Don't think of it as giving up, think of it as an investment in yourself.

I decided to finish it. He said yesterday he could not live without me, that I am everything to him. Today is Sunday, a day we always share and he did not even tell me he had planned to be with the son. I said I had to talk to him. This is not a life anyone can live. It has been Thursday, Friday, Saturday and now Sunday too. Usually we can discuss and find a solution when things go wrong in the relationship, but I have no power to negotiate on this. It is either to take it or leave it and nothing in between.

4 years of my life, the best he took them from me. But it better late than never.

I can't understand his family. The mom always supporting the relationship with me and always talking to him as if he should move on with his life and start over with me. She wanted us to move to the country she is living. And suddenly she is has been the one negotiating with the ex and she calls me to ask when we will get a house on our own and that she will move back there. They seem confused all of them. They had even asked him wheter he was going to tell me about the ex having to be around, and he had said of course because he did not want to hide anything from me. That tells me that they all know that this is not something to take.

One thing I've learned by this is that people manipulate and that the world is nothing like the house I grew up in. People can live lies and be experts in manipulating others. I think one crazy person will always end up driving the couple crazy too. A home with no pureness in thoughts and feelings will be a home where nobody feels at home without drama because that is what they are used too. His mom has cheated on her husbond. His sister is always cheating and his father has 2 broken marriages and drinks ceveral times a week.

I used to underestimate the importance of the childhood, but I have learned that I see the world through the eyes of my parents more or less. We share the same values, and they have a very high moral. His parents can talk about what is right and wrong on an intellectual level, but they don't follow up in actions.

I think they don't understand that it is not only a child involved, but as well a woman with emotions, flesh and blood just like them. They see, they know, but nobody speaks up.

I have been at home today for 4 hours while they have been somewhere I don't even know.

I can't believe it. It is insane. And I also see how much power a woman get by getting pregnant. It is scary. I was so strict on the pills not to end up pregnant, because I thought the best is to wait until both are stable and well established. Now I see that this is what I won by that. No marriage, no children and having to be dumped after 4 years. She got pregnant because she " forgot" to take pills for 14 days.

I hope there is someone out there to brink back the old me, the good in me by giving me attention, love, respect and stability. I have moved mountaing for my boyfriend and he can't move a finger for me. He shouted to me yesterday in the fight we had that I was stupid and that his friend also thought I was stupid and annoying and that I deserve a punch in the face. He plays with my mind because I try to get some attention because I get nothing, no time. And instead of admitting he is wrong he makes me think I am the one to blame. He also said that the things would be different if I hadf accepted to marry him 2 years ago when he asked right after all the drama. He says I had my chanse and that he would have been willing to move with me to another state and start over with me. Now since I said no I have to blame it on myself.

It sounds as if you are better off in your choice.
But in your last post I sense a feeling of loss on your part, a loss of precious time, a loss of part of the essence that is you.
You also are expressing disappointment in human nature, all very understandable.
Rest assured that you are not alone, many have spent time in relationships that were best ended long before they actually did.
Most people have been disappointed at one time or another in the actions of others.
The best you can do is keep your head up, and not allow yourself to be drawn back in.
If this is their character, it will not change.
But keep in mind that talking to a counselor or other non-biased person about the way it has left you feeling is perfectly valid, sometimes you just need someone to help you put everything into perspective.
I only mention this because I recognize it and it is a pretty lonely place for a while, but it doesn't have to be.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

It sounds as if you are better off in your choice.
But in your last post I sense a feeling of loss on your part, a loss of precious time, a loss of part of the essence that is you.
You also are expressing disappointment in human nature, all very understandable.
Rest assured that you are not alone, many have spent time in relationships that were best ended long before they actually did.
Most people have been disappointed at one time or another in the actions of others.
The best you can do is keep your head up, and not allow yourself to be drawn back in.
If this is their character, it will not change.
But keep in mind that talking to a counselor or other non-biased person about the way it has left you feeling is perfectly valid, sometimes you just need someone to help you put everything into perspective.
I only mention this because I recognize it and it is a pretty lonely place for a while, but it doesn't have to be.

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Thank you.

I have become a bitter woman in some ways. I do believe there are many good men. I have always thought of myself as good, never been calculated and done what is right. In this relationship there has been some horrible fights, and instead of talking there has been several insults. I have never called him stupid but he called me that last night. He said people say I am, and he says that's why I get nothing out of my life and don't work. It hurts a lot to hear it. He said many nasty things before he came back to say he loves me more than anything. I am so tired emotionally. Probably he is too and this love has turned into a love hate relationship. But enough about all that. With my ex I was never fighting bad and I was the old me, he used to say I was the most humble and gente woman he had met. With my current one I am angry, bitter and we fight a lot more. It is very intense the whole thing, and I hate how he always comes telling me how pretty I am when he wants something or when he has been mean. Then I am pretty, his whole world he can't live without etc, we have sex and we are "fine". Its like hot and cold water all the time.

