Everyone has been saying that I spend way too much time with her and by no contact that is going to make her come back but I haven't been around her that much she lives 4 hours away. One of her main reasons she said she is doing this is because I didn't express my love for her in the past 6 months she felt the void the last 6 months. She felt like I was going to come home or call her at any moment to end it. So yes I need to give her the space she wants and I am going to wait for her to contact me by phone in a few weeks before I respond but I don't know if full no contact is the best option... anyone?

Sounds as though she is really insecure. Go no contact and work on yourself.

Hay mate she willtell you enything at the momentweather it be you werntthere enough or whatever the simple factis she is not that into you at the moment and HELL you think its taken 6 months of her worrying to do this. If girsthink you are goingto breakup with them they don't break up with you for that reason. The reason she said that was to try and makeyou say I will change I will give you moretim I will o this I will do that I will let you have me by the balls and drag me around like a dog!! GET REAL BUDDY girls love guys who have bsalls and run the show and they don't leave them they only leave wuss bags who believe every ounce of crap that is coming out of hwr mouth. IF you really want her tell her yourve had enough yourvethought aboutthings and since she's so up and down your finished wth her! Simple leave it at that. SHE WILL BE BACK IGUARANTEE as soon as you sow her your not putting up with this she will be back why do you think she has stayed for solong because you were in charge but now the tanles areturning and she is in control and dragging you arounf reverse this now or your out SIMPLE

My option is the same as my last post. And that is what worked for me.

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It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

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You know the answer, just do it. Be about you, and your own healing, and be happy.

Hey everyone I am back at work now keeping busy this morning which is helping me keep my mind off her we still have had no contact since Monday night. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me so she is getting the space she wants. I am going over to join a gym tonight try to keep me busy after work and getting into better shape is always a good thing. Thanks for all the advice the past few days when I get to a point where I feel like I need to contact her I come and read all of these posts so they have been a major help. We will see when the next time she tries to contact me but I don't think it will be anytime soon and at that point I don't know if I will pick up.

She sent me a text today it was so hard not to respond... I take it I can expect much more of this? At what point do I start responding not for another 2 weeks? What point does she start to run away thinking that I am totally gone I don't want it to get to that point.

Do you know what you want? Call her but say nothing of getting back together, just be a good listener and figure where she is at. Be yourself.

I want her back but I want her to come back to me and I want her to know that this is right. I don't know what she wanted with the text it was a Hey and that she was going to send a letter that she has written over the past few weeks about the situation. I still get this feeling that she doesn't know what she wants and is looking for someone else.

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What point does she start to run away thinking that I am totally gone I don't want it to get to that point.

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She doesn't run away everyone thinks like this. The more you ignore her the more she will want to talk about it. Every bloke here says but she might think I'm not interested well your not going to ignore her for a month are you. Its called a couple of days and then you reply. If she sends you a hay what's up, you don't reply you reply the next day. You let her wonder what your doing...

I think Mac put it very well, your giving her space and time to miss you and examine her feelings without any pressure from you. That doesn't mean run and hide but be busy with your own life while you go slow when she contacts you, to make sure she is doing what she wants being with you. No contact is when you know its over and you get healthy. Call her but leave the relationship out of it and let her lead the conversation and you listen. You don't have to fall all over the female just go slow and build trust, and listen for where her head is at. Your time is used to find out your mistakes and correct them as you slowly build communications. Your insecure and need to work on that or else you wouldn't be worried about her looking for someone else. Keep working on yourself.

Her text was a simple hey what's up, I have a letter that I am going to send you, and oh yeah Thank You. The thank you was from something I dropped off at her house about 4 days ago while she was at work. She loves these candy that you can only get on the east coast so I picked some up for her when I was on vacation and left them at her house. So I don't know if the text was an I miss you type text or more of a thanks for doing that I feel like I have to text you now type text.
I know I am insecure and have some major trust issues but the only reason I see for her doing this is that she wants to find someone else. I am working on my issues I know I shouldn't be insecure I have a lot to offer but it is hard right now. I still feel like her head is in the same place as before so I am going to wait till she sends me this letter she said she had before I go and contact her. I mean am I missing something here is there something you guys see that I don't and that is why you guys don't think its totally over?

I can only go by what you write, the more details the better. By the way are you in the same city and what makes you think there is someone else?

