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Originally Posted by carolmonroe38

I helped out my parents, family members, and friends. Guess what? What I got in return was a drained bank account and treated badly. They all look at me as an ATM and feel entitled to my money. So I worked hard and saved only to have them spend and enjoy my money.

By the way, they find another bottom to hit after they hit bottom. It's as if they get out from the hole they're in, walking on flat land felt weird, so they find another hole to throw themselves into.

So I dug a hole and threw them all in, metaphorically, of course. Life has been so peaceful since then. I'm actually having fun spending some of my money!

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Oh so true! I find it that when he needs something he's super nice and complimentary and sweet and then when he doesn't he just goes off into the sunset until his well is dry again.

So far he's been cut off and I have been getting the emoji riddled text messages of smiley face crying, smiley face pouting or my favorite... red smiley face.

I got myself a nice pair of shoes today as a reward for spending my money on myself.

Thanks for the advice!

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Originally Posted by smearcase

"But is it OK for me to voice my opinion and express my disappointment at his life choices especially since he complains about it everyday to me? Or should I just keep it to myself and let him learn his lesson the hard way? "

If he really is an alcoholic and it sounds very possible that he is, it is unlikely that anything you say or do will register with him. He is just looking forward to when and the where the next drink will come from, to keep his addiction in check. If you can't help to get the ball rolling to get him some treatment, avoid him and I am not faulting you for not getting treatment for him- that is not an easy job to do. I see only one possibility where you could help and that is, to contact his parent or some other relative or maybe his parents have already given up(?). But, no matter what you choose to do or not do, second guess yourself now, not after you get some very bad news about him. He is headed for rock bottom. His job opportunities wlll diminish if convicted (in some cases even if not convicted as we have heard many times on this site) and his rock bottom might be six feet down.

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I haven't talked to him much lately because I am trying not to enable him. He's been complaining lately about how much money he spent on the party trip he took. So I laid it out and said that I think he is lacking good judgement by spending money on alcohol when he's broke and especially because he has a pending legal issue that involved alcohol consumption. He first got annoyed but he's been trying to get back to my good graces by saying that I was right and that he's sorry that he did it and he won't do it again (when did I become the parent? Lol) and I said OK...

Then yesterday he went to another concert and another party and another alcohol binge fest... He knew I would tell him off for spending on unnecessary stuff again so he texted me immediately after letting me know what he's doing that his friend hooked him up and he's not spending any money on the whole thing. I didn't bother replying. I think he's totally clueless and thought I was just opposed to him drinking because of his income situation. I'm not sure if alcoholics are like that? Where they justify their alcohol consumption to make it seem OK? In his case, since someone else is supposedly paying then it should be fine in his mind. It's not on mine.

I wanted to say something to his parents as a friend that cares but I don't know if I will be stepping over my boundaries. I don't know how to bring it up to them without meddling. It has to be done over the phone as I live in another state. Maybe I should write them a letter? I do send them notes and cards every now and then.

Thanks for your advice!

No.. it won't be overstepping boundries. Would you preffer talking to them at his funeral? With friends like him... who needs enemies. I'm guessing the parents don't know about his obvious problem.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

No.. it won't be overstepping boundries. Would you preffer talking to them at his funeral? With friends like him... who needs enemies. I'm guessing the parents don't know about his obvious problem.

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When you put it that way, no I really don't want anything bad to happen to him. Despite his faults, I still regard him as my friend (yes I know I can be stupidly loyal on this issue) and would very much like to save him if I can. However, I also know that I can only save someone who wants to be saved and so far nothing he's doing is showing me that.

I don't think his parents know the extent of his alcohol issues. They are very conservative people. Alcohol is not allowed in the house so he binges on drinking when he's out with his friends. He does come home drunk because his mom found him passed out on the porch several times. So I am not sure if they are oblivious that he has drinking problems or he was just really good at hiding it from his parents. Part of me thinks that they also kind of gave up on trying to get him to straighten out and in a way relying on me to help them help him since they think that he listens to me.

Hard to get through to him when he has friends that are willing to supply him drinks whenever he wants. As a friend, I don't know if it's my place to tell him that I think he has some friends that are a bad influence in his life. I think he needs to realize that on his own. And he is an adult. It is his ultimately his choice to drink, regardless of what his friends tell him.

I think I will let his parents know. Just need to figure out proper way to address it :)

Thanks for the advice!