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Originally Posted by talaniman

You are not being honest with us or yourself. Reread your own post and you will see that you have been cruel, and manipulative in your relationships as well as controlling, so don't think for a minute that we buy that oh woe is me line your trying to feed us. You have a lot of growing to do whether you want to face it or not.

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Wait hold on, just because I've said things out of anger doesn't mean that I'm not being honest, I know I have a lot of growing up to do, I've read my own post about 7 times already, what you don't understand is that I'm going to think this way because I haven't started to grow yet. Obviously because I'm still the same age correct? I mean I'm still here typing on this keyboard, growing up doesn't happen over night guy, but people do change with the wind. As have I, I read my post, I know what I did, I ackknowledge what I've done, I've done as much to her as she's done to me, but I did want to give her another chance didn't I? I tried to hang on didn't I? So now I'm the bad guy because I finally understand that it was never meant to be in the first place? Now who needs the growing up? I just think you're still mad at me because of what I was typin a couple days ago, I told you I've realized, what more do you want? A verbal apology? Why aren't you trying to help me with my problem rather than dwell on what I WAS typing? Hm?

The past is the past, leave it at that. The things I did and said was because I was unable to except that it was over am I right? So now I accept it finally and I get pennalized? Common. At least I'm moving on here...

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

yea but im not trash talking. im only speaking from experience, every woman ive been with has cheated on me and ive stayed faithful, so how can you tell me that its not going to happen again? why should i open my heart to other women when the same things bound to occur? i dont feel i should take this chance any more.

you just have to see where im comming from. i treat women with the utmost respect, until they present themselves as lower than women... i went through hell with this girl, and when the fire gets alittle hott, you wanna bail out on me? i thought we were in this together? guess not. you know the funny thing too? i was willing to give her another chance, but she wouldnt let me in, its like we were never in love. so angry? nah, i just dont want that part of my life anymore. honestly i dont need it. id rather stay single and party anyday than to devote myself to someone who sneaks behind my back.

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Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Alizeblu, your angry and hurt and I totally understand and so does everybody else. But your going to live for another 80 years, probably longer and this in the grand sceme of things was just a little time in your life. Trust me you'll get over her and move on and there will be better women out there for you.

But I want to second something Val said, despite all that has gone on and some of your emotional rants you have something that few people have at your age, and that is a willingness to learn. I encourage you take some time and let your emotions calm down and get yourself back in order. I also encourage you to stick around here and just soak up the knowledge here at this board so that when the next girl comes along you will be better prepared.

Trust me, I never had anyone teach me anything, I've learned through trial and error and many times repeating the same sceniro with different woman before I figured some things out. I've also learn a lot just reading other posts here and figuring out what to do. I've often said that I wish I had a site like this 10 years ago and that would put me right about your age. I know you don't see it now, but maybe this whole thing was the best thing that could have happened to you because it sent you in another direction in which you can become a better and smarter person when the next better and smarter woman comes along.

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And chuff you are absolutley right, I agree with everything you say because its all true,
But look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? I know that I won't find the "perfect " woman because they don't exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one I've been with, but I know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. So instead of wondering if we will be strong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

I mean there's tons of stuff I can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. Love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? You've seen the rant, you've seen the foolishness, and the childish things I've done out of anger. Honestly people can live without love. They do it all the time.

So I choose not to, not because I'm a coward or because I'm not being honest with myself, only because I've chosen not to get hurt anymore. Id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that I have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. And even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. Which is why I've chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so I can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

This is the path that I have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but I have friends, I can handle it. Loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

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The past is the past, leave it at that. The things I did and said was because I was unable to except that it was over am I right? So now I accept it finally and I get pennalized? Common. At least I'm moving on here...

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Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. It's a process that takes time and practice.

Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:

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I love my girl all I need is help to keep her! I want her that's all there is.

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I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.

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My picker? Never thought I had one, I just thought that life throws these people at you, which are complete strangers,then love steps in. and in order for you to absolutley know if this person is right for you, you HAVE to BUILD a relationship with them.

I don't know I might be mistaken.

And I am willing to take a closer look at myself, I've been doing it the whole time. And I know what I've been doing was wrong and acknowledge that.

But look at it this way, would I even be here if I wasn't in a relationship at all?

?? please correct me if I'm wrong??

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:

I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.

