 |
Im taking time away from her. Possibly, no probably forever. Hopefully a couple weeks or months or whatever it takes and ill either be able to forgive her and be happy again and not think of this bad time and trust her again, or ill find somebody new and better and truly move on.
I do more like 3 months.
By the way - this gal is full of crap - she had all intentiosn of sleeping wit hthis guy. No question. 27 years old and she's doing that crap - then she begs to be back with you? Yes - skank, whore, slut.
Just learn from this, if oyu were so important to her she wouldb't do this to you - ever.
This is what we call a MASSIVE deal breaker. She's gone from your life. No more drama.
This gal is a complete mess - and will continue to be a complete mess.
No - she does not love you.
BTW - this is not a women - it's a little girl.
The handwriting's on the wall with this one. She'll keep playing you if you allow it. I'd RUN, not walk, from this one and don't look back. She's not going to do you any good other than jerk you around and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Tell her it's over and, if she demands to know why, tell her it's because you refuse to play second fiddle to anyone else, much less a 19-year-old who's strung out on steroids and has a "2-cent brain."
She's A complete MESS!! Cheating on you... and she knew what she was doing.
I can't believe you know about the condum etc. - that's just REALLY CREEPY.
PLEASE RUN FROM THIS DIFUNCTIONAL WOMAN. SHE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP AND FIXING AND YOU CAN AND NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO FIX HER.
There are so many wonderful woman out there... look for one of them.
This is the worst case scenario. Begging you to forgive her? Please. You've got to be kidding me. She was choosing to go down this path all along. She made the choice. Now, by asking YOU to do the forgiving, she's trying to make this about what you are willing or not willing to do. It becomes a guilt issue on your side. She is being an evil witch... and I don't mean witch... and I do not use that term lightly, even in describing my ex's who have hurt me.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonovian
So again... she did it because she was drunk because of YOUR problems in the relationship. More of the same... she's trying to get you to own responsibility in part. Complete BS. I don't believe the "i dont remember anything" crap. Lies on lies to cover up deceit.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonovian
It is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to try to make her happy. You should feel NO GUILT for taking care of yourself. Threatening suicide? She acts like she's 16.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonovian
Being confused is normal. Being catholic doesn't mean getting stepped on. I'm christian. I've found a way to forgive the women who cheated on me, to some degree. BUT I had to kick them out the door first. And then spend a year or so getting rid of the emotional baggage they left.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonovian
The problem is this... when you love someone you block out all others (unless you are her and you want to sleep around) so when a relationship is damaged you cling onto it because you just don't think there is better out there.
There IS better than this.
I PROMISE YOU.
As a guy who lost the "love of my life" at 22 years-old... who wondered if I was just going to be alone... who hated waking up and hated thinking about her...
Well... I did get over it. And I loved again. Got hurt again. Repeat a few times. Then I found my wife.
It isn't fun. It hurts like hell. It teaches you what to put up with and makes you think about how to live your life.
I don't care how good it could have been with her. Its messed up and its absolutely HER choice. She's a trainwreck. You can't save her. You can waste time trying.
You will NEVER get past this until she is really, really out of your life.
Man, I have been here. I've had a love cheat on me. I've been depressed. I've have been where you are.
You need to get out of this relationship. You need to cut her off and be done completely. Now. She's not healthy for you and she's only going to drag you down.
Get out and start to live without her. Until you do this, I don't think you are going to be OK. Took me almost 2 years with one girl to realize how much I was hurting myself by trying to save a disastrous relationship. It just ended up being deferred pain. Let her go finally and STILL had to go through the crap after.
Go through it NOW. Be done. I PROMISE it is the right thing to do.
The worst part is you asked her not to do this - SHE HAS ZERO RESPECT FOR YOU.
Keep this mess out of your life!! Please - you will be SOOOOOOOOOO much happier very soon - trust me.
May be a long shot, but have you insisted on going to counselling with her? I can imagine how difficult it is for you with so much history together. If it was me, there was no way I could ever forgive a partner sleeping with someone else. Trust and fidelity are so important. As hard as it will be, if you don't know anyone else in town and there's nothing keeping you there, I'd move and get a clean break. It is unfair seeing as you're not the one that's screwed up, but I think that's what you need to do now...
