Ask Me Help Desk - Is my Ex fianc? Coming back again?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her.

I am not sure I understand this question. Why do you get upset? Because you worry about her son?

How long has it been since you broke up with your fiancé? If you feel like you are still not "over her", then I don't advice getting into a new relationship. But, this does not mean that you shouldn't meet new people. Keep it light and have fun. Take the time to straighten yourself up and heal from the break up.

No, the next girl doesn't necessarily have to be a rebound as long as you've taken all the time you need to heal and become mentally and emotionally ready to be available to another person. Make sure you do not get involved with someone until you are a stronger and wiser man from the experience with your fiancé.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

For anyone who would like to read my private messages that I have sent to Jesushelper and Talaniman to help them in their recovery.
Please let me know and I will send them to anybody who would like to know rest of this very hurtful, realalistic story.( It may help you if you are going thru same thing) Thanks everyone.

Yeah, that would be great... if u don't mind.thanks

SAB, maybe posting them on your thread would help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her. Does this mean I'm starting to get over her. )

My ex of 3 years had a daughter and I know after the break up I really missed her just as much as my ex. The reality was I loved her daughter and when the break up happened I was kind of left without either one of them. I think what your experiencing is the normal part of loss and shock in your life. Someone that was there for a period is no longer there.

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Originally Posted by SAB123

And I don't know if I will ever stop thinking about them but how will I know when to start dating someone again. Will the first girl always be a rebound.

Trust me, I was the same way, thinking I would never get over them but then life starts to happen and one thing leads to another and you start thinking less and less. Then the only time you think of them is when you have to because it's brought up, like I am because of this question. But as I type it out the pain is long gone and it doesn't hurt like your hurting. You just have to give it time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Because I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt a person feelings. Maybe that why I always took her back. But I can say one thing NO one will ever treat me like that ever again.(Myoriginal Post is my Ex Fiance coming Back Again)

Good, learn from you errors and don't repeat them. You'll do just fine.

After about 6 weeks I emailed her wishing her a happy B-day. Then we pretty muched emailed each other all day Fri and Mon. We were joking around like we used to when we were togther. Then I called her at work. We talked then she mentioned her x husband and his friend stopped over to do something for her. As he was leaving she said what do you think of my boob job. He said they were fine the way they used to be. Then she said she lifted her alter top showing her shirt and said they are great aren't they. Then I told her I don't want to hear about that it makes me upset. Because I never saw them to begin with. Then I asked her how she like my profile on matchcom she said I didn't write it. It was to good. But I did, I told her That it was aimed toward her. And was taking it off. She asked why and I told her I'm not interest in any of them. I told her my sister was introducing me to all her single friends. We hung up and she emailed me back saying she wasn't ready to hear about girls I will be dating just like you don't want to hear about my boobs. She said she wanted to drop off a DVD for my dad that she made for him in my mail box. I told her to give it to me in person because we are eventully are going to cross paths later. She did come over we talked then she said knowing I didn't want to see her boobs. She ask if I wanted to see them after a couple of No's I finally gave in and looked then she said I could feel I hasitated but touched the top of them. She left a couple of minutes later and did look like she wanted to cry. In one email she did tell her son that he would see me again and we would be buddies. Then Tues I e-mailed her and said I wanted to be Jakes dad and her husband and wanted to take her out to dinner to try to to work this out. She wrote back "Scott broke up to so many time over the same issues. We need to let go of each other and obvisouly we are both having a problem doing that. Thanks but dinner is not a good idea." I haven't e-mailed her since and it been 3 days from when I e-mail this to you. I did call her to let her no that her son was standing around at school and told her to call her mom to get him. I told her I did want to give Jake the wrong message by picking him up. And when I was driving past he did see me and the look on his face was where are you going. I do know that she dosen't go out she stays home when she doesn't run around with her son. And she is still wearing the ring. Her mom told my sisters, I told her to give the ring back but she didn't say any thing and her mom feels we will be back together. My X left 10 minutes before my sisters got their. So I don't know if she told her mom to say that or what. And in the emails she told me thanks for still caring about her and made her feel good that still did .All the other times she came back she told me she was miserable with out me and mentioned one time who's car was that in my drive way . So I do no she was very jealous. I told her I loved her in the e-mails but she never said anything about missing me or loved me. But when we broke up in Feb of this year she did tell me I loved you in fact I love you more then my Ex Husband. And in the emails when we did break up in Feb she kept giving me different reasons she broke up You never loved Me was the first one then we can't give each other what we want. Then it was I was taking my time on the getting married wasn't excited enough didn't tell my friend rite away. But in the 5 yrs we have been together I do no that she loves me a great deal. You asked me about communicating issues yes we both were bad at telling each other when their was a problem. All other break up she did say that this is it and leave her alone but always came back. I never chased, contacted , called or drive past her house crying over her. She did say when we did get together the first she said she didn't like whinny guys sitting on her porch crying over her. She told me that I was the only one that ever did that. I am moving on know because this is tearing me up inside and was starting to get over her before I told her drop off the dvd. And she did tell my sister a month ago she would give the dvd to her. But I guess I'm still wondering if she will come back again if she finds out I'm dating or when I sell my house One thing with fer she was bosey, Selfish and very very high maintenance she told me she deserves the best and will not settle for anything less. She is very picky about men. She is looking for someone with money and very good looks. That is me. So please give me your opinion on this hole situation because I don't want her coming around when I am involved with some one else and ruining that when I finally do get over her. And she does get what she wants. Do think she showed boobs to keep me thinking of her

