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If you've been direct, asked her out, and she's said no, then why would making her jealous work? The person has to be interested in you before you can make her jealous.
Yes, I've done that, back when I was 16. Are you a young teen as well?
The reason adults don't do it is because it doesn't work. Any relationship started because the other person was jealous, doesn't last. Jealousy is not an emotion that can start or sustain a real relationship.
You left out what happened in the last month, since you were going to give her your number.
If you did, and she didn't call you, then she has a boyfriend, or many men interested in her - or she just isn't romantically inclined toward you.
'Slipping someone your number' is to my mind a real let down. It's cheap, easy, has nothing special put into it. I actually hope you didn't do that. I would have stayed until closing, handed her a bouquet with a big smile, and run out the door before she could respond, saving her from having to think on the spot.
You do realize that the odds of success are very remote. She is attractive! She is in the public eye constantly! She can have any number of men, and probably has one.
When you hand her the flowers, you could say 'Your man is a very fortunate one.'
And still walk away. If she wants to tell you it isn't so, she will.
Um, yeah. Same female but that's not the point. I'd make sure the other person is aware of it, I'm not that devious. And also.. Yeah to the third part of your answer as well.
Yeah, I did slip her my number and she didn't call but on the plus side she acts like it never happened. I wish you would have told me how bad an idea it was to begin with! It is sort of a cop out to just slip someone my number but I didn't want to be confrontational you know, I just wanted to give her my number and not pressure her at all.
Attempts to manipulate the feelings of others is devious in of itself, just don't do it, and now that you have slipped her your number, and she hasn't called, drop it, let it go, and stay out of the booty bars before they eat you alive, and fart you out.
Looking for love in the wrong places put you in a terrible position of a desperate fool who will be used and abused. Like her work mates won't talk to her and help her screw you. Even if you get a friend to help you with this dumb jealousy game, it will fail, because she won't fall for it, and turn it against you.
You sound like a decent guy, just lonely, so don't be a zip darn fool, because this will not solve your problem, but will add to it.
Let's be honest here... in that last thread, you were grasping at straws. You were pretty much ignoring what we told you to do... or not do. Would you really have listened if anyone told you not to give her your number? Really? I don't think you would have listened at all...Quote:
Originally Posted by garboozle
... kind of like you are not going to listen to what you're told in this thread.
Let her go. Forget about her. That jealousy game is ridiculous and utterly childish. Clearly she is not interested in you. If you try to play this game, you are going to wind up looking like a fool or an idiot.
Just forget about her.
Perhaps I would have. I mean thinking about it from hindsight giving her my number like that was kind of dumb. I'd like to THINK I would have listened. I also realize that the jealousy thing is stupid, I'm glad I didn't go through with that one... As for letting her go and forgetting about her. That is out of the question at this point. I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else. Developing an outside the club relationship with her would make me extremely happy but if need be I'll keep paying for her attention... So. Do you or anyone else have any advice on what to do considering?
Quote:
Originally Posted by odinn7
"I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else."
Oy vey!!
Then be miserable because that is what your future holds. Hasn't she been clear enough that she doesn't want you?
Advice is the only way you are going to be happy is moving on. Forget her. Move on to someone else. And in the meantime figure out what it is about you that makes you become obsessed, which is unhealthy by the way.
Incredibly unhealthy but you've already made your point here and in the last thread. You are so obsessed over what COULD be that you're not even thinking realistically. Nobody can make you see this if you are unwilling. So, as Oliver said, enjoy the life of pain you're setting yourself up for.
I do find it funny though... I can understand how someone that's been dating and then broke up may have a problem letting go. I mean, that makes sense to me. But you? You haven't been in any relationship with her other than giving her money to watch her dance. How can you be so obsessed over her that you are going to waste or ruin your life over her? You haven't even been out with her once... yet THIS is the woman that you have dedicated your life to. And I guarantee that she sees this in you and is just doing the money thing.
I also wonder since this is so unhealthy for you at this point... I wonder if you will ever get to the breaking point where you start to cross the line because she won't go out with you. Will you become a stalker? Will she need to file a RO on you? Maybe not but I have to say that you sure seem like you're in the early stages of that cycle.
I don't just give her money to dance for me. The dances are actually secondary to me/not even really important to me. She usually talks with me for like a half hour or more before the dance. That's my favorite part, and she usually hugs me before I leave which matters way more than any dance. I'm not ruining my life at all. I budget myself wit her AND my performance at work has shot WAY up since meeting her. I'd be unhappy if she just wanted to do the money thing but I'm willing to do that for at least a little longer.Quote:
Originally Posted by odinn7
Define "unhealthy". I can also say indubitably I will not cross a line. Her being happy is what matters to me. If she ever said "don't talk to me again", I'd be heartbroken but I would certainly respect her wish.
