Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. I'm scared of her starting dating this guy

The whole point of the exercise is to learn to focus on important things despite what your feelings are doing to you. Many cannot, or find difficulty in managing their own feelings, and to be honest its only through experience that they can do so successfully.

The key I think though, is learning to focus, and get the tasks done no matter how you feel, or how low your motivation level is. Most I think, love the stay busy accomplishing important tasks like work or school to take their minds off the lower points of what they are going through.

Less gym, more school. Focus on school. Priorities guy, what's important.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The whole point of the exercise is to learn to focus on important things despite what your feelings are doing to you. Many cannot, or find difficulty in managing their own feelings, and to be honest its only thru experience that they can do so successfully.

The key I think though, is learning to focus, and get the tasks done no matter how you feel, or how low your motivation level is. Most I think, love the stay busy accomplishing important tasks like work or school to take their minds off the lower points of what they are going thru.

Less gym, more school. Focus on school. Priorities guy, whats important.

Ok. Again, thanks for the great advice, Tal.

Quick update, just needed to vent...

So I've decided to go see my ex's fb profile, just to check the photos in which she's not so cute ( lol she's never been very pretty, actually; I loved her more because of her personality ), so that maybe I'd realise that I can get someone better ( she could be a real pain in the a** sometimes ) and even better looking ( it's stupid, I know, makes me look like a materialistic guy lol).

So when I saw the photos, I really didn't feel too bad; just a strange feeling of not knowing that person anymore... like it's a different person from the one I used to love. What really crushed me off was the status update that she put on the profile: "Let go, do better, grow up"...

Even though I kind of already accepted the fact that we actually aren't going back together, it was shocking to see that update... I automatically start wondering what she meant by that, and how in the bloody hell she turned from the "i'm-not-very-attractive-so-i'm-really-happy-that-i'm-dating-this-guy(me)-that-i-love-and-worship-more-than-anything-on-the-world-for-3-years " girl to the " i'm-better-off-alone-for-now-with-my-own-life-and-friends" girl... It sometimes seems kind of unfair, really lol: I didn't love her in the beginning, but I gave her a chance and worked hard into improving my feelings for her so that I loved her as much as she loved me; now that I've accomplished that, she suddenly wants to change her life...

On one hand, breaking the NC like this kind of helps in the sense of really accepting reality, but on the other hand, it's like a hard kick in the b***s...

Ok, so again, back to NC, and really, this time, for good...
Thanks...

She's moving on. Don't let that hurt you. Instead accept that she is and keep doing the same. You already know it's over and done with. The sooner you can accept the relationship is OVER, the sooner you can go back to seeing her as a normal individual that you know (in case you will in some way have contact again in the future), without having to fight a massive bag of feelings. Learn to be detached from her. A positive state of mind will come along your way soon enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigNavySeal

She's moving on. Don't let that hurt you. Instead accept that she is and keep doing the same. You already know it's over and done with. The sooner you can accept the relationship is OVER, the sooner you can go back to seeing her as a normal individual that you know (in case you will in some way have contact again in the future), without having to fight a massive bag of feelings. Learn to be detached from her. A positive state of mind will come along your way soon enough.

Yeah, I know... It's still all to strange, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right? :) I'm not planning to meet up with her any time within the next 4 to 6 months, at least. It's just to hard to say goodbye to probably the best 3 years of my life until now.

Thanks for all the support

Hey, guys, how y'all doing?

So, It's been a month since we broke up.
First of all, I really have to thank you all for your support and care. Every piece of advice I'm given by you guys makes me have the strength to move on! What a support group :) !

I've been feeling real good! Never expected to feel like this in such a short time; of course I still have feelings for her but the No Contact is really making me feel better not just with myself but with the world surrounding me.

Do I still "want" her back? Sure, why not?
Do I "need" her back? No, definitely not.

There's just one simple catch...

Last Saturday I went out with some friends and got really drunk... I haven't had this much fun in months! But with all the fun and alcohol, I made something that I know I shouldn't have:

I had my laptop with me and I went to Facebook.
However, when logging in, I noticed that I still had her login with password for me to select (she used my laptop a lot). So, with my friends beside me, after checking on my Facebook that neither of our mutual friends were online so I wouldn't get caught, I logged in on her Facebook (stupid thing to do, I know, don't intend to do it again).

None of her friends were online. I went to see her message log just with the intention of finding some flirting or something with some guy, so it would really give me some final closure. I actually found a conversation she had last Thursday that I thought that maybe it WAS flirting, or something alike, with that guy that I was scared she started dating.

