Do I need therapy, should I move on or stay with her?
Hello so I've asked a similar question but this one is a tad bit different.
So my girlfriend who I've been with since April isn't a virgin while I am.
My entire life I've saved myself for my future soulmate so you can kind of understand why it bugs me that she hasn't decided to do the same.
So lately, she's been expressing to me that she's essentially ready to have sex as she would frequently be upset that I didn't want to have sex with her just yet, we discussed it and I explained to her that losing my virginity is a big deal to me and I want us to both be 100% sure we want to do it. She seemed to sort of chill out then until the issue came up again the other day.
And so I have a habit of keeping my feelings to myself because I know how they will make her feel. I would frequently and sometimes still do get upset at the world for its vulgarity. I feel like the one man in the world who has any morals and it saddens me that the one girl who means the world to me decided not to wait for me as I was expecting her to do the same. The thought that another man had his stuff inside of her upsets me, the thought that I will never be her first upsets me though I understand I can be her last but it isn't fair to me how I've spent 9 years being abstinent to have my life's work negated and made pointless. Had I known it would be like this in the future I'd have devirginized every girl I had a chance to. But I'm not that kind of guy and I just feel like its been my downfall.
I told her how I feel for the most part, I left some details out as they were kind of excessive but now she feels like she will never be good enough. She told me that she's sorry she couldn't be my dream girl and she told me she's used to putting emotions aside with sex. She told me she wasn't trippin over a dude being a virgin and she knew he wasn't and it didn't and doesn't bother her. And she said that she feels bad because I don't want her for all she is. I told her that if I didn't would I be trying so hard to make this work? She told me that maybe I should find a virgin girl and lose it to her as that's what I really wanted. Sounded like a breakup to me so I didn't opt to that. Besides, I'm worried I'd end up falling for the new girl if I did that. And the only reason its an issue is because I want something from HER I will never have. But now I'm getting off subject...
So what I was trying to get to is I feel as though I might need therapy because I often see the act of sex blown to epic proportions in my head. Sex in general often disgusts me and I can't even really watch it on TV anymore if there is a sex scene in a movie. Just the thought of even having sex with a non-virgin brings me anxiety. I even feel a little bit disgusted with non-virgins and their decisions not to wait for a person they can spent their life with as a lot of them don't. And although I feel okay about it now, I feel as though the issue will come back with her and I'll end up disappointed again soon that she isn't a virgin.