S
I still love her. Your right sarah, I probably shouldn't say those things about her. I am beyond hurt and I did lash out at her. I wish I didn't and that I could have calmly just did what I had to do. It was built up pain that has been coming out. For now we are just friends, I'm trying to let her go easily at least for a couple months, maybe forever. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do in life. I will forgive her and still be her friend regardless of the pain she has caused, but this is not a healthy relationship, the trust is dead. Outside of this 1 wrongdoing, she is an amazingly beautiful and wonderful person. I wish she would have listened to me. She did partially, she didn't go to any clubs and she didn't flirt with him. It was only after she got drunk that she went nuts. She said her heart has always been mine and that's far more important than her body, which is mine also she said "this will never happen again, because I truly know what I would be losing now." she said while its not an excuse, if it wasn't for the alcohol she would not have done this, they didn't do anything outside of the time when she was wasted (shes only 115 pounds and alcohol is strong on her). She has also sworn to me that she will get him out of her life completely. No one here thinks I should just give it time and see if she means it when she says she wants to be with me and only me, and that I may be able to trust her again someday and that time will heal these wounds?
You may not understand, she is not the kind of person who would have an affair on a husband for several months. She's normally a good honest and loving girl with morals. Outside of the past few months, she has been respectful and good to me. She says she wasn't planning on anything this weekend, she didn't want anything, but when she got depressed and drunk she lost her mind, and he was there. She told me right away in tears, she didn't hide anything. We had the kind of love you read about in fairy tales. Only this story seems to have nothing but a horrible ending. She was the only person in my life who made me truly happy and loved, outside of the past few weeks. Thank you for the advice, I understand what you all are saying, I am probably better off just moving on now and not looking back, and maybe I will, but I am a fool. I require no more advice, I have to make the decisions on my own now, and do some soul-searching. Please pray that her and I find happiness, even if its not together. Deep-down, she's not a bad person, that's one thing I know. I just don't know if love will be enough for me to want to be with her again.
"she is an amazingly beautiful and wonderful person" - from what you told us about her - no way. Never.
I think your in love with the idea of a relationship and not her. I think you're scared to be alone.
The gal jerked you around with her lesh even before this weekend.
Frinds don't do wha tshe did.
Reality son. Reality.
She taken you for grante for months.
"I wil forgive her and still be her friend regardless of the pain she has caused, but this is not a healthy relationship, the trust is dead. Outside of this 1 wrongdoing, she is an amazingly beautiful and wonderful person."
You can do what you want but forgiving and being her friend within a week is nuts. She used and abused you and no matter what you say this wasn't just one wrongdoing. The finality of it all came with her sleeping with him, she has been toying with you and messing with you for quite some time now. Don't pretend and lie to yourself that what she did was something that can be forgivable. You know every detail about what happened, who actually wants to hear that from someone they supposedly love.
"i wish she would have listened to me. "She did partially, she didn't go to any clubs and she didn't flirt with him."
What do you control her or something and your words are suppose to make her do good. She is the only one who makes the decision. She chose to drink with him, she chose to be close with him, she chose to have sex with him. Alcohol may make you do stupid things but if she truly loved you she would never have put herself in such a vulnerable situation. She did that because it gave her an out to blame alcohol. She wanted to see what this guy felt by sleeping with him. Simple as that.
it was only after she got drunk that she went nuts. she said her heart has always been mine and thats far more important than her body, which is mine also she said "this will never happen again, because I truly know what I would be losing now."
Why are turning something so horrible into something good. Everything she has done you have tried to put her in a good light. If you want to be used and let a woman who can't even hold your cake control you so be it. I understand what you are going through and you are telling us we don't know her and that is true we don't.
