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Sorry I went back to some of your other posts to get a clearer picture
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1615076
And I really think you need to back away from this unhealthy situation, as you don't need the aggravation or drama, and could be better served by getting healthy, by being happy without a relationship, if that's what you call the drama with this guy and his friends.
He called me when he got out of hospital thank god. He hasn't spoken to the 'friend' so far, which is annoying her and is therefore asking me to keep her updated. I don't think he would cheat on me and he did tell her not to say something's. My main problem is her and the things she says to me. If she was not involved I think it could work a lot better. But I can't do that can I. I don't want to end it he means a lot to me and I believe him when he tells me I mean a lot to him. I know he has problems with the panic attacks I just don't want them in the way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxsamxx110
Again, not to be harsh, I don't think you mean a lot to him. He is acting like someone who does not care about your feelings. He is not treating you with respect. This guy makes you feel bad about yourself, what's so great about him? You are only a few months in and it is easy to get out now. You have no reason to stick around with some guy who shuts you out of his life. If someone shuts you out and treats as if you do not matter a few months in it will only get worse from here.
If every time he mistreats you and you don't say anything he thinks its fine to treat you like you don't matter. If you didn't let him and say I'm sorry I don't deserve to be shut out of your life and mistreated I don't think this is going to work.
You are young and there is no reason for you to attach yourself to some loser when you can do so much better.
xxsamxx110 disagrees: he wouldn't cheat and I know they arent together, she is having a child with someone else and even though she has admitted that she fancies him he has told her he doesn't fancy her. Besides she lives nowhere near us.
To be honest I don't want advice telling me to break up with him. That's far from what I want. I want advice on what do do about the 'friend' and if its me over reacting.
You can spin your story any way you want, but he is not as into you, as you are him. It's a big red flag when his friends harrass you and nothing is done about it from him. Nothing effective, so what does that tell you??
What do you mean 'You may be in denial because of a lack of knowledge'? I'm not spinning my story I'm telling it as it happens and as I see it. The friend is meant to be a mutal friend. My boyfriend has told her to stop saying something's but what can he do if she doesn't stop or he doesn't hear what is said to me?
Hey you are not a bad girlfriend to him and his so-called 'friend' sounds like she is stirring things up nxt time she texts ask her politely to stop txting u. your boyfriend is in the wrong for confiding in her instead of you maybe you should say nxt time anything happens to him for him to tell you what is happening properly else u'll be worrying about him all the time hope it works out for you and I haven't given you the wrong advice goodluck
Stonewilder agrees: If you ask her she would say he is her boyfriend, but I don't think he would say she is his girlfriend.
She doesn't say that he is her boyfriend, she has a boyfriend and is living with and having his child. My boyfriend has never been with her. I don't think she likes the relationship I have with him and so she tells me things and makes me feel bad and tells my boyfriend she hasn't said anything and is happy for us and wants us to be happy. Only I don't get that impression.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxsamxx110
Look you are the one on here moaning on and on about how badly your boyfriend treats you. Maybe you need to wake up and see the situation as all of these third party people do. This guy treats you like crap. He disappears, only confides in this friend, shuts you out of his life all of this after dating for a few months? Come on. Do you really believe that you deserve to be treated like this? If you do then stop bothering asking for advice that you are not going to take. BTW just because this girl is with someone else does not mean that she wouldn't leave that person if your boyfriend showed the slightest interest. All of us on here are trying to HELP you. Stop hindering yourself.
Don't worry about being a good girlfriend at this point he is a bad boyfriend and has no concern over you. Leave him and find someone else
I'm still confused as to why you don't just drive over there and see him. Why all this conversation with this other girl is happening between you and she and why you're allowing her to dictate the actions and terms in your relationship him.
Tell her to stfu, get in your car and go over and say hi to your guy. If he flips out about, then why would you want to be with someone who gets angry with you for coming to see him after he was hospitalized?
