Oh and I wanted to say, if you don't send them someone else eventually will... dont miss your chance to welcome her back with love!
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Oh and I wanted to say, if you don't send them someone else eventually will... dont miss your chance to welcome her back with love!
Send the flowers with a card that says:
"Just a little something to brighten your home. Hope you had a great trip.
Love, tiodaat"
You wouldn't believe the power flowers have over a woman. No kidding.
Yes send the flowers. You have nothing to lose! If she does not come back it will be because she didn't want to in the first place not because you sent her flowers.
Sending her flowers will bring out her true feelings for you. The only reason she would see you as needy is if she didn't have any feelings anymore. If her feelings are still strong then she won't reject the flowers.
I sent flowers to my ex when we broke up before and she didn't think of it as needy. So do what you have to do. Just don't beg. It's her love for you that will bring her back to you whether you send her flowers or not.
As long as you are sending flowers to set up personal closure for yourself I see no harm in doing it. I'm going to do my part to put this site out of business. The reason this site continues to stay in business is because people have stopped trusting their own judgement and would rather enslave their minds to a bunch of faceless strangers on a message board to do their thinking for them.
Don't send the flowers. I don't see a point.
Your correct in your assessment of the cons. You look needy, desperate and unattractive and also come across as pushy!
If she misses you she doesn't need flowers to confirm it. That's a load of nonsense.
And I can assure you from experience that actions like this don't give you closure. They just leave you asking more questions. Questions like "i wonder if she got them?" "i wonder if they had an effect on her" "Why hasnt she called to thank me" etc etc.
Just leave it. If she misses you she will get in contact when she is good an ready. Flowers will push her further away!
True feelings aren't brought out by someone sending you flowers. If you need flowers to bring out true feelings then they aren't really true are they??Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
Stop bagging this site. If you don't like it fcuk off!!
Your helping no one by constantly bagging everyone who has a different opinion to you. Its OK to share you opposing point of view but stop running everyone else down who doesn't agree with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
I will do what the hell I want to do on this website. You are not in a position to tell me to leave this site! As long as I have access to this site from any computer I will stop at nothing to help put this site out of business!
HahahahahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
Well done tough guy.
Back to the OP!
I still think it is unwise to send the flowers to the ex. You were right in the assessment of cons! And you sure don't want to look a needy, desperate and pushy guy do you??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
Don't listen to anything skell says. His only agenda is to kick me around when I'm already down. That's how he makes himself look better in the eyes of other posters!
I think that's a good idea tiodaat.
You need to give yourself time to clear your head and get to know who you are again. No contact will allow this. And in a couple of months time you still feel the need to give her a call then you can reassess then. UUt until that point I would just continue living and worrying about your own life and not hers.
After all that is what she is doing.
P.S. Dreamy is a little upset today. Just ignore him. He gets like this when he hasn't taken his medication. Deep down he is a real cutie pie!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
Seriously man, get over it. Maybe you should get out and find a new girl. You seem really pissed. Got sand in your panties today?
Well POSTER... I would like to add that you shouldn't listen to one person in particular (your friend) but listen to what everyone has to say. But ultimatley make up your own decision. That's what I did, everone told me to not call, but I made my own choice because only I know my situation. The emotional support here is awesome, albeit sometimes not what you want to hear.
Thanks for your reply. My decision is all the more difficult, because I keep getting a lot of conflicting advice.Quote:
Originally Posted by jeep1995
My mom says I shouldn't, my dad thinks I should. Some friends think I should, some don't, etc.
I realize I know my situation the best, but still feel lost in making this decision. She should know how much I care about her, and I really do not want to be seen as pushy/needy. That said, (and maybe it's just wishful thinking), I was hoping she would come to miss me some while out of the country, and the flowers would reinforce her feelings for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeep1995
The emotional support here is not awesome. My worst enemies exist on this site! I have not gotten anything positive out of this place. I don't really believe anyone here is sincere about helping others.
When it comes to the crunch I would listen to mom. After all she is a women isn't she and she would know best how another women would think.
