This is eerily similar to another post about a girlfriend who liked to dance with the guys. I told him to get over himself and learn to dance. I tell you though to stop your needy ways and allow her the two nights a month dancing and having fun, and highly suggest you get over it and have some fun planned for yourself.

If you cannot then one of you has to go. Does she work? Whose apartment is it? If you can't back off and give your girlfriend a little space as she asked and stop being a clingy smothering idiot, then this thing is pointless, and it's a matter of time before she leaves any way.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This is eerily similar to another post about a girlfriend who liked to dance with the guys. I told him to get over himself and learn to dance. I tell you though to stop your needy ways and allow her the two nights a month dancing and having fun, and highly suggest you get over it and have some fun planned for yourself.

If you cannot then one of you has to go. Does she work? Whose apartment is it? If you can't back off and give your girlfriend a little space as she asked and stop being a clingy smothering idiot, then this thing is pointless, and its a matter of time before she leaves any way.

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My question is why won't she invite me out just ONCE with her friends. By telling me I can never go, this behavior is going to make any man insecure. She went out for a year a lot dancing, partying. I not once gave her . I was the "cool" boyfriend she told me her friends would say because I give her the freedom. One time. One time is all I ask. What goes on that she doesn't want me there? Who does she not want me to meet and why? She is my girlfriend she should want to take me with her at least once right. 99.99 of the time I will not say a word. She needs to go out without me. That's healthy. I get it. But why hide me?

All this over 2 days a month? You must be crazy. Your main issue is that she said she didn't love you and never has isn't it? That's really what you should deal with, and hearts and flowers and dinners you cannot afford doesn't work. That's why I ask,

If you cannot then one of you has to go. Does she work? Whose apartment is it?

A female that doesn't love you but doesn't want to break up gets dumped. Now you can tip toe around this all you want to, but being a room mate is not enough. Not for me any way. She can "I don't know" her a$$ right out of there.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

All this over 2 days a month? You must be crazy. Your main issue is that she said she didn't love you and never has isn't it? Thats really what you should deal with, and hearts and flowers and dinners you cannot afford doesn't work. Thats why I ask,

If you cannot then one of you has to go. Does she work? Whose apartment is it?

A female that doesn't love you but doesn't want to break up gets dumped. Now you can tip toe around this all you want to, but being a room mate is not enough. Not for me any way. She can "I don't know" her a$$ right out of there.

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Thanks

Still didn't answer the questions for a clearer picture. Why NOT?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Still didn't answer the questions for a clearer picture. Why NOT?

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What's difficult here is there is a lot that you don't know. A lot that I haven't said because of space, time, Idk. It's a lot more complicated than I have expressed. Its not fair to ask for help and leave out a lot. Thanks for your help though. You make great points. I need to seek further help where I can sit down with someone and its not through texting over the internet. I think this is a great site though.

Your inability to answer simple questions is telling. Especially given how you have made use of this thread to whine. That's three months of whining and painting yourself as a poor victim through multiple postings of the same copy and paste questions.

You squandered the chance to get all those facts out that you have not been forthcoming about and faced with answering questions to get more facts, you balk. You should examine that yourself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your inability to answer simple questions is telling. Especially given how you have made use of this thread to whine. Thats three months of whining and painting yourself as a poor victim thru multiple postings of the same copy and paste questions.

You squandered the chance to get all those facts out that you have not been forthcoming about and faced with answering questions to get more facts, you balk. You should examine that yourself.