He doesn't want to see me yet and as he put it doesn't want me to see him in a mess. He has told me he wants to see me soon as he misses me. She is meant to be a mate to us both. She is more then 200 miles away and my boyfriend doesn't show an interest to her in that way and has told her that. What is stfu? We spoke last night for awhile and we seem OK and he has apologised and explained to me what has happened and what he has been thinking. The friend admitted that he really only sent one text about an hour or more after he told me, but only one he asked her why she made out that he had texted her a lot. I don't want to find someone else I want it to work with my boyfriend.
I don't think you need to find someone else, I think you just need to take some action. You don't always have to do what your boyfriend wants. Sometimes you need to meet your needs too.Quote:
Originally Posted by xxsamxx110
Personally, if I were you, I would drive over there against his objections. Let him get angry and then point out exactly how stupid is anger is (if he does get angry).
"So let me get this straight, you went to the hospital and I was SO concerned about you and your health that I rushed over here and you're mad at me because of it?"
If that happens at all. Every guy needs a good slap (metaphorically or physically) from time to time, trust me, I know... I'm a guy. I can think of plenty of times where my girlfriend did exactly what I didn't want her to do and it was great!
Stand up for yourself! Stand up for your relationship! Stand up for him!
For a woman that the most important thing you need to learn is to STAND UP FOR Yourself!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haplo
Not just in relationship... :cool:
If you need further incentive, think about what he's said to you. He doesn't want you to see him like he is. Why? Well, generally people don't want to be seen when they feel ugly. I would imagine he doesn't want you to think he's all nasty and mussy and dirty and an all around mess. Do you care? Personally with every woman I've dated I thought they looked the best when they thought they looked the worst. Does this hold true for you?
If so, get off the freaking computer, get in your car, and go. And tell him when you get there that he's great and awesome and you love him and it doesn't matter that he's a mess and he's just going to have to get over it.
PS. STFU - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (you asked what it meant :))
Well I'm talking to him at the minute and is going to come to mine tomorrow. Hopefully it will be OK and we will get sorted. Going to try and explain to him so he knows what I want from us as a couple and try to get the friend less involved. I'm not good at standing up for myself in any situation and never have been. Does this sound any good. Don't suppose anyone has any god tips for me to help my boyfriend when he has a panic attack.
Thanks
That is nothing but bull, and he can't tell you what to do! You really need to check him on this quick. You are his love interest and you can't express it by being there??Quote:
he doesn't want to see me yet and as he put it doesn't want me to see him in a mess.
Well I'm sure some of you will have read my previous posts. Anyway this is sort of carrying on. Basically I'm having a few problems of my own e.g. very ill grandad in hospital. Going back to work..
Well me and my boyfriend haven't as such been arguing but not getting on as well such as not talking much or seeing much of each other. Well my problem is now that I don't know where I stand with him or how he see us as a couple. The other problem yet again is the 'friend'. My boyfriend knows how I feel. Well she has stopped texting me etc and now only him. Well this gets to me and I want it to stop but I know I can't decide who he can be friends with. It just makes me feel awful. Its not like a one of text its constant texts all day most days. My boyfriend doesn't always reply but does sometimes. e.g. not had credit for a week or 2 and now tops it up and first to text is her and its none stop again.
I don't know how to deal with this without appearing to be the possessive jealous girlfriend. Just feel left out and unsure of what to do. I love my boyfriend and I think he loves me. I do NOT want to end it I just want to get these things sorted. Any advice much appricated. Thanks
Don't do it.
Just because you want to know that your boyfriend is faithful don't mean your possessive or jealous.
You have the right to know what's going on he's not in the relationship by himself you know.
You deserve to know the truth before you assume and just break up with him. If you have to snoop just don't get caught.
Thanks tpreyer. I tried talking to him last night but didn't do very well. He didn't tell me much at all and just said he had nothing to say. He also mentioned that he has topped up and texted the 'friend' and now is texting a lot in which I replied well it was always going to happen. I feel like I'm making all the effort. I go back to work on Monday so I won't see much of him and suggested we had a day out. He agreed and said just the two of us and he would think of somewhere and would sort iit. This also has not been mentioned. I have not seen him this week and when I last left his place it was because 'he ddidnt know what to do or say'.
