Ask Me Help Desk - Don't know where we are headed.should I ask?

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"...Personally, I am against asking or talking about the relationship as the MAN. I feel like men should just sit back and observe, and when the woman is ready, she can ask to define the relationship. I don't think this is wrong to think this way..."

Gibb, it's not that you're talking about the relationship like a man, you're talking about it like one of the parties involved. Whether you brought it up or she did, I think it is both of your responsibilities to talk about it. Sit back and observe? Only if you're a bump on a log. Sometimes a person needs to be prompted to talk about something, this lets them know that you're open to and for communication. Yeah, women like to talk but to think that you need to wait until she's ready to talk about it... well, what if she's one of those who may or may not be ready but doesn't take the initiative?

If you talk about where you want the relationship to be right now, there's no need to ask her about her feelings about her ex. Irrelevant. Not that I think you're out of line to ask, I mean, come on, you are sleeping with this gal? I think you're past the point of that. Besides, I think in showing no concern about her ex, you show her that he is no threat, that's mature and impressive!

Good deal to listen to your gut, but it's really your character and conscience talking and telling you.. hey.. whatcha doing?? Definitely talk about the sleep over thing though, wait for the right moment. Be having a good time, smile and hold her hand. Be loving but fun at the same time. She may feel the same way but is too nervous to bring it up for fear of risking you losing interest in her.

I'd wish you luck but luck has nothing to do with it buddy.

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Originally Posted by momincali

"...

Quote:

Personally, I am against asking or talking about the relationship as the MAN. I feel like men should just sit back and observe, and when the woman is ready, she can ask to define the relationship. I don't think this is wrong to think this way... "

Gibb, it's not that you're talking about the relationship like a man, you're talking about it like one of the parties involved. Whether you brought it up or she did, I think it is both of your responsibilities to talk about it. Sit back and observe? Only if you're a bump on a log. Sometimes a person needs to be prompted to talk about something, this lets them know that you're open to and for communication. Yeah, women like to talk but to think that you need to wait until she's ready to talk about it... well, what if she's one of those who may or may not be ready but doesn't take the initiative?

If you talk about where you want the relationship to be right now, there's no need to ask her about her feelings about her ex. Irrelevant. Not that I think you're out of line to ask, I mean, come on, you are sleeping with this gal? I think you're past the point of that. Besides, I think in showing no concern about her ex, you show her that he is no threat, that's mature and impressive!

Good deal to listen to your gut, but it's really your character and conscience talking and telling you.. hey.. whatcha doing?? Definitely talk about the sleep over thing though, wait for the right moment. Be having a good time, smile and hold her hand. Be loving but fun at the same time. She may feel the same way but is too nervous to bring it up for fear of risking you losing interest in her.

I'd wish you luck but luck has nothing to do with it buddy.

Gotcha. Ok so here's what I'll do since I'm seeing her this weekend:

I'll show her a good time (we're going hiking for a few hours) and just have fun. She had wanted me to sleep over Sunday night so when we get to her place it'll be perfect to have this talk right there. I'll tell her that I'm not sure where this is all going but I'm having fun and willing to find out where it takes us and that I just want to keep it light for now. I'll tell her that sleeping over can complicate or confuse things and that it's not in our best interest to do so. I'll make sure she knows I'm not blowing her off or anything and that I still like her. Maybe I'll even ask her for dinner sometime midweek to assure her of this.

As for her ex, I won't even mention it. I haven't addressed it or showed any concern so why start? I won't talk about the relationship either, except for the sleepover and keeping it light thing.

Originally I was going to ask her if she wanted a boyfriend or if she was looking for one. That would have been terrible and very stupid.

Communcation is about talking and listening. The key is to be honest. And at this point you should have fun getting to know each other.

Good deal Gibb, keep us posted!

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Originally Posted by momincali

Good deal Gibb, keep us posted!

Does it change your opinion if I told you that we aren't having sex and don't even plan on it? We've talked about this and we've decided not to have sex.

We just kiss and cuddle and stuff during our sleep overs.

I forgot to mention this.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

Does it change your opinion if I told you that we aren't having sex and don't even plan on it? We've talked about this and we've decided not to have sex.

We just kiss and cuddle and stuff during our sleep overs.

I forgot to mention this.

Knowing that sex early on in the relationship does cloud the judgement sometimes, I would say that it is a relief to know you are waiting, at least in my opinion. Now I can say relax, and enjoy getting to know each other.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Knowing that sex early on in the relationship does cloud the judgement sometimes, I would say that it is a relief to know you are waiting, at least in my opinion. Now I can say relax, and enjoy getting to know each other.

I want to relax too, but my mind is racing about this stuff. Any tips to stop thinking so much?

Momincali and talaniman, now that you know that sex isn't involved here- are the sleep overs still a no-no, or is it a green light to go ahead?

In my mind, I am still thinking that sleep overs are a bad idea. After a month, it should be light, and now it's getting heavy... almost like we're in a relationship, but we're not.

I can only say is do what you feel is best. If you are uncomfortable then say so, and she may understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I can only say is do what you feel is best. If you are uncomfortable then say so, and she may understand.

If YOU were ME, what would you do?

If I where you I would be having fun and doing a lot of talking and going out and be very relaxed. The concerns you have I wouldn't. I was never as questioning as you are, nor did I ever worry about exes at all. I never push a female to have sex as when and if she is ready, you'll know. Anything else you would like me to answer?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If I where you I would be having fun and doing a lot of talking and going out and be very relaxed. The concerns you have I wouldn't. I was never as questioning as you are, nor did I ever worry about exes at all. I never push a female to have sex as when and if she is ready, you'll know. Anything else you would like me to answer?

Sorry, don't mean to sound/be so annoying!

It's just that I don't want to mess anything up. Seems like I'm the type who always falls prey to "paralysis by overanalysis".

Gibb, I still think the sleep-over's aren't a good idea. Why risk giving in to temptation? Not worth it. You'll both respect each other way more for it also. Even without the .