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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Putting your life on hold and waiting for someone to end their relationship is just as stupid as trying to pursue someone in a relationship.

Stop kidding yourself and move on with your life. If the opportunity presents itself great but why sit around and wait for it.

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I KNOW. I've been here before and I definitely don't want a rerun and so believe it or not I am trying to be cautious. I just wanted to hear some advice from strangers asides from my friends, that's all. Also, depends what you mean by putting your life on hold - if someone better turns up I will know right away.

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Originally Posted by Obanite331

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?

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Because I don't think it will happen. I thought it was rather clear. I don't think you should spend a lot of time worrying about breaking "them" up because if you had a chance "she" would have made a move by now.

I'm not stupid thanks very much. That's a fair point but I don't see how she could have done anyway since most of the time passed since I asked her out have been holidays and we live hundreds of miles apart during that time. Given that I never got round to getting her number and her disdain for social media generally, it would be rather difficult but yes, it's still a point I'm all too aware of.

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Originally Posted by Obanite331

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?

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It takes two to form any kind of relationship and at the moment she's not with you. Why isn't she if you're so much better than her current boyfriend? In the end it's her decision who is better and it doesn't look like you're her choice so why are you still pressing?

You need to move on. You're coming off as a tad obsessed.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

It takes two to form any kind of relationship and at the moment she's not with you. Why isn't she if you're so much better than her current boyfriend? In the end it's her decision who is better and it doesn't look like you're her choice so why are you still pressing?

You need to move on. You're coming off as a tad obsessed.

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I love how people are automatically 'obsessed' just because they like someone that isn't available for a time. I didn't choose it - the hole, shall we say, was dug before I knew she even had a boyfriend and that's the problem. And before accusing me of anything you might have read what I said to your previous comment rather than picking holes in other ones - I said that I had been here before and certainly don't want a repeat of it, and that I am on the lookout while, simultaneously, horror of horrors still linking this girl a teensy bit...

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Originally Posted by Obanite331

I love how people are automatically 'obsessed' just because they like someone that isn't available for a time.

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What makes you so sure that her relationship won't last? The fact that you're so positive that she's "isn't available for a time" contradicts your own words about how you're "not" obsessed.

Move on, for your sake.

You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how you'd cope if you were. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on as I have had to do several times already...

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

What makes you so sure that her relationship won't last? The fact that you're so positive that she's "isn't available for a time" contradicts your own words about how you're "not" obsessed.

Move on, for your sake.

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You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how even you, as an 'ultra member' would cope if you were. Move on overnight would you? I have an inkling it might not be a marriage made in heaven, but yes, 'ultra member', I can't be sure and even is it do I reckon I'm top of her list? Again, I can't be sure, its just something most of us in the situation I'm in would ponder over I would think. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on, given someone else I like enough appears..

Oh and I honestly wonder why I bothered demeaning myself by posting anything on this since all of the contributors have silly titles like 'family expert' and ultra member' haha and give you completely predictable 'advice' making it seem as if I'm being a total bellend, ignoring anything that makes me seem remotely rational and only pointing out the bad parts of my situation.

I think you need to leave this girl alone. She had a boyfriend when you first me her, she is probably still with him.
I think you should just count this girl out.

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Originally Posted by Obanite331

You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how you'd cope if you were. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on as I have had to do several times already...

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So you don't think I've ever been in your kind of situation before? You don't think I've ever wanted something but I just couldn't have it? I'm not answering your question for the joke of it. I have been in a situation like yours and no I didn't cope so well because I didn't have people to tell me how to get through it. It sure would have been nice for people to try and kick me in the butt and tell me to straighten out, to move on and forget. I wasted a lot of time over that girl. I was the same as you willing to wait because the guy she was going out with was a real... well you know where that's going. I ended up meeting the girl I'm still with today a couple years after that and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

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Originally Posted by Obanite331

Oh and I honestly wonder why I bothered demeaning myself by posting anything on this since all of the contributors have silly titles like 'family expert' and ultra member' haha and give you completely predictable 'advice' making it seem as if I'm being a total bellend, ignoring anything that makes me seem remotely rational and only pointing out the bad parts of my situation.

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And after this comment comes into play, I think we're all done here. We donate our time to help others whether it's what you want to hear or not. If this is how you treat people, I can see why she doesn't want to be with you.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

So you don't think I've ever been in your kind of situation before? You don't think I've ever wanted something but I just couldn't have it? I'm not answering your question for the joke of it. I have been in a situation like yours and no I didn't cope so well because I didn't have people to tell me how to get through it. It sure would have been nice for people to try and kick me in the butt and tell me to straighten out, to move on and forget. I wasted a lot of time over that girl. I was the same as you willing to wait because the guy she was going out with was a real.....well you know where that's going. I ended up meeting the girl I'm still with today a couple years after that and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

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Yeah but while everyone on here is saying what you are my trusted friends are saying the opposite so I don't really know what to do. I think that, as you said, even if it turns out you have wasted time you come out the other end eventually. I wasted years on someone who didn't even have a boyfriend and clearly didn't like me, maybe the mistake I've made this time is that this time she is so much nicer to me and proactive. Or maybe I haven't learnt, but there have been other girls I've met that I liked and then moved on from pretty quickly.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

And after this comment comes into play, I think we're all done here. We donate our time to help others whether it's what you want to hear or not. If this is how you treat people, I can see why she doesn't want to be with you.

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Yeah, that'll be why...

Maybe I should just piss people off, it seems far easier.

Maybe consider that your are spending far too much time on a female that has a boyfriend, and maybe you mistake her flirtations that are probably just friendly with false hope she likes you for more than friendship. When you are smitten any attention can feel good, but that's exactly why everyone is telling you to leave her alone, because they have been there and know where following your heart, and high hopes leads you.

Your friends are trusted, but are they experienced? So consider also what would have to happen to get what you want. She would have to dump her boyfriend, or cheat on him. And as bad as you may have wanted her, could you trust a cheater,or even someone that could dump one guy for another so easily?

That's why you leave females with boyfriends alone, period, especially if you think being a friend will get you closer to romance with them. So deal with the feelings that bring about the thoughts of her so much and stop dwelling on what you want from her, and see that it ain't going to happen in a healthy way.

I am sure you can see better options and opportunities for romance with a better partner than one that's taken. But I think we all are some what obsessed with things we can't have and that alone is why we want it more. The real questions are how far will you go to get what you can't have, and for how long will you let this distract you from having better for yourself?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

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That's true, but isn't really advising them is it? I don't think I'm happy with my life entirely but how I'd fix it I have no idea...