From Talaniman
Until you make a decision to stop sending mixed signals and end this firmly but finally, she will waltz back and forth into your life whenever she feels like it. Seems to be a pattern with all her relationships. This includes your family as well. Tell everyone and your ex, this is over and then mean it. As a relationship, this is going no where, so you have to make a decision and stick to it. And make everyone else stick to it also.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

From Talaniman
Until you make a decision to stop sending mixed signals and end this firmly but finally, she will waltz back and forth into your life whenever she feels like it. Seems to be a pattern with all her relationships. This includes your family as well. Tell everyone and your ex, this is over and then mean it. As a relationship, this is going no where, so you have to make a decision and stick to it. And make everyone else stick to it also.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

Originally Posted by SAB123
I don't understand how I'm sending her mixed signals I told her I wanted to still marry her and her son. But I have told everybody I am through with her. But just when I start to get over her she comes back and I still do take her back because I guess I think I can change her.

From Talaniman
You want to marry her but your through. Mixed signals my friend...
__________________

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Originally Posted by SAB123
I dont understand how I'm sending her mixed signals I told her I wanted to still marry her and her son. But I have told everybody I am thru with her. But just when I start to get over her she comes back and I still do take her back because I guess I think I can change her.

From Talaniman
You want to marry her but your thru. Mixed signals my friend.....
__________________

Originally Posted by SAB123
I guess you are wright but she doesn't know I want to move on
I guess I'm talking myself out my feelings for her not to take her back. And do you think by showing her boobs in back of her mind is to keep me thinking of her and not find any one she new I would get jealous if I saw them.

From Talaniman
I don't care about her boobs and niether should you so get your act together and make up your damn mind what you want to do and be honest about it. All of this should be posted on the forum for feedback.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Originally Posted by SAB123
I guess you are wright but she doesn't know I want to move on
I guess I'm talking myself out my feelings for her not to take her back. and do you think by showing her boobs in back of her mind is to keep me thinking of her and not find any one she new I would get jealous if I saw them.

From Talaniman
I don't care about her boobs and niether should you so get your act together and make up your damn mind what you want to do and be honest about it. All of this should be posted on the forum for feedback.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

[QUOTE=SAB123]Originally Posted by SAB123
The more I think about it a part of me wants to let go because I am tired of the games and a lot of my friend do not like her because they feel she treats me bad and only thinks of herself and using me for my money. I do know she only cares about herself but she does treat me good sometimes. But I truly love her and I really don't want to let go of her. Every one say move on for good but I can't except it probably because she was my first love and I miss her when she not in my life but was always yelling at me when we were together. And we didn't see a lot of each other because of this.

From Talaniman
This isn't a healthy relationship whatsoever. Move on.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

[QUOTE=SAB123]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Originally Posted by SAB123
The more I think about it a part of me wants to let go because I am tired of the games and alot of my friend do not like her because they feel she treats me bad and only thinks of herself and using me for my money. I do know she only cares about herself but she does treat me good sometimes. But I truly love her and I really don't want to let go of her. Every one say move on for good but I can't except it probally because she was my first love and I miss her when she not in my life but was always yelling at me when we were together. And we didn't see alot of each other because of this.