How do I get him to talk?
Get him to understand about the 'friend' and stop the secrets and texting?
Any tips for making a distance relationship work?
Thanks
Hey... Its Nothing to worry much you just have patience and wait for the right time its just becoz you plp are not getting on frequently... but yeah don't give him so much gap that he starts thinking that he is alone and you are avoiding him. In fact I'm also going hrough with the same phase..Quote:
Originally Posted by xxsamxx110
Should I text and ask him or try work out when we are meeting up next.
Well I still haven't heard from him. He texted the 'friend' yesterday so I no he has credit. I just don't understand why he hasn't text me. I seem to always be the one making the effort. I don't know what to think.
I don't want to sound harsh but you guy's don't spend enough time together and it leaves
Room for him to do other thing's, It seems like the distance has taken toll on your relationship. I think you should listen to your heart on this one since there's no way to be sure what he's doing, It doesn't seem that he's being honest with you and you can't force him to talk about it or be honest about it. I hope you two can work it out.
Hey its clear you are slightly insecure? Am I right/wrong? Leme know. Maybe its time to start worrying about you and your life rather than his.. Its hard but you may feel a weight of your shoulder. Its not your responsibility for what your BF does. Be strong and independent and pour your thoughts into something constructive instead of worrying about texting and other materialistic things. You may see him turn a leaf the more you start caring about you!
I know how horrible it is with relatives in hospital. I worked in the care industry for a short while and my Grandad passed away a few years ago from a terrible about of cancer on my sisters birthday and a final year maths exam! - Not good. I hope you get some quality time with him.
Hi thanks everyone. Yes I'm very insecure and always have been. As my boyfriend puts it I have a shield around me. I worry about a lot of things, so much in fact I wish sometimes I could switch off and forget it all. I have tried to be independent and I haven't been texting etc. I don't know what to do sometimes as he has asked me to contact him everyday as he wants to know I'm thinking about him. Lol he to can be abit insecure but not as much as me. I know we don't get enough time together. I work all week and we live about an hour away. He also has a two year old son from a previous relationship which he has alternate weekends. I don't know what to suggest. Like I mentioned I have suggested a day for just the two of us and he agreed. I work 4 days and depending on what day they decide to give me off I was going to suggest we spend the day together each week. However he is meant to be going to college so I don't know how that would work. Any suggestions on how to find the time. I do spend time with him most weekends and when he has his son. I don't think he would cheat on me I just don't like the way the friend is with him and with me.
My grandad is critical but stable after 7 heart attacks, they won't operate at the minute but we are all managing. Thanks again
Have your day together, if things are back to normal perhaps he was having some problems of his own and didn't want to add to your worries. If things are still stressed try calmly asking him again if there is something going on. If he doesn't give you a satisfactory answer try talking to his 'friend' she might be less likely to hide something(she has less to lose) and depending on what she says try being her friend as well. You can never have too many friends.
How far apart are you two, and how old are you?? LDR's are hard on mature healthy people, let alone, dealing with insecurities in one partner. How do you know how often he, and the friend text each other? Why aren't you texting him more, and then you can gauge much better where his intentions are. If your doing all the work in this relationship, that won't work for long.
I'm 19 and he is 22. We live about an hour apart however I am the only one that drives. He will tell me sometimes if he texts and other times he lets things slip or I will be with him when she texts or she brags about it or sends me a text asking where he is and why he isn't replying. She was a mutual friend. We actually met through her. She has fancied my boyfriend for a while but he never felt that way about her. She also has a boyfriend and only the other day gave birth to their first child. She lives in scotland whereas we live in yorkshire. So theirs plenty of distance. The problem is that since we got together she has basically been putting me down and telling me how we won't last and he loves her etc but tells him the opposite and makes out that she a great mate to me. Well we haven't spoken for a while but she tries getting between me and my boyfriend. Unfortunately he doesn't see it and only sees her as being a great mate to me etc.
