The main problem here is that there was a break up and you failed to respect it. You should have cut complete conversation with her and not gone around looking at her things, unless you are into torturing yourself. Third time is not always the charm, especially in relationships, nowadays I think it takes a few more tries than that more often than not to find that special someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with and for them to want to spend the rest of their life with you. Let this go, and move on to the next chapter in your book.

I realize this, and that's why I'm just moving on. That last time I talked to her, I told her how I felt said I respected her decision and gracefully bowed out of her life three weeks ago. I'm not harassing her, begging, stalking, looking for reasons for contact(my clothes lol) or anything. There is nothing that I can physically do but move on from this knowing that I tried. I've been working out, meeting new people and doing really good for myself. I think ultimately what really turned me off from this girl was the fact that she had someone already lined up, if I had known in that first week I wouldn't have tried at all. Just really shows her true colors, but I deserve better than that. Lesson learned!

So it's been pretty much a month of NC. I checked my phone this morning and there was a text from her. Saying that she misses me so much and wants to meet up to give me back my clothes. I don't know what to do, I'm talking to a few other girls now and never thought she'd message me again

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Originally Posted by rytter

So it's been pretty much a month of NC. I checked my phone this morning and there was a text from her. Saying that she misses me so much and wants to meet up to give me back my clothes. I don't know what to do, I'm talking to a few other girls now and never thought she'd message me again

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Ignore her text. Can you live without those clothes?

Stir up old feelings for stuff, AND false hope, or keep moving forward with the new. Simple solution. Text back donate, or burn them, your choice. Is it worth the clothes back to go through even more misery and lose the gains you are making?

If I thought you were more emotionally in control, and capable, I would have told you get your stuff back, and then have coffee a chat, thank her, and go about your business. Be honest with yourself, are you there yet? Your words a week ago,

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There is nothing that I can physically do but move on from this knowing that I tried. I've been working out, meeting new people and doing really good for myself. I think ultimately what really turned me off from this girl was the fact that she had someone already lined up, if I had known in that first week I wouldn't have tried at all. Just really shows her true colors, but I deserve better than that. Lesson learned!

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I highly doubt it.

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Originally Posted by rytter

So it's been pretty much a month of NC. I checked my phone this morning and there was a text from her. Saying that she misses me so much and wants to meet up to give me back my clothes. I don't know what to do, I'm talking to a few other girls now and never thought she'd message me again

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Keep talking to the other girls so that you can come back a 5th and 6th time. That might be harsh but if you don't change your behaviors and how you approach relationships, you will be back here a 5th and 6th time.

I ignored the text, it's too soon for me to talk to this girl especially after all the damage she has done. A part of me does miss the old us, but her true colors did really shine through. As far as the clothes, I can buy new ones(gives me an excuse to splurge!). I'm talking to new girls and just taking it slow, I definitely don't want to rush into a relationship like I previously did. But why would she want to reach out to me? I just don't comprehend, I tried to make it right and acknowledged my faults. She just up and left, who knows if she's still in a relationship or not. It's non of my concern, I just have very strong feelings for her, I don't think of her every single day and I can say I'm moving on pretty good. But why reach out, is it selfishness?

I'm odd person out here - I'd want my clothes back. In a way it's proof that you don't care, more than if you told her to burn them. That suggests that you can't even be in her presence without crumpling.
Tell her you are having lunch somewhere on Sunday between 1 and 2 and she can drop them off there. If she shows, don't invite her to lunch. Don't even invite her to sit.
If she doesn't show, no big loss.
If she sits down anyway, just sort through the clothes and pay the tab and leave.
A little revenge of that kind is good for the psyche.

LOL, Joy, I don't think he can be in her presence without crumpling, or at least crying for a week after. I would get my clothes back, and excuse myself because I had a date.

But I would also be honest with myself and not add drama to an already bruised ego.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm odd person out here - I'd want my clothes back. In a way it's proof that you don't care, more than if you told her to burn them. That suggests that you can't even be in her presence without crumpling.

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We're afraid he'll crumple. But nice plan if it will work. I like the revenge idea.

More information on the situation, I guess the new guy is horrible to her. She just texted this to me, I still haven't responded to her initial text. But my phone has text receipts or whatever so she can see that I've read them!

More or less. Now that my rose colored glasses are finally off, I think I jumped straight into this relationship for shear loneliness. She rushed the whole thing, sex, etc. I tried to set up boundaries etc but she just kept coming full blast. Some examples, she always forced me to text her in the am early, or always make plans with her as much as humanly possible. It was like she was cutting me off from my own friends. She had to be apart of every little thing in my life, even on Facebook! Liking almost every picture, commenting on every post. In a sense it was rather possessive. She wasn't a bad person but was way too much of an attention whore, needy, clingy girl. Some nights I just wanted to relax, like the night she dumped me and she just couldn't give me another shot. She always complained about me when I complained about little things, it's life what do you want from me? I'm not a very negative person, but she made me out to be. It's like the girl only wanted me to be happy 24/7 and if I wasn't she didn't want anything to do with my issues

