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The only one who's really going to be able to give you any answers is him. Hopefully he'll eventually decide that he's ready to talk with you and communicate what happened and where he was coming from. Until then I'm afraid that you're going to be left without any answers.
Wow, I am really sorry you are struggling with such an overwhelming heartbreak. It sounds like you have been through a lot of good times with him and you are confused as to why it ended so quickly. Maybe he is afraid, or feeling smothered in some way. Maybe he needs his space to feel more comfortable. I think you are right to not contact him. Let him think things over before he responds to you. I am sure he still has love in his heart for you, but he isn't sure what to do with his future, and with you. I know you said you are much older and maybe in some way that bothers him. Not that it can't work out , but later on down the road it may become difficult for him. Both of my parents got involved with people much younger than themselves after divorcing each other. IT worked for a very short time with my dad and for about ten years for my mom. Then all of a sudden, she was told that it was over. She was in shock and it took a long time for her to get over. By that time she realized she needed to be on her own and that it didn't work out for a reason.
I don't know what will become of your relationship but in the mean time, focus on yourself. Try to become stronger and more resilient. If it is meant to be, he will try to contact you and work it out. I hope you lean on friends for support, it is so hard to lose someone's love and attention like that, especially when it is so out of the blue.
Remember you will get through this and you are not alone.
I don't believe he is over, you but I think someone or something scared him off. May I ask your ages.
Our ages are I'm 43 and he's 25
I think the age may have a reason. One of my friends broke up with his ex because if this. She was 10 years older then him, he was 37 and she was 47, and yes he is kicking himself in the butt now. He was worried about her looks going wrinkles etc. He asked me if I felt the same way about my ex, and I said yes sometimes that crossed my mind. My ex was 6 years older then I was when she broke up with me I was 34 and she was 41. So that may be a reason why he broke up but it's hard to say. Did you ever see him check out any younger girls. Or did he take you out with his friends to places.
You said that you had a perfect relationship and then you said that you had an argument? That is not a "perfect" relationship.
You asked him during the argument if he loved you? Honestly, that is not a good time to ask a question like that.
What did you say to him during that argument? Words can hurt! I need more info...
No relationship is perfect and having arguments doesn't constitute having a bad relationship. Conflict arises when there is a need for change. Arguing is sometimes the way to get out what the conflict is. Whatever happened during that argument isn't going to be the reason he wants to end the relationship, it may have just been the icing on the cake. However, I do agree it may not be the appropriate time to be asking someone when they are mad if they love you. Sometimes you say things you don't mean when you are angry, that doesn't make or break a whole seven year relationship.
We had an argument do to the fact we were quitting smoking and that can be very stressful, if any of you are smokers you would know what I mean... and yes we did have a perfect relationship... we loved doing everything together, we weren't jealous and petty toward each other and we always considered each others feelings, we loved we laughed and were each others bestfriends how could a relationship be any more perfect
I am trying to help you. I asked you, "what did you say to him during that argument?"Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
I told him he had changed since we quit smoking and that he wasn't the same sweetheart he used to be
I never said that an argument constitutes having a bad relationship. I just found if interesting for her to state how perfect the relationship was and then state how they had an argument and during that argument -- he left her. Prior to that, everything was great. So I feel it is imperative to know what she said to him so that I can get a feel for what happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by shatteredsoul
Come on now. Just because he say's its over, doesn't mean its over. I have seen couples fight, the cops come, they end up in court and a month later they are back together again. :D
Sooooo, I don't think its over yet.;)
I feel that the secret to this mystery break up (most likely temporary) is what did she say to him during their argument? :cool:
And?? Come on, there is more... Drum roll please... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
He said I was right he had changed and I said I didn't like the new him. He said he was sorry but that was the way it is. By the way I asked him if he still loved me before our argument.. that's what started the fight to begin with. I said some pretty mean things in the heat of the fight but I also told him he was the love of my life and how could his feeling for me just die even after he was so loving the day before
You can't throw stones at someone and then throw them a candy bar and everything is OK. I don't know what hurtful things you said, but some people have a limit as to what they will accept and then bounce back to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
Apologize to him for the hurtful things you said. Saying you are the love of my life isn't an apology.
Send him a card and apologize. There is still hope.;)
Like I said in my earlier post, I talked to him twice or so right after he left and told him I didn't mean the things I had said that I was just being defensive because he said he didn't love me anymore. Then I begged him to come home or to at least come talk to me and give me some closure. He refused and said it would be to hard for him to see me. Now its been 10 days since we've had any contact what so ever no calls nothing..
I have to say that when people say to me that there's more than one fish in the sea I cringe. I don't mean any disrespect for the people that say that. I actually believe that saying in some respects. BUT I don't want another fish I want my fish... My guy or should I say my ex guy made me blissfully happy for 7 years. He was very very good to me and never did me wrong. At least not until 2 weeks ago when he left me totally out of the blue. We had everything in common and we loved spending time together... I know that I'll never find another fish that I'm more compatible with.. I miss him terribly and want him back. So finding another fish just is'nt an option...