I have put all the details out there, no we are 4 hours apart but I was driving through her town the other day on the way back home from vacation so that is when I dropped off that stuff. I don't know why I think there is someone else but she says she left because she was unhappy and that I didn't tell her how I felt about her for the past 6months. So I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted and why wouldn't she go out and find that attention from someone else. I don't think she is jumping into bed with them she isn't like that it took me a good 4 months to even get her to go on an official date. Her parents have gone through a lot they split up after 30 years of marriage so it really takes a lot for her to open up and trust someone. She always says she can't imagine opening up and trusting anyone else the way she trusts me. She has said in past emails that she is single during this but isn't looking for someone else but then a few times on the phone during the first few days she said "I would regret not dating other people during this I need to figure out what people I work well with and what people I don't and find out if we really are right" so there is mixed signals coming all over the place.

Ok I just realized that I had purchased tickets to her favorite theater show the last weekend in July before all of this I was going to drive down and surprise her. I don't know what I should do at this point do I ask her if she wants to join me or do I not even bring it up? I don't want this to look like an effort by me to invade her space but I have had these tickets for almost a year now.

Don't do anything until you read the letter, and see what's on her mind. I know nerve racking, but take the opportunity to stay busy with what you enjoyed before you got with her. Long Distance relationships are hard on the most mature, and experienced couples, so its important that you fill your time wisely. Her signals are mixed, so wait for her letter.

I don't get it why she is sending this letter... is this the way she is going to tell me it is all over with? She talks about the letter in the voicemail she left me last week "I have wrote you a little letter over the past few weeks explaining why I need this because I am not good on the phone". I feel like she just doesn't have the courage to just end it over the phone and this letter is going to do that.

Get busy till it comes, don't trip!

Should I ask her what I should expect from this letter?

No

Flyguy... I know how this anxiety feels... I know it comes and goes... You need to not contact her and you know it. You mentioned it yourself... So why would you let it overwhelm you? It seems to me that you would like to remind her of these tickets before you get the letter because you are afraid you will get dumped in that letter. Reminding her of a nice thing you did for her will not at all work. So just wait for that letter. I bought airline tickets for my ex to go to P.R. with me next week a few months ago... Did that stop her? Guess who's coming now... My brother! But I love my brother a lot and his company would be better than anybody else's... I'm pretty sure he is doing it because he feels bad. He is turning 21 and I am 22 and we get along more than great. I am sure he will have fun though... So I learned first hand... Just let it go, believe me, I experienced it. You can try everything but actually, trying nothing always works more... Showing her you have tickets and telling her you want her to join you, proves to her that you are NOT a man and that you accept this treatment... Don't you want to send her the message that you don't take this treatment? Send her the message that this is not okay by doing nothing and she will get the hint soon enough. I'm not saying she will return that way, but it is by all means the only message you NEED to give her at this point... Or else say good bye... Believe me... If she doesn't appreciate you by this time for all you have done, then she doesn't deserve you period!

I want to do whatever it takes to get her back... period!! That is all I want I don't know what to expect from this letter maybe I am just being to negative all she has given me in the past is reassurance she will come back when she is ready I don't know why I can't just relax and trust her she has never lied before.

Flyguy What you are doingis WRONG!!

You must believe one thing if you truly want this girl bak in your life. DO NOTHING AT ALL!!

Giving her things taking her places is showing her that you are heppy with the treatment you are receiving!! Are you SERIOUS!!

Imagine you dumped her and said I want a break se wold probably never talk to you again...

Listen mate she dumped you weather it's a break or not at the moment she doesn't want to be with you or she would be you must realise this!! You CANNOT win her back by trying to shower her with gifts and affections you are saying your fine with being treated like a dog!! CAuse that's what she is doing look how she is disrespecting you. Yourve been with her for a long time and she wants to do this to her yourve been there for her when she neeed you.. Ill telll you now don't listen to thatrubbish about not telling yher how much you loved her the last 6 months that's got ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with this, that is just an excuse I guarantee that!!

You have come here for advise and if you truly want her back stop talkingto her stop everything and refuse to be treated in this dog on leash way!! Get your balls together and show her you're a man and if ses not ready then your gone!!

Women love a guy in control and at the moment yourve gotnone. Who in there right mind would hang around and listen to there girlfriend wo the have treated so well talk about not knowingif you're the oine and wanting to maybe date others to know. This means Im not that into you but if I don't find anyone I really want then I suppose you will do ad I feel safer with you around!!