Dad means well but at the end of the day he is like the rest of us hopeless romantic boys isn't he?
I still maintain that flowers won't make her miss you. If she does then she will call anyway!
Its up to you and you should trust your judgment but if you ask my opinion I would definitely go with mum! I have been in your shoes before and I know I made the wrong decision in sending the flowers. But that's just me isn't it!
If your worst enemies are here on this site then you really need to get a life.Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
You really make me laugh dreamypie!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
Sending flowers won't hurt his cause either. Again if she doesn't come back it will be because she didn't want to in the first place not because he sent flowers.
Thanks again for replying.Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
You are right about my dad being the romantic, I guess. My he and my mom broke up for about a month before getting back together and eventually married--I guess he is probably basing his advice on how he went after my mom, so to speak, to win her back.
As of now, I am definitely leaning toward not sending them. I still really, deeply care for her, though and feel like I should do something. Then again, maybe doing nothing is the best thing that I can do for the time being.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
What do you expect when you do nothing but tell people their advice sucks.
Oh and seriously man, your worst enemies? W t f? This is only a message board man. If you don't like it don't read it dude... its that simple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
Yes I think that at the least a phone call would suffice. She will no doubt be glad to hear that you were thinking about her. Flowers may be a bit too much, I say though the flowers are not going to drive her away if she already wasn't coming back. If she isn't then she knows it. But at least if you do care, and it sounds like you do care a lot for her, then at least ask her how the trip was.
Did she say why she wanted to break up? I think that this might help all of us give you the correct answer for the situation.
She said she was confused about what, if anything, she wanted right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by modular01
I have since heard that she told a good friend something along the lines of "it's not that I don't like him, it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."
From my own thoughts on the subject, I think it was a combination of things that ultimately lead to her losing her initial attraction in me.
First of all, she went to Europe for three weeks with a good (girl) friend of hers. I was in between school and summer employment, and found myself missing her a great deal. While we sent equally musy emails, so to speak, talking about how much we missed each other, I think while she was keeping busy, I was just kind of sitting around, wanting to be with her.
She came back, but had to head home for 4-5 days. So, in the last month that we dated, I barely saw her.
That said, just a few days prior to our breakup, she was complaining about not seeing me enough, and was asking for a set of keys to my apartment.
I also told her that I loved her (about 2 weeks for the breakup). She smiled, held me closer and kissed me, saying she was happy to hear it, but did not say it back. The next day, she said she wanted to make sure that it meant something when she said it.
So, in sum, I think the dynamic of our relationship changed with the advent of summer, her trip (first time out of the country), me telling her that I loved her, and me (probably) being perceived as somewhat needy/clingy.
Let me know if I can add any more useful information.
I'd give it another week after she returns to the country, and see what kind of contact (if she calls you to talk or something along those lines) happens, then go from there.Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
Hopefully my advice helps, good luck with everything.
Do not SEND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! YOU ARE only showing her breaking up with you and treating you,like this is OK. YOu MUST do NOTHING show her you don't put up with this!! You're the prize not her girls love a prize!! Give her floweres you will be further out she will say thanks I need more time!! Trust me
I agree with McKensie. Not sure how old you all are but I think that she lost interest somewhere.
Now put yourself in her shoes. You dumped her, she's nice but you are just not that into her and then a gift appears. You would probably be turned off and think.. . Back off and not reply to her.
Now on the other hand, if you 'broke up with her and you haven't heard from her for a while and then one day get a random email asking about something that you talked about before you would probably think cool, she's not psyco over this, I can be friends and email her back.
The key is to open the communication line up gently and try and work your way back in over a long time.
However, I have found that once is girl is done, she is done. So, suck it up and start dating some others.
Best to you.
How long you been dating??
5 or 5.5 months.Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
You shouldn't be letting it bother you too much then.
If she comes back she comes back. If not then it is only a 5month old relationship. I know it still hurts and you can fall quickly but at least you haven't invested years into it.
