Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend told me her feelings faded.

I say leave her along. From your posts and my experiences as a female, it seems like she started cheating on you when her mood and character started changing. I think you said she became more distant and her attitude changed. That usually happens when a female has feelings for someone else and wants to end her current relationship. But you are right feelings don't just end over night. It has probably been a long time coming for her but it always hits the other person out of the blue. When she first started crying she probably felt guilty for her actions (happened to me when I was around her age. I just couldn't hold that guilt in) But she has continued the relationship and doesn't want to be with you. No one know what the future holds but I say to just leave her alone and give her space. If you keep questioning your relationship and trying to convince her to go out with you it will just drive her away and make her hate you for being so persistent. I don't think its an issue with you going overseas since it will be a whole year before that happends and that's probably not even on her mind yet. She has just found interest in someone else. You shouldn't call her or text her again. If she wants you back she will get in contact with you. Really take my advise and have no contact with her unless she initiates it she will just end up pulling even harder from you if you don't.

I've a bright future, am intelligent, in good physical shape and looks. The world is my oyster and since I'll be overseas there's more girls of many nationalities to date from.
There hasn't been any communication from me to her for the past 4 days and I intent to keep it this way unless there is a good reason- like, her needing suitable blood transfusion for anyone in an emergency case in an accident. Yea I'm a universal donor.
Indeed, I feel bad not having met her needs but it wasn't something that I had control over. She made her choice and while I would have wished to give her a beautiful ring to demonstrate my commitment, I think this would have to be kept for another girl. I suppose the whole thing about me "pestering" her was to validate my effort as having done my best so there won't be any "if's" in the time to come.
I'm sure I'll meet someone who appreciates the why and what I am going through at this point in my life and when the day that someone does appear, I would share my fruits of labor.
I have already removed our photos on Facebook and am glad that I returned all her love letters to her the other time. The only thing left is the message log on my phone.

Good luck and I hope you find someone that feels proud to call herself your girl!

Quote:

Originally Posted by terisa87

Good luck and I hope you find someone that feels proud to call herself your girl!

Slight problem here!

I never intended to text or communicate with her ever since Sunday and I felt I was moving on pretty fast.
I need to mention that she's on my Facebook and we promised to remain as friends. She was on my list still the day before because I saw her activities appearing my news feed, but yesterday I realized she was no longer. Dropping her a text, I asked why did she removed me as friend and she just kept saying things like, "Sorry, we can't remain friends or sorry, I feel much happier without your existence" and after a while she said she didn't want to see my activities on her news feed. I told her I could always hide my activities from her. I told her I don't care if she has a new boyfriend because I'm moving on well and she has her life to lead. It's puzzling! She claims she doesn't feel anything for me nor has a hard time moving on but she the things she does demonstrates the converse.
The only thing that I can think of is she's still sore and angry about the break up. Things didn't worked out between us as we had hope and we didn't broke up on a bad note in general. The reason why I want us to remain as friends is so that I know the people whom I care are doing great in life. I don't like the idea of both parties having to pretend as though both didn't existed.
Oh yes she's in a relationship with the guy whom I suspected. Man, how people cheats these days.

You shouldn't have contacted her when she de friended you. She's trying to cut you out of her life for good. It happends sometimes when people break up. You should be doing the same because you won't be able to move on if you're still thinking about her. Go out on a date with someone else or go out with the guys so you can try to keep your mind off her. It will take some time but you'll be happier in the end. As persisent you were with trying to keep her put all that energy into something else (activites, dating, parties) . If you are out most of the time having fun eventually she'll get ut of your head.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-644067.html

The break up was 2 months ago from today. She got attached 3 weeks later.
Just last week, I begun to text her with the most recent one yesterday. It went horribly wrong. I received a call from her phone number but it was her boyfriend on the other end and we argued. He was telling me how much he loves her but I managed to get him to pass the phone to her with the promise that this would be one last contact with her before I fly overseas for my studies. When she was on the phone, she was mean, cold and angst, and didn't quite want to speak to me. I tried to make her realize that I did love her but I was careless in making certain mistakes like breaking up with her twice and not spending enough time with her. No, but she was still angry, frustrated, impatient with speaking to me and said she was scared of me sending her so much messages.

As promised, I deleted her number. I have no means of contacting her anymore-she blocked me on FB and I don't remember her number.

Did I just pushed her further into this new boyfriend? Is this the end? Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darrylcwc

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-644067.html

The break up was 2 months ago from today. She got attached 3 weeks later.
Just last week, I begun to text her with the most recent one yesterday. It went horribly wrong. I received a call from her phone number but it was her boyfriend on the other end and we argued. He was telling me how much he loves her but I managed to get him to pass the phone to her with the promise that this would be one last contact with her before I fly overseas for my studies. When she was on the phone, she was mean, cold and angst, and didn't quite want to speak to me. I tried to make her realize that I did love her but I was careless in making certain mistakes like breaking up with her twice and not spending enough time with her. No, but she was still angry, frustrated, impatient with speaking to me and said she was scared of me sending her so much messages.