Im sorry to say dude but if youcotinue doing whatyou are doing she will adventually meet someone else and place her emotion on the,m and thiis what you will hear!!

" I really love you but just dont feel you are the one i want to spend my life with, your a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you"!! That's what you will hear unless you get your stuff together and ignore her!! Shessitting on the ede at the moment and if you want to rock her your way let her MISS you and Feell the VOID. Let her know what it is to not have you in her life this means no contact at ALL.. o alls idf she calls don't answer tell a couple of days later what did she want. Youmust take a cance if you wish to SUCCEED. You must push her away to get er to come to you..

What you are doing at the moment is not what will work you will wait until you aveused up all your chancesthen you will try my adice on pushingher away. You don't need to say anything topush her awa just don't be available and definitely do NOT contact her and she will start to wonder ow your life is going and she will call with any old excuse!! Don't ANSWER Don't ANSWER let her emotions grow she will be back she will wnt to be part of your life.

Its your choice though I know you will probably continue with your way as I have told you before to cut all this out and your still talking! As soon as she realises your moving on she will want you back. At the moment she believes she can play these games and you're the loser who is hanging around on the back foot gettingtreatedlike this dirt ball! You don't deservethat mate.Relationships don't work when the woman wants a break and the guy chases because there will be anither guy who isn't chasing and she will go for him. Don't let this happento you. Give yourself every hope and stop talking to her from now... DO IT IFYOU WANT HER BACK. I think you're a good chance make her miss you from her life.

I haven't been contacting her the last thing I did was 5 days ago and that was the package I sent off to her. Otherwise I have been staying no contact I am trying to balance the no contact and trying to keep her interested. I haven't gone out and contacted her in almost a week the ball is all in her court so at what point do I give up and realize she isn't coming back.

She is coming back you wait it out mate she is wondering what you are doing right now the longer you leave it the more intrested she will become. She is going to nde you must wait at least 2 weeks. She will contact you SHE WILL!! Stay strong they always want what they haven't got she will feel the void. This is especially important if she has noi one else she will feel the void you have left... if she has someone else yopu don't want her anyway

If you break down and contact her you will be back to square one. She will no she has you... stick with it and if sh calls definitely don't answer you have alife your not sitting by the phone... Your moving on...

I don't think there is someone else it took her so long to trust me and I can't see her running right away to someone else... I really feel like she just needs her space she has told me over and over again there isn't anyone else and she can't picture herself even dating. So if I don't hear from her in the next two weeks I should look at it as over and that there probably was someone else?

Relax flyguy, your thinking way too much. Take it one day at a time and enjoy yourself. You'll get the letter and then you can act accordingly. Instead of worrying about... what if... focus on solving your own issues,
Fear
Insecurity
Impatience
Inexperience
Whatever the letter says you have to accept and deal with it.

So went down to check my mail yesterday thinking the letter from her is going to be in the mailbox... stuck my key in the box to open it when to turn the key and snap the key breaks off in the lock!! Life is such a funny thing sometimes I guess it looks like I am going to have to wait till Monday when I can get someone to fix my mailbox.

Here is the full voicemail that she left me last Monday I still listen to it once a day gives me hope let me know what you think. "Hey thanks for that email it means so much to me to hear you finally say the way you really feel about me I always wanted to hear that from you I just didn't know that it would take this to get the feelings out of you. You know I love you I just don't love you in the way for us to be together and I think that I can love you like that again I just need my time. I need to know that you are who I think you are and the way I think I am going to realize that is by getting away right now. I love you and I just want to love you in the way that I did before for us to be together."

PS I send the email while we were still talking and not in the no contact stage of things it has been a week since I heard from her.

She doesn't feel the same way. Accept it and get on with your own life. Quit contacting her, she has all the power over u at the momentm time to get you back!

I haven't been contacting her that was the voicemail from a week ao its been a week since we talked and I have not even sent her a text,call, or email since that voicemail.

Good, every contact you have with her will set you back! So don't do it.