Well you're in for a very difficult time... you have no control over him, you cannot make him come back to you if he has decided that spending time together is not as great to him as it is to you. However, you do have options... you can accept this and allow yourself to consider other "fish" or you can live in denial and I have a feeling you will eventually be forced to get over it... I would honestly try the first option, due to the second being twice as painful not to mention a waste of time. If you decide to try the first option there are many people here who can help you with techniques for getting over a relationship. Good Luck.
Trust me I know that the odds of us getting back together are slim to none.. But my point was is that what we had comes along once in a lifetime so looking elsewhere seems pointless. I will always compare someone new to him because I know he was my ONE GREAT LOVE!!
How do you know if you haven't caught all the fish? You're clinging onto your trout when there might be a sturgeon waiting for you if you'd just cast your line.
Of course you don't want to let go of your trout, it was the biggest fish you'd ever caught. There are plenty of bigger fish out there, but you need to stop holding your trout and re-cast your line in order to find them.
Make sense?
Been there, felt that... and no matter what I say I will have absolutely no idea what you're feeling right? Wrong... let time be the judge of this situation... when people say there are a lot of fish it bothers you because you don't like considering other people... this is your one main problem you are attatched to this person, this attachment will be inevitably be broken over time and you will learn to consider other people if you want a future with another human being, in fact I am almost positive you will most likely find someone you are happier with who will not leave you after 7 years. Whatever you thought you knew about this person waas obviously not completely true, so learn from this.
Check out this converation... the girl left him out of the blue as well... it sucks, but he has to deal with it... check out someof the advice that was given... especially the most recent post.
Good luck!
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-116355.html
I've been reading lots of peoples post and a lot of them sound like my situation where their ex's just left suddenly... My question is does someone that tells you they love you everyday and shows you in everyway... Just Stop Loving You??
It is not instant. Most people lose those feelings over time and usually try to uphold normalcy while they figure out what they want. By doing so it seems as if its over night to the person who is being broken up with. I don't think your boyfriend decided overnight it was probably months of thought on his part trying to figure what he was feeling, what he was needing. You are only seeing the results of his decision. Being in both situations I can tell you that its difficult to figure everything out while trying to keep up appearances.
You are going to drive yourself nuts with this. The relationship seemed perfect up until the breakup because he made a point of keeping up appearances until he made his absolute decision. From what you said before he is 25 and you are 40-something. He may just not be ready for the level of commitment that you want from him. You have been dating him since he was 18 that's a lot for someone that young.
U don't have to stick with the fish, u could try to fish for the Lobster!
I was wondering. What if your ex wants to get back together and because you are doing N/C they think you are over them and don't pursue it because they don't want to hinder your progress
It all depends on why you broke up and if you have a clear understanding of what ended the relationship.
It also depends on whether you have the perspective to really, truly know if you want to be with this person again. Which most people don't right after a break up. I know after my last serious boyfriend broke up with me I would've ran back to him had he asked until after about 90 days of no contact. After those 90 days I went riiiiight that why this relationship didn't work WHEW saved myself.
I always took a break as being unwilling to work together and after that you must heal and move on. Doesn't matter what the other expartner thinks, or wants. You must know what you want. Waiting for some one to make up their mind, is not very healthy, or in your best interest.
I believe if someone breaks up with you and they want to get back, they are going to come back regardless of your progress. I believe my ex kept coming back because she thought I was moving on.
If your ex wants to get back together with you they will pursue it. Then you hold the power and have to be careful not to surrender it.
My Boyfriend left just over 2 weeks ago. He only gave me brief answers as to why he left, like I don't know if I love you anymore and that the passion wasn't the same. Answers I didn't believe. Are relationship was very good and we had a very strong bond. Now looking back I think it had more to do with a hard life. Financial pressures being one of them. We are what people refer to as ( Working Poor ) Living paycheck to paycheck sometimes not making it to the next one. In our 7 years together we've had our electric shut off, been without heat, had a car reposessed and so on. Lately he would say things like we can't ever afford to take vacations together or buy our own home with a back yard and he seemed so sad about it. Also thiers family pressures. My 21yr old son still lives with me because he can't afford to live on his own. So not much privacy... My oldest son lives right across the hall from us at our apartment complex and has a very loud wife and they were always fighting around us which was very uncomfortable. He said he was sick of being a laborer making 12 dollars an hour and wanted to go back to school. But he knew we could never afford it. Now he lives with his parents. Like I said our relationship was good so I'm not convinced that I am the real reason he left. CAN LIFES PRESSURES MAKE SOMEONE SNAP AND JUST LEAVE? And if that's the reason will love prevail and bring him back to me hard times or not?