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Oh shoot lol that's my bad on my part lol sorry about that ill change that right now. Lol that's probably why people think I'm lying! Lol

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive dont out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.

so i choose not to, not because im a coward or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

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The 'Perfect Woman' does exist. I am married to her. And somewhere in the world there is the 'perfect woman' for you. However, I must add a caveat. When you find your perfect woman bear in mind that she may well be looking for the 'perfect man.'

True love pays the bills of a happy life and keeps the light of life, optimism, hope, and peace of mind glowing brightly and steady adown the years.

Never give up on yourself or on your search for happiness. It is available.

Wishing you all the best.


M:)RGANITE

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

:( ok guys ima give it to you straight, im a brotha that has a caucasion girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, im a Saggitarrius, and shes a Pises.
I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying i want to break up, When i dont mean it at all! I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but u have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and i kept looking back at the past.But for once in my life, im done looking back! i want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept comming back.And i took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. why did i do this to her, the one i loved with a passion so deep. i must be stupid, so i pleaded with her to stay with me, but she wont. she keeps saying "I need time to think" and i keep telling her lets work through it! but she wont listen. She dwells on the past just like i did! and i told her! i said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she wont. She can't let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy, she just does'nt see it anymore, shes finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because im black and her family wont approve, my family up in new york loves her they think shes great but my family down south hates the fact that im going out with a white girl and they hate her. i love her to death and i dont care what any one thinks! But how can i try to make this work when she wont even let go of the past, she wont even try to make it work....I just wanted one more chance! I know i can make a difference! But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a lil and then i told her that i can't do it any more it hurts too much! seeing her and knowing i can't hug her or kiss her like i normally do!? come on!
i really messed this relationship up guys and i need help!

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Brother you made a complete mess of this relationship by not being honest and by jerking her around. Do you wonder that she got tired of being treated like this and ditched you? You have to show respect, commitment, honour, love, affection, interest, concern for her welfare, but all you did was play mind games with her to try to keep her under your control. That's a no-no, and you need to ditch that behaviour. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to your Momma and Poppa again and listen to them this time, huh? They will tell you what works and what doesn't.


Your life is at its beginning, not at its end, but unless you change your destructive behaviour you will continue to alienate those who love you. Have you seriously considered relationship counselling?



M:)RGANITE

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. Its a process that takes time and practice.

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See? That's what I meant by people giving up so easily. By covering things up and handling your emotions in a positive manner, the truth is, you can't handle your emotions, as I have proven this in a negative manner, I choose to let them rise surface as they see fit.

The only thing I'm changing is my perception on the situation.
I used to think that love will find a way no matter what.
But then I found out that I was wrong, so I've chosen to stay away from loves grasp before behaving irrational again.

Time and practice? Not needed. I feel better than I did when I was with her. 10 times better!
I could do backflips!

The point is, there's no point in risking your feelings by taking chances with a complete stranger, OK you might find the right on someday that will go through the fire with you all the way, but I choose not to risk it. Because chances are I won't find that person right away anyway.

Trial and error. I believe that's how someone put it.
But look at it this way,

?? with no trial, how can there be any error??

Correct me if I'm wrong.

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Originally Posted by Morganite

Brother you made a complete mess of this relationship by not being honest and by jerking her around. Do you wonder that she got tired of being treated like this and ditched you? You have to show respect, commitment, honour, love, affection, interest, concern for her welfare, but all you did was play mind games with her to try to keep her under your control. That's a no-no, and you need to ditch that behaviour. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to your Momma and Poppa again and listen to them this time, huh? They will tell you what works and what doesn't.


Your life is at its beginning, not at its end, but unless you change your destructive behaviour you will continue to alienate those who love you. Have you seriously considered relationship counselling?



M:)RGANITE

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Sigh... look its deeper than that, in the beginning everything was fine, why do I find myself repeating myself?

Anyway everything was fine,we loved each other everything was good blah blah blah, then there were problems, in the beginning she chose to give up, but then I stuck it out and I told her we could do it, then she kept messing up, and that's when I started making the rules that's when I did all that non sense, its not all my fault and its not all her fault, we were just too young to understand. We were on the path of destruction to begin with.

And look, I don't need relationship conseling, just because it worked for you doesn't mean that its going to work for everyone. I'm sorry, but I thought we were living in the real world, cause last time I checked, someone left me a post saying "lifes not a fairy tale, there are no happily ever afters".

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Just enjoy your relationship while you can, because there WILL be problems, and I hope that you guys are both willing to go through the fire, because if it's a BIG problem like cheating or somthin, I can garuntee that one of you is going to bail.