But you are on here for a reason. You know what she did was horrible and you should end it and not even be friends with her. But you are too afraid of being alone and afraid of what that brings. You are a doormat and the sooner you realize it the better off you will be. You are young you don't need this bs in your life. Look yourself in the mirror and man up. Right now you are disrespecting yourself and every other man out there. You don't deserve this and I can't believe you will find any good in anything she has said or done. The fact that you are even listening to her excuses is appalling to me. I would hope you don't have any other response countering any advice that anyone gives you. I am sorry to be so blunt, but it is ridiculous what you are portraying right now.
You may be right that outside of her having sex with another man that she was a good girl and a great girlfriend. I am sorry that is just DISRESPECTING all the great women out there. SHe is and was not a great girlfriend whatsoever. Some of her actions may have been good but there are so many other women out there and this women can not be put in their category so do yourself a favor and don't pretend that flirting with another man is worse than having sex with a guy whom you told her to stay away from and who she continued to throw it in your face until she got drunk and made a mistake. YOU ARE THE ONE MAKING A MISTAKE! END IT or forever be in regret. Don't be her friend for a while until you have moved on and completely gotten over her.
I'm all for giving serious relationships some work.
But really...
If everything was as great as you've said, if she was treating you well and all then you would NEVER HAVE POSTED HERE to begin with... at least until after she slept around.
And don't pull the "shes-so-amazing-and-you-just-dont-understand-our-relationship" crap. Guess what. You aren't so special that the rules are different for you than they are for a few billion other people.
EVERYBODY at some time thinks that they are in a different situation than others whove been though it. And they're wrong.
A woman stays in an abusive relationship by talking the way you are talking.
Again... I think staying in a relationship to work things out is a good thing. Not here.
You are making excuses for her. Period. I've been cheated on twice. By "good women". You think you are in a different situation. You are not.
We're probably at a place where you just not going to like what you hear and we aren't going to say its OK when it just flat out isn't.
In fact, I think you're in a worse place. I was cheated on by younger girls. 18 and 21. Yours is older. She should be more mature and stable. She's not. Period.
So... justify her hurting you all you want. Soon it will sound like you deserve it to all who are here. You are choosing to be in a relationship with a person who hurt you, and you SAW IT COMING all along. She told you she wouldn't all along. She did. How the hell do you want us to say "oh, her bad... wont happen again tho"
You don't even see the emotional manipulation she's doing on you by transferring some of the guilt onto you. You stay, you deserve everything you get and you get NO reason to complain when it crashes and burns.
I don't know her personally. I have no vendetta. I know the signs of an unsteady relationship and the words of a guy saying anything to cover up the truth. Been there, done that.
Sometimes you just have to learn the ugly, hard lessons yourself I guess.
She was NEVER amazing. This gal walked all over him from day one. No question.
You know what you all are right. She sucks and I'm dumping her today. I wish the day I stopped loving her was today as well. I hope its not far away.
Quite frankly - I don't think you ever loved her. I think you're in love with the idea of a relationship, scared of being alone, wanting.
But this gal is literally poison. 27 and getting plastered and then 'supposedly' blaming being drunk as to sleeping with the guy. She had intentions of sleeping with him long ago.
She plays you.
She is setting the stage to cheat. She apparently is not honest enough to tell you she wants to be with other guys, but her actions ALL point in that direction. Cheating aside, do you feel comfortable with someone who finds an excuse for everything? Get involved with something that will get you around other people, you need friends in your life. Don't make commitments with this person. Save your money. The comic book may be the better investment.
In a relationship, each person much respect the other. Simply put she has no respect for you. She will either break your heart or keep messing with your head. I'm about 99% sure that she will cheat on you on that trip. The 1% uncertainty comes from the possibility of a natural disaster. If she loved you as soon as she got that text about him banging her she would have either cut him off or told him that that's wrong of him to do. This is what you do. You return the ring she certainly doesn't deserve. You put a security deposit down on another apartment and you end it with her. You act as if she doesn't matter to you at all and then you walk away. Good luck.
Cerisa, absolutely. I mean what would your "relationship album" look like? " oh here is valentines day, oh you look so cute, here is halloween what a great costume, oh and here is the other guys bigger penis." dude, what the eff?
The original poster hasn't been here since march.
You can post as long as the thread is open, but you are mostly talking to yourselves.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:11 PM. |