If your wanting more advice, then tell us your feelings, about what advice you have been given, and where your at as far as changes in the situation, and ask questions :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
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If your wanting more advice, then tell us your feelings, about what advice you have been given, and where your at as far as changes in the situation, and ask questions :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Okay, I'm back here to tell you what's going on now, as I'm starting to feel weak and not having a good day.
So since I broke it off with her and haven't replied to her messages, my mind hasn't really been on her, except for at night time. I have been in school all day every day (I used to go only half a day, but my first aim after this relationship ended was to get my education back on track), then I come home and go straight to work so my mind has been pretty much involved with other things.
She has not contacted me in 1 week, so I haven't had any temptations to contact her. I was a bit disappointed today though when I logged onto my Msn and her name was "all the things we talked about, the dreams were ever true"..
She always talked about getting married, having kids etc.. Even though I always felt I was too young to be talking about this when she did. Anyway, when I logged online, she just went off. Which means she must be trying no contact as well.
Some parts of me really want her back, but then my sense comes back in a few minutes and tells me to wise up - what it was really like when we were together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Intuition is key here, listen to it, don't read too much into what she writes but her actions... Let it go.. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.
Thanks. Today I'm not really looking for advice, just wanted to write about how I felt. It's one of those bad days that I read on here that we get post break up. I'm texting a few other girls, and getting on well with the ones in school. Now that I'm in bad form, I have texted a few of my friends and we are going to get a pizza and watch the football, to keep my mind off things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
No prob, let it out, that just goes to show people care about your feelings.. HAVE FUN! You deserve it!
Just grind your way through it... besides at 16 trust me she doesn't REALLY know what she wants... btw how old are u?
Yeah... even girls my age (22) have no clue what they want. Imagine 16. Woof.
I am one year older, 17.
Well, today, it's been three weeks. I have to say, I am really missing her and have been quite upset today. Someone rang me with a withheld number last night and never said anything.
It was our 2nd year anniversary yesterday.. it was quite a sad day but I got on without really thinking about it. Other things in my life aren't going so well such my mum and dad who like to be at each other's throats all day and night, so that isn't helping.
I'll just struggle along, and resist the urge to break N/C.
Right, look.. this is the story.. I'm not feeling upset, hurt or any other emotion that people go through with a break up, because WE BREAK UP ALL THE TIME!
I have been with.. this girl.. for 2 and a half years or nearabouts. I have not been happy for a year now.. when we first broke up. God, I wish I had of just broken up with her completely then, instead of all this nonsense.
Let me think.. we have broken up not once, not twice, not three times, I think this is the fifth!! time we have broken up.
In January we broke up, the next month we get talking again.. we meet up, we ring each other.. it's all back to the way it was. She is all over me like a rash, ringing me every night etc.. Then one night I rung her and she was really off with me. Since then, she has hardly spoke a word to me, like she doesn't care about me.. don't worry, I'm used to this cycle.. she does this every time we are about to break up!
It seems to me that whenever I'm treating her like a queen, she goes off me. But when I treat her badly (ignore her texts, one word answers on the phone, etc) she comes running back like a shot...
Anyway, I'm through with this. I'm tired of relying on her to make me happy. Because when we're on that stage when we're back together, I'm really happy.. but at the back of my mind I keep thinking: "don't rely on her to make me happy because she isn't reliable, she's going to go off in that cycle any time now"..
Then we break up, for the first week.. I manage no problem with N/C. Then she'll text me and I'll run straight back. Or, if she doesn't run back to me, I run back to her and she takes me back.
It's sooo confusing! I just want to rely on my own moods to be happy, not rely on someone's mood to decide if I'll have a good day or not! Like it used to be before I met this girl!
Sometimes I wish I had never have met her, but then I think back to the first year and a half, when everything was just brilliant...
She seems like a mind fuk... I would leave her alone don't talk to her, don't text her just go NC forever if you want... its up to you... if it were me I would not be in a relationship like that, I don't like being treated like garbage, but some people like it.
Break the cycle, get married or leave each other alone. The make up sex must be to die for.
I'm not a relationship expert cause I've done the same damn thing before. Just let it go! Stop wasting so much time of your precious life. Your soulmate is out there somewhere but it's just not her.
Its so hard to let go I know! Me and my ex broke up about 5 times as well.. Maybe more! The last time was about 3 months ago but we still talk constantly and its confusing! But it seems to be sticking this time. I think try and not rely on her mood to make you happy I know its hard when you care about someone so much. If its meant to be you WILL end up together if not this thing you have will just come to an end naturally so if you can't let her go yet then don't but also don't let it affect you so much mentally just try and have fun with it..
Well, we broke up eventually. I haven't heard from her since Tuesday and have in the right frame of mind to just let her go. Was a bit drunk one night and realised she wasn't worth all the worry... managed to stick with that thought in my head, and I'm just excited to be single again..
