe, I can talk the Devil out of his Pitchfork if I want to, because it is not always what I say, but how I say it.:p
As far as the weak ones, sorry but I'm ready to be a grandma, not a mother again if you know what I mean. ;) But still don't mind helping now and then, so they can grow up to be strong, then give them back to 'mom'. Have a Good Weekend, all of you.
Chery - why did you stay with your daughters father? Just currious. Sounds just awful - sorry you went through that. A lot of women do that - when the 'nice' guy would take care of them and be there for them - BUT, the nice guy isn't the 'hot sexy' guy - the nice guy doesn't give you 'feeling' and you reject him - when logically he is the best suited for you.
That's why I always advised guys to take on a lot of jerk-like tendincies - don't be a jerk - just be independent, don't share your feelings, fewer compliments, hanf with your friends as well, stay in great shape etc.
As I said before, I didn't want to get married in the first place, but during that era, it was the right thing for a gal to do - get married, since I was already 24 and people were scared I'd wind up being an 'old maid'. Then, when I was away from my family and friends and in a different country, he showed his real face. I was also taught that it was the woman's responsibility to 'keep the peace at home' so I tried that, but after 5 years, he made the mistake one day and missed me, but not my daughter with his belt, then he saw the look in my eyes and finally understood that if he did not leave right then, he would be carried out feet first. By that time I had already lost all self-respect, but when it came to my child, that was it.. I did allow him to see his daughter though and did not berate him in front of her, ever. She figured out what type he was all on her own. And a few years later, his parents wrote me to say they were sorry they blamed me for it all. Sociopaths don't wear signs, unfortunately. But that is a chapter in my life that helped me grow and seek help at the right time. There are things that I have revealed on several posts on this forum that my brothers don't even know about, thank goodness. But I know I'm not the only one that 'sh... happened to and am glad I can help others before it happens to them, or if it did, I can at least help them heal a bit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Yes, times were really screwed up back then - so much pressure from society to conform.
Sicophaths come across a lot of times as a 'good guy' initially to suck the lady in. It's a front - once they have you their true colors come through.
There are f-d up woman out there as well... I dated one several years ago - so much baggage - her parents screwed her up so much - divorce, father cheating, mother alcoholic, brother an alcoholic/drug user and thief. She had to raise the family. Of course she had gone through a divorce.
Yup, we all have those 'ol scars' and not just for playing football, or getting 'tennis arm'. Ain't life Grand?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Sometimes I wonder and I have a great life!
My current gal of course went through a divorce. My sister went through a nasty divorce. 55% of ALL marriages end in divorce. 70% + of second marriages end up in divorce.
90% of divrocees... end up marrying AGAIN! Why??
Things change so much when you marry.
We make our beds... you know the rest. Sometimes a change of furniture is necessary though for safety purposes.
I like the way chery and wildcat go back at each other. Really pleasant. Anyway getting back to me, since I'm the one in need here for advise (lol).
But seriously now, I have a feeling that my ex and that other guy I talked about earlier started up a secret relationship. The other guy works a floor below us. He used to quite frequently come up stairs to our floor to say hello to her and everybody else, but paid particular attention to my ex, but now he doesn't do that anymore. But today, when I was leaving for my break, I happen to see them together getting coffie. They were surprised to see me, like I caught them red handed (it was a akward feeling). Also Today, when I was leaving work at the end of my shift, I happen to cross paths with the guy, and usually we exchange greetings, but today he avioded all eye contact with me. I'm sure he saw me and pretented he did not. Just to let you know, there is no policy against dating co-staff in our company.
Trust me I'm not paraniod or anything, but there is something going on.
I just have to say, that it is just wrong and sneeky. She left me, and she is allowed to date who the hell she wants(it will hurt but I have to accept it). She knows I have good instincts about these things, why even try to hide it. Its useless. What's also wrong is the way she lead me on.
I just feel like not talking to her anymore and just ignoring her. But I think that will just make me look like sour grapes.
I don't ignoring her and stuff would give her sour grapes..
The bottom line is that you two are broke up now. If you think she dating this guy just ask her and get it over with. I'd would whether know than not to know and who knows maybe thisis the closure you need.
I think the best thing to do is to be cordial. Speak when you see her, be polite and courtious.
Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?
She may or may not be dating the guy, but something is going on. For him to be avoiding you the way that he is, my guess would be that she has provided all of the information about you two's past relationship.
Asking her (to me) would give her the impression that you care. I really wouldn't think of giving her the satisfaction that I gave a care as to who it was that she was dating. She got one over on you, don't give her the chance to rub salt in the wound.
We try so hard to try and read between the lines that we fail to see the big bold writing that is on the wall's.
Cut this off immediately.
This is correct. The only 'sour' taste you have is in your mouth, because she and he have 'tasteless' behaviour. It's time now to change your way of thinking and go on with your life. Say a 'hi' to both every now and then, but keep going after that. Don't let on that it still hurts, you've been paying too much attention to what they are doing instead of looking ahead and doing your job. Don't you think others in the company notice all this crap too? Show them all that you are a better man and start up with someone else, even if it is just joking around with the guys, or making compliments to the other girls. I'm sure you did not act this way before she started working there, so clean up your act. Put this all in a drawer and do what you are being paid for and that's not constantly thinking what if's. If is the biggest little word in the dictionary and has no more place in your new vocabulary. Look for a more positive word and a more positive attitude or your job just might be at risk not to mention your mental health. Tell someone you know who likes to 'spread the word around' that you found a nice girl in a forum and you hit it off so well that you can't wait to meet her, stay at your desk and write immaginary letters to 'her' during your break, even if it's just wrting down what you are going to keep us posted on. That will get your head straight and save 'face' at work too. Think positive and look ahead now or you'll go nuts and she's not worth that! - it's that time.. Good Luck, and do keep us posted.Quote:
Originally Posted by letmeno
If regrets that you were not the one breaking it is the only factor that is distracting you from doing a good job and letting things go, then you've got an ego problem that you should also work on. So what if she broke with you first, as long as you learned something and move on.
I am not sure she is seeing this guy. From what you have told me he seems to be attracted to her. It's sounds like he is in the friends zone and is too much of dumbass to figure that out.
Woman know almost instantly (not always) if a guy is a lover or just a friend. She would have been all over him if she liked him.
She may just enjoy the attention this guy gives her but has no romantic interest. She even could be using him to get you jealous.
REMBER always - you think in logic - woman don't. You see them together and assume the worst.
This guy is an insecure dumbass also if he can't keep being cordial/friend with you. WHY would he care what you think??
I'm done with this one. I hate going around in circles, it gets one nowhere quick...
Bye chery, Thanks for all the advise. I hope wildcat did not get to you too much lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Dear one_life, it's not Wildcat, I can handle him. You are the one going around in circles and it's a waste of your valuable time. Believe me I know how short and painful life can be, and I hate to see young and healthy people like you waste it before it even gets started being interesting and fun. You need to strive for a greater goal and stop living in the past, so go for it. Consider yourself spanked by and old lady right now. And stop dwelling and wondering!
I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sense! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5... well... 3 years, I still love her with all my blah... blah... blah. I don't know if I blew it already, but every time I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I don't think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you don't let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but don't give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see what's out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really don't think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I don't think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
It is great advice I've spent ten years learning gall this stuff.
A lot of times you don't want them back. You like the idea of a relationship... but in reality not really with them because of baggage or games or what ever.
YOU CAN NEVER CONVINCE SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU. You have to show it - don't say. Don't be needy or desperate.
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