Ask Me Help Desk - Should I still be with a liar?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voetjie

I just don't know how I'm going to get over it..

Consider if this is the kind of relationship you dream of being in? All will have ups and downs from time to time, but the basic foundation has to be trust to carry you through the downs and you've already said trust isn't there.

You will get over it with time... no other way. You'll spend more time with friends or family, get involved in things you enjoy doing, maybe try something new, figure out education and/or work goals and how to achieve them, etc. Eventually she will become simply a girl you once dated and your focus will be elsewhere.

Think of this as a learning experience of what you don't want in a future relationship... after all, that is part of what dating is for.

Ewwwww. Maybe you shouldn't be in relationships until you grow up more. Obsessions are not healthy and this sounds very not healthy. I am guessing you do a lot more than just snooping when it comes to her. And I bet they aren't healthy. You sound very needy and needy isn't attractive at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voetjie

We are both 18.. I'm just scared, I'm so attached to her and I'm scared to let her go.. I broke up with her before (because she slapped me just because I asked another girl for papers for a church test... And it was notes to study because I want at a church the previous week) when I broke up with her I went to a club the next day and she was there as well.. She got high with a guy I don't like and they where hooking up.. It destroyed me and I then begged her back because I couldn't see her with someone els... I'm scared that if I do this again (break up with her she's going to do this again, and after they hooked up she went to his house.. I then later asked her what happen and she promised that she didn't do anything)... I'm scared that this happens again and I don't know what I'm going to do to get over her... I've never loved a girl like her...

+1 what Oliver2011 just said. Its going to make a lot more sense in a few more years if you can break those bad haabits and you can look back in retrospect.

Well that's not nice

Well if you came here to hear just nice stuff, then that's probably not going to work out well for you. Sometimes the truth isn't nice but it's what you need to hear. Don't take it personally - it is just the way I see it.

Think about this. I am with the love of my life and it's been about 3.5 years. We both kept our friends and our activities whether it includes my partner or it doesn't. I know if that relationship ended it would be a blow to me, but I would still have my friends and my activities. My partner is a huge part of my life, but not my entire life.

You have to keep the relationship healthy if you want the relationship to survive. From what I read about your relationship, it isn't healthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voetjie

Well that's not nice

Its just telling you the way we see it speaking as fellow guys. If its sugar coated, you might be more willing to brush it off and not take it as seriously.

We are telling you what other people around you would see. These would be your friends, and even women you might have a future interest in. And many of them would shy away from someone that has those traits. And if they see them, it's a kiss of death.

So you see... sometimes you need to say something to someone that might not be nice... when its something they need to hear. It wouldn't be nice to not tell you some obvious things that you really need to hear to not repeat the same mistakes of your past. That's how we learn and grow into adulthood. And no... nobody is magically bestowed the widom of adulthood on their 18th birthday. Everyone has to learn it. We are tying to save you from future embarrassment and pain by telling you now.