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-   -   My girlfriend lied about being raped. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=706121)

  • Oct 2, 2012, 05:24 AM
    joypulv
    Plus... your very first sentence here includes 'the first week.' The FIRST WEEK??

    'Nuff said. You are pushing her into sex too fast. She wants to please you but is scared, and all you do is complain about it. Show a little LOVE. Love means taking it slow and tenderly and carefully and tons of holding, way before sex. If you represent some new trend in young people, I feel very very sorry for this next generation.
  • Oct 2, 2012, 06:12 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by MattTheM4N352 View Post
    trust me i got no issues. i gotta solid job. im goin to skool for welding. i gotta car. every1 likes me. 2 loving parents. but shes driven me insane bc i want her to be normal soo badly. id do anything. but shes soo happy wih me. her depression has gone down since weve dated and she stopped doin pills ina heartbeat. i can't breakup with her.


    You're wrong about everyone liking you. I can three or four people who don't.

    I was the adult victim of rape. Stop badgering her. If she lied about being raped (for whatever reason), leave her alone. She REALLY doesn't want to have sex with you if she's lying about a rape in order to avoid it.

    If she's telling the truth she doesn't need you cutting yourself and threatening to teach her father a lesson.
  • Oct 2, 2012, 06:24 AM
    MattTheM4N352
    Yea your right she must just not be ready. Even after 8 months. And she just admitted to lying about everythinf. Is she a pathaological liar? She lied about having a boyfriend and having sex. Lied about rape. She lies about other to make her life seem not boring like going out and drinking at night. I feel ao bad for her
  • Oct 2, 2012, 06:27 AM
    Cat1864
    Matt, slow down and think before you write. Take time to organize your thoughts. Self edit to make your posts more understandable. Read them as though someone else wrote them. If you can't understand what you meant, then we won't be able to comprehend them.

    How old are both of you?

    I regret needing to say this but you sound like an eighteen year old male with a younger teenage girlfriend. You don't seem to have the relationship skills necessary to build a foundation for a healthy relationship. How experienced in dating and working with a partner to build a relationship are you?

    You cannot fix her. You cannot make her 'normal' (whatever you consider normal.) You cannot make yourself her knight-in-shining armor there to right every wrong for her. She isn't a damsel-in-distress. She is a person who needs to be responsible for her own healing and happiness. You can and should encourage her to get professional help. Be supportive of her finding her own legs and feet to stand on. Offer her a hand to hold but don't become a crutch. It isn't healthy for either of you.

    Get help for yourself. Cutting yourself out of anger and frustration is not the act of a stable individual. Being liked, popular and all that is as much of a cover-up for insecurity as her giving the impression she is more experienced than she is. Some of the most likable people in the world are hiding behind a mask. Take the mask off and face yourself. Get help to learn how to truly be a happy, secure person on the inside. Do not use her and her dependence as a boost to your self-esteem. Co-dependency doesn't work in the long run.

    Good luck.
  • Oct 2, 2012, 06:33 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by MattTheM4N352 View Post
    and like i said again. stop assuming **** i dont usualu badger her about it. its just..she wont even feel me up probably bc shes inexpereinced and doesnt wanna show it. after 6 months did she barely start to become sexual. so its frusturating. i still can barely finger her


    I think you should spend less time working on "fixing" her and more time on "fixing" yourself. Your words on two occasions: "I had to call her out multiple times" and "i called her out on them."

    You very obviously have anger issues and are obsessed with the whole "how many fingers" question.

    I repeat - if she lied and said she was raped in order to avoid having intercourse with you there is something very, very odd going on.

    I would give up the amateur psychology and trying to save her, keeping her from falling into depression and taking pills, and study welding.

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