And then you will know if you are TRULY meant to be.
I put that on everything.

I just choose not to take the chance anymore.
?? If there is no trial, how can there be any error??

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Look everythings 2 ways in this world, good-evil,yin-yang,up-down,left-right,love-hate,optimisim-pesimisim...

Love can be a beautiful thing, but it can also corrut the mind, so honestly I see love as evil.Im being pesimistic I know,but this is the path I have chosen,to stay as far away from it as possible.

But that's just how I perceive it.

I've chosen to walk this path alone, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

You know the crazything about this comment? People were telling me that you shouldn't put your lover first, because you run into dependency problems, heh.

Seems to work for you though huh?

Loves just not meant for everyone, a select few, only because they are strong and can get though the fire, I admire that, but id rather just not take another chance, cause I know there's going to be a lot more trials and a lot more errors.

?? If there is no trial, how can there be any error??

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead?

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Then why get out of bed in the morning? You make mistakes every single day. I make them every single day. Jeez dude, I’m at the library right now, and I brought my bag with that I carry my laptop, only problem was I forgot to put the computer in it. I had to run home for that. Then I got here for the second time and realized I forgot some information I needed so I had to go back home again. I’m already worked up over that but that stuff happens in life. I’m not trying to equate that losing a girlfriend but I’m just trying to say life is never perfect. Life will never be perfect. Your going to get mistreated by people in life that do know you and don’t know you. But other people’s negative behavior can’t be a reason to give up or continue with your own negative behavior.

Again, your hurting and it’s going to hurt for some time. I won’t lie to you about that. But I said this before, and I’m going to say it again. Your already ahead of most people your age, because your searching for an answer. Your searching for something. I’m here to tell you your going to have some rough struggles in your life. That’s reality. How you approach them and overcome them is up to you. But you can start developing positive strategies now that will make a world of difference for the future.

After I got dumped from a 3 year relationship when I was either 21 or 22 I was talking just like you were. But I’ve had some girlfriends since then and the break ups have always been easier. The relationships might have gone better too if I had searched out answers as opposed to doing the same things over and over again, which is where you have a total advantage over me. Your young, and your willing to learn. Like me, you also sound hard headed so that’s going to be a challenge, and it’s one I deal with from time to time but it’s not something that has to stop you from enjoying life.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

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Well that’s your choice and I’m not going to disagree with it. I say all the time, “I’d rather be happy and be single then to be with some one and be miserable.” If that applies to you then do. But what I guess I’m really saying is don’t let one woman or situation stop you from moving forward.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive done out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.

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They sure do, and if you happier that way, go that direction.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

so i choose not to, not because im a coward

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In no way do I think you’re a coward, nor did I see anybody else call you a coward but if that‘s the case they are flat out wrong. You‘ve made some mistakes but you at least facing them and being open about it which is pretty damn respectable if you ask me. In fact, as I’ve said before I think you’ve got something different than most people because you have a willingness to learn. Quite honestly I wish I had that when I was 21. Your still emotional but you are coming back and in all these posts your asking questions, getting answers, and hopefully evaluating what happened and how to improve. You may not be perfect, but you are definitely not a coward, and you choose to live alone then do it but have fun and don’t beat yourself up for it.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

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Well if that’s the path you choose have fun with it. But also understand your young and in time this pain will wear off. When that does, all I’m suggesting is that you build a better inner self so that you will handle life’s difficult path’s with greater ease.

I tried to read all of this but found it hard with all the negative replies to good, honest and genuine advice.

alizeblu, I know it is no consolation but you aren't the first guy to have more than one relationship break down. Lots of people go through many many relationships before they find one that is meant for them. Just because you have had a bit of a rough trot doesn't mean you give up. What a weak and pathetic attitude and in my opinion is probably an indication as to why these things keep happening to you.

You are trying to blame everyone else for your problems which, I'm not denying that a lot of the blame must lie with these cheaters, but you also have to shoulder some fault and accept it and learn from it. And so far you have showed that you have learnt nothing other than how to be bitter and twisted. And trust me here when I say that the path that those emotions will lead you down won't be worth it and will be very unpleasant.

You said some interesting things in your replies that reflect a lot of what you have to learn.

When Val suggested that perhaps your "picker" was a little broken you responded that you didn't know you had one. Fair enough mistake to make in my opinion. But the fact is that you do have a picker. You do control who you let in to your life and how far you let them in. You also responded to someone else about not having control of your emotions. Well to a certain extent yes you are right. But again you are also wrong. You will learn. Just like all of us here have that you do have control of your emotions. These painful times teach you that. We learn the hard way.

