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-   -   How can I help my parents be comfortable with me dating an ex con? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=749525)

  • May 22, 2013, 01:22 PM
    dontknownuthin
    There is nothing my child or friend or other loved one could do to make me comfortable with them dating a person convicted of attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon. There is nothing they could say or do either to make me feel comfortable with them sleeping with a person they've known for two weeks, or sharing a bed with them without sex.

    I would strongly recommend that anyone I love get to know someone slowly over a course of time, get to know their family and friends and establish a non-sexual relationship for a good long while before they engage in a sexual relationship. If it's a stranger met at a party or bar or grocery store or wherever, I would hope they would not even get in a car with the person within the first two weeks, much less get in bed with them.

    It's good that this man has work but other than what he tells you, you have no way of knowing much about him this soon. What you do know indicates very poor judgment, very low self-control, disregard of the law, and a very volatile personality with no regard nor respect for the security and peace of mind of others.

    You need to be aware there is someone out there who is living with the memory of this person attempting to kill them. There's another person who is living with the memory and lasting impacts of being assaulted with a deadly weapon, likely being in fear of dying. If your personal standards for a partner allow you to date someone who would make another human being suffer in fear of their lives and suffer physical harm at his hands, I think you need to look at your self-esteem and standards and rewrite them.

    Second chances are great, but you don't have to put your relationships with friends and family at risk for a two week fling with a convicted felon.

    If you want your loved ones to support your decisions and accept the men you date, make better choices and date someone acceptable.
  • May 22, 2013, 01:31 PM
    Homegirl 50
    I think breaking up with him is a good thing. Time away will give you perspective.
  • May 22, 2013, 03:39 PM
    J_9
    I agree that breaking up with him is a good idea. You need time at home with family and friends. You need time to put this fast and furious relationship in proper prospective.

    You have only known him for 2 weeks. You have no way to know if he has turned his life around at this point in time. In his life he has not been in the general public long enough to know if he has turned his life around.

    You are making some very impulsive decisions that could impact you and/or your family in ways you cannot imagine.
  • Jun 5, 2013, 03:01 PM
    collegegirl92
    Just as an update, me and my boyfriend are still together and everything is going much better than we even expected :)
  • Jun 5, 2013, 03:35 PM
    joypulv
    Who is writing this?
    You have been an articulate 20-21 year old college student until this one sentence...
  • Jun 5, 2013, 03:36 PM
    JudyKayTee
    I agree, Joy - good catch!
  • Jun 5, 2013, 03:43 PM
    talaniman
    Have you parents approved of him?
  • Jun 5, 2013, 03:54 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by collegegirl92 View Post
    Just as an update, me and my boyfriend are still together and everything is going much better than we even expected :)

    For now.
  • Jun 5, 2013, 04:37 PM
    Homegirl 50
    How are your parents feeling about this?
  • Jun 5, 2013, 06:31 PM
    JudyKayTee
    I'm working on when he turned into the official boyfriend.
  • Jun 5, 2013, 09:08 PM
    collegegirl92
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Who is writing this?
    You have been an articulate 20-21 year old college student until this one sentence....

    How is it that from one sentence you can conclude that I am not articulate?

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I'm working on when he turned into the official boyfriend.

    He's been the official boyfriend for 3 weeks now. My parents are still unsure, but they have realized that I am 21 and that I can technically do what I want. They will always support me and love me even if they are concerned, and that is all that matters. We are working through this as a family and only time will tell for how any of this will work out.

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