Ask Me Help Desk - Why am I a victim of my boyfriends abuse?

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Oh my my my. The rest of us here are very empathetic. You want sympathy, not empathy. You want to talk and vent and compare notes and feel abused. You want to now start telling us the retaliatory things you tell him. Excellent jab, very clever, the bit about not having children. Good luck. I don't wish you any harm but it's pretty obvious now that you aren't going anywhere.

Ok

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Oh my my my. The rest of us here are very empathetic. You want sympathy, not empathy. You want to talk and vent and compare notes and feel abused. You want to now start telling us the retaliatory things you tell him. Excellent jab, very clever, the bit about not having children. Good luck. I don't wish you any harm but it's pretty obvious now that you aren't going anywhere.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joypulv again.

I hate that!!

Very nice post. One of the best I have read in our lifetime!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmorgan7522

Thank you so much, in all honesty you are the first on here to be empathetic and have a clear understanding because you undergone this same type of relationship. It's not easy to leave especially when you have people saying to "get out now." Seems like others blame you for staying, but we are not to blame for what caused our (boyfriends, fiancé, or husbands) to abuse us. Woman are more prone to be sympathetic and empathetic towards most (men, friends, children family) in general. Not all cases, but most women are. I believe that is what keeps us in abusive relationships maybe because we are hopeful. I truly understand by your response and I appreciate your advice, greatly!
I'm not married or with children yet, but my boyfriend always talks of us being married and having kids. I asked him one day..."How would you treat me in front of our child one day?" I said..."I will not bring a baby into my life for him/her to witness the behavior you have been towards me." and I was surprised because his only reason for wanting a baby with me is so "no other man would want me." That I would be his only." I'm thinking what on earth... No! If I have a child with whomever one day it's going to be a mutual agreement and for the right reasons.

You are wrong. I told you what my sister put up with... I told you how it all turned out. I understand what happens and what women go through... what I don't understand is the crap about you still reasoning out what he's doing and how you're handling it. Excuses... that's all it is. So sorry that I am upfront about this and not as empathetic as you think I should be. I saw the results of what my sister went through... I know what this does to people. So for me, being blunt is my answer... sugar coating things and talking all sweet and understanding what you're going through... that's not going to make you see the reality of the situation you're in. That's going to wind up getting you killed.

But I see that Joy is right... you just wanted someone to sympathize with you so you could vent about it. You really are not looking for help... just understanding.

I'm done with this because I do understand... but I also know what reality is. The reality is that you will stay, he will get worse, he will severely hurt you... I have said all I can say, done all I can do... Me coming here and answering more of this is no longer needed I am not empathetic or sympathetic, I am a realist.

LOTS of the best of AMHD here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmorgan7522

1) I am in fear of my life during his abusive actions.
2) He says "Why are you trying to let people involved in our business?"
3) He makes me feel guilty.
4) After a few hours calms down, he hugs me and acts like nothing ever happened.
5) I don't allow him back to my house until he gets professional help.
6) I found out he lied to me when he told me he went to get help.
7) I know this isn't going to change overnight.
8) I accepted his apology and forgave him, allowed him back to my home.
9) Everything spiraled downhill once I knew he didn't seek counseling.
10) I blame myself.

Read the above. You're a smart lady. Do you see a pattern here?

Absolutely agree with Joy - you are looking for a blog so you can tell people how bad he is.

You are continuing to excuse his behavior for whatever reason. This is your logic? "the first time he abused me I didn't even see it coming because everything was fine in my mind, so I wouldn't say I allowed that the very first time. I had never known him to do that since we have been friends for awhile and was caught off guard. Yes I made " He abused you, you did nothing, you allowed it.

I'll join the abuse club for women. My "ex" was a very abusive, brutal man. Who knows why I stayed? I do know that one day he turned, of all things, on my dog - and that was the end for me. I know all about excuses and in my case I simply didn't want to admit I made a big mistake and married someone that pretty much everyone warned me about. Or else I was going to save him. Or else I didn't think I deserved any better.

The last night in my house he kicked the bedroom door open, slammed it and kicked it open again. Then, as I said, he threatened my dog. I thought there was a possibility he would seriously hurt and/or kill me. Throwing him out wasn't easy - but he's gone.

Hs he tried to reconcile? Yes. Will he change (according to him)? Yes. Is he terribly, terribly sorr? Yes. The problem is he didn't think he was doing anything wrong, so what does he think I believe he'll change?

Get out before he kills you.

The first time he did this you were an innocent victim. When you decide to stay after he did it the second time, you became a volunteer for abuse.
Leave him then get some therapy. Find out why you went from one abuser to another one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmorgan7522

Evidently you have nothing better to do than take offense to something that wasn't meant to piss you off. Get off my page if you are going to act like a fool!

This isn't 'your page' and you do not get to dictate how, who and when someone answers.

I have to agree with most here.

I really can't see how this thread has gone on so long. You didn't come here for advice, you came to tell everyone you could now bad off you are.

If you don't like it leave. Apparently no one is stopping you.

If you had any self respect you would have been out of there long ago!

(lmorgan7522, I'm not sure if you understand why people quote that 'OOPS' remark. That is the automated response that we get if we try to click Helpful. AMHD doesn't let us click it too many times in a row, and a lot of us can't stand it.)
Is that what bothered you?