I don't think that I'd actually crumple! I think I might be fine, but none the less. I don't want to be someone's second choice. Or get false hopes, or any of that noise. Plus I mean this girl had some bad tattoos like her last name on the back of her neck, and a tramp stamp! She's a part time make up artist so she's always dolled up, would love to see her without her fake face

Come to think of it she probably has daddy issues. She lives in a small two bedroom apartment with her mother that lost her license for a DUI. The girl sleeps on a couch, hence her rushing relationships trying to move into the guys house. I'm an idiot, for dealing with this girl. She was always rude to people when we were out too. Like at a restaurant we ordered blue moons, they came with oranges the girl just throws them on the floor? Sorry for venting, I'm just letting it all out so I don't actually message this snake back

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm odd person out here - I'd want my clothes back. In a way it's proof that you don't care, more than if you told her to burn them. That suggests that you can't even be in her presence without crumpling.
Tell her you are having lunch somewhere on Sunday between 1 and 2 and she can drop them off there. If she shows, don't invite her to lunch. Don't even invite her to sit.
If she doesn't show, no big loss.
If she sits down anyway, just sort through the clothes and pay the tab and leave.
A little revenge of that kind is good for the psyche.

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Nope. I would want them as well. But agree with Girl Wonder that he would cave.

I LOVE Blue Moons -- got a six-pack for my birthday Sunday!

Do you really want the clothes back? Really?

She sounds like a real pill (i.e., PITA). I really don't like her now.

Blue moons are the best! So is this girl really stringing me along? I couldn't care less about the clothes, I just miss her in a sense. Even if she isn't ever going to be relationship quality girl. I honestly think her biological clock is ticking. All her friends are married and have kids. Which is no way an excuse to rush a relationship!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I LOVE Blue Moons -- got a six-pack for my birthday Sunday!

Do you really want the clothes back? Really?

She sounds like a real pill (i.e., PITA). I really don't like her now.

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Happy belated birth day, would have loved to bake you a cake :)

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Originally Posted by rytter

Sorry for venting, I'm just letting it all out so I don't actually message this snake back

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I like that way of thinking. :D

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Originally Posted by rytter

Blue moons are the best! So is this girl really stringing me along? I couldn't care less about the clothes, I just miss her in a sense. Even if she isn't ever going to be relationship quality girl. I honestly think her biological clock is ticking. All her friends are married and have kids. Which is no way an excuse to rush a relationship!

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I don't think so, but you are bearing the brunt of someone going about being happy, and trying to feel good in all the wrong ways.

At least now you are looking at the red flags and are no longer a prisoner of her actions. Progress, better late than NEVER.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Happy belated birth day, would have loved to bake you a cake :)



I like that way of thinking. :D



I don't think so, but you are bearing the brunt of someone going about being happy, and trying to feel good in all the wrong ways.

At least now you are looking at the red flags and are no longer a prisoner of her actions. Progress, better late than NEVER.

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What do you mean I'm bearing the brunt? I'm confused, she's reaching out to me. I haven't said anything to her, I do still have feelings for her that's why it's a terrible idea to text back. Will she ever get her karma? Could I ever take this girl back down the road?

Her actions are dictated by her own needs. She is who she is no need to hate, just understand and leave her alone. At this time you and she have different priorities and points of view which makes you both incompatible. Will that change in the future? Who knows but you don't have years to wait for it do you? And then again neither of you might not change enough to ever be compatible.

Stick with the snake image. Her reaching out is for her own needs NOT yours. But you already KNOW that.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Her actions are dictated by her own needs. She is who she is no need to hate, just understand and leave her alone. At this time you and she have different priorities and points of view which makes you both incompatible. Will that change in the future? Who knows but you don't have years to wait for it do you? And then again neither of you might not change enough to ever be compatible.

Stick with the snake image. Her reaching out is for her own needs NOT yours. But you already KNOW that.

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You're right, it's too soon for any real change to actually happen. I've still got lingering feelings which shouldn't be around if I were to try again. I don't hate her, I just want the best for her and right now that's not me. She needs to grow up a little bit and I need to work on myself too. She did me wrong, but I can't hate her for that. It is what it is, if it's going to happen it will. Just not now, when the feelings are still fresh, we'd just end up in the same breakup again!

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Originally Posted by rytter

You're right, it's too soon for any real change to actually happen. I've still got lingering feelings which shouldn't be around if I were to try again. I don't hate her, I just want the best for her and right now that's not me. She needs to grow up a little bit and I need to work on myself too. She did me wrong, but I can't hate her for that. It is what it is, if it's going to happen it will. Just not now, when the feelings are still fresh, we'd just end up in the same breakup again!

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Yeah don't remain stuck. We are ready to move on to #5.

Making good decisions for yourself based on facts and clear thought is much better than making them on feelings and high hopes. That applies to more than relationship issues, but any life issue.

Mostly it takes time for the emotional dust caused by our own feelings to settle, so we can accurately and objectively see the facts and make those decision. Not all of us trust our gut and can get very carried away by intense feeling that are so good in the beginning.

We act like dope fiends who need a fix, knowing good and well the fix we get will kick us in the a$$!