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Originally Posted by joypulv

An hour ago you said you want to leave him but don't know how. Now you don't want to leave him.
Anyway, I suppose all that is understandable when you are torn between the pain of leaving and the pain of jealousy. It's good that you will try to stay away for a while.
Keep in mind that the jealousy problem will never go away, and can easily get worse as a relationship moves through it's various stages past the romance stage. Even if your absence makes him miss you and make promises of undying love to you only, there's no guarantee that will last.

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When it comes to the TRUTH, I won't understand or forgive. I will forget. I will always be romantic to him. But, if he wants to be somebody else, then I totally understand. This is why but my love and time together with him I will miss a lot. I will keep my word, I really like him.

What is making you question the relationship? If you have no reason to be doubful then why are you?

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

What is making you question the relationship? If you have no reason to be doubful then why are you?

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My heart tills me there is. But I refuse to believe. This why I will not make any contact . He has to show me. And, an effort to make our relationship work.

So just because your 'heart' say's something is up you're not contacting him, you don't have any proof or reason for it? Eventually he will give up if you show no effort in return.

That's the risk I will take. It would be up to him to make contact at this time. If, I don't see an effort, then I will move on.

I gave my so called " boyfriend " an ultimatum 2 days ago. He came over, and stayed for a couple of hours. Maybe less. This is how our relationship has been for 1 year. We never once gone out to eat, or, just to go somewhere together. I know his limited with time. And, he tries. But, my question is, why won't he give me a chance to get to know him. I have a feeling that he might be interested of seeing someone else. If not so, already. I ask him many times, if he is and he gives me the same answer NO. When he was here two days ago. I had put hicky all over him. Frustrated him, because he probably could not go over to see her! I was glad. And if he did surely it was dark for her not to see his hickies. Anyway, I am done and I made my point across. Although, I think about him. Last night he went to band practice, I am sure he went to her house, or she came over his house. He said she's 35 and his 54. It won't last. The only thing for me was, I was emotionally involved. And he wasn't. I am almost sure he was in for the SEX. But, why would he, if he likes being around her? She has a child. And there both going to a divorce. I guess they deserve each other. One thing I can say, is that she will use him for his mani. Should I let them be? I told him I need space. To see what the outcome. Any thoughts of this?

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Originally Posted by lilly701

I gave my so called " boyfriend " an ultimatum 2 days ago. He came over, and stayed for a couple of hours. Maybe less. This is how our relationship has been for 1 year. We never once gone out to eat, or, just to go somewhere together. I know his limited with time. And, he tries. But, my question is, why won't he give me a chance to get to know him. I have a feeling that he might be interested of seeing someone else. If not so, already. I ask him many times, if he is and he gives me the same answer NO. When he was here two days ago. I had put hicky all over him. Frustrated him, because he probably could not go over to see her! I was glad. And if he did surely it was dark for her not to see his hickies. Anyways, I am done and I made my point across. Although, I think about him. Last night he went to band practice, I am sure he went to her house, or she came over his house. He said she's 35 and his 54. It won't last. The only thing for me was, I was emotionally involved. And he wasn't. I am almost sure he was in for the SEX. But, why would he, if he likes being around her? She has a child. And there both going to a divorce. I guess they deserve each other. One thing I can say, is that she will use him for his mani. Should I let them be? I told him I need space. To see what the outcome. Any thoughts of this?

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This isn't a relationship, it's a boots call. He might even be married. Besides, and hickies are only cool if you are teenagers.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

This isn't a relationship, it's a boots call. He might even be married. Besides, and hickies are only cool if you are teenagers.

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I totally agree! But, just to see his reaction. And it paid off. He even ask me, what can he use to make it disappear. It's his belly and a couple in his shoulder. So, it was not where it can be seen, unless he takes his shirt off.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

This isn't a relationship, it's a boots call. He might even be married. Besides, and hickies are only cool if you are teenagers.

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it's starting to sound that way. Since he has not tried to contact me. Only when he does want sex.

Yeah, my money is on booty call, AND married.

Sex and getting very emotionally involved before you really know who you are involved with is a disaster waiting to happen. You had the diversion of good sex, now move on to something better.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Yeah, my money is on booty call, AND married.

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I don't understand. I care for him! Don't know what to do.

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Originally Posted by lilly701

I don't understand. I care for him! Don't know what to do.

