I had a different thought. Would his daughter be expecting you to mention her birthday? Just how close are you with her? Would you plan to stay in touch with her even if you and her father do not continue a relationship?

If you would plan on staying in touch with her, then contact her directly (not through him) to offer her birthday wishes. It all depends on what sort of relationship you have with her and how close you are to each other. She should not be short changed simply because of the adults' relationship status if you have been very close to her.

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Originally Posted by DoulaLC

I had a different thought. Would his daughter be expecting you to mention her birthday? Just how close are you with her? Would you plan to stay in touch with her even if you and her father do not continue a relationship?

If you would plan on staying in touch with her, then contact her directly (not through him) to offer her birthday wishes. It all depends on what sort of relationship you have with her and how close you are to each other. She should not be short changed simply because of the adults' relationship status if you have been very close to her.

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I had a very good relationship with her. She has always wanted me as part of her life and events (Baptism, ballet recitals, performances, etc). He'd always say, DD has your back. She adores you and doesn't want me to screw this up with you. She really likes you, brags about you to her friends, etc. She was as loving as they come honestly... and that's saying a lot considering she will be 14 in a few weeks. On the 31st, she'll likely be with her mom (we have the same weekend/kid schedule) unless they change it of course but I'm sure she would tell him I texted her.

HOWEVER, I'm 'sure' he is feeling hostility towards me and because of that, he may become quite angered if I do this. The day/week of the breakup, he resorted to childish behavior (I've blocked you, don't call me EVER, You're going to feel like **, you know... kiddish stuff). So, for me to directly contact her... may cause serious issues. I honestly don't think the mom would mind at all because she and her boyfriend liked me, as well. My ex-boyfriend was the one most couldn't get along with. But I just don't want my actions to open pandora's box... hence the confusion.

You could simply tell her that you and her father aren't in contact right now, but that you wanted to wish her a very happy birthday... Then leave it at that.

Just a quick update... For whatever reason, I've decided to have absolutely no contact at all with DD also... It's been a tough month+... really tough... and as much as I care about her, I feel like I would just be opening healing wounds and the possibility for dialogue between him and I in the long run. I think my heart is slowly catching up to my mind and I see how I dodged a bullet with his abrupt ending of it all. I just can't risk pouring salt in my own wound. I'll have to just wish her well from afar and spiritually and be done with it.

Although painful now and something we have all survived, that sounds like a good move. You know whenever life closes a door on me I kick the next door open. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Although painful now and something we have all survived, that sounds like a good move. You know whenever life closes a door on me I kick the next door open. Good luck.

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Thanks Oliver! Great attitude. I'll get there :)

Sounds like a well thought out decision. Glad to hear that you are moving in a good direction with the situation; just takes time.

Thank you DoulaLC. I'm slowly coming around and my good days are outweighing my bad days, that's for sure. TY:)