And how exactly would I go about putting myself in position that doesn't look like I am running away? I am not going to just go to college and spend a whole bunch of money on something when I don't know if it is really something I want to do, and I don't think I would fair too well in the military. Besides I am not trying to run from my situation, I am trying to move towards a better future and I just don't see a future where I am. My problems aren't even all with my dad, but where I live, how I live, lack of space, lack of freedom, lack of opportunities, lack of friendship, just so much lack.

Tell me if you were in my position what would you do?

Do you have a plan worked out? where to go, where to live, how to pay your bills (being realistic as to money needed). Do you have car and health insurance?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do you have a plan worked out? where to go, where to live, how to pay your bills (being realistic as to money needed). Do you have car and health insurance?

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It is rather a difficult thing to leave the comfort and support of home and taking on the responsibilities of supporting ones self on a low paying job. Some type of job training may well be needed, so I fully agree with a thoughtful exit plan before you jump out there in the wilderness. It's a fact that most young people who leave home, end up back at home now a days, and feel bad about it. That money you saved will go quickly once you start paying rent.

I have fully planned everything out.
I planned to move out sometime in August or even a little before then.
I have a goal of saving $1000 a month, and should have anywhere between $4000-$7000 to start with.
I often get odd jobs such as pet sitting, babysitting, etc.
My dad and I also have a bunch of metals to take to the scrap yard and if I help with that I get half of the profits.
I am not get against hard work or job well done.
As for car insurance I have not yet learned to drive, and I think that is mainly because I hate studying and taking tests. How I ever managed to graduate with straight A's and 3-4 Bs I don't know. I know that means that I have to take other forms of transportation into consideration and the costs, but for me that isn't really an issue. My main concern is the heart issues, not the financial.

As for training, the town where I planned to move to offers me the opportunity to become an EA and they provide the training.
And where I live they are always offering courses such as, first aid, WHIMS, food safe, etc. and paying for these courses won't be an issue for because my grandparents saved money up for some post secondary school education.

Despite the confusion of your heart, you certainly seem to have the practical logical stuff down pretty pat. I think you will deal with your "heart" issues pretty well too.

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And how exactly would I go about putting myself in position that doesn't look like I am running away?
The town where I planned to move to offers me the opportunity to become an EA

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That's good. Sounds like a well thought out plan. Sounds like your Dad is going through, (early) Empty nest syndrome.

Your not trying to figure out "how to leave home without your fathers permission".

No longer focus on the past. Get excited about your goals, becoming an EA, Going on an adventure, entering a training program etc...Make up stuff if you have too.

This is your life, it is your new beginning. Allow your parents (and others) to draw off your energy. In other words, don't draw a path of moving out (with or without Dads permission). Involve your parents with apartment hunting, ask questions. Let them know that you will need help (in fact you should understand that you will indeed need help).

Good planning, Unfeigned18! Now, how are you planning to peel yourself away from your dad and siblings? (I'm guessing you would have told your mom already.) You'll just disappear? You'll tell them as you walk out the door? You'll send an email later? And what will your dad do when he realizes you're gone? Alert the police -- or not, since you're an adult? Will he be enraged, or just brokenhearted?

Wondergirl that is exactly my problem, knowing how to leave without hurting my family. I understand the financial responsibilities of the situation and I understand the toll it will have on my heart, but I care about their hearts too.

Just curious, since your mom knows of your plans, if she has some helpful suggestions? Some human drama is unavoidable, but usually the emotional dust settles with time. Dad's can be stubborn though.

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Originally Posted by Unfeigned18

Wondergirl that is exactly my problem, knowing how to leave without hurting my family. I understand the financial responsibilities of the situation and I understand the toll it will have on my heart, but I care about their hearts too.

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How far away will you be living? Would Dad accept a try-out period? Would he go with you to an intermediary/counselor/pastor to discuss this? I would really like it if he finally came around.

Interestingly enough, every evening for two hours I message with a 26-year-old guy who has Asperger's and is in the same bind as you with his dad. His heart broke for you and he wants regular updates from me as to how you're doing.

Wow, it is kind of the young man to care for me in this matter, and it is nice to know that I am not the only one struggling with this situation, even if it is not a pleasant experience.

On the topic of a trial period, and or seeing a counselor, or pastor, I don't know if my dad would be willing. My dad can be quite stubborn and doesn't tend to listen or agree with someone's ideas, thoughts, etc. unless they are his own, or they come from a male who he sees as wise.

The farthest I would be living is 3 hours away from my hometown. I still want to be able to visit my family on some sort of regular basis.

I have decided that I going to write down what I want to say to my dad and ask of him, and talk to him on the hour long road trip to the train station. I am going to a close family friends place for Easter weekend, and it could be a good time to talk with him, and allow him to have a cooling down period before I come home again.

I would love to keep you up to date on what is going on. One of my favorite things about this site is that you can gain other perspectives, and get new ideas, and learn from other people's experiences. And yes I agree I would like my dad to be okay with this too, but in the end like so many people have already said it is my decision.

talaniman My mom is drowned in her own misery that she doesn't know what to do or think. One thing is certain though. My mom knows how I feel and sees what is happening, because my dad treats her the same, and she wants me to go and be free, so that I don't end up stuck and miserable too. She is very supportive of me in this, and her only piece of advice through all of this is to just do it, because this should not be as stressful as it has been made, and she and I both won't know what will happen until I just do it. My mom has been giving me life advice and teaching me little banking tips and tricks preparing me, and I am very thankful for her love, kindness, patience, and understanding through this whole process.