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Walk away... Maybe even run away from him. Assume he is a married and will remain so. Chalk it up to a bad choice and move on... You will get over him. The sooner the better.

Your ultimatums sound weak at best. You write here as though you have told him to stay away in order to find out how much he cares, but how long have you actually stayed apart with no contact at all? And how long is it going to take to realize that when he never will go out with you, that he doesn't want to be seen in public with you? When are you going to UNDERSTAND what is going on and that caring for him doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't care about you?

This fling (I won't call it a relationship) is completely one-sided. He won't even take you out.
You are a booty call and he is probably married.
You have been used and things will not change. Keep this in the forefront of your mind. Hopefully this will give you the anger and the self respect you need to stay away from this man.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Walk away.... Maybe even run away from him. Assume he is a married and will remain so. Chalk it up to a bad choice and move on... You will get over him. The sooner the better.

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Oh, but we do understand. This is a one sided relationship, and you're the only one with anything invested in it.

As long as you are wavering back and forth he can (and obviously will) take advantage of you.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Your ultimatums sound weak at best. You write here as though you have told him to stay away in order to find out how much he cares, but how long have you actually stayed apart with no contact at all? And how long is it going to take to realize that when he never will go out with you, that he doesn't want to be seen in public with you? When are you going to UNDERSTAND what is going on and that caring for him doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't care about you?

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He does say he cares, but, his going through a divorce. And he always mentioned time will come. And we well he says. I am trying to understand his point. But at the same time it's hard. He shuts down on me when I flood him with text.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This fling (I won't call it a relationship) is completely one-sided. He won't even take you out.
You are a booty call and he is probably married.
You have been used and things will not change. Keep this in the forefront of your mind. Hopefully this will give you the anger and the self respect you need to stay away from this man.

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I do ask him if it is a relationship and he says YES. But, he worries me.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sex and getting very emotionally involved before you really know who you are involved with is a disaster waiting to happen. You had the diversion of good sex, now move on to something better.

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I am trying but, it's hard. When you fall for someone you think you knew. But, come to find out his a lier.

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Originally Posted by lilly701

I am trying but, it's hard. When you fall for someone you think you knew. But, come to find out his a lier.

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And this is what confuses me -

By the way, I'd shut down, too, if someone "flooded" me with text messages.

I honestly don't know what you want anyone here to say. You can't make up your mind, you appear to defend him and his action (or non-action), you know he's a liar.

What more do you need? No one here can go to his house and tell him you say it's over.

If you still can't decide tell him you'll see him when his divorce is finalized. You are positive he's getting divorced, right? You've seen the papers?

I think you leave him alone and go about your own business until he handles his. He isn't ready for what you have in mind, and needs a booty call or Friends with Benefits, and this will never work as long as you need more from him than he is willing to give.

You have made him a priority, yet settle for being his option to a troubled marriage(?). Remove yourself completely from this situation, until lthe divorce is a settled reality, not a far away intention.

Few of us can have great sex, and not get emotionally attached, and that goes for men, and women, especially when we are in tough stressful life situations like a failed relationship, divorce, or just being lonely.

We settle for quick fix, easy feel good to get us through those times, and get trapped by them. That doesn't make it wrong, but you have to deal with reality, not just the feel good. Understand?

Hard to let go of the temporary feel good until we realize the price you pay for it in confusion, and disappointment, drama, and conflict. Get out of it, and get away from it.

The heart you save may be your own.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you leave him alone and go about your own business until he handles his. He isn't ready for what you have in mind, and needs a booty call or Friends with Benefits, and this will never work as long as you need more from him than he is willing to give.

You have made him a priority, yet settle for being his option to a troubled marriage(?). Remove yourself completely from this situation, until lthe divorce is a settled reality, not a far away intention.

Few of us can have great sex, and not get emotionally attached, and that goes for men, and women, especially when we are in tough stressful life situations like a failed relationship, divorce, or just being lonely.

We settle for quick fix, easy feel good to get us thru those times, and get trapped by them. That doesn't make it wrong, but you have to deal with reality, not just the feel good. Understand?

Hard to let go of the temporary feel good until we realize the price you pay for it in confusion, and disappointment, drama, and conflict. Get out of it, and get away from it.

The heart you save may be your own.

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What you said in my defense is so true. I am lonely and when I get home from work I am tired. So, I expect him to be there for me. But, his not. Only when he wants to be. And that if, he wants sex. I realize now that you are most difinetly right. Thank you