From Talaniman
This isn't a healthy relationship whatsoever. Move on.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

QUOTE=SAB123]Originally Posted by SAB123
Yes, you are right and that is what I'm going to do. Thank you for showing me the light from another person point of view besides my friends was very helpful. Because all y friends and family feel the same way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

SAB, maybe posting them on your thread would help.

Below is the private E-mail me and Talaniman had in the beginning. Sorry about not having it in sequence but I didn't Know how this site worked and Privately emailed Tal
Because I didn't know he would keep looking at my problem. But it's nice to know he and other people do.Thanks everyone. Its been 11 weeks I'm getting better but still hurt insid.

Quote:

Originally Posted by manimuth

I am not sure I understand this question. Why do you get upset? Because you worry about her son?

How long has it been since you broke up with your fiance? If you feel like you are still not "over her", then I don't advice getting into a new relationship. But, this does not mean that you shouldn't meet new people. Keep it light and have fun. Take the time to straighten yourself up and heal from the break up.

No, the next girl doesn't necessarily have to be a rebound as long as you've taken all the time you need to heal and become mentally and emotionally ready to be available to another person. Make sure you do not get involved with someone until you are a stronger and wiser man from the experience with your fiance.

I get upset because I still miss her ( not as often as before ) In the beginning I just thought more about her and the pain of her breaking up with me again. But when I don't think of her I think of her son more now then when she broke up with me 11 weeks ago. I miss him a lot and I do worry about him and even her. (If you don't know my hole story please read my other question) and I guess you are rite, Until I'm healtier.And shouldn't worry about a new girl. I guess I miss someone to the holding of hands, hugs, kisses and knowing someone is their for you (At least I thought I did) I guess I'm worried I won't meet someone.

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I guess I miss someone to the holding of hands, hugs, kisses and knowing someone is their for you (At least I thought I did) I guess I'm worried I won't meet someone.

Just by you knowing this, you have crossed the threshold of reality, and I think your going to be okay in time.

I'm writing this info now to let other people know what type of person my Ex really was. I'm not doing this to bash her, but to let people with similer problems know and to see if the person their with is the one they want to be with.And I'm not putting all the blame on her, because I did do things to make her mad.But not that bad to be treated like this.

Let me start by saying, My Ex is a very good mother, volantered her time to others and I want to say she loved me. And we did respected each other enough not to cheat on each other at least I hope she never did. But I know now this relationship would never have lasted or our marrige if we stayed together. In the beginning of my relationship everybody liked her but within a 6 months peoples opinion started to change. I didn't want to her it. She would brag to my friends what she had and bought. She even told them she took $8000.00 out of her 401K to build her deck. Bragged to me and everybody she's been to 12 islands just always bragging about money that she did not have.(charged everything)She was very boesy to me, her son and sometimes to others. Didn't like the word no. Couple of years ago work was very slow and worked about 7 days in 2 months. So I'm building her balcony and spending money I didn't have on it(mics bolts etc) After I was finished she said good job, where are you taking me for dinner. I told her no where, I have bills to pay and one of her expensive dinners just wasn't in my budget. She started yelling at me because I said NO. I sweated my but off for a couple of weeks on the deck, hooking up lights on deck and misc stuff around her house and didn't even offer to take me out to dinner. She bought dinner maybe 2 times and made it 5-6 times. Said I would get an $50 week allowance when we get married. Between both of us we would have made about $170,000 plus a year. Demanded when married $1200 + jewellery for B-DAy's and spending on what ever she wanted for her and son she bought him what ever he wanted. Said that how she thinks people love her when you spend money on her or son. So very High maintenance. Never did anything for me,never. I had back problems, 4 disks out on top 5 on bottom(in pain) drop foot, could hardly walk sometimes. When I told her that she said who's going to cut my grass now. And would yell at me because their was a waiting list to see Dr. Get in their and get better she would say. I think so I could continue to work on house, cut grass etc. So you can tell by this she was Only thinking of herself and son. Told me I should be buying stuff for her and son all the time. Very selfish person. Rite before breakup, and when she got her boob job she wanted these expansive photos of her taken to give to her son and friends didn't mention me.She could have said how about the 3 of us get a picture together but no just her. And never had any pics of me in her house hanging. Only wanted to make love when she felt like it most of time I would have to beg. And when we did she would say forgot how good that feels and we need to do this more often. When we first started dating she said I would have to get a second job. And rite up to breakup she needs 2 incomes to survive. She wanted the $600,000.00 house, Elxus convertible, jewelry, trips, everything. Said she deserves the best. Told me that she will be driving my 30th annvirsary TA to train station. When I told her no she flipped out on that. But when I told her friends this they would say are you crazy. Then she would say I was kidding. As far as new house all I wanted to decorate was garage and basement, said no tools in garage just cars and she would help in the process of how the basement will look like. Would never listnen to me. Always thought her way was the best way. She was controlling to me and son, forgetful, only called when she wanted something or something done. Woulds swear in front of her son all time( bad words) Spoiled her son, and she put him in every sport possible. Some of them he didn't want to do. Like swimming he wanted out of. She said its not a f*****g option. That how your going to get a scholarship. She would plan hole summer out and would never ask if I wanted to do something. Inconsiderate. Would be appalled that I said no or wouldn't do that for her. First 2 months of us dating she would complain to her friends that she couldn't believe I didn't cut her grass for her. She told me she was the princess and get what she wants. She admits she will probably never find anyone worth dating. And I do believe her. She wants a man with good looks to show off to her friends. Which she did with me. And money. I did everything she ask me to do and more gave her money when she needed it, I'm the type who can build or fix anything(cars,wood working,plumbing, electrical HVAC you name it. So I was her handyman sort of speak. I never excluded her son out of anything. The 3 of us usually did everything together.She is a very picky person when it comes to guys. So deep down in side, I don't know when, but I think again she will realize how good she had it and try to sneak back into my life again. But I will never let her in again she had to many chances. These are some stories of what I had to go through and thiers a lot more. I should write a book.