Yes life pressures can make someone leave. It's a selfish act though, but I've seen it happen. Sounds like you both need have enough to deal with on your own. First, take care of yourself, and concetrate on improving your life and becoming more financially stable.
In the future please don't be quite so brusque in your responses. It's true that she does need to lean to cope with disappointments ; we all do. However, the more concrete and encouraging advice you can give someone, the more helpful it is for the person that has the problem which prompted them to initiate the thread in the first place.Quote:
Originally Posted by mynameisAlexander
Nice answer. You must be a very lovely personQuote:
Originally Posted by mynameisAlexander
Considering that financial problems are one of the top reasons for divorce I would imagine they could have also caused your breakup.
If your relationship was as wonderful as you say then maybe he wants to better himself so he could come back and really "be the man". Do you know what I mean? Maybe he felt badly that he was unable to give you material things like nice home and vacations. I wouldn't count him out but please don't grip onto it for the time being. Let it be as it is and maybe you could find a way to help lift yourself up in your situation.
I certainly hope things work out the way you wish. You seem like a lovely person :)
Thanks Glinda, He did say on several occations lately that he felt as thou it was his fault that my life was so hard and that being with me was keeping me from finding a older man that's well off with his own home... remember he's 19 yrs younger than I am But I told him that a love like ours was all I needed and not some guys moneyQuote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
Missing, I would have to say definitely yes. Last year my ex fiancé broke up for me. I was so stressed out with her. She wanted a $600,000.00 + dollar house, $60,000.00 convertiable, vacation house, expensive jewelry and buying her and her son anything she wanted to buy. Plus with selling my house then her house the wedding etc. After a little over a week of thinking of what I wanted I did call her and said I was making a mistake. But my point is Now that I'm healing maybe I didn't want to marry her after all I didn't want to live pay check to pay check plus with her spending problem with credit cards. So now that I write this I would have brought all of this up before we got to involved with wedding plans and tell her I'm not going to live on the edge. I know she would have yelled at me but Yes, I would have broke up with her if she still wanted to live like that. So I believe stress can make someone break up with you. I did.
You may have been happy but he sure wasn't and its no ones fault really, so accept this and move on.
As most of you know my boyfriend of 7 years left me with little explanation. I've been devastated for over 2 weeks. Today he told my son ( they work together ) that he is talking to a girl at their work and he wanted to tell him first before he heard it from someone else. My boyfriend and I always had a solid relationship we had love and laughs and long conversations about everything from capital punisment to religion and politics. Well anyway back to this girl he's talking to. Several people I know also know this girl and they said she is a total skank. She has four different kids by four different men two of which the fathers have custody of. The two she does have living with her have different fathers also. And the youngest she doesn't know if the father is her live in boyfriend or his brother. She has been in and out of jail and is currently on probation. My sister knows her also and was at a mutual friend of thiers a few weeks back and she said that this girl, their friend and the friends boyfriend went into the bedroom to have a threesome and wanted my sister to join but she said NO THANKS and left. And the funnist part of this whole f'd up situatiion is that this girl is dumber than a box of rocks... My son said she wore a t-shirt to work the other day that said Pentagon on it. So my son jokingly said where'd you get that shirt, at the Pentagon.. And her response was Huh, what's the Pentagon and he said Oh My God you remember 911, plane crash... ring a bell and she said oh that Pentagon, no I didn't get my t-shirt there. Geeez what an idiot. Now tell me how can he go from a stable, mature, faithfull, devoted, fun loving intelligent woman he claims was the love of his live and best friend to a nasty ho that's so stupid she couldn't have a meaningful converstation to save her life and doesn't even know who fathered her children. And somehow this news made me feel a little bit better. Why is that??
Im in the middle ending a 12 year relationship. She left. She works at Wal-Mart and has some friends there and is staying with one of her co-workers. No offense to anyone that has worked at wal-mart I have as well but a good 80% of them are idiots.
It makes me feel good about myself that I can sit here in agony and go through this pain without having to surround myself with morons and gossip and gripe about nothing so I don't have to deal with my feelings and PROBLEMS.
This makes me feel bad for her that she is out there on her own with no one of any value to talk to. But that's the easy way out and at the end this I will be the better/happier person. She unfortunately will still be in limbo.
Anyhoo I'm rambling, but sticking to your guns and doing the right thing no matter how much it hurts does make you feel better doenst it?
Don't know all the details about the breakup...
Rebound relationships rarely are tied to reason... and sometimes you jump into relationships, rebound or not, for completely irrational reasons... OK, maybe carnal reasons... self-esteem propping... even just flat-out attention for the sake of filling a void...
So... why her and not you. Stop losing sleep over it.
See, wasn't that easy. I said stop and *poof* you do.
I know its not that easy, but you can't compare yourself to an ex's next victim.
It's the rules.
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