Define "unhealthy". I can also say indubitably I will not cross a line. Her being happy is what matters to me. If she ever said "don't talk to me again", I'd be heartbroken but I would certainly respect her wish.[/QUOTE]
Unhealthy = your behavior on this issue. Plain and simple. I can't be more clear.
Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to odinn7 again
Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Oliver2011 again
Since you asked, with a stripper see how much attention you get without giving up any money. Over a few visits, that will tell you all you need to know.Quote:
As for letting her go and forgetting about her. That is out of the question at this point. I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else. Developing an outside the club relationship with her would make me extremely happy but if need be I'll keep paying for her attention... So. Do you or anyone else have any advice on what to do considering?
Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.
Hit the nail on the head.
Despite agreeing with all the advice to drop this, I'm going to give you some ideas for the future, with women you have a chance with. The fact that you slipped her your number so as to not be confrontational is half right, and I thought I made it clear how easy it is to let someone know you are interested: you say something sweet or give something nice but inexpensive like flowers, and WALK AWAY.
Is there another one like you at home?
Your man is a very lucky man.
I'm sure you are taken, but how can I not let you know how beautiful you are to me?
These are for you, just in case you need someone to talk to.
My heart goes pitter pat. I'm sure you can hear it from there.
I have known men like you, I think. They actually would rather live in a fantasy than do the work to get to know women in the slow, sometimes embarrassing or even painful ways that are generally required. I think you know by now that she doesn't want you. Like the alcoholic who can't go near booze, you have to force yourself to stay away from that club. If you don't, you end up like the professor in The Blue Angel. You might want to watch that movie (the 1930 version). Go to rottentomatoes for a synopsis.
I'm glad I didn't listen to you guys. No offense and I appreciate the advice and perspectives majorly. Tonight though, I spent time and money with her and she revealed some personal info (still don't have that number or real name though). I feel like it was a real breakthrough, and when she hugged me before I left, it was more real. She held me for a while. I told her if she ever needed anything from me to just ask and she nodded her head. So all in all a good night and I'm feeling (for now) positive about the prospects of our relationship.
How nice. We aren't there to use our jaded minds on observing whether it sounds genuine or just a nice easy way for her to make more money by the hour.
Statistically the odds are against you, but they are just that - odds. There's always the chance of being the ink blot on the far end of the curve.
Remember in your other thread when I told you I had a friend that was being milked by a dancer? Yeah, she used to talk to him too... and hug him... some of these women are good at reading guys and they know what they need to do to keep the money coming.
I hope for your sake that it works out for you but I would bet against it.
You know... as a side here... I'm just wondering something. IF you two ever entered into a serious relationship, how would you feel about her dancing for other guys? Just curious.
I'm positive she is not that manipulating and I could tell she was being genuine.Quote:
Originally Posted by odinn7
As for her dancing for other guys. I'm completely sure it would not bother me. I'm not the jealous type and on top of that. It's her job, she does it to make money. She actually plans on quitting in the fall to go to school anyway.
Get a real relationship that you don't have to buy. I recognize its your time and money but if it doesn't work, have no regrets. Any endeavors of romance have their risks and you have assumed yours.
She ain't going to turn your money down. Nor will she give you time unless you PAY for it. What are you scared to try it my way and blow the fantasy in your head?
No it's not that. I have tried it your way and things never seem to work out. Also I live in a small town, I work a lot, I'm not very gumptious. In other words I'm not real comfortable just walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation. At clubs like those the girls actually come up and start talking to you, which is really nice for me... Not that I'm interested in other girls at this point.
So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation... with strangers... OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!
The easy way out may not be the best way, but its your hard earned money. You are just one of many CUSTOMERS she may have and she isn't lonely when you aren't there. And you have NOT tried my way with her!! If you did, what happened? (nevermind, I already know... no attention from her, or conversation, you sat there ALONE, with a drink!)
Hell guy, all you can see is her, and she has to be paid for. That's good as long as the money is there. No substitute for dinner and a show, a concert, or a coffee, or even a friendly phone call. But you have high hope to buy those things from this female. Let me know when you get her real name and number so I can ask how much it cost you.
So keep accurate records. I mean do you know what you have spent already and still don't have a name, a number, or a date?
HOW MUCH SO FAR?
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