As promised, I deleted her number. I have no means of contacting her anymore-she blocked me on FB and I don't remember her number.

Did I just pushed her further into this new bf? Is this the end? Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?

It's time for you to move on with your life... she's moved on with hers and surely resents your desperate (and frankly, pretty disturbing and pitiful) intrusion into her life. Her being frustrated with you sending lots of messages, not wanting to talk to you on the phone, are not sinking in to you: That she's done with you and you are verging on stalking, obsessing and pestering. Stop before you go too far.

And if you don't understand that not only the relationship is over, but that you are frustrating and probably SCARING her, then I advise you to seek out some professional counseling and help to advise you about how to cope in your personal relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WisperWill70

It's time for you to move on with your life... she's moved on with hers and surely resents your desperate (and frankly, pretty disturbing and pitiful) intrusion into her life. Her being frustrated with you sending lots of messages, not wanting to talk to you on the phone, are not sinking in to you: That she's done with you and you are verging on stalking, obsessing and pestering. Stop before you go too far.

And if you don't understand that not only the relationship is over, but that you are frustrating and probably SCARING her, then I advise you to seek out some professional counseling and help to advise you about how to cope in your personal relationships.

I would never stalk on her. What's with the association with someone who is afraid of losing what he loves with the act of stalking, obsessing and pestering?

Right now, I'm planning on selling everything I have and go out into the world for a few years. Would this be a good idea?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darrylcwc

I would never stalk on her. What's with the association with someone who is afraid of losing what he loves with the act of stalking, obsessing and pestering?

Well because that's exactly what you've started to do. This is not about you being afraid to lose this person who doesn't want anything to do with you. Her boyfriend got involved and called YOU because you're freaking her out. You said yourself that she was stressed and upset being on the phone with you, that she was concerned about all the messages you are sending. Bluntly, - she doesn't want to deal with your emotional meltdown. Pestering and stalking is the persistent belief that you "love" your target and can't let her go and have to keep trying to communicate this when SHE doesn't want to have the communication.

Take this as a cue to get a grip! Not because you're a bad person, but because you owe it to yourself to be happy and loved.

Don't sell your stuff --- but moving on and seeing more of the world is a good idea if it's to be happy--- not if it's because you want to storm out on life and make a point/show her how hurt you are.

Have fun exploring tee world, and despite YOUR feelings on the matter, unwanted attention is bad behavior.

Did I just pushed her further into this new boyfriend?
No she went willingly from the get go! Nothing to do with you!

Is this the end?
Its been the end for a while, you just can't accept it. Hope you can now

Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?
No way, you asked for the anger and negative emotions by pushing to far! You got it, and all you had to do was take a hint, and think, instead of letting YOUR own feelings get you carried away.

It's been 3 weeks after our last heated conversation. During this 3 weeks things have crystallized and what happened became clearer to me.

1) Was I at fault? Never. I made it clear to her before our relationship that I was a responsible adult and had commitments. This girl said she saw a future with me and wanted us to work through the long distance relationship when I leave the country in December. I took her words and this relationship seriously which was the reason why I worked so hard outside of my military commitments to save up and be financially self-sufficient to return back more often. Even with my busy schedule, I saw her for at least 3 times a week and that was still within a healthy decent amount of time needed for a relationship to function.
Not only was I busy saving up for our future plans but also I wanted to give her a promise ring before I left the country.

2) I had good reasons to believe she was influenced by her peers and her current boyfriend to believe I neglected her. I think the distinction lies in our age and hence the differing concept of what love entails. To her and possibly her peers, love would have meant spending as much time together as possible. She's 19 so what else is there between studies and relationship?
I'm 23 and there are a truckload of commitments.
I felt very betrayed that she chose to believe the words of peers and especially the words of a guy who was trying to sway her heart to him.

For 3 weeks, I have been asking myself many questions. It appears I now know how I wanted to give myself closure. I want to redeem my integrity and clear the misjudgments she has towards me. I wanted her to know the specific reasons as to why I was so busy. At this point, everything I said would come across to her as all words and no actions. Hard work don't always reap immediate fruits. I think at this point some of the effort I have been putting in during our relationship has yield fruition. I have saved up a decent amount to be able to return back to visit her had we been together still. Not only is this true but I also have enough to buy for her the promise ring I've been eyeing while we were together. I have paid the deposit for the ring. The ring costs $2000. It's beautiful. She failed to see my love to her was expressed in being a responsible adult who was laboring to give her a future that was secure.

September would be our one year anniversary if we had still been together. I intend to drop the ring together with the letter at her door step on the date we got together. The letter serves to explain everything in great details. The ring is there as a tangible and physical object to prove that it was why I had always been so busy. Lastly, for all that she has been through, she deserves the ring and I love her enough to go to great length to clear the misunderstandings in hope that the bitterness in her heart would be dissolved.

I do not expect her to return to me and I would be making this clear to her. Closure for me is when I have explained to the fullest in the letter and dropping the ring together with the letter at her door steps. The moment she reads and see the ring I would have lifted the rock in my heart.