Ultimately it is us who controls ourselves. No one else. Sure they impact on us, but we still have control. We control how much and who we give ourselves to. So it is important that we are careful and selective in who and how much we give. You can't blame anyone else for giving too much of yourself to someone else and then it back firing. That's you alone my friend.

And you also must learn that when negative things happen in your life, although the instinctive response is to be negative and angry yourself, it is the one response that will help matters the least. You need to learn to control that anger and use it in a positive manner.

It is all learning and you will understand in time. Heck, I was exactly like you are not too long ago, but with each setback if we are smart enough and willing to there are some great lessons to learn. The way your acting at the moment indicates you aren't willing to learn these lessons.

But you seem like a pretty smart guy and I would like to think that it is still just the rubbish in you talking all this crap. Soon enough I'm sure you will agree with me. And if not it would all have been a complete waste of time.

You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn more about this topic and relationships (of all kinds) will become much easier, I promise. There are quite a few people here who know a great deal about how people operate and you are certainly welcome to learn from them.

I agree with Skell. It seems you take two steps forward (which is good) but you may also take three steps back (which would not be good). There is no need to be defensive. A reasonable part of exploring solutions to any problems is looking at how someone is thinking, feeling and behaving.

Maybe drop that "yeah but" response style? I was told once that everything after that kind of "but" is bull. When I stopped and looked at it objectively (once I got past my initial hrrrmph LOL) they were right! It stopped then and there-- opened up new vistas of learning for me. Could do the same for you. Just a thought meant to be helpful.

OK umm lets clear this "picker" situation up right now. Guys, you have no "picker".

Let me elaborate, I don't go around choosing women that's going to cheat on me intentionally, I think that would be kind of stupid, you know what I mean?

I choose women carefully, I mean that's obvious seeing that I've been hurt multiple times right? Why would I go out and intentionally search for a woman that's going to cheat on me a couple years into tha relationship? No I don't think a "picker" has anything to do with ending up with the wrong women.

I believe that I find good women, its just that you never really know the person until you build that relationship. And that's what I used to do, I fell in love with women that I believed were good women, which they were, its just that they were all weak when I really got to know them.

(ONE PROBLEM)- and they go nuts, get confused, cheat or just plain bail out. All the women I've been with cheated. I consider this weak, which means love wasn't as strong as I was led to believe. Correct? I mean I WAS willing to get through the problems, I would try,
The only reason I'm giving up on love is because I don't believe its meant for me. Loves only meant for a select few, the STRONG.

So I just coose not to deal with it. I'm happier this way. Pesimistic, yes, but I choose this perspective of my own free will.

So I'm not blaming anyone that I'm like this, I made me like this. You know why? Because I learned that when the fire gets a little hott in relationships people bail, then cover it up like they didn't need the person anyway, but on the other side you couldve worked things out,which wouldve been HARDER, but people tend to lean more towards giving up and moving on, which is EASIER, which I don't knock because its in our nature, we do tend to lean toward the easier side to cover up our pain, it's a natural defense.

But I'm done trying to decide which side to lean on, I just want to leave both sides alone and just watch other people from the sidelines, knowing good and well that eventually its going to end.

And then they are going to be back where they started,

... < an empty glass>...

Do you realise the more you rant and rave, and talk of nothing but your hurtfeelings you show us all, that not only are you hurt but know nothing about how to deal with thee hurt or anything else about how the hurt came about and what does it do to you. All you know is hurt. So stop ranting and listen for a change and you may figure this out without running head long into a brick wall... Again. What Val referred to as a picker is something we all have, and that is enough info to make a reasonable decision based on fact, and not some emotional notion. For it to work properly you must be healthy, mature and experienced in the science of knowing yourself well enough as not to be fooled by BS. Knowing yourself is the key ingredient by the way which is, if your paying attention exactly what you need to know, so an honest look at yourself is in order. I know its easier to rant and rave and talk like a lunatic, but roll up your sleeves, and take an honest look at who you are and learn what you are about.

