Ask Me Help Desk - 13 year old girl and 20 year old guy

@NeedKarma - I am not worried about myself. I am a grown up and I can face anything in life. I am worried about the 13 year old. Although She is mature, I did told her upfront that I don't like her - she is been with me all her life. I am worried that should would do something stupid as every teenager does. I would be blamed had anything happen to her - because both of our parents know that something is on and I am avoiding her haven't visited her place for the past 2 months. Our homes are near by and we would usually visit each other's house every other day before the ordeal.

Tell her parents what you have told us. It seems simple enough.

@NeedKarma - I would try to talk to my mom and see what she tells, thanks for the suggession.

@judy - I am sorry for all the arguments, I am just frustrated with the situation I am in and not in my proper senses and I am also bought up with one man-one girl belief so my opinion differs from yours and I resent arguing about my point. Nothing personal - I just don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. Sleeping peacefully hoping that you would forgive me If I offended you
Good night guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Nah, I can;t be bothered to read his other thread, I think I get the idea. He says her parents are totally into this and setting them up to be together. I say - go for it man, full speed ahead, always keeping her parents in the loop of course.

And of course he hasn't

You started this mess with all the cuddling and hand holding with an impressionable 13 year old. That was way too inappropriate. It should have never gotten to the point that she would felt comfortable enough to kiss you. I think your ego was being stroked by this adoring 13 year old.
I think if you stay away from her and she begins to socialize with boys her own age she will forget about you.
You need to stick with females your age. Being turned on by a 13 year old is creepy.

I'm having a bit of a problem here. There is a big cultural difference here. Being turned on by a 13 yr old, especially one you know and who you think may become your wife in the future, is not creepy. Acting on it and taking advantage of the 13 yr old is where it becomes creepy. And clearly that isn't the case here. The OP is risking alienating his parents and hers by shutting down the relationship. Yet to his credit he has done that. So let's stop jumping on him.

My recommendation is to talk to his mom who can talk to the girl's mom so the girl can get talked to about appropriate behavior. Arranged marriages don't always work that well, so if you believe you will be betrothed to this girl in the future and you have feelings for her then it would be a shame to throw that away. But she needs to cool things down and it would be up to her mother to explain that to her.

You need to stick with females your age. Being turned on by a 13 year old is creepy. - agreed, it bugs me too and I felt ashamed of myself a lot of time, but was unable to do anything. My mistake that I went along with the flow, but I never though she would react in that way so soon. I thought the relationship would progress slowly and she would like me that way when she's nearing 18 or so.

Now decided that I would leave home and stay in hostel until I complete my education (that would be for 3 more years)

I think that is wise and I wish you well

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm having a bit of a problem here. There is a big cultural difference here. Being turned on by a 13 yr old, especially one you know and who you think may become your wife in the future, is not creepy. Acting on it and taking advantage of the 13 yr old is where it becomes creepy. And clearly that isn't the case here. The OP is risking alienating his parents and hers by shutting down the relationship. Yet to his credit he has done that. So let's stop jumping on him.

My recommendation is to talk to his mom who can talk to the girl's mom so the girl can get talked to about appropriate behavior. Arranged marriages don't always work that well, so if you believe you will be betrothed to this girl in the future and you have feelings for her then it would be a shame to throw that away. But she needs to cool things down and it would be up to her mother to explain that to her.

While I understand what you are saying, a grown man being turned on by a 13 year old is creepy. I don't care if it is an arranged thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm having a bit of a problem here. There is a big cultural difference here. Being turned on by a 13 yr old, especially one you know and who you think may become your wife in the future, is not creepy. Acting on it and taking advantage of the 13 yr old is where it becomes creepy. And clearly that isn't the case here. The OP is risking alienating his parents and hers by shutting down the relationship. Yet to his credit he has done that. So let's stop jumping on him.

My recommendation is to talk to his mom who can talk to the girl's mom so the girl can get talked to about appropriate behavior. Arranged marriages don't always work that well, so if you believe you will be betrothed to this girl in the future and you have feelings for her then it would be a shame to throw that away. But she needs to cool things down and it would be up to her mother to explain that to her.

Love you, Soctt (brace yourself for the "but")... but this was a golden opportunity for OP to explain dating practices, arranged marriages (if that is what we are talking about) in his part of the World. Instead, if you go back to his initial threads, this girl was a friend of his father's or something (I'm not going back to read it again).

I'm not reading that he found the relationship exciting and turned away - I'm reading that for some period he visited, "jerking off" beforehand.

The OP turned this into "you people" and "us," no one on AMHD went in that direction.

I don't see this as an engagement or betrothal or anything in between because he's talking about dating other women - I thought on you betrothed dating was pretty much forbidden.

Hopefully this works out for him - I don't know why the choice is stay home and see her OR move to a hostel, and hopefully he can explain that to "us."

@Judy - I do admit to the deed. I don't know how to put in proper words. I admit that I did get aroused while she is around me, because she constantly would be holding hand, cuddling and I have never ever touched any other girl before. So to avoid looking weird in my pants I had to do things. We usually stay over all Saturday and Sunday at her place (me and my mom - cause dad's collection work) and Its just not possible to be like a saint - I am sorry for not being a good man.

And I used "you people" and "us" people to differentiate the cultural difference we have. All the reference I made while expressing the "you people" are taken from this very own site - If you want you could search for it(everything I referred about american culture are taken from the question asked in this site)

I am moving to the hostel and not her - I think hopefully staying away for a while will make the situation a little better if not worse.