Finally, I realize now I did want to spend the rest of my life with her. But was scared to marry her because maybe deep down inside I knew she would bankrupt me and make my life hell. Like I said I did do things to hurt her. She would always say you would miss me and her son if I broke up with them, but she did all the breaking up.(insecure I guess)We both had communication problems between the both of us. And if I wanted this to work I probably could have if we would have spent more time together and talked about our problems we had with each other. But I guess after I writing this hole post I guess she never loved me and we just weren't meant to be. The past year I would rather stay at my house and do nothing then spend time with her. I was afraid to say something to her because I was tired of her B*******G at me all the time, only came over or called when wanted something. It's been a long 5 years for me, we didn't always fight we had a lot of great times together. How I feel rite now is hate her and don't ever want to see her ever again for cutting my heart up again. Then at the same time I miss and love her and her son very much. And I still say to myself what happened. And I know I can never take her back but sometime hope she comes back to me and we hug and everything will be OK again. But I know that is just a fairy tail and this is reality. She believes life is a fairy tail. Them and I know they will always have a place in my heart but the one thing I can't comperhand is I may never see them ever again and it does scare me but I know it is for the best. So for any one out their who has any doubt or similier problems think long and hard before you spend time on a relationship that was never meant to be.

Do the dreams I have every night of her will they ever go away or will I always have this problem.

She is always on your mind. That's why you dream about her.
Distract yourself and give yourself the chance to heal and get over her.
A good place for ideas:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Do the dreams I have every night of her will they ever go away or will I always have this problem.

Read a book for 30 minutes or longer before you go to bed. The thoughts of the book will be the last thing you remember before going to bed and what you'll think about when your sleeping. That's actually an old studying trick that I used to use in college and it worked wonders for my retention of information.

I still think about her when alone but this break up when out with friends I can get my mind off her a lot better this time then the other 6 breakups she did to me. This is my first true love. I know its different for each person, but how long does it usually take to move on and not think of them as much and when you were over Ex did you ever think about that person when you were with new person in life. I know it's to soon for me to start dating but I want to get her out of my mind and heart so bad to move on.

It takes time and there is no way around that. But you can be enjoying yourself while you heal. Half the fun is exploring new things to do and people to see.

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Originally Posted by hair2007

yeah its always about them!!!always.. i can see that now more so that im looking in the window, try not to think about the things she has said, it will make u crazy..i it does it to me.
i think i hold the record for getting back and fourth with my ex, only he says hes commitment phobic, yet we were married to..lol.. its all about them and how they are feeling that day. thats not worth it, id rather b single...

If she does try to contact me in the future should I even bother with her just because of the way she used me.