You know... speaking as someone who wanted to be there more often than I could... but with terminal cancer. Its not going to likely be all that long. If you leave before you might live to regret not having those final months with that parent. When they are gone they are gone. And towards the end they will in all likelihood be discussing things they never told you your entire life.

Speaking as someone who lost his father to cancer. The best I was able to do was weekends due to te distance I lived. I would have given anything to have been able to be there more than I was. Particularly in hindsight.

And again--I am betting their response would have been different if you'd talked about getting a place BY YOURSELF.

Living with someone is sometimes a good trial of how you'd be together as a married couple, yes. It's also a financial trap. Once you DO move in with someone, it's really hard to break up with them, and things kind of snowball. Since you don't even have marriage on the table right now (Because you're "still young"), then don't move in together. Move out, sure. But not together.

I don't want to move out by myself.
I want to move in with the person I love, who I will eventually marry. I want to start our life together. It's the 21st century, there isn't a certain sequence to follow: Get engaged, get married, move in together, have children...
If my parents don't approve of me moving out then they certainly wouldn't approve of me getting married!

You never said if your parents know your boyfriend, or his parents and liked him or them.

Yes my parents know my boyfriend, they seem to get on pretty well. He says over about 3 times a week and I stay at his too. I get on wonderfully with his parents too (who are fully supportive of us both and very happy for us)
Our parents haven't met yet though. Been dreading that situation a bit if I'm honest.

Why are you dreading the two sets of parents meeting?

I'm just worried at how they will come across. I don't want my boyfriends parent's to worry at what type of family their son is getting involved in.
I am an only daughter, so my dad is very protective over me and like I said quite old fashioned.
And with my mums brain injury she doesn't really have a filter from her brain to her mouth, she speaks her mind (and not in a good way)

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Originally Posted by 13ecca

I don't want to move out by myself.
I want to move in with the person I love, who I will eventually marry. I want to start our life together. It's the 21st century, there isn't a certain sequence to follow: Get engaged, get married, move in together, have children...
If my parents don't approve of me moving out then they certainly wouldn't approve of me getting married!

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Says who?. it works that way in most of the world, and its worked pretty well for thousands of years... and the people that don't follow that process end upi with dysfuctional "family" units most times. And end up with kids never knowing their fathers, Or having a number of kids all with different fathers, none of whom were around when they were growing up.

But then... if being some guys sex toy is what its all about in the 21st century, then its time to review things. That's a losing proposition for the female most of the time. After all, the guy never really has to make any sort of a commitment.....ever. Promises are cheap, they are only words. Actions have value. Anyone can have a kid a one night stand with someone you never even got the name of is all it takes....but it takes a special type of person to really be a parent. It also takes two parents to raise a well adjusted child to become a well adjusted adult, A one parent household just can't give that sort of balance and stability. And most of the problems in todays society is the direct result of some people deciding marriage and everything that goes with it (and always has)....is an outdated concept.

Your parents can't be too old fashion if he stays over 3 times a week. You should have gotten them together a long time ago.

So your parents don't approve of your moving out, especially to move in with your boyfriend?

Does he sleep in your bed when he stays at your house?

I'm not a sex toy. I have values and morals just like he does. We were both virgins until we met each other, we both waited for the right person to come along. We want to get married and we want to have children together. Just not right this minute. We want to enjoy being together and have the excitement of engagement and marriage rather than rush through it.
Maybe I was wrong to say there isn't a sequence, I'm sure that most people probably have one, we do actually. It's just not in that order. My parents aren't even married. They have been together for 27 years and both only have me as a child.
Maybe "old fashioned" is the wrong term. Maybe I should use controlling. He's very controlling when it comes to me on what I should be doing and shouldn't be doing and what's right for me and what's wrong for me.
In all honesty I don't know what it is they don't approve of. And yes we do sleep in the same bed. I always ask if he can stay over first though.

Also what would be the best way of introducing our parents?

He's very controlling of you? Maybe we need to talk about that.

Make dinner at your house and invite them over. Easy-peasy.

Sorry, but you are moving in with a guy... to have sex with him, with absolutely no commitment from him beforehand (a promise to marry isn't a commitment... actually marrying is a commitment)

Sorry... but I've been around long enough and I know all the tricks and lies guys pull to get sex. And love isn't a requirement before sex to a guy... convincing the female there is love is what's needed to get repeat sex, getting her to move in without a marriage is a way to get it every night without a real commitment.. Its ALWAYS been that way... it always will be.

Like I said... words are cheap... actions have value.

Sorry but you aren't stree smart or wise to the ways of the world yet.....nobody is at that stage of life and yet everyone thinks they have it ALL figured out before they make their way on their own.....and everyone finds out how they were wrong about most things in the first few years.

I was no different than anyone else.....at that same stage of my life.

Make dinner? I don't want to kill my inlaws off!
I can't see my dad going for that one. He's not one for having people over, he likes his own space in his house.

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Originally Posted by 13ecca

Make dinner? I don't want to kill my inlaws off!
I can't see my dad going for that one. He's not one for having people over, he likes his own space in his house.

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You can't cook?

How about meeting at a restaurant where everyone would (maybe unfortunately) have to be on his best behavior?

So move out on your own into your own place. Or get a same sex roommate. Start that way. Get them used to your not being under their roof.

I'm still chewing on your comment that he controls you in all sorts of ways. This is your dad or your boyfriend?

I like you more and more. You have dealt with all those illnesses. You are getting all kinds of advice, and of course you will take what you want out of it. I think you will do OK. 'Good decision' vs 'bad decision?' Not sure how any of us knows the best direction to go each day, week, year.
I do hope that by breaking away from the control of your parents, that you learn how to do more to control your own life. It would be silly to tell you to stay away from the man you love because he too is controlling. Just find your strength as the years go by.

No I can cook, I'm not brilliant but I've survived off it for the last 8 years!
No my boyfriend isn't controling at all. He is wonderful, very understanding of my emotions and constant mood swing and also sensitive with what's going on. He has been my rock for the last year and I couldn't have made it this far without him.
My dad is controlling.