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I absolutely came here to whine. What better to do so than on this site right? I had some questions, yes. I came here pretty much to vent, I guess. I guess maybe I was looking for sympathy or for someone to cosigned my bs. But I am grateful that you guys haven't. Sure, during these post I was having some sort of self pity but by getting it out and having someone call me out on my s*** is very helpful for me. I snap back to reality. You trying to answer my problems without me giving you all the info is like telling a blind guy to color within the lines. Can't do it. Again whatever this is, this site has helped me. Its both of our apt. We have kids. One mine and one hers. Both have good jobs. She does love me. I believe this. I isn't "in love" because she been in serious relationships where she has allowed herself to be completely vulnerable and thus been cheated on. She's scared to be completely vulnerable again, she tells me. I understand. Wounds take time to heal. I did, however, believe a little while back that she was in love with me. I was hurt to find she wasn't, hence then original post. About the dancing issue, I just wanted thoughts/opinions. No I'm not upset she goes out 2 times a months. Of course not. My question, again, which you haven't answer, is why never invite me?

Because its her time and she wants to keep it that way. I NEVER take my wife on my fishing trips. NEVER will. I NEVER go with her and her friends on there night out, NEVER! (They never invite me either)

Been married 37 years. Yeah and sometimes she hates me, so what? She will get over it. Back off and get over yourself. Got friends? Go enjoy them.

If she doesn't like flowers, save your money for a guys night out.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Because its her time and she wants to keep it that way. I NEVER take my wife on my fishing trips. NEVER will. I NEVER go with her and her friends on there night out, NEVER! (They never invite me either)

Been married 37 years. Yeah and sometimes she hates me, so what? She will get over it. Back off and get over yourself. Got friends? Go enjoy them.

If she doesn't like flowers, save your money for a guys night out.

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Great answer. That's what I needed to here I think

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Because its her time and she wants to keep it that way. I NEVER take my wife on my fishing trips. NEVER will. I NEVER go with her and her friends on there night out, NEVER! (They never invite me either)

Been married 37 years. Yeah and sometimes she hates me, so what? She will get over it. Back off and get over yourself. Got friends? Go enjoy them.

If she doesn't like flowers, save your money for a guys night out.

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I don't want to give up on this relationship. Not just yet. She was, at one point in our relationship, everything I could have dreamed of in a woman and more. I have changed her through many different selfish insecure behaviors. I don't want to be this way. I really don't. I want a wife for 37 years. I want to go on fishing trips off the coast of Maine without her. That sounds nice to me. I am trying to change. I don't really know how, the actual footwork. I know I need to stop being a pu***. I know I need to give her space. I know I need to stop acting needy and insecure. I know I need to grow up and mature. This isn't easy for me. I've become jealous and insecure in this relationship.

I've been in LTR before and never acted this way. Maybe it's because she is so beautiful. Or maybe her cousin telling me that every time she goes out she the most beautiful girl there and every guy is trying to get with her. Maybe it's because of not treating her the way she deserves to be treated that I'm mad at myself, don't get me wrong I do treat her like a princess for 97% of the time. I know its needs to be a hundred and that 3% has pretty much had devastating consequences. Maybe I'm insecure because I am trying so hard to be good but my fears and anxieties are getting the best of me and I feel less like a man. For whatever reason, this girl at one time was really into me and we were happy. It was me who changed. I feel like she is waiting for me to change back to the man I was. I know can be this again but I am struggling bad.

What's the footwork into being more secure with myself? Because telling myself over and over to be the ideal man and to just stop these insecure behaviors is not working... what do I do? I have friends yes. I do go out with them sometimes but it's not enough for me to change. I will not give up on this relationship until I have proved to myself I have nothing left. I am the reason why this relationship went sour I am going to be the one to get it back. I just need help.

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I just need help.

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That's the problem. You need more help than we can offer. You need professional help, therapy, counseling.

That's my suggestion.

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Originally Posted by Alty

That's the problem. You need more help than we can offer. You need professional help, therapy, counseling.

That's my suggestion.

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You are right.

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Originally Posted by lovestoomuch

You are right.

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I usually am. ;) I always tell my husband "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken".

So, how are you going to go about getting that help? That's the next step, and one only you can take.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I usually am. ;) I always tell my husband "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken".

So, how are you going to go about getting that help? That's the next step, and one only you can take.