I made a list in my phone of all the stuff that I didn't like about her and why I shouldn't go back. Every time I feel bad, I read it and it puts me in a better mindset.
Just trying to get on with my life now. When I find it tough, I look at my phone and will start to post here more often. I have realised I need to move on with my life after nearly 2 and a half years of the same girl, when there's plenty more left out there.
Also, with the fact that she has her myspace picture of herself and this other fella (who is clearly a rebound), it has shown me she is not over me and that she's trying to annoy me. It shows me how much she really isn't worth it and that I'm not missing much.. if she wants to be immature, I'm just going to let her.
I think this time is definitely the time I'm going to get over her, even through the bad days.
You are off to a good start. Making a list is good. Also have a back up buddy that you can call and discuss fishing or whatever when you can't get your thoughts off her. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and even how you feel that your relationship held you back from those goals.
She is playing games with your head. She feels that as long as you are bowing down to her she can and will take you for granted but when you make yourself unavailable she panics and wants you back.
It is time you realize that this is not the vicious cycle you want indefinitely when you could be out there making a real life and finding a real relationship.
Yeah, I have a few friends I can talk to. I have also told all of my friends not to tell me any stories about my ex. Every other time we broke up, I refused to call her my ex.. but now that's what I see her as, my ex. The past.Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
Yeah, I know what you mean. Every time I have broken up with her, I have ran back because I know she would take me back.. but this time, she has broken up with me and I can't run back, but the way I feel now, I don't want her to run back.. because I know it will mess with my head in the end of it all again.
A new and better cycle cannot begin, until you get away from the old one. There is a great big world out there for you to explore, so look forward, as you already know where you have been.
I'm on day 8 of no contact and today is the best I have felt since the breakup. I had a lot of spare time on my hands today, so I went shopping for my first car, got a new look (completely different haircut), meeting with a few friends tonight and I'm feeling really great today.
In truth, I haven't really had one bad day since the breakup. Every time I feel sad or depressed, I read my list again to remind me of her bad points and why it didn't work.. this cheers me up and I try to think of something else.
I feel like I'm starting to get the old me back after 2 long years. When I was going out with my girlfriend, I was told I was no fun any more, I only seemed happy around her. I was a football fanatic before I met her, and although I never gave up my interest in watching football, I stopped playing the sport and since then I have re-joined my old club and starting to really enjoy my football again.
:)
Hey there, day 14 is almost finished and I'm doing really well. Not thinking of her as much any more but today I was a bit down when I heard a rumour about myself.
Now, the girl who started the rumour is known to gossip.. but I don't know if my ex knows her as a gossip as she doesn't know her very well. The rumour is:
When I was on holiday in the summer I cheated on my ex girlfriend (then girlfriend) and didn't tell anybody.
I've just been told that the gossiper and the ex, are going to a concert together. I'm afraid she's going to tell her about the rumour and my ex will then think I cheated.
What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.
Absolutely nothing.. it shouldn't matter what she thinks..
If you contact her you show weakness, and in a form you give her that control and satisfaction that she expects you to give her..
Let her come to you and ask you.. then you can decide whether to break the NC.
I would go somewhere along the lines of "no I didnt cheat on you but I wouldnt be suprised if you dont believe me..anyway I have to jet I have some stuff to do..take care"
Why are you even worried about it. She is your ex!Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
If you are worried about what she thinks, she is not the problem, you are the problem. If she and the relationship was as bad as you say, why did you keep going back and why are you worried about what she thinks?
Enjoy your freedom.
The relationship wasn't bad until the last 6 months or so, then it was horrible.
I really am enjoying my freedom and I feel I'm much happier now. I'm really enjoying single life again.
I didn't want to break no contact and that is what I was thinking of doing nickshehe, you have just re-assured me.
Don't break it, no reason to, as rumors have no effect on what your doing. Don't even worry how the ex reacts to it, that's her problem not yours.Quote:
What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.
Hey again everybody.. I have split up with my ex for 8 months now.. She got a new boyfriend a few months later but has now split up with him (she told me she split up with him because she knew what to be in love was like but she didn't love him).
I had a great summer, I thought I was completely over her.. I wasn't thinking about her or anything until one night I bumped into her on a night out. She was drunk, I was drunk and we ended up spending the night together.. We didn't really speak since until a couple of weeks ago..
She sent me a message asking me did I want to meet up sometime.. and I said, "yeah we could meet up sometime if you wanted".. I questioned her on why she wanted to meet up and she said that she "was sick of pretending she didn't still have feelings for me".
So we met up for something to eat and had a great time. It was just like the old days, we just acted the same and said the same things, laughed about silly things etc etc. It was really good and a big blast from the past. That night she texted me and said she would really like to meet up again and that she had really missed me.
The next day, I don't text her and she doesn't text me.. but then the day after, I text her and she appears to be really off with me. I asked her would she like to go to the cinema sometime and she said she would and that she would text me on Sunday to tell me what day she could go..
Sunday came and went and no text message. Now she's writing to another boy on Facebook telling him that she can't wait to next Saturday to see him.