I don't remember it well, since I was drunk but after a normal conversation with him, she said something like " But i texted you the other day so you wouldn't feel so lonely" and it also seems that they were talking about going to some disco on the following Saturday night, along with some other friends.

So, I thought "ok, this was exacly the kind of closure that i needed. I can go on now. She is really moving on, she doesn't give a damn about me and she's starting to have feelings for the guy."

But then I saw this other conversation she had with her best friend, on the following day:

I won't get into many details, but she said things like these:

- "I'm very content with my work! Many clients and stuff... But when I'm alone or when I come home, i can't help but feel like something's missing. I always feel anxious."

Her friend then replied with something like: "But didn't you want to break up with him?"

And she replied with things like:

- "I don't know. I haven't seen him in a month and we haven't had any conversation whatsoever."

- "I know that as a friend I really miss him. I don't know if i want him as a boyfriend, though."

- "He also needs to find out if I'm really who he wants or if he wants someone else."

- "I'm starting to wonder if this all wasn't just a big mistake since the beginning."

- "I want to be 100% sure of what I'm feeling when I give him an answer."

Ok, basically this was it.

Again, I feel like sh*t for logging in on her Facebook and I know I won't do it again. I couldn't recognize myself after I realised what I had done.

Anyway, the only thing that I really didn't like about this conversation was the fact that she thinks that I am waiting for an answer when I'm not and that isn't really what we agreed with last time we spoke.

This leads me to think that she might call or text me soon. My question now is:
What should I do if and when she calls me? Should I just ignore? Should I answer and, in case she wants to meet up, say that I don't want to talk about the relationship, just want to have a good time (also to let her see that I'm happy and confident and that I learned from my mistakes when dwelling in the past)?

I don't want to get hurt again, since I feel like I'm really making some progress but part of me still wants her. My guts tell me that I should ignore the call, but I don't want to seem immature or throw away any eventual opportunity of getting back with her if she eventually realises that " the grass wasn't as green as she thought it was on the other side ".

Any piece of advice? Thanks in advance guys :) and sorry for the long post...

See all that false hope and confusion coming back just by snooping her face book? While drunk?

Stop it, and stop speculating. Stop snooping, Stop dreaming what if!! Don't waste time wondering what she will or won't do, so don't rehearse the speech just yet. Blow this off as a dumb mistake!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

See all that false hope and confusion coming back just by snooping her face book? While drunk?

Stop it, and stop speculating. Stop snooping, Stop dreaming what if!!! Don't waste time wondering what she will or won't do, so don't rehearse the speech just yet. Blow this off as a dumb mistake!

Ok, Tal. Again thanks for the advice. I will do just that.

Hello, guys

So just a quick update...

A month and a week into the breakup, I just found out that my ex blocked me on Facebook... I don't know if this is related, but just the night before she did it, I posted some pictures of me having fun with some friends.

Although I know this is probably for the best, since I didn't have the guts to block her, I must admit that I'm pretty shocked and also a bit sad.

If it has to happen, it will, but for now the idea of maybe not seeing her anymore or becoming complete strangers to each other, after 5 years of great friendship and 3 years of dating and true happiness, is something difficult for me to accept.

It's kind of funny, how things can turn around like this...

Cheers, guys.

Word to the wise bro, delete her Facebook, phone numbers, actually anything that gives you regular updates on her or contact with her. That includes friends, make it clear to them that you don't want to hear ANYTHING about her, if they can't do that for you might need to cut them out a bit. I know exactly how your feeling right now, and trust me you aren't doing yourself any favors by fallowing what's going on in her life. I really hope you take my advice to heart, the more you concern yourself with her the longer it will take for you to recover. Its time to focus on yourself, your free bro! Go out and live your life for yourself and leave her where she should be... in the past!

You are still young. Plus I'm pretty sure you were checking out other girls too.

Man I'm going through the same situation, I love this girl so much I was planning to propose to her in the next few onths, then she breaks up with me out of no where a month ago. I'm trying so hard to keep NC but she keeps calling me every week needing something, like if she left her iPod at my place, or if she left any clothes. She told me a week ago that she doesn't want to talk to me or see me for awhile but she keeps contacting me.Then asks me if I met anyone new and what have I been doing. She's confusing the hell out of me, she says she loves me but needs space because she doesn't know how she feels about our relationship anymore. And just like you there's another guy but I don't know what's going on with that. All I can do now is try NC and give her space to see what happens, she's 21 and I'm 27.

What the hell did you do, after you logged into her Facebook. I prob would have done the same, but did she call you at all?

If so, did you ignore the calls or what.

Best thing is not to block or at all. Add some pics of you and other girls, maybe even making out. If she calls back, ask if maybe you can extend the break, or go even longer without each other.

Bam