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Well, I already put a call in yesturday to a therapist. Waiting on a response from her. Pray. Meditate on the situation. Idk. Any suggestions? Are you a dog expert too?

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Originally Posted by lovestoomuch

Well, i already put a call in yesturday to a therapist. Waiting on a response from her. Pray. Meditate on the situation. Idk. Any suggestions? Are you a dog expert too?

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Wait, get an appointment. Therapy can be tricky, it may take a while to find a therapist that works for you. A lot has to do with personality, and if yours meshes with the therapist. So, if the first therapist doesn't work, don't get discouraged, shop around.

Yes, I'm a pet expert, I do know a lot about dogs, but my main area of expertise is rabbits.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Because its her time and she wants to keep it that way. I NEVER take my wife on my fishing trips. NEVER will. I NEVER go with her and her friends on there night out, NEVER! (They never invite me either)

Been married 37 years. Yeah and sometimes she hates me, so what? She will get over it. Back off and get over yourself. Got friends? Go enjoy them.

If she doesn't like flowers, save your money for a guys night out.

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Do you have any response to my last long post. I value your words.

Take a chill pill and do the right thing for yourself, whether you keep the girl, or not. This year and a half experiment has driven you to the point you cannot make some simple adjustments because you are paralyzed with fear.

Fear that's making you dysfunctional and unhealthy, and very unattractive. Get yourself under control. Then reason can move you forward in a healthy way. Maybe that's what you need is to pay for someone to tell you that.

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We have been together for 1.5 years and living together for a year.

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That was around Thanksgiving. And you have handled yourself badly,and become addicted to the idea of her, instead of acknowledging that you are reacting to what you are learning about the real person.

Get a life you enjoy without her, and chill. So you can enjoy this while it lasts. There is no commitment for anything else except in your own mind.

Move out and stay away. Your girl friend is trying to make a decision and wants you as a safety net. Once she sees what it will be like without you and your devotion to her, if she really loves you she will come to you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Take a chill pill and do the right thing for yourself, whether you keep the girl, or not. This year and a half experiment has driven you to the point you cannot make some simple adjustments because you are paralyzed with fear.

Fear thats making you dysfunctional and unhealthy, and very unattractive. Get yourself under control. Then reason can move you forward in a healthy way. Maybe thats what you need is to pay for someone to tell you that.



That was around Thanksgiving. And you have handled yourself badly,and become addicted to the idea of her, instead of acknowledging that you are reacting to what you are learning about the real person.

Get a life you enjoy without her, and chill. So you can enjoy this while it lasts. There is no commitment for anything else except in your own mind.

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We got into a little fight last night. Well, it was me being crazy. Different things trigger my anxiety in this relationship and I have fear attacks. I become crasy with no contol to walk away. I hammer this girl without relent question after question. Its truly insanity. What do you want to do? Do you want us? Are we going to make it? Why am I the only one trying? Why don't you care? Why why why... its complete and utter insane destruction mode. She normally remains quiet during my tantrums. We went into separate rooms. I laid on our bed in silence for what semed to be days but it was about an our of jist deep meditative thoughts. When she returned to the room to get ready for bed, I turned to her not even thinking of what I was going to say. Words came out of my mouth and were from deep in my heart. I said, this is the last night I am going to "annoy" you. If I don't stop I am going to leave. I have never EVER said that I want out or could possibly be leaving. I told her that this isn't me. I am better than this and I don't have the energy anymore. Last night was a huge step for me. I surrender. I threw the white flag and meant every word. She was completely taken a back by what I had said. Normally lately she doesn't react when I talk deeply about our relationship. I hit something in her. When the lights went off for bed she snuggled up to me which she hasn't done in a while. I think she thouht I would never leave and last night I showed otherwise and I am going to stick to it. She's depressed she admits not only from this relationship but from other difficult situations in her life. If I can't stop my craziness I am out. Btw, I love your quotes in you profile. Thanks again for your time and your words. You are a man of wisdom.