What should my next move be?
... Like it should've been at the start i.e. NO CONTACT for ex's!!Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Clearly this girl is "messing around" with you,big time :( One minute she's all
Friendly,the next you hear nothing from her!!
You'll just have to say,that this one is down to experience.
Yep, she was lonely after her relationship ended and there you were like a dog waiting for a bone. She threw you one, off you went and now she found someone else so you are back to the back seat
It's a case of "back-up" she wants you to be there for her, but only on the back burner when there isn't someone else. Break it off before you get too deep.
Back to NC!!
It's not confusing, it's just frustrating behavior. Time to remember the WHOLE story of why you originally broke up, and then add this bad treatment to that list.
Feelings don't go away. Remember that. I still vividly remember my first love from THIRTY years ago. So, realize now that those feelings you had for her will always be there, to some degree.
Ignore them, or at least don't put feet on them when you DO think of them.
Don't let her put feet on her old feelings either... unless you LIKE feeling as badly as you do now, resulting from your last interactions with her. Just don't let it happen.
Well, I can understand where the lot of you are coming from but I honestly don't think that she's running back to me because she's just broken up with her boyfriend. She told me that all she did was think of me when she was with him! And she was the one that text me asking to meet up because she still had feelings for me WHEN SHE WAS ON HOLIDAY!
She text me today to tell me she could go on Friday night to the cinema, then I text her back, she took ages to reply.. then I text her back after she had text me and she didn't reply at all. So if she's going to start playing games like this, I'll go to the cinema with her but if she acts the same way like she is now (changing from showing lots of interest to very little interest), I will go N/C again and get her back out of my life.
Experience has led us to counsel you as we have.
Meanwhile, it is your life to live and life is nothing if not risk. You can, of course, rekindle your adventure with her. And if it doesn't work out a second time, it's not necessarily an "I told you so" situation, either. Things have a life of their own sometimes.
I'm just saying it could work out, or it could fail again. It could fail for the same reasons as it did before or it could be brand new unforeseen issues.
Either way, for good or bad, enjoy the ride, don't over-expect. Let things be what they are... you'll be fine.
Come back here if you need to talk some more.
Whatever you do, try to keep your distance and not fall back into old habits. You don't want there to be a "round two" of your breakup should this not work out. Don't get your hopes up and play is cautiously if you decide to continue contacting her...
Thanks for your support guys. I will take things easily and slow.. not show too much interest and will let you know how I get on.
Well, I don't really know how things are going to be honest. We last met up around a month ago, it was a good night.. we went and got something to eat, then I went back to hers.
We bumped into each other on a nightout last weekend, a nice surprise and that encouraged some contact throughout that week.
Overall though, she hasn't shown any interest in wanting to meet up and not much interest in contacting me. Think I need to back off and not take her so seriously..
I was thinking about how I was feeling before she sent that message and my general feeling was that I was over her before I bumped into her on a nightout.. (if you read above you'll know what I'm talking about).. I kind of want to get back to that, I was getting happy again.
These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.
I guess I should just show her little interest so that maybe I'll be on her mind more.. I have no idea what she thinks of me, whether she cares for me because she goes in cycles.. sometimes she seems really interested and caring towards me.. other days she just treats me like another boy.
But then again, we are young and we were very serious when we were in a relationship. I just have to be more patient I guess.
Women!
I for one think it is awesome that something may spark up again. I would give ANYTHING for my ex to show some feelings towards me. The one thing you need to be prepared for is re-living the pain should this not work. I hope the best for you and this is the cool thing about life... it works out in strange ways. Just don't over analyze anything and be prepared for the worste. I can tell you, my ex and I broke up for a month about a year ago, got back together, and then in August broke up for good. It hurt much more the second time than it did the first... just my situation, but protect yourself and let life happen.
Yeah, I suppose that's one way to look at it. When we had broken up, I thought she was completely over me and never thought we would ever see each other again.
But then I think, if she hadn't of contacted me to meet up, that'd I'd be over her by now instead of thinking about her when she doesn't contact me!
That's exactly the basis for NC, as those old feelings get stirred back to the surface very easily.Quote:
These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.
You are handling it well at this point, as we can see some logical thinking going on.
Its obvious your coping with your feelings, whether you see it, or not.
Way to go. Keep going.
Just let things happen and don't worry about the things that don't. The only person that can hurt you is you! Yes, she still has feelings for you and yes she contacted you. There is a reason for EVERYTHING. Like I said, the thing you have to remember is have your guard up and protect yourself. Change your phone number... that's what I did. Now, I don't need to look at my phone constantly because I know my ex can never contact me. Go for what you believe in, but don't start to believe you can't get hurt again, because you can.
Thanks mate and that's cheered me up getting a comment like that from a man of your intelligence :D!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So do you think I should back off and show little interest? Or go cold turkey with her?
Cold turkey... if she wants you she will find a way to get you...
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