Ask Me Help Desk

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

No Contact means blocking her from all social media, cell phone etc. You need to do that now. Right now.

He has to find his spine first. Yes, I know, blunt and to the point. Or he will be used as a doormat forever.

Hey all :) so this is pretty much a little diary entry I wanted to vent in. Apologies for the long message, feel free to comment as it will be appreciated.

So its been roughly two half months since the breakup now. Contact has been on and off but I am finally pretty much in NC.

I have dated a few girls. One potential unfortunately didn't work out due to a mix of STDS ; / which was pretty gutting as we got on really well and we were both at the same point in life. Although she was a bit to full on for me so soon after my previously relationship. I am fed up of dating now! It's a lot of effort, money and its draining on the soul when things don't work out. Its hard when you're a red blooded male though.

I am doing well! I have a few new friends and have tried to keep busy. Now the anger has died down I am actually feeling pretty lonely now. I am getting used to being single but I really am struggling with being alone. It's not very nice. I have a flat mate who is one of my best mates but he is only here one night a week. I have to say I do miss my ex as well, despite all the stuff which happened.

Financially I am in a bit of a struggle due to all the loans and money I have spent since the break up on self improvement. I am also having counselling. Which is helping but the improvement comes from within. Right now I feel like I will never meet another women who will be good for me or I will like.

The dealing with being OK alone is the killer for me! I am struggling to meet enough people in my area as new friends, specially in my age group. All I have now is the desire to explore the world on my limited 7 weeks holiday a year. Moving is not an option for me.

Some things I plan to do:

1) Return to badminton
2) Workout more instead of running so much
3) Get a part time job on weekends or an evening (if possible) to keep me busy and to earn more even though I am a manager with decent wage already
4) Plan some big trips for my 30th Birthday next year and this year
5) Volunteer
6) Find a new hobby
7) Find an amazing women or have casual fun with a few (which is proper hard work)
8) Get a better body
9) Try to feel more comfortable alone
10) Try to meet more friends
11) Online date without worrying so much

The things I have done since the break up:

1) Dating course
2) A few dates and a few kisses
3) Joined a running club and made a new friendship group of whom I see regularly now
4) Started sailing
5) I am climbing Mt.Kilimanjaro soon
6) Started counselling
7) Made more of an effort to see friends
8) Changed my whole wardrobe and get regular good compliments

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

So had a few good weeks, been very busy. This is the first day I have been sat alone. Quite hard actually!

My ex messaged me on Facebook berating me saying I don't look genuinely happy. Then over the course of an hour berated me further about her lacking respect for me as a man, issues with me 'controlling', issues with me not doing enough with her, not having 'balls', not doing this not doing that. I got to admit I was pretty upset with all of this. Nasty nasty stuff. Even proceeding to stay she had broken up with me a month before in her head and cheated on me as she wanted to feel alive... saying she feels free and liberated to sleep with who she wants.

This is not the same person I thought she was. I feel like utter crap now. After this. Talk about being put down! Owch. I am not sure why she was messaging me in the first place apart from uploading loads of pictures of me having fun.

How cruel. Please block her. No one deserves to be berated by such an angry, selfish person... you've been through enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Hey all :) so this is pretty much a little diary entry I wanted to vent in. Apologies for the long message, feel free to comment as it will be appreciated.

So its been roughly two half months since the breakup now. Contact has been on and off but I am finally pretty much in NC.

Sounds like you are making some type of progress. Kudos for you. I think the counseling is a wonderful idea, all things considered. I would also try to work on why you feel so 'lonely'... maybe keep trying to find different outlets and learn to enjoy your company a bit more so you don't have to feel the need to find a warm body to have next to you to fill that void. Just a thought.