Simple formula, Selfish is a product of insecurity, and that's a product of fear. YOUR FEAR!

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Scared we can't manage together or something. Change scares me,

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Any relationship, or interaction, even with yourself, is nothing but an exercise in making changes and adjustments, in thoughts and actions, and perceptions. Change scares us all my friend, and at some point you have to find courage to act in positive ways and pay the consequences, or get the blessing of those actions.

If you fear consequences, you will never appreciate blessings. You can never give, and will always get NOTHING, but even more fear of changing yourself.

What get me through the bad timesI know are bound to happen, is the blessings from the good times I know will happen again. Like having an umbrella during a sudden rain, thank god for that umbrella right? Good thing you planned to keep it handy and close even if he sun was out when you stepped outside.

So how will you deal with your own fear, and selfishness? EASY, stop feeding it with old ideas and share a few new ones and have he courage to make them actions.

THINK before you act or speak. ESPECIALLY when you are alone. Life is nothing but the journey to understand how you deal with YOURSELF in positive ways so you can appreciate and enjoy your blessings, both big, and small, no matter what reality/the unknown throws at you.

Have some courage it ain't that bad.

Thank you for these answers Talaniman. Very helpful

Very deep insights Talaniman (sorry I shouldn't have made a 2nd comment)

I thank you for these and would like to ask you to explain a bit further.

You say: "So how will you deal with your own fear, and selfishness? EASY, stop feeding it with old ideas and share a few new ones and have the courage to make them actions."

Can you explain upon that, particularly the second part. So for example when fearful thoughts enter your mind, you try to wash them way, e.g. with meditation? Or does it really do mean I just do not have enough positive outlets for ideas and need to find those and put them into practice. I like to help people, work with people, I just don't have the current environmental outlet. Perhaps I really do need to change jobs/environment/condo... maybe a whole different place.

I just want to point out an example of those feelings of unexplained fear: I'm often overwhelmed by these kind of feelings; yes, fear and insecurity, you hit it right on the spot. But I can't pinpoint why exactly. It often happens to me now on totally 'neutral' moments, e.g. when I was driving back from skiing with my friends in the back of the car, when the sun sets you know, long trip, I tried to sleep, but somehow half woke up in a fearful feeling, a sense of insecurity. It goes deep and it feels like it eats you up more than necessary. Is that selfishness? I should take immediate 'action' on that moment to stop it, e.g. change my position or chat with the front passengers I know, but nonetheless its this cold feeling of fear, isolation that goes deeper than for me to understand and it's just plain not good.

I'm trying to understand how I can battle fear, real fear that I sensed often, and again seriously after the breakup, so what could help and change them into "share a few new ones and have the courage to make them actions".

Things like this are closely related to depression, perhaps also selfishness, I just can't entirely pinpoint that yet, or do you think depression could be selfishness?

I read an depression article which so well described my recent feeling, you might be interested to read it, about a 50 year old widow living on her own:

http://www.mentalhealth.com/story/p52-dps1.html

I will bring up your points with my psychologist too tomorrow.

I find the easiest way of moving on is to simply change your life, change your routine. That's what its like after a breakup. You have to fill that large gap where you ex once was.

You fill this with things to look forward to, new friends, new girls (even as friends), sports, hobbies, improving your career and trying new things.

The faster you do this the better.

I also hope you are completely no contact.

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You say: "So how will you deal with your own fear, and selfishness? EASY, stop feeding it with old ideas and share a few new ones and have the courage to make them actions."

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Shut up, listen and learn, and do as you are told. Lol, that's basically what I said and what your article is saying. I am no doctor, but first hand experience has taught me to listen to be able to learn, and never be ashamed of my own flaws because they can be changed by me if I so choose. Being humble (ready to learn), patient, and thoughtfullness in things you may need to know. Facts and not just feelings that can lead to you making better decisions for yourself.

It's the plan of good orderly direction I suggest, to overcome the impulsive actions that result from fear. If it is deppression you are afraid to acknowledge, then have some courage and get facts from a professsional that knows what they are talking about and then shut up and do as he tells you to do.

What's so hard about that plan?

I am taking the courage to get professional help. I got anti-depressants and I'm seeing a psychologist. Your advice Talaniman; Shut up, listen and do as you're told I can practice for very short periods, and when I'm alone my head spins again, is going out of control. I haven't been able to sleep apart from 3 hours last night, I simply can't deal with the fact that she's gone now and I have to manage life on my own. I'm screaming in my bed, not being able to accept this, and I am getting in serious trouble. I'm scared of everything I need to do now, time passes really really slow and I can almost not put a halt to my minds worry. I literally feel I have nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing, and my mind is moving in a dark place at night. I can barely have normal conversations with people anymore, which in my situation I don't have all that much on a day to day basis, as office work is quiet. It costs a lot of effort to do the day to day things and I'm feeling I'm really really losing control. I can calm down for not longer than 5 to 10 minutes and it hits me again. Lost interest in all things. It's like if I don't solve it as we speak I completely freak out. I don't know where to turn to anymore. What's wrong with my mind! Help!

Take it easy guy, if you have started taking medication most likely its going to affect you weirdly, as you get use to it, and any side effects. What are you taking,and what's the dose.

Anti-Depressants are Desirel (Trazodone HCl 50mg), I took them not too long and irregularly, because I was worried about their addiction etc. and I was feeling better back home with my parents, but now I will take them constantly for 2 weeks as prescribed by doctor as they supposedly take a while to start working. As I indicated my negative thought pattern he advised me a high dosis, 4x 50mg tablets instead of 1x before. I don't know if that's good. Went to bed at 11pm woke up at 2am, fast beating heart. First night last night I took that dosis. It feels they don't help anyway, as my anxiety is just absolutely through the roof still. Anti-Anxiety is Haloperidol (2mg) half a tablet twice daily.

I'm pretty sure I'm becoming obsessive.

There you go wanting instant success. No such thing. Just pull through this with family if needed until you get use to the effects, and whatever side effects. May take a week or so, but keep the doctor informed.