Really? Even though he seems to be all for it and excited when daydream about it? Do you think he is just playing me for a fool?

Maybe he says out loud what he knows you want to hear. After all, what would he want to get married (and spend all that money) when he has it all now?

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Originally Posted by kelliegrinage

really? even though he seems to be all for it and excited when daydream about it? do you think he is just playing me for a fool?

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I don't know that he's playing you for a fool - or really playing you at all. You just don't seem to have an agreement or understanding on several levels. My concern is some day you'll wake up, 10 years from now, and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time on this relationship.

He's excited about the daydream. He's not so excited about the facts.

I'd take a close look at where you want to be in 5 years (for example), or 3 or tomorrow. And then I'd share with him. I've certainly been in relationships where one of us was happy and the other one wanted more or different or something. Then it's time to go, no matter how much you love the other person.

Yes, you have been at it for 12 years and have survived 12 year together and you are deciding to put pressure on the relationship because you don't have a ring? I would suggest to focus more on your relationship, he will ask when he is ready, is a big step to some people, even if he REALLY wants to make you his wife, maybe he just hasn't figured out the best way to do it yet.

OK... he has some money salted away but what about you? How equal are your finances?
I'm getting a sense that you rely on him to to sort out where big money goes.
I realize that you love him and it isn't easy to put your foot down with the possible consequence of ruining the relationship.
But at some point you do have to ask yourself the question of which you want more, him or marriage and babies and white picket fences.
After 12 years, I would think you could tell him that you are SERIOUSLY mulling over that very question. If he still shrugs it off and blames your family, then he isn't hearing you.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

OK... he has some money salted away but what about you? How equal are your finances?
I'm getting a sense that you rely on him to to sort out where big money goes.
I realize that you love him and it isn't easy to put your foot down with the possible consequence of ruining the relationship.
But at some point you do have to ask yourself the question of which you want more, him or marriage and babies and white picket fences.
After 12 years, I would think you could tell him that you are SERIOUSLY mulling over that very question. If he still shrugs it off and blames your family, then he isn't hearing you.

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She said in a reply that she has half of 6000$ saved up. Which is what they expect to pay for a wedding..

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Originally Posted by kelliegrinage

by wedding of our dreams, I mean eloping to bora bora on a $6000 budget just me and him on a beach. but I would be okay with just honeymooning there some day. I am half way to that $6000 with savings.

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I'm not totally clear on the finances. Finances are the crux of many a relationship. I can't tell if they are each saving equally or not. It is clear that he changes his mind frequently about those big ticket items.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

It is clear that he changes his mind frequently about those big ticket items.

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As do many men with bit of savings and an internet connection. It's how straight their priorities are that makes them different.

After 12 years of a good thing what guy would screw that up with a ceremony that ruins everything. I mean everything he knows and loves. Marriage changes his whole world from just talking to having to give up the most precious thing he has.

A GREAT LIFE, with no worries! Keep this in your fantasy, because its not happening. Talk all you want, but only a fool takes a chance and changes what working great for him. Can't you see that if you change a good thing, it may NOT be as good any more? Settle for a nice ring, because no way does this guy spend any loot on something he can't ride in and load up!

Its great for you too because you are still there and he KNOWS for fact, you ain't going no where. Better listen to WG. He already has it ALL... except that new truck! Bet we see that truck before your name changes.

Sorry, but nice daydream.