Alizeblu its time to treat this whole stage in your life as a learning experience. Learn from it! Become a new person and forgive the past and move in with the future. There awaits a new life. Do you want to look back on your life when your 80 and think what the hell was I doing? All the things I could have done, seen or become... Common pick yourself up and get a new direction in your life. Workout, do something! Join the club of broken hearts and learn from it and help others here with what you have learnt.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Do you realise the more you rant and rave, and talk of nothing but your hurtfeelings you show us all, that not only are you hurt but know nothing about how to deal with thee hurt or anything else about how the hurt came about and what does it do to you. All you know is hurt. So stop ranting and listen for a change and you may figure this out without running head long into a brick wall .... Again. What Val referred to as a picker is something we all have, and that is enough info to make a reasonable decision based on fact, and not some emotional notion. For it to work properly you must be healthy, mature and experienced in the science of knowing your self well enough as not to be fooled by BS. Knowing yourself is the key ingredient by the way which is, if your paying attention exactly what you need to know, so an honest look at yourself is in order. I know its easier to rant and rave and talk like a lunatic, but roll up your sleeves, and take an honest look at who you are and learn what you are about.

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What are you talking about? Who's ranting and raving?

Let me ask you a question,

How do you look at a glass with half a drink in it?

Half empty or half full?

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Alizeblu its time to treat this whole stage in your life as a learning experience. Learn from it! Become a new person and forgive the past and move in with the future. There awaits a new life. Do you want to look back on ur life when your 80 and think what the hell was I doing? All the things I could have done, seen or become...Common pick yourself up and get a new direction in your life. Workout, do something! Join the club of broken hearts and learn from it and help others here with what you have learnt.

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Umm I thought I was doing that by being on here chattin it up with you guys?
Look I went in search of an answer and I found it, just because you don't like my perspective, doesn't mean I didn't learn anything.

Why do I find myself repeating myself?

OK let me explain once more,

OK ill start from the beginning, I've been hurt about... 20 times, k?
OK so instead of sitting here ranting and raving about how I'm never going to give up on the one I love,when I know its over, I've come to the conclusion that in order to maintain a healthy relationship it takes 2 to go through the good times and the bad times.In healthy relationships when problems arise couples work together to get past the problem, to build a better foundation for their relationship. Every time I'm willing to go through the bad times, the one I'm with either cheats or bails,which means the relationship is over because ultimatley it takes 2 to succeed in a relationship. Instead of dwelling on the situation I've chosen to search for the ultimate answer of what I should do when I've lost the one that I loved.changing my negative energy into positive,which means,learning from you guys on here. Correct? So obviously I'm not in a state of anger nor any other emotion is clouding my judgement on the topic.

I've come to the conclusion that everyone's different but all relationships are the same.
In order for me to maintain a fun healthy relationship, I need time to mature, and make more mistakes, and learn about myself before entering another one. And also heal from my last relationship.in order to heal from my last realationship Ishould direct my energys into doing something positive like running, or taking boxing lessons, basically build yourself up before going back to searching for the right one.

K you all know this because this is the advice I've been given correct? OK...

Here's my thing though, I've chosen not to take the path of finding the right one for me.

Instead, I've chosen to just stay single. OK so I've given up on love, but that's my decision.

I've chosen not to go out and search for a reason, I stongly believe it is a meaningless search.

Let me explain why, lets use your "picker" for instance. And I find a woman that is smart, kind,well basically my ideal girlfriend that I want to be with for a while k? So I find this girl and we make it work for a while,lets say about 6 years, and everythings going great. Then something happens, I don't know lets make something up, uhh... she wants to see other people for some reason. OK there it is right there, "the problem", its going to happen right? Its inevitable because all relationships go through problems, to prove how strong their love for each other really is. Makes you or breaks you. Here's where you have the choice, you can either keep searching and searching becoming more efficient at what you do because at the same time you're learning from every situation that you encounter.you can keep doing that until you hit the jackpot, or you can stop buying lottery tikets.

I've chosen to stop buying tikets.

In our scociety today, divorce is common, friends with benefits is common, sex without emotional attachment is common(1 night stands) and break ups are common. This is the scociety we live in today.

I've chosen to believe that true love nolonger exsits and is only a thigment of our imagination.

I think that this true love idea is a con to keep people searching for something that really doesn't exsist, ultimatley leaving people with hope for the future when in reality, the only hope you need comes from within yourself.

And like I said, people that actually have this "true love" is a select few with a STRONG belief that they are going to make it work no matter what, which is true love.

But honestly I still believe they are blinded, and this will ultimatley be their downfall.

Right? Because it happened to me. I loved her, she needed a break, I gave it to her, come to find out the reason she needed a break was to cover up the fact that she's been cheating on me all this time,but blinded by love, I never thought she would do it, but she did.

Ultimatley, leading to my downfall. Which won't happen again.