Here is the full text of the voicemail she left me a little over a week ago we haven't talked since then. I get hope from this voicemail and maybe I shouldn't be but wanted you all to see it. This is what the voicemail said "Hey thanks for that email it means so much to me to hear you finally say the way you really feel about me I always wanted to hear that from you I just didn't know that it would take this to get the feelings out of you. You know I love you I just don't love you in the way for us to be together and I think that I can love you like that again I just need my time. I need to know that you are who I think you are and the way I think I am going to realize that is by getting away right now. I love you and I just want to love you in the way that I did before for us to be together." I haven't called her back I think I am going to give it another week send her a little note saying hey was just thinking about you hope life is going well type thing. I don't know what the voicemail is saying but it gives me hope that she will come back she has never lied before and if this is her reason for the break then I am feeling even better about it.

She cares about you, after three years It's not surprising. However she is confused about her 'romantic' feelings for you and probably sees you more as a friend now than a 'lover'. She wants time to sort through her feelings and it wouldn't surprise me if she wants to see what else is out there if you catch my drift. She might already have her eye on somebody.

There is no denying your three years together and she knows that, right now though she doesn't know what she wants hence why she wants the break.

So what do you do?

You don't tell her anything! You do not contact her, if she contacts you do not answer, although hard, it will probably get her wanting you more. Box all your memories of her away somewhere you won't see every day. Get down the gym, spend more time with your friends, go to the movies, go to a festival, go traveling, go on holiday, go for a meal with friends and family and ask your relatives about past loves and their experiences. Go out clubbing and have a great time. DO ANYTHING apart from moping around alone at home. Its lonely but your not totally alone!

Don't CONTACT HER Don't ANSWER HER CALLS!! Mate she is spelling it out for you and you still cannot see it... She is saying make me miss you and regain the feelings I had before. This will not be done by telling you how much you loveher. Think of it this way shensaid it has taken this to get your true feelings!! Well reas between the lines backm when she relly wanted you well you didn't say anything like that so why are you sying it now.Dont tell her how much you love her you think this will work no it won't. Why did she love you so much early in the relationship and you said nothing bouthow you feel. She has even sid this and you can't read it. When you said nothing she had feelings for you most females are like this make her feel like she wants you by not beingthere for her...

Have you gotten her letter through the mail yet?

No letter yet I would hope today or tomorrow mail is kind of slow I guess. But don't worry all I have given her the space she wants haven't contacted her at all I am just waiting for her to make the first move then I will give it a few days an contact her. I know she is confused with her feelings I don't think there is anyone else in the picture she swore up and down while we talked about the break that it wasn't like that. I don't know but I am keeping busy going to the gym everyday and so on trying to make myself that better person that she had such strong feelings for during out three years together.

Anything you do should be for you, she isn't there... by choice.

She called me today from a number that was not hers so I picked up thinking it was a work related call. Nope she wanted to talk so I kept it cool and light told her about some great news I got from my airline she talked most of the time about her job and how she is enjoying it. She brought of the relationship and said we will be fine when it is right and she has been learning that she shouldn't have taken the she did from me and next time she will tell me to stop and not let it build up. So I took the chance to tell her what I have been learning the past week I told her that I will be happy with or without her I don't "NEED" her in my life but what I want is to have someone that doesn't need me in her life as well but we both make the choice to say we want to love each other forever we don't need each other but we want to share this love for the rest of our life. She responded with a "wow" I think she was thinking that she wants to be that person for me because it was a very happy wow. She then told me that she wants to date other people to learn how much she really misses our relationship and that it wasn't just comfortable to be with me. This hurt but I didn't let it show I just said that is fine do what you need. Keep in mind this girl took over 6 months to even come on a date with me and I was her first and only serious relationship she also comes from a broken home a home where her parents left each other after 30 years. So I get this feeling that she knows I am the right one she just wants to make sure that I am because she doesn't want to wind up like her parents. She wants to be able to come back to me and say hey I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are right for each other. I have dated way more then she has and that is why I know that this is the girls I want forever. I hope she figures out that what we had was great and there isn't anything out there that can replace it.

With all of that said I know some of you are going to jump on me but I want it to be known that I know for a fact that I don't need her in my life to be happy. Yes there are other fish in the sea and yes maybe I could be wrong about my feelings for her. But because I have these feelings is not going to stop me from living and moving on with my life is she comes back great if she doesn't then I think it will be her loss. But I can't sit and think about this as much as I am I just need to get busy living. Right now I understand why no one would be attracted to me I am no fun and maybe she just misses the old fun flyguy I don't know. But I need to be happy and not having her shouldn't destroy my ability to have fun if I am happy on my own then imagine how happy I would be with her.