Ask Me Help Desk - So mad at myself.

Clearly talking to each other constantly is making things worse. And clearly no contact is not working either.

Tell you what. Why don't you come up with a compromise.

Why don't you two stop contacting each other for a specific period. I'm going to say 6 months. And during these 6 months, both of you will have the time to clear your mind. I'm sure that if you do not contact each other for a good 6 months, your minds will be much clearer and more objective.

Then in 6 months you two can have another conversation about whether you should get back together, stay friends or stay away.

The reason I propose this is because until you both clear your minds, neither of you will be thinking straight and you are just beating a dead horse. Why not spend some time EACH, to regain your strength and objectivity before having another conversation.

If indeed you are stressing over this relationship break up, then you really do have to leave her alone until you have gotten yourself under much better control, and can make better adjustments to the reality of your situation, based on FACTS, and not just feelings of hurt and disappointment.

Thanks guys, I agree that time apart will help me and her fix both our lives, she is a very Christian girl & wants marriage but at the time of the break up 8 month ago I was the kind of person who liked to go out and party with friends. She has even hinted that in the future if I continue to fix my act there is a chance we will get back together but I just feel like that is false hope. It is just kind of a unreal experience because I have not went a month without talking to this girl for the past 8 years. So by NC it just scares me that I will never see or talk to her again. This girl isn't just ANY girl, but this is reality I guess and life gives no s. But with this NC I will work on myself so that if she does come back I can be the man she always wanted.

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Originally Posted by depressedzombie

she is a very Christian girl

Does she expect you to become a Christian too?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Does she expect you to become a Christian too?

Not at all, she just wants me to respect her familys religion. I have never been a religious person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by depressedzombie

Not at all, she just wants me to respect her familys religion. I have never been a religious person.

You don't have to be religious to show respect so how were you not respectful to her family or there religion? I do not understand what she expects of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by depressedzombie

Not at all, she just wants me to respect her familys religion. I have never been a religious person.

If she's "very Christian," do you think that will work, since you are not at all religious? I'm not saying you should suddenly start going to church or join one, but she did say she wants you to "fix your act." What does that mean?

I wonder if she (and her family) will use your lack of interest in religion against you and as a reason not to reconnect with you in the future. I grew up in a very Christian family that refused to allow me to date guys who did not belong to the same church body we did. I'm wondering if you, as the unchurched person, will encounter this same resistance from her and her family. Maybe this is another reason to move on.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't have to be religious to show respect so how were you not respectful to her family or there religion? I do not understand what she expects of you.

I actually did a lot of disrespectful things, I went to there church a few times and would always get upset with her when I had to go. Which was a very childish thing to do, I should have went to make her happy and not complained. Looking back I did act very childish and selfish in ways but I have had time to reflect on little things like that and change myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If she's "very Christian," do you think that will work, since you are not at all religious? I'm not saying you should suddenly start going to church or join one, but she did say she wants you to "fix your act." What does that mean?

I wonder if she (and her family) will use your lack of interest in religion against you and as a reason not to reconnect with you in the future. I grew up in a very Christian family that refused to allow me to date guys who did not belong to the same church body we did. I'm wondering if you, as the unchurched person, will encounter this same resistance from her and her family. Maybe this is another reason to move on.

She isn't VERY Christian, It is more of her family when I first met her she was against how her family was but now that she is older she has started to lean towards it more but she does attend her familys church and she has never questioned my faith, she has also always dated outside of her religious community. She always just wanted me to go to church with her and her family to show them respect. But her family is against a lot of the things I do in my life like being covered in tattoos, you can't judge a book by it's cover but you can't tell them that.

Made it through today with NC, hopefully it gets easier. :/

It's really hard to do as we want when we have many influences and circumstances in our lives. Hard to let go of old ties, and build new ones. The hardest part of NC is closing that door completely, and with today's social network and texting, its all to hard resisting the tug from the past. it's a real challenge to completely ignore the trap of false hope and control ourselves when we get that text out of the blue and stir all those feelings up again.

I can tell you from experience that this is probably the hardest thing you can do in life, resisting the urge to keep hope alive regarding her. But you both will have to heal. That's going to take time. The first love is unforgettable, and will always have a place in your heart forever, but it will give way after focus returns but until then its very difficult, I won't lie. It will get better in time and you won't be so stuck on those feelings. Hopefully neither will she.

Remember that when you get those texts from the blue, because she will suffer through this too.

I broke down and messaged her again tonight and she said she hated me and to leave her alone, I see no hope anymore. I am so sick of being depressed.

Sorry you have gotten you closure this way, but now you have the incentive to make this the first day of your life by closing the door of the past forever, and opening a door to your own future.