Yeah he has said he's had a few days when he's felt depressed again. e.g. tonight he has gone off saying sorry he just feels c*** and depressed. He also suffers with panic attacks. I don't know if I should text him more or let him text me first. How to I tell what his intentions are?
You really need to talk, and get this back stabber from between you. She is more a problem than the distance. You have to let him know, her part in this, and if he is to dense to see the forrest, you should re evaluate his importance in your life.
I think your already doing the best you can and if you trust him there's nothing to worry about. You both are very busy but if you love each other it will last. Hope you grandfather pulls through god bless you.
Regardless of trust her unrelenting hounding will become a stress factor and life has too many of those with out any help. Talk to your BF explain what is going on, if he stands by you great, if he argues that she wouldn't do such a thing, offer proof(if you still have texts on your phone)if he gets mad at you your far better off without him.
Thanks everyone, well I haven't heard from him yet again. I know he has his son but thought he would at least send me a text. I have know idea when I will get to see him as I only have the weekend before I go back to work. He won't tell me if he wants to see me or when even though yesterday he told me he misses me loads. I don't know how to get rid of her, he doesn't see it and she denies it. She sends him something and I show him something but he doesn't see it all. I know we are busy but I'm making the effort why can't he meet me part way? Am I asking too much? Thanks
OK well basically my boyfriend finished with me a month ago saying we were too different and I was too quiet. Anyway we didn't really talk much in the last month. Maybe twice. Friday night he was talking to me online and has told me he thinks he has made a mistake and has been hinting it for a couple of weeks but was to chicken to tell me. He said he is sorry and hopes it isn't too late. Anyway he asked me to see him on Saturday which I did. He was all over me and said he was sorry. However he has made out to his family I agreed to get back with him. They are all happy and saying he was an idiot to finish it in the first place etc. later on when we got his son to sleep we talked, hugged, kissed etc and he asked me if this meant we were a couple. To this I replied I don't know. Anyway it was a nice day with him and he has asked me to see him on Wednesday (my day off) as he wants to take me out. I've agreed to this. We are talking online now. My problem is I don't know if I should go back out with him. I don't want to be hurt again and I'm not sure if he will think it gets boring and he will end it. As much as I love and care about him I want to know where I stand with him and that he is serious about us. He doesn't say he loves me much. But did say to his mum he is madly in love and didn't know what to do, and says I should know. Do you think he means it and will put the 110% into it that he said he would?
Any advice much appreciated. Thanks
I would be worried that he only wants you back now because he was feeling lonely after the month apart. I guess you need to truly find out what his motives are, and decide if you want to possibly go through the breakup again. Ive never been against giving second chances myself, but it matters on what grounds you left each other at.
Yeah that's one of the reasons. We were apart for about a week or 2 when he started saying that he had made mistakes but didn't tell me what he meant and avoided me. He had said to his mum 'im madly in love with her and I don't know what to do' and she basically said do something about it or u'll regret it and he told me. We split basically because he said we were too different, I'm too quiet, and he didn't see me enough. Well the plan he has come up with is he will come tue night and stay till thur morning and then have weekends together. Which sounds good to me but I just don't know if he is going to get bored and decide to end it.
I think you should give him another chance. But keep it slow don't jump back into a full relationship and keep him wondering if you plan to. Just go out as good friends and build something solid on that. In the meantime talk with him about your differences and how the two of you can make it work.
He probably just didn't know how to take you because it is difficult to know where someone who is quiet is coming from. For example, they can be thinking is she really interested in me? Is she that bored with me? Maybe she isn't interested in me? Why won't she open up to me? Is she just a boring person? And now that you have been apart he feels the emptiness of your not being their by his side.
Well he was really sweet the other day but now I'm not sure. One minute he tells me how much he misses me and when I asked to text me he did but I don't feel he is making an effort. How do I tell him that if he wants us to work then he has to make an effort? So confused :(
Is this the same b/f who has you going through a lot of drama and is a long distance from you or is this a different person? What has changed beside your mind, that will make things better??
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