Just get back to living life the way you did before she came along. Surely you remember how it was. It wasn't that long ago. Go out with your mates and have some fun.
Thanks for the encouraging words.Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
I am crazy about her--haven't felt even remotely this interested in someone for years. Granted I am only 24, but I'll be done with grad school in 2 years, and, while probably getting ahead of myself, was thinking I could see myself with this girl for a long time.
I'll do my best to living like I use to, though.
Tiodatt,
Was it really necessary to give me a negative "not helpful" remark because I told you not to send flowers to her. ITs obvious why, because she's your EX and she broke up with you. Happy?
Since it has been only 5 month relationship, and you admit you were a clingy person. By not sending flowers you will not look like a clingy person. I would not contact her again. Let her contact you! If she does act happy but make it short and simple. She probably doesn't like clingy guys, so if you guys get back be less clingy. But do NC let her no your not clingy person.
It really wasn't all that obvious why I shouldn't, and like my comment suggested, your initial response really was not all that helpful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inspired
Thanks for your reply; I'll keep up with the NC.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
As someone who would love to receive flowers from her ex to know he still cares I say send the flowers you have nothing to lose but everything to gain, although I admit I would have my ex back in a heartbeat which isn't going to happen as he met someone a t the wekend there I would still love to know he cares enough to do something like that. GO FOR IT AND GOOD LUCK X
Hope you isn't sent those flowers it won't help. Do nothing wait for her to contact you...
I think your "cons" far outweigh your "pros" in that the cons have a much greater chance of coming true than the pros. I wouldn't do it. It's good that she's contacted you twice so far. Continue to let her be the one contacting you. Meanwhile you build your life around you, not her.
DO NOT SEND THE FLOWERS!! Everyone says girls are different they will be mover!! Yes flowers are one of the greatest thing to get a girl to drop her pants and she will love you heaps and think how special you are, but mate this is while you are in the relationmship not when you're out!!
These peoplke are thinking about giving a girl floewers while your with her don't listen to them they have no idea, she dumpoed on you and you want to give her a present saying its OK to crap on me I'm a LOSER who can't do any better.
Who wants to be with a bloke with no self respect she wants a man who takes no crap, give that to her and show her and give her nothing till your back in...
Anyone who says give her flowers is TOTALLY WRONG!! Play it cool if she misses you she will be back make her wonder what you are doing. Youi know what flowers soound good but says to me HIS WAITING LIKE A PUPPY DOG it won't bring on the feelings of missing YOU!!
GIVE her the greatest gift
The gift of realising she is losing the greatest guy from her life this is why they love you mate they can't live without you!!
WAIT IT OUT and do nothing or have you already sent them!! You probably have ITS WRONG!!
Let us know what you did??
I haven't sent them.Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
She won't be back for about 2 weeks, so I have some time to decide.
As of now, I am not planning to send them to her.
Thank you for your input.Quote:
Originally Posted by s_cianci
Yes, women LOVE flowers but don't send her roses, you will scare her away!
Obviously, I am in the minority here. I still think you should send her flowers with a friendly card, just to brighten her place when she gets back. I agree roses are a bad idea, but who's to say orchids or a simple summer Day Lily arrangement wouldn't be a nice thing?
It has absolutely nothing to do with getting her to drop her pants or what-not, and more to do with a reminder that you still love her. If you really do love her (and I mean love and not just a crush), then why worry about looking desperate? If you get rejected, at least you can say you tried. And if you don't try, then you never will know if you will end up back together, married, with babies, sometime down the road.
My husband, to the outside world, would have looked severely desperate when he tried to win me back, but really he was in love and wanted me back in a bad way. If he had followed that whole no contact rule, I'd be dating some loser down south instead of married with a family.
Just saying. Take it or leave it.
Thanks for your input on this.Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldieMae
This is essentially the reason I am still considering sending them at all.
I think she knows that I really care about, and love her, though.
I suppose the flowers would reinforce this, but I am not sure if it's the right thing to do.
This decision is much more difficult than I anticipated it would be.
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