Bottom line: it isn't fair to any friends or loved ones to burden them with the stories of what you do to hurt yourself. You get help, you tell someone trained and paid to deal with it, because any mention of it is asking for help. You didn't stub your toe or get a cold, you deliberately hurt yourself, and of course a boyfriend is going to be a mess of confusion about why you are telling him and why you are doing it. It is a slap in the face of his love for you, regardless of your tendencies before you met him. Please tell us what you expect from him when you tell him? What, exactly? 'I'll hop on a plane and be there tonight?' I don't get why you told him. Again - it isn't fair. Tell the right people. And beware, because this is a good way to drive him away. Eventually the grief and helplessness give way to anger and frustration.

I guess part of the reason why I partly blame him for making me feel worse is that... I found out he cheated on me (slept with another girl five different times in the past year) two nights ago. He doesn't know that I know yet, but one of his best friends told me and he even said that my boyfriend kind of bragged about it. He's been my one best friend and I love him so much, I was so jealous and anxious and didn't know what to do on top of my depression that I ended up unthinkingly hurting myself.

I guess though, it was really my way of getting back at him. The thing that confuses me and hurts me the most right now is why he would respond that way, start crying and become hysterical, if he thought it was completely okay for him to cheat on me? I don't know if he loves me or not, or if he was just lonely so he cheated, and my mind is a complete mess right now. I would never have told him under any other circumstance, and I have not yet told anyone else, not even my family, who don't even know about my pattern of self-injury (I live alone, in an apartment). I guess the way I phrased the original question made it seem like I didn't mean to hurt him, but I don't really think I was aware of the fact that I DID when I posted this question. Mostly I wanted to be able to stop thinking and feel the pain elsewhere, but I do suppose that a part of this was about hurting myself to see if he would care.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

I honestly don't think I would be as upset if we were physically together, but we are long-distance and will be for the next three years of college, which makes me already feel a bit insecure. This female best friend of his goes to the same college as him and even lives on the same floor as him.

We were talking and joking about how often we each masturbate, and he asked me if I ever masturbate to other guys and I said no, not really, and then I (without really thinking) asked him why, do you think about other girls? And he looked at me with this incredulous expression on his face like, "Well, obviously," and said yeah he usually masturbates to other girls, not me. I was a bit irked and jealous at this point, but I tried to laugh it off and said, "What, like porn stars?" which I wouldn't have minded at all really, but then he said no, mostly his female friends and stuff that he feels like he has an actual chance with. Without me even saying anything further he told me that most of the time he masturbates to his best female friend, that he's known since before we started dating, and who he still hangs out with every day.

She's really pretty and confident and I'm pretty insecure, so this makes me nervous. He hangs out with her a LOT and they even get drunk together. It scares me even more because we only get to see each other once every three months or so, and I know he gets pretty sexually frustrated.

Should I talk to him about this, or is this none of my business? It's not really something I should tell him not to do, and I feel kind of weird and helpless right now.

I think you should break up with him.

Haven't you had enough of this guy yet? Your threads were merged, and all I see is an unhealthy long distance relationship, with a lot of cheatin', and freakin' going on.

The issues just keep coming, and coming..

Oh wow! Ok. I came back on here to see a few threads all merged, and it... confuses me even more.

I really just want to focus on you hurting yourself, and not so much the other stuff. I am going to say what I said before. Focus on you right now. Focus on getting healthy. Forget about the other stuff for now.

Perhaps it's a good idea to take a break from him.

You need to march your butt into a doctor's office RIGHT NOW with a printout of this entire conversation.

You are not healthy, and you NEED to see a doctor to start getting healthy.

PS--I'd break up with the boyfriend. The two of you are just playing games with each other anyway. If you really cared about each other, you'd stop hurting yourself to get back at him and he'd stop cheating. The relationship is already over---it's just that neither of you have admitted it yet.