You definitely were unequally yoked. Him being dysfunctional and you wanting a 'normal' life. Its not a waste because Its life lessons and what you learn. Take that anger and hurt and determine that you will not fall for just any guy, look for one that has goals like your own.

Haven't had the talk yet, but I told his mother how I feel about it all. I don't want anyone to believe it is because of the daughter and I know my boyfriend will blame it on me later instead of admitting his own mistakes. I was very neutral and reasonable and polite. I will tell him when he wakes up. Before sleeping he told me he was having a flu and needed my support. I can't believe him even coming like that wanting hugs and love when he knows I am at home crying for days. Instead of coming home with flowers or inviting for dinner he is suddenly the one to require my consolidation. He did not say he loves me as he usually does. I think he wants this to end too.

Well. New update on this. It helps to write, and it helps with comments.

He told me today he feels so sick today, the first day without the son since Wednesday and he is too sick to stand up of bed. And me who wanted to talk to him can't! He wants me to make him soup. Made him soup but got disappointed and upset because I put onions. He asked me rude why I ask him so many questions when I know he has a throut infection. I just left the room and said he can talk to me whenever he feels better. I kind of hate him more and more. They had been to the pools yesterday, but the ex was in the cafeteria while they were swimming. I can't understand why she has to come along at all. Doesn't she have anything better to do. I so doubt this is for the son, it is just to make his relationship imposible. The mother responded today and told me the same thing. That 6 months is nothing but a manipulation, that the son loves me and almost begging me not to leave him. After seeing his attitude today there is nothing else I want to do.

I thought you broke up with this looser? Look, lady, he's stringing you along. Have some self respect.

He also asked me if I was still in love with him. I didn't really reply to the question. Just said that nobody is in love after many years. The mom says she feels sorry for him since he loves me but lives under the manipluations of the ex. I guess it was a bad idea to write to her. It is sorry for him in that sense that his life is screwed for 6 months to some extent, but so is mine for the moment. At least he gets to play with the son, forgets that I exist and is happy. I don't think he suffers a bit. I think it is unfair to expect me to hold on to this awful rollercoaster.

Yes. But the first thing I wake up to, so well prepared for the whole break up scenario sees him sick with fever. I have to wait until it passes and I will drop the bomb. Maybe later today.

Give him an aspirin and pack your bags.

Tell him to get over himself and he can make his own soup in his own kitchen.

You are being played like a deck of cards. Time to fold up and leave.

His fever I would prefer to have it ten times more than to be heart broken every day. His lack empaty goes to the extreme. Late night yesterday he asked - and you, how are you? And I said I am not so fine neither, but that we can talk about tomorrow. And he only goes on and on about how sick he is after being in the pools yesterday and how little he has been eating and sleeping. He only sees himself in this and I deleted him on Facebook some days ago after a fight, and he hasn't even noticed. I don't think he will even notice that I am packing my bags in front of his eyes. Will probably ask why I am taking vacations without him. It is crazy.

He isn't dying. You don't need to have a talk. You are under no obligation to explain or listen to his weak excuses. UGH! GO OUT THE DOOR and don't look back.

PS: Onions are good for anything that ails you, so he's even more of an idiot.

I see you making excuses. I don't see that you are serious enough to get out of this two-timing relationship.

Either you want out, or you don't. You can't have it both ways sister.

I packed up my stuff, 4 kids and my dog. Left Texas, drove 4 days. Back to Pennsylvania. He never noticed until I happened to be walking through my parents front door. You are beating yourself up against a Wall if you stay

Haha, exactly that's why I put the onions... and indeed I had to explain him it was meant for the best since onions help

I am serious about it. I want to wake him up and tell him, but I want him to suffer in the right way. To leave when he is sick is " wrong", so I will do it the correct way even though he doesn't deserve it.

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and indeed I had to explain him it was meant for the best since onions help

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Huh? Onions help what? Keep the soup hot longer? Keep the breath smelling bad longer?

No, you aren't serious. If you were, you wouldn't have waited this long.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I packed up my stuff, 4 kids and my dog. Left Texas, drove 4 days. back to Pennsylvania. He never noticed until I happened to be walking thru my parents front door. You are beating yourself up against a Wall if you stay

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That I admire. When time is right and things are bad enough most of us have an inner strength to do what is right for us, some sort of survival instinct that kicks in. We have to see it ourself, understand that this is it and go. My boyfriend manipulates a lot and is very convincing. I know this is not life for me. Tomorrow